Chapter 9
Of Shouting and Tears
 
Looking into his cup of coffee, Mamoru once again wondered 
if this was the best idea.  Admittedly, he wanted answers, 
and his apartment was his home turf.  Should May be an enemy, 
he would have the advantage here.  Pluto's warning about 
strangers still rang in his head, but then Pluto wasn't 
providing answers.  When it came down to it, he just had to 
know.

At the engagement party May had given him the first hope in 
years of having some connection, some tie to the family he 
couldn't remember.  That was enough to cause him to take some 
risks...and to really start to think about his life.  His head 
had been spinning as he tried to make sense of everything that 
May had said two nights before.

Add to that the dream he had last night.  While being like his 
previous dreams in that it felt like a memory, this dream was 
clearer.  In his dream, he was Endymion once again, out in the 
royal practice fields, throwing javelin rather angrily.

"Why did she do it?" he shouted as he hurled another javelin, 
not looking at where it landed.  At that point he really didn't 
care.

"Careful! Have a care where you release those things.  I like my hair 
this length," said a female voice tinged with laughter.  As she came 
up to him, she held up her hands in front of her. "I am unarmed.  
I come in peace."

"Lady Maxine!" Mamoru heard himself say, "I am so sorry."

"That is okay," the female said.  Mamoru could see her now.  She 
wore an elaborate court dress of yellow and black.  She was what 
American tourists would probably call "African-American".  She 
had her long hair arranged in a braided style with a long strand 
of pink hair woven through the creation.  She had come to a stop 
next to him and had put her hands on her hips.  "Taking out some 
aggression, I see."

Obviously Endymion made some kind of face, because the female 
took her hands from her hips, crossed them in front of her, and 
shot him a look.

"Do not behave in that way," she admonished.  "I know."  She 
laughed at what must have been his surprised expression, "Everyone 
who has been near the palace today knows.  It is not as if either 
of you were quiet as you had your 'disagreement'."  She 
paused, then she put her hand on his shoulder, "Your mother 
meant well, Endymion.  You must believe that."

"What I believe is that she lied to me," he said as he shrugged 
off her hand and picked up another javelin.  He turned back to 
the woman he called Maxine, "They sent you out to plead her 
case?"  His voice sounded surprised, almost as if he was 
questioning the judgment of this "they".

"So it seems," the lady shrugged her shoulders. "Tremaine is 
siding with your mother; Arlington, with you.  They are 
currently in the middle of a rather loud 'disagreement' of their 
own.  Lady Keiko has the awesome task of playing referee."  
She laughed, and then sobered.  "Your father is in the eastern 
providence, because of the cave-in.  Your mother wanted to 
go with him, but he saw how upset she was over this, so he 
insisted she stay here.  Lady Daniella is with her now, 
probably pleading your case.  That left me."  Brown eyes 
looked serious as they stared at him, "Your mother did as 
she thought was best."

"She did as she thought was BEST?!" Endymion exclaimed, 
dropping the javelin that he had in his hands, "Deliberate 
deceit was best?!  Come now, Lady Maxine, that is something 
I do not believe.  Mother would not behave in such a way; 
honesty is too important to her.  She knew what she was doing."

The woman in front of him appeared to become frustrated, 
"Goodness, every last one of you is too stubborn by half!  
Yes, she knew what she was doing; is that what you wish 
to hear, your royal highness?  She knew the contests were 
dangerous. She knew that Kilgore and Saltmire would cheat,
and that you would not.  She knew that many a man came back 
dead from such activities.  And she 'knew' that you would
not listen to her if she tried to explain her fears to you."  
The woman stopped and took a deep breath, as if she was trying 
to calm down.  

After a second she continued, "Did you need to be at those 
meetings?  No.  Was is a bad idea for you to be there?  
Probably not.  You ARE going to have to lead those things 
yourself one day."   The lady shrugged, "It could have been 
worse."

Still feeling angry and now a little guilty, the heir apparent 
countered, "I do not see how."  He reached down to pick up the 
javelin he dropped earlier.

The woman practically shrieked in frustration.  "Mais non. That
is the limit.  I give up.  If you want to play spoiled brat out 
here with your sharp toys, do not allow my council to hinder
you."  She began to walk off, turning back only once to impart 
this closing thought, "When the mature royal highness returns, 
he might want to talk to his mother.  Her heart is breaking over 
your treatment of her lately.  I think that is enough of a 
punishment for whatever deception she practiced, do you not?"

In the light of day the dream still made no sense to 
Mamoru.  It seemed more like a memory.  It was also 
like the other dreams he'd had in that some of the same 
names appeared, including Daniella.  While he had 
figured out who Daniella was at least, the other names 
still puzzled him.  "Tremaine, Arlington...Keiko, Maxine," 
he whispered to himself quietly, "Who are these people?  
And what happened to them?"

The young man groaned in frustration and took another 
sip of the now lukewarm coffee in front of him.  He 
pushed it to the side and ran his fingers through his hair, 
as if that would help him think.  'What does this dream 
mean?' He asked himself.  'And why did I have it last night 
of all nights?  I don't understand any of this!'  He sighed
and turned his mind back to his dream as he waited for May
...and, possibly, a concrete tie to a past he could no longer 
remember.

*****

She knocked on the door nervously.  She came alone, just because 
she thought it was best.  He had the right to refuse.  To force 
Terry and Yusuke on him before he had made up his mind wasn't 
ethical, and it wasn't fair.  Both of his brothers had been given 
a choice; they both had the chance to turn the opportunity down 
without having to stare their sibling in the face.  After all she 
had already put him through, Mamoru Chiba, the former Prince 
Endymion, heir to the throne of Earth, deserved that much.

He opened the door and showed her in.  As she made her way over to 
the couch in front of the coffee table, she took a deep breath, 
still clutching the covered framed portrait that she brought with her.  
She promised him a picture; again, she owed him that much.  She just 
hoped he'd listen to her.

"Thanks you for seeing me, Mamoru," May said softly as she reached 
the table.

"No, thank you for seeing me," Mamoru said as he sat at the other 
end of the couch.  He noticed the covered frame in her hand.  Realizing 
what it must be, he got a little nervous, "I see you found a picture."

May sighed.  Looking down at the frame that she clutched, she found 
herself answering honestly. "Yes, I found a picture of some of your 
family.  But it is not the picture I promised; there is no way for 
me to produce that."

Mamoru stared at her oddly, "What do you mean?"

May blinked the tears from her eyes.  "I don't know how to explain 
this.  I-" She stopped suddenly.  She closed her eyes and mumbled 
very quietly,  "It shouldn't be this hard. He knows about his past.  
This won't be like the hard sells I've had to make twice already."  
She opened her eyes and looked up at the ceiling to ask God, "Are 
you sure that I was the right person for this job?"

"May?" Mamoru asked, puzzled by her stranger behavior, "Are you okay?"

May shook her head and seemed to come back to the conversation at 
hand.  Blushing at having been caught musing and praying aloud, she 
quickly reoriented herself.  "Here," she said as she handed the covered 
frame toward him.  "Hopefully, you'll still want to talk to me after 
you see this picture."

Mamoru took the frame and looked at the portrait inside it.  
There was a surprised silence from that end of the couch.  May 
understood why.  Instead of seeing a modern picture that might 
include people who resembled him, Mamoru saw a period piece of 
three young men in a type of armor, tights, and capes, each wearing 
swords.  Although not larger, it also resembled a portrait more 
than a family picture.  Before she could mentally count the ways
in which what she handed Mamoru would be different than what he
expected, she was interrupted with by a voice that was simultaneously 
angry and wary.

"Who are you?  What do you want with me?"

May looked Mamoru in the eye.  It was time to come clean.  "I am 
who I said I am...for the most part.  My name is May Lavon Hammond.  
I was born in Virginia, a state in the United States of America.  
I - well, more about my life really isn't important.  What is 
important is why I'm here.  Over two weeks ago I was given an 
assignment, an opportunity to reunite a family, the former royal 
family of Earth.  The family in that picture," May said as she 
gestured to the frame.  "A family that was separated a long time 
ago  

May laughed, but there was no joy in it.  Looking down at her hands
briefly, she shared "Actually, you are the most likely to believe me 
in that you know about that era of unrecorded history...some called 
it the Silver Millennium, although I would never refer to it that way."  

May looked back into Mamoru's eyes, "I'm bringing the royal family 
back together.  That's it."

Mamoru's eyes narrowed in suspicion, "And destroying anything or 
anyone left from the Silver Millennium as well."

May shook her head.  "As fair as that would probably be, no, I have 
no plans or intentions of doing anything to the survivors of that 
reign of tyranny.  All I'm here to do is to bring together the 
family...and put someone on notice."

That hadn't lowered Mamoru's defenses at all, "Did you think Pluto 
wouldn't know you were here, or that she wouldn't warn us about us?"

"Pluto," May repeated.  "So, the rogue time walker has a name.  As 
for her knowing I was here, I figured she'd find out eventually.  
As I haven't been attacked personally, my guess is that she doesn't 
quite realize where the threat to her fiction is coming from, but I 
knew that she figure out what I was doing, eventually.  And of course 
she would warn you.  She worked too hard not to."

Mamoru looked at the woman across from him.  She sounded like an 
enemy, yet she didn't feel like one.  And her comments about Pluto 
were...strange.  Deciding that knowledge was power, he asked, "Her 
fiction?"

May nodded, "Yes, her fiction.  This Pluto created this world...in 
a sense.  She arranged everything in it to the best interest of the 
princess of moon.  She altered perceptions of the Silver Millennium 
to make it seem a great civilization of peace.  She scattered the 
royal family of Earth and those they loved across dimensions, time, 
and space.  And she purposefully altered and erased your memories, 
of this life and your last."

Considering the turns his life had taken in the past few years, 
Mamoru didn't think anything could shock him anymore.  He 
was wrong.  "What?!"

May sighed, "You've been having strange dreams lately, right?"  
Mamoru warily nodded.  "Well, they aren't dreams in the conventional 
sense; they are repressed memories.  The Silver Millennium didn't 
happen the way you 'remember' it.  As you know, you were Prince 
Endymion of Earth during that time.  What you don't remember is that 
you were the oldest of three; you had two younger brothers, Tremaine 
and Arlington, and loving parents.  You were also engaged-"

"To princess Serenity-"

"Eventually," May conceded, "But that was more to protect Earth 
from the wrath of Queen of the moon, empress of the Silver Alliance.  
Before the empress decided she wanted Earth added to her collection 
of planets to dominate, you were engaged to Lady Daniella, a high 
ranking duchess of Earth.  Your brothers had also found loves of 
their own in Lady Maxine and Lady Keiko, but no one really got 
their happy endings."

'Daniella, Tremaine, Arlington, Maxine, and Keiko...that would 
explain who all of those people were,' Mamoru acknowledged to 
himself.  Aloud, however, he felt he needed to question what was 
going on as well.  May's explanation could be the truth, but it 
was also a little too convenient.  In a very skeptical and slightly 
angry voice, Mamoru interrupted with, "Is this another plot of some 
jealous evil queen? Is whoever you work for upset because Serenity 
and I found each other again?!  If you think you can break us up-"

"Now wait a minute!" May's voice rose, "Setting aside the fact that I 
told you the truth about why I'm here, which is solely to reunite the 
royal family, there never was any Endymion and Serenity!  At least not 
any based on love.  Duty and fear, sure, but not love!  That's part of 
the fiction your 'Pluto' worked so hard to create!  I am not the 
enemy," May tried to finish in a calmer voice, "I'm trying to right 
wrongs-"

"How would you know they were wrongs?!"

"Part of me was alive back then!" May finally screamed out.  
"Part of me was someone close to the royal family back then," 
she elaborated quietly, "and although I don't remember much, I 
do know that you have been manipulated and fed a fiction."

"Why should I believe you?" Mamoru whispered harshly back at May as 
he threw her a look of total mistrust while internally he admitted 
that some of what she was saying made sense.

"Because I'm no Serenity.  I'm not a tyrant.  This is not about 
power or handing you to my spoiled daughter like a gift.  I'm 
telling you the truth!"  May leaned forward as she made her next 
point, "And, on some level you believe me, or you would have kicked
me out or attacked me much earlier in this conversation," He was
still like his brothers in that sense, May had acknowledged to 
herself.

The assertion angered Mamoru - in part because he was concerned 
by the truth in it.  He had doubts, really about everything.  
But, instead of working through that, he responded in righteous 
indignation, "The fact that I haven't acted yet means nothing.  
Why should I believe you?  You lied to get to me.  The people 
in this picture with me are obviously in league with you as 
they were with you at the engagement party.  How do I know that 
you aren't some kind of mastermind..."

That observation floored May; she was very surprised that Mamoru 
had recognized Terry and Yusuke in their past forms.  She had as 
well, but she knew it wasn't easy to do.  First, she had background
knowledge to guide her in her recognition; knowledge that Mamoru
was just now getting.  Second, neither Tremaine nor Arlington in that 
portrait appeared to be as troubled as Terry and Yusuke were in their
current lives. Yet, as she opened her mouth in surprise, the angry 
young man in front of her continued.

"You manipulated my feelings.  And then you act like you were 
justified in doing all of  that!  If you are telling the truth, 
you are behaving no better than you accuse Queen Serenity of 
behaving.  Did you figure it was okay to manipulate me because 
you claim that someone else already has?!-"

Hearing what she had wrestled with all day yesterday thrown back 
in her face hit May hard.  All of her fear about the path she 
took came back to haunt her.  'I knew it was dirty.  I knew it 
was dirty pool, but I did it anyway,' she thought to herself.  
'I cut corners and now I've done more damage, hurt more people
...Why did I think I could do this?!  I'm not qualified.  I'm 
still way too human.  I-'  

"I can't do this!" May finally burst out.  "There is no way.  I 
just can't fight this!" she finished in a whisper.  She'd lost.  
Once lapse in ethics and she'd wounded a man, manipulated him as 
he claimed, when all she wanted to do was to give him back one of 
the families that had been torn from him.  'I shouldn't have 
accepted.  Lord, I wasn't the right one to do this!  I brought 
your child more suffering.'  She couldn't fight this time walker 
or the effects of the lie she herself purposely told. 

Ignoring the wary look on her conpanion's face, May retreated more
into her own head.  Guilt and failure are powerful feelings, and 
they were crushing May.  She felt ready to crumble.  All she wanted 
to do was cry.  She expected to burst into sobs and her normal messy 
crying, but that isn't what happened.  Instead, she seemed to sag, 
and she heard herself say, "I did as I thought best.  What else would
you have me do?"

*****

"I did as I thought best."

That phrase rang in Mamoru's head.  It was enough to make him stop.
In the dream that he'd had last night, the woman had said that his
mother had done as she thought best.  Hearing May say that phrase 
made it seem even more familiar.  That familiarity made Mamoru Chiba 
pause, and that slight pause was all that his memory needed.

"If there is one thing I want to be sure to teach you about the 
responsibility of ruling," a female voice said in Mamoru's memory, 
"it is this: Crowns are not heavy, until you do something to 
dishonor them. Rule fairly, with mercy.  Walk upright and pray.  
Show yourself responsible enough to have the weight of the world 
set with diamonds upon your head."

"Mother," Mamoru heard himself reply in the memory, "are you telling 
me that I should not have-"

"All I am saying," the voice interrupted, "is that ruling is not
easy.  Tough decisions like this will be normal.  Sometimes you 
have to make the hard decisions, however, do not take actions that 
would make you ashamed to wear your crown in the brightness of day."

The voice faded, but it was enough to make Mamoru pause and look 
again at May, who looked assaulted and ashamed.  Yet, as Mamoru
reacted to the real remorse on her face, he noticed that there was 
something familiar about her eyes.  

"Who are you?" Mamoru asked again, but softer this time, more 
puzzled.  At May confused look, he clarified, "I mean, assuming 
I believe you, back then, who were you?  Because-" He stopped as 
if unsure how to verbalize what he was thinking.

At this May sighed, "I don't know.  I was only told that I...
well, that part of me lived back then and that I knew your 
family well.  I don't know anything else really.  I remember...
being around you and your brothers then.  I remember pieces 
of conversations that make no sense."  She looked down at the 
table again, "I'm sorry."

"You knew my family - my Silver Millennium family," Mamoru 
clarified.  At May's nod, he took a deep breath.  True, maybe 
at this point he should make her leave.  She had admitted that 
she lied to him and that she was.  In fact, she had admitted 
that she was working against the people with whom he had allied 
himself.  But that need to know pushed him to ask, "Then you knew 
my parents, the king and queen.  What-" Mamoru's voice caught 
as he realize what he might finally find out.  After clearing 
his throat, he tried again, "What were they like?"

May sighed, sorry that she had to disappoint him here as well.
"I honestly don't remember.  For the little I do remember and 
I have seen, the king and queen were much adored by their people.
And they clearly loved their children.  They had strong faith 
and, apparently, strong convinctions. I...I can't seem to remember 
more than that.  I can't - I don't even remember what they looked 
like."

Looking into the eyes of the young man across from her, she 
finished from her heart,"I wish I could tell you more.  I wish 
I could relate memories that would give you back these parents, 
that would give Terry a father back, that would give Yusuke a 
father in the first place and a more responsible mother, but..." 
her voice trailed off in silence.


Mamoru looked down at the picture in his hands and reflected.  
The way May got her opening to talk to him was very unethical.  
He was still a little angry with her about that.  Then he thought 
about his dream.  'If the dream was a memory...and May is telling 
the truth...maybe she thought that lying was the only way to get 
me to listen.'  Mamoru closed his eyes.  None of this made any sense 
to him, but now he was beginning to believe that good and evil
in this case was not as black and white as everyone else saw it.  May 
believed what she had said here, and he believed that parts of her 
story were possible.  But he needed time to think.

"Mamoru?"  May asked quietly,  "I know I'm...a little hard to trust 
at this point, but don't hold that against your brothers.  They are
here; you met them briefly at the party.  They want to really meet 
you, to talk to you and with you about your shared past.  At least, 
Terry does," May added in a effort to be totally truthful.  Why 
Yusuke hadn't demanded to be sent back home, May didn't understand; 
what she did know is that family was very important to Terry, and 
he wanted to get to know these young men who were members of his 
family long ago.  "I can take you to them if you want.  No kidnapping, 
I promise.  It is your decision," May offered.

Mamoru looked up at the end of May's quiet monologue, "You lied 
to me, to get me here.  Then you turn my world upside-down.  I don't 
think you are lying now-"

"I'm not."

"-not about this," Mamoru continued as if May hadn't spoken. "That 
doesn't mean that I don't think you're wrong or that something is 
wrong..." He ran a hand through his hair, "I need to think about 
this."  He paused, and then added, "Before I meet anyone or go 
anywhere I need to think about it, and I need to have your promise 
for honesty from now on."

Grateful that she hadn't ruined everything, May assured Mamoru, 
"You have it.  No more  deliberate deceit, I promise.  And I 
understand your need to think about it.  I'm still trying to 
figure everything out, and I've had a two week head start!" May 
tried to smile reassuringly, but some of her anger over how well 
the rouge time walker had manipulated the situation to her advantage
came out in next statement she made, "The only thing I'm sure of is 
that the Moon Kingdom was nothing more than a tyranny."

Mamoru winced at the statement, said with such conviction, that 
was contrary to everything he knew and had known for the last 
few years of his life.  "I can't believe that," he admitted fiercely.  
"I admit that I don't have much of a memory of the Silver Millennium, 
and that Pluto hasn't told us much about it, but I refuse to 
believe that-"

Even though she knew that her recent actions did not make 
her a reliable source in his eyes, his continued reliance 
on the princess's court for information irked her. "Your 
'Pluto', the empress's time walker, changed and suppressed 
your memories and separated you from your family, friends - on 
purpose!" May pointed out.  "How can you believe that is not
evil?  Such an action must spring from a former tyranny!"

"I can't believe that Princess Serenity-"

"Serenity!" Something about that name made part of 
May very angry.  Before she could really think about
what she was about to say, she heard her voice saying, 
"if she's anything like her mother, she a selfish despot 
waiting to happen,"

"No!  She has a pure heart; she's isn't the enemy!"  That was one 
of the few things that Mamoru was sure of, and his voice held that 
conviction.

"Then I am?" May asked in a wounded voice as she attempted 
to follow his logic. "All I wanted to do was to bring a family 
back together!  How is that-"  

Mamoru held up a hand to silence her.  "I need to sort this out 
on my own."

May looked down at her hands and then back up at the young 
man in front of  her, "On your own.  Then you don't want to 
talk to your brothers.  So, the offer I made earlier - about 
taking you  to meet your brothers...your answer is no, then?" 
she asked quietly.

Mamoru shook his head, "My answer is not now."  With that he 
rose, and, understanding the hint, May allowed him to show her 
to the door.

*****

'I still can't believe I'm doing this,' Reika thought to herself 
as she stood at the apartment door.  That she was standing outside 
of Mamoru's door was still shocking, especially considering he 
was her probably ex-fiance's best friend.  She had gotten there on
auto-pilot, still reeling from the day before.

Still shaken from the conversation with May and company, 
Reika had gotten home to see the light on her answering machine 
blinking and the phone ringing.  Knowing that she couldn't deal 
with any phone calls, especially if they were from Motoki, she 
cut off the ringer on her phone and turned down the volume on 
her answering machine.  Then she sat in her darkened bedroom 
and tried to figure out what she now knew, and how her life 
had changed in the last hour.  After lots of confusion and more
tears, she fell asleep...

...to dream of herself as a sobbing Lady Daniella, surrounded 
by visibly saddened members of the royal family, crying in 
the arms of the queen, who told her that she wasn't alone 
in that unfair universe.

Awaking to late morning sunshine and a tear-stained 
pillowcase, Reika renewed her resolve to talk to Mamoru.

She knocked on the door.  After a few moments, it opened. 
Mamoru stared at her in surprise.  "Reika?"

As she looked at him, she saw the man she had known as 
Motoki's best friend.  Yet, in his eyes, she saw Daniella's 
Endy; that was enough to cause her to tear up again.  
"May I come in?  I have to talk to you."

As Mamoru tell her in, Reika kept thinking over and over 
again, 'What am I going to say?'  Finally, after he had closed 
the door and come back into the living room where she was 
still standing, he asked, "What's wrong?  Did something happen 
between you and Motoki?"

Reika stared at him with wide eyes, "I think I'm going crazy," 
she finally said after a few beat of silence.  Then it all came
pouring out.

"I mean, who breaks an engagement over weird dreams?!" Reika 
asked as she paced back and forth in front of the couch, "Okay, 
yes, I had doubts before then, but having dreams of another time, 
another wedding, and you.  And feeling like I was supposed to be 
marrying someone else.  And dream after dream that made
no sense until I recognized you and May in them." Not noticing 
Mamoru's startled reaction to this piece of information, she 
continued, "And then being asked to elope while trying to make 
sense of the dreams.  Then to mention the dreams to someone 
and hear about past lives and-" Reika broke off suddenly and 
then looked at Mamoru, "Please just tell me that these are just 
bridal nerves and you'll help me get my life back on track,"

At that moment, Mamoru could have said many things.  It was 
during Reika's monologue that Mamoru began to put together why
Reika had felt familiar when Motoki first introduced them.  Added
to the conversation he'd had with May, and another question came
out of his mouth at roughly the same time it formed in his head,  
"Daniella?"

"Oh crap," Reika whispered as she sank to the floor, "Crap.  
It really is all true."  She looked up at Mamoru, "You were a 
prince in this past life and I was supposed to marry you.  We 
were in love and I was supposed to-"  Tears ran down her face.  
She probably would have made another observation if the phone 
hadn't started to ring at that moment.  She gave Mamoru a 
panicked look, begging him not to pick up the phone.  He 
didn't, but that meant they heard the caller on the other 
end when the answering machine picked up.

"Mamoru, it's Motoki," said a voice that sounded 
nothing like his usually cheerful friend.  "If you are 
there, please pick up."  A noise, possibly an indrawn 
breath or a strangled sob was heard over the line.  "I need 
to talk to someone.  I think Reika just broke up with 
me.  I don't understand what happened or why it happened.  
We were so happy-" His voice broke off again and after a 
pause, he finished, "Please.  I really need to talk to someone.  
She won't return my calls.  I don't know what to do.  Just...
call." And then there was a click, signifying the end of the 
call.

There were a few moments of silence as the last sentence, 
then from the floor Reika said, "God, what in the hell do I 
do now?"  She looked up at Mamoru, her confusion and guilt 
evident on her face, "Was I living some kind of lie?  Do I 
continue to live it?  Or am I supposed to marry you?"

"Reika," Mamoru felt impelled to qualify, "whoever we 
were back then, I love Usagi now.  That's not going to 
change."

From the floor Reika sighed, "I know that.  I thought I loved 
Motoki too, but..." Reika took a deep breath and pulled herself 
off the floor.  Turning her back to Mamoru as she wiped away 
the tears still running down her face she said, "I'm sorry.  I 
really shouldn't have unloaded everything on you.  I'm sure
you have enough on your mind without me crying on your 
doorstep-"

Mamoru was only able to identify what happened next because 
it had happened a few times before.  The present him lost control 
and the part of him that was Endymion took over, "Daniella, do 
not do this.  Do not be strong for me."

"Endy?" Reika asked in a voice that wasn't hers, "Is fate against 
us?  Shall we never be able to be together?  I-"

With that, the reincarnated prince opened his arms, and the 
reincarnated duchess went into them to sob out her continuing 
pain.  Her voice was slightly muffled by his shirt, but she could 
still be understood.  "I do not think that I can do this again. 
Even with your mother here as well, offering her comfort, I do 
not think-"

The words "your mother" snapped Mamoru back to the present, 
"My mother?  My Silver Millennium mother?  She's here?"

Mamoru's reaction had a similar effect on Reika, bringing her back
to the present. Reika drew away from him, puzzled.  Another person
who didn't recognize the queen, but -, "You didn't recognize her 
either?  I know she's younger, but she hasn't changed, not much 
anyway.  Why is it that none of you know who she is?  Don't 
you remember her?"

Mamoru sank down onto his couch, "No," he admitted quietly.  
"I don't remember much of anything from the Silver Millennium.  
What I do 'remember,' well, I think that some of it didn't happen. 
I don't remember my family at all.  If it wasn't for my dreams of 
late, I wouldn't remember you, either."

Reika sat on the couch next to him, sadness reflected in her 
eyes, as if she understood some of his pain.  She reached out 
to touch his shoulder.  Their eyes met.  And as they watched 
old and new pain battle for dominance in the other person's eyes, 
they slowly drifted into a hug.  One sobbed out her confusion while 
the other held on tight as tears of loss and helplessness slowly 
ran down his face.

*****

Usagi sighed as she walked down the hall.  She still wasn't sure 
she should be doing this, but she had jumped all over Mamoru
when he didn't share his dreams with her; turnabout was fairplay.  
Making the decision to share the dream did not make her feel 
better, however; a feeling of fear and disquiet hadn't left her 
heart since she woke up from her dream this morning.

In the dream she was Serenity, and it seemed to be set in the 
Silver Millennium.  In fact, it almost felt like a memory.  She 
was sitting in a garden on Earth, talking to Luna, who was in 
her human form.

"Luna, I'm not really sure what to think anymore.  Originally, I
agreed to go along with an engagement to an earthern noble 
because Mother pointed out that such an arrangement was 
politically necessary.  To have a planet in our solar system that 
was not a part of our alliance was 'leaving ourselves open for 
attack,' therefore an  unbreakable alliance was essential.  I'd 
resigned myself to my fate. But then I met Endymion.  I got 
to know him, and-"

"That changed everything," Luna finished.

"Well, yes, it did.  I have always wanted to marry for...well, 
for friendship if not love. I wanted to marry someone to 
whom I could talk.  I cannot talk to my court.  They are 
so formal and so careful about what they say around me."  
Serenity sighed, "I do not think they like me very much."

Luna nodded.

Serenity started to pluck the petals from the rose in 
her lap as she continued to speak, "When I first agreed 
to Mother's idea about a political marriage, I thought that 
I was signing away the chance to marry for friendship.  
But, somewhere in those diplomatic meetings and 
visits, I found that I could talk to Prince Endymion.  And 
I think I fell in love with him, with his dedication, his 
insecurity, and his laughter.  In some ways he was the 
kind of person I wanted to be, and, when he proposed-"

"You had hope," Luna said, nodding her head.  "You 
thought that your feelings were returned."  Luna gave 
Serenity a small, encouraging smile.  "There is no reason 
to think that they are not.  Just because some on this 
planet seen hostile to you does not mean that he is."

"I know," the princess replied.  "But his proposal was so...
cold.  It seemed almost like he was reading a treaty and 
asking me to sign it.  And since then he has seemed so sad.  
I want to help, but I do not know how."

"Go find him," Luna suggested.  "Go find him and tell him 
how you feel.  Maybe together you can figure out what to do."

Serenity got up, brushed the rose petals off of her dress, 
and hugged Luna.  "Thank you for listening, for helping.  
You are a great friend, the only one I have."

"You have a good heart, princess, no matter what your 
other genes might be."

Serenity nodded and left Luna to go in search of her prince.  
As she was leaving the gardens, she heard a muffled voice 
that sounded familiar. Going back into the garden, she followed 
the sound until she was almost at the main clearing in the 
palace gardens.  As she approached the clearing was blocked 
by a rose bush, but as she rounded the corner she saw more 
than she wanted to see.

From the edge of the clearing she heard Endymion say, 
"Daniella...I may have to marry the princess of the moon, 
but she will never have my heart.  You are my 'now and 
forever'.  I will not forget you."  If that did not hurt her 
heart enough, when she stepped into the clearing she saw 
the picture that went with the sound.

Endymion had a sobbing woman in his arms and he had 
tears running down his own face.  That wouldn't have been 
so disturbing, if the closeness between the two people in 
the embrace wasn't so evident.  In fact, they appeared to 
cling to each other as if they were trying to hold onto 
their other half.  'Endymion never holds me like that,' 
Serenity thought to herself.  In fact, Endymion had never 
behaved that openly or warmly around her.  In that 
moment a fear she had never considered, that Endymion 
may not love her, washed over her like a tital wave.

Serenity gasped and watched two heads turn in her direction 
before Usagi woke up.

Usagi had sat in bed, horrified.  Had Endymion really not 
loved Serenity? Who was this "Daniella" and why did she 
seem familiar?  What did Luna mean about Serenity's 
"genes"?  The questions swirled around in Usagi's
head, but is always came back to whether or not Endymion 
had loved Serenity and what that meant for her and Mamoru.

And that is what led her to Mamoru's apartment building 
on a Saturday afternoon.  At first, she'd thought about talking 
to the other senshi about her dream, but decided against it.  
She was afraid that they might trivialize her fears.  Also, she 
really didn't want to have to recount the part of her dream that 
made their past lives seem cold.  The Luna she knew was 
definitely not as supportive as the one in her dream and she 
really couldn't tell someone who didn't already know about
her past as the moon princess.  So that left Mamoru.  She 
really hoped that he'd tell her that it was just something she 
ate and that everything was going to be okay.

As she neared Mamoru's door, she noticed that it was ajar.  
A little concerned about this, she decided to walk in without 
knocking to make sure everything was okay.  What she saw 
as she entered the living room was enough to make her gasp 
in surprise and freeze in her tracks.

In a scene straight out of her dream, Mamoru had his arms 
around another woman...and they seemed to be clinging to 
each other for dear life.  

At her gasp, the two crying people turned to look at her.  At 
that moment Usagi knew who the Daniella in her dreams was and 
why she looked familiar.  Daniella looked exactly like Reika, 
the Reika she knew as Motoki's girlfriend and then fiancee.  
The Reika who had been crying in Mamoru's arms, who was 
practically in his lap, when Usagi walked in.  "Oh my God,"
Usagi said quietly.

That spurred Mamoru into action.  Letting go of Reika and 
jumping to his feet, he began to cross the room toward Usagi.  
"Usako, this is not what it looks like."

"Then what's going on here?" Usagi asked as she felt 
herself beginning to tear up again.  She looked at Reika 
and then at Mamoru.  "Why?" she asked.  "Reika's 
engaged to your best friend!  And I thought we-"Usagi 
choked on a sob.  "I want an explanation."

At the word 'explanation' Reika wiped the tears from her 
eyes and began to stare at upset young blonde across the 
room.  Reika had never felt completely comfortable around 
Usagi and she had never understood why, until this moment.  
Looking at Usagi's wide blue eyes, she finally recognized her 
for who she was, Princess Serenity of the Moon Kingdom.

Then Reika felt anger, the anger of losing her Endy to the 
same woman - twice!  She felt the anger that came with 
realizing that while her life was a cluster fuck, Usagi's life 
was sweetness and light.  And Usagi had the nerve to look 
all injured when nothing happened and nothing ever 
would happen-

Reika sprang to her feet.  "I don't understand what you're 
so upset about.  Everything has conveniently worked to 
your advantage."

"Reika," Mamoru warned, but neither woman was paying 
any attention to him.

"What?" Usagi asked, very confused by the sudden attack 
from Reika.

"Oh don't play dumb with me, Serenity," Reika spat.  Noting 
that Usagi's eyes widened, Reika continued.  "Yes, I know 
you're Serenity.  Did you think that I would never figure it 
out?  How many years have you been laughing at my 
ignorance?  How many years have you been internally 
gloating about how things somehow managed to 'work 
out' for you?"

Usagi was shocked, both by Reika's attitude and by the 
fact that Reika had called her Serenity.  "What do you 
mean?"  Usagi asked.  Half of what Reika said didn't 
make any sense.  What did make sense to Usagi was that 
Reika was staking some claim on her Mamo-chan and 
that Reika somehow didn't understand how that would 
upset her.  That actually made Usagi angry.  "I found 
you in the arms of MY BOYFRIEND!" Usagi countered.
"How was I supposed to react?"

"Oh please, spare me this 'I've been wronged, I'm wounded' 
crap.  He's yours.  You have him tied to you as securely 
in this life as you had him in the last, albeit for different 
reasons.  You know nothing happened.  You knew nothing 
was going to happen.  I'd ask you how you do it, but I don't 
think I'd want to be the bitch I'd have to be to win the game 
you're playing."

Mamoru had had enough with that statement. "Reika, leave 
her alone.  Regardless of how we ended up in this situation, 
it is not Usagi's fault," he said.

"Wait, are you admitting to a past relationship with her?" 
Usagi asked, sounding wounded.

"You are taking HER side?!" Reika shouted angrily as she 
pointed to Usagi.  "She had to have a hand in...everything!  
This kind of situation doesn't 'just happen'!  And she's the 
only one who stands to benefit from the way things are!"

Mamoru raised his hands in front of him, "Look, all I'm 
saying is that there is nothing to fight about here.  I'm not 
sure what happened in the past or what happened to make 
the present this way.  What I do know is that whatever 
happened, no one in this room is to blame for it."

"How is she a part of your past?   And why didn't you tell me?" 
Usagi cried.

"I can't believe that you think she's blameless!" Reika 
exploded.  "It's like - Oh, I get it."  Reika said more softly 
as a resigned comprehension crossed her face.  "This is about 
sides, and you've chosen one.  Hers.  Don't worry," she 
continued as it looked as if Mamoru was going to say 
something, "I'm on my way out; I won't bother you again."  

Reika took a deep breath and walked past both a tormented 
Mamoru and a distressed Usagi.  As she reached the door, 
Reika turned around and said to Mamoru, "Earlier you alluded 
to the fact that we are different people than we were then.  
Well, you're right.  The Endy I knew cared about his family.  
That you are shutting out your brothers and your mother...it 
blows my mind.  And the Endy I knew, well-"  Reika sighed
as a tear rolled down her cheek.  "A long time ago the man I 
loved told me that I was his 'now and forever'.  I believed him; 
it got me through the pain of losing him for the greater good.  
I'm glad I didn't realize then that it was a lie."  And with that 
parting statement, Reika opened the door and walked out.

- to be continued -