Royal Blue - how to grieve It had been almost seventy two mooncycles since the people of the kingdom had held deep concerns for the safety of their princess. Fears that certain groups meant the princess harm had not completely disappeared, but, for the last sixty mooncycles, the royals and the rest of the kingdom had a new distraction. The distraction's name was Endymion Terra, Prince of Earth. The first born son of Prince Terrius and Princess Adaunde, Endymion was the talk of the capital city. He looked almost exactly like his father had at his age, but his smile was completely his mother. Even at five years old, he had the royal grace of his father and the curiosity still actively present in his mother. Some in the military insisted that the young prince also had the military bearing of his grandfather, the former colonel. "He's going to be a little heart-stealer," his "auntie" Maya predicted. "Like his father," the princess had agreed. Although the young prince was much like his father in appearance he was being raised rather differently. Like all royals, Endymion did have a nanny and protection. Unlike any royal before him, however, Endymion was exposed to and interacted with the people of the kingdom since his birth. His parents often took him with them on state visits, meetings with the military, merchantry talks, and interactions with the workers. It drove those charged with their protection a little crazy, but the princess insisted that detached royals were not effective royals...and the prince wanted to spend more time with his son than his father had been able to spend with him. All in all, Prince Endymion was a rather well-rounded boy for a royal. He would help the servants clean his room in the palace. He was fascinated by the toy making merchants and could quietly watch them for hours. He liked going to military reviews and watching the captains and colonels march. And the young boy adored his family. His face would light up at the sight of his father. He still let his mother hug him in public. He'd listen quietly to his paternal grandfather and even try to fidget less for his paternal grandmother. Yet his greatest love was for his maternal grandparents. Grandmere Kyanna seemed almost an amazing fairy godmother to the young boy. She always had his favorite baked sweets...and managed to slip them to him, even when his mother said no. She would dig in the dirt with him, had taught him how to make mud pies, and understood that he would often tear around the house. Grandfather Bill was the grandfather of any little boy’s dreams. The former colonel taught the boy some military maneuvers as well as how to hit a target, though they had only used small foam balls to alleviate the concerns of Kyanna and Adaunde. Grandfather Bill also told the greatest stories about battles and strategies. Endymion could sit happily in his grandfather's lap and request story after story, usually with his equally interested mother sitting nearby. His grandfather had even taught the young boy to salute, which the little prince would often practice in his room after everyone thought he was asleep. And, because he and his mother were on their way to visit the Andersons, little Endymion was a bundle of excited energy. Asking his mother to hurry, the young boy was almost pulling the princess through the streets, with Colonel Clinton and Lieutenant Gore flanking them both. Later some would ask if the little boy had known something or if the Creator had shared something with the boy that he hadn't shared with anyone else. What was clear, however, was that Endymion's shout of joy was the last thing someone, who was dear to them all heard. And that, if he had moved at the pace his mother had wanted, the boy's joyful shout wouldn't have been heard by that person as he left the living world. ***** That particular sunrise seemed like any other for Bill and Kyanna. Although they had been nobility for thirty one years, both had been born into military families and still operated much in that vein. Breakfast was a precise enterprise, served exactly twenty minutes after sunrise. The house was ordered neatly and efficiently and ran pretty much like clockwork. Bill, however, knew this sunrise was different. His sunrises and sunwanes had been different for a few years now. He had not shared with his wife the extent of what the medic had told him on his last visit, only because there was nothing she could do. He wanted to enjoy his mooncylces with a happy and unstressed family, so he refused to worry them about situations that they couldn't change. That morning he knew his daughter and grandson were going to visit. Normally, such visits cheered him. His little girl was now such a graceful lady, with amazing aim. She had found a great man and was happy, somehow becoming a princess in the bargain. And her little boy was such a treasure. He was glad that he had had a chance to meet the little boy. Their visits were always full of laughter and love. But that sunrise was different and the former colonel struggled between his selfish desire to see his daughter and grandson and his selfless need to protect them from what would probably happen that day. Regardless, of his final decision, there were some things that needed to be said. As his wife rose from the table to clear off the remains of breakfast, Bill said, "Kyanna, you do know where my statement of intents is, don't you?" His wife turned to him with a slightly exasperated look on her face, "Yes, Bill. Though I don't why you have continued to harp on this for the last two mooncylces! You aren't even on active duty anymore!" As she put some dishes in the wash bin, she muttered, "’Kyanna, do you know where this is? Kyanna, be sure you have that.’ One would think he'd gotten deployment orders!" Bill smiled at his wife's back. He really wasn't worried about Kyanna. She was a sergeant's daughter and a colonel’s wife, a rather strong woman all told. She was one of the blessings that he thanked the Creator for every morning. If he could have spared her this last, he would have. Not because she couldn't handle it, but because he would rather she not have to. He had once joked that he should meet the Creator first because his wife would carry on more bravely than he could. As that day approached, he realized that he shared more truth in that jest than he could have guessed. He did worry about his daughter, however. She had her mother's strength, but his heart. He worried how all of this would affect her. And he wondered if his selfish desire to hear her voice one more time was fair. "Kyanna, you know, I am feeling a little tired. Maybe we should ask our daughter the princess not to visit today?" His wife turned around, "You are jesting, correct? I mean Bill, you live for those visits! You complained two weeks ago that we never see enough of our Dawn anymore!" Kyanna shook her head, "If this is just an attempt to get out of helping me with the washing up, it won't work colonel. Lord or not, you shall still help me. And that's an order." Kyanna would have made a great commanding officer, Bill was sure of it. The old military man smiled. "Did I ever thank you for doing such a good job raising our daughter?" The love of his life laughed and she sat back down at the table. "You act like I had to do it alone! You helped raise her just as much as I did. That is probably why she is such a good shot. It's also why she gives her security detail fits" his wife smiled. "But you are right. She turned out pretty okay." "We had a good run, didn't we?" "As parents?" his wife asked, not understanding the wider context of her husband's question. "Yes, but we aren't finished. Just because she's married with a child of her own does not mean we aren't still raising her. At the end of her last visit she was trying to fix her hair and she looked at me and said, 'Mama, help!'. There I was, fixing the hair of a thirty-four year old princess. You are a parent as long as the creator keeps you here...but we won't tell our Dawn that just yet." Looking over at her husband, Kyanna did notice that he seemed a little paler than normal. "Honey, are you feeling alright? Are you really tired enough to call off Dawn's visit?" As his wife questioned his health, Bill thought over what she had just said. He agreed that you are a parent from the time you have children until you meet the creator. What he also remembered from his wife's story is that you are also always a child. Burying his parents had been a painful experience for him. Kyanna had cried for days after losing her father... and neither of them had actually been with their parents the day they died. He didn't think his wants should trump his daughter's needs. "Yes, actually. I think I am." His wife rose with a slightly worried expression on her face. "I'll contact the palace now. If they haven't already left, they can probably be stopped in transit." Looking back at her husband she added, "Maybe you should go have a rest in the library." "Maybe I will," Bill agreed. Before rising to leave the table, he called his wife back. "Kyanna, I love you. I always have." His wife smiled, a combination of her affection for him and her worry shimmering in her eyes. "I love you, too, you old soldier, but don't say things like that! You'll worry me with all of your flattery!" The old man smiled. He didn't mean to worry her, and it wasn't flattery. But he was pretty sure that he wouldn't be able to share that sentiment in an hour. As he slowly rose from his chair, he felt the familiar pain in his chest. As his wife hadn't completely left the room to contact the palace yet, she heard his cry of pain and saw him grab his chest. "Bill, what's wrong? Bill?" As the pain got worse and his vision blurred, he felt his wife's arms around him. "Bill!" As the decorated colonel and now lord closed his eyes for the last time, he heard the two things he had selfishly wanted to hear before he met his Creator, the voice of his daughter and the voice of his grandson crying out in joy. Mercifully for him, he left this plane before hearing his wife's third shout of fear and pain. ***** "Daddy, Mama? We are here!" the princess shouted as she entered the empty front room of the house. She shook her head internally. Her parents were probably still trying to eat breakfast, but Endy had insisted with the strength of any five year old that they had to go early. "Grandpa Bill!" the excited voice of the object of her thoughts shouted in greeting. The princess probably would have told her son to say hello to his grandmere Kyanna if this were a regular visit. But this was not a regular visit. When asked about that day much later in her life the then queen would say that it was amazing what was clear and what was hazy in her memory, and that most of her actions that day were more instinct than anything else. Her first move was clearly a reflex. Seconds after her son voiced his greeting, she heard her mother screaming her father's name from the kitchen. Spinning around, she shoved her son into the arms of Lieutenant Gore and held up one finger to request that the royal guardswomen protect her son. Then, shouting "Mama! Mama, what is wrong?" she ran toward the kitchen with Colonel Clinton right behind her. ***** While Adaunde was never able to completely recount what happened in the next few minutes, it was engraved on Colonel Clinton's memory. In some ways, as he so looked up to the colonel, it was as hard for him as it was for the princess to witness. For that reason, he seemed to remember it as a series of military maneuvers and protocol. Arriving in the kitchen less than a split second after "precious ivy", the code often used by those in charge of protecting the royal family to refer to the princess, Clinton first scanned the room for potential threats. There were no signs of forced entry. There were no strange occupants of the room. Nothing was broken and there was no smell of gas or presence of a hazard like fire. Next, the colonel took note of the action in the room. Precious Ivy had reached the side of her mother, "lady arms," who was on the floor holding an apparently unresponsive former colonel. The former soldier wasn't bleeding, but was amazingly pale. If given a choice, and if he had been able to react faster, he wouldn't have wanted Precious Ivy touching the former colonel until any and all threats could have been identified, but the princess was on the floor beside her father before Clinton had completely crossed the kitchen threshold. "Lady Anderson, what-" the military man began to ask, but the former colonel's wife cut him off. "Colonel, excuse me, Lord Anderson had collapsed. He held his chest as he fell. Call the military watch. And follow procedure H." Since "Lady Arms" had responded with the precision of a commanding officer, Clinton responded like a subordinate without thinking. "Ma'am, yes, ma'am," he replied, as he left the room. Back in the front room, he ran into the two others that had accompanied the princess on the trip. "Clinton, what has happened?" the Jedite of the royal guard demanded of him as she held protectively onto the heir to the heir of the throne. Knowing that he had to reach the military watch AND that the Lieutenant did actually out-rank him due to her assignment, so he couldn't just ignore or breeze by her, Clinton simply said, "I'm contacting the military watch." "The watch?" the military woman said in shock. "What procedure are you operating under?" In the recounting of what happened, many non-military wondered at this seemly pointless question. Some debated that the half-second delay could have saved Lord Anderson's life, although every medic that examined the former military man concluded that he had probably died before Colonel Howard Clinton had made it into the kitchen. Those of military background, however, knew how crucial that question was. With an answer of just one letter, the colonel could tell the lieutenant if there were still threats in the house, whether she needed to take the prince to a safer location, if there was an attack on the way, and how many people were injured or dead. "H," was the colonel's reply before he left the house to call for the watch. As he left, the lieutenant stood, holding her precious cargo. And when the cargo politely asked his "Auntie Shannon" if he could see his grandfather yet, the Jedite of the Royal Guard tried not to tear up as she said, "Not right now, your highness. Not right now." **** Once, a long time ago, an officer's wife had told Kyanna that all military wives needed a funeral to say goodbye to their husbands. For the longest, Kyanna thought that only applied to the wives who lost their husbands in battle. As that was how she lost her own father, she knew how much her mother needed that funeral. A rock up until that point, she completely fell apart at the funeral...but the sergeant's wife needed to fall apart then to pull herself together to live another four years, long enough to see the birth of her granddaughter. For women who lost their husbands in other ways besides armed conflict, Kyanna always figured that they could fall apart as soon as they got the word of the loss of their other half. She was wrong. When her Bill collapsed in her arms, Kyanna didn't have much time to process anything before her daughter and the head of her daughter's security came rushing into her kitchen. With her mind not really being able to focus on anything, she slipped into the military protocol that had surrounded her for most of her life, giving orders like a commanding officer. And she had to. She was the first one on the scene; she was the only one who would know under which protocol to operate. She quickly had to move from commanding officer to military mother. Her only daughter was moving from concerned to hysterical very quickly. As the military watch arrived in her kitchen, Kyanna found herself acting in a way she promised herself she never would, after her mother had treated her in a similar rough way when her own father died. She pulled her daughter aside, commanded that she stop crying and pull herself together as not to dishonor her father. Then she reminded her daughter of her own child. From military mother she moved to concerned grandmother, as she and her daughter went to collect Endymion from his protector while the military watch continued with the task of collapsed colonel. The young boy was very confused and his mother was too overwhelmed to explain much of anything. Kyanna found herself telling the young prince a story while his distraught mother talked to the current Jedite and then contacted the palace. After that, the older woman thought she just went numb for a few sunrises. Somehow, she was able to answer the questions put to her. In those moments, she was grateful that Bill had harped upon where his statement of intents was located. She could recall his requests about his funeral... half of which couldn't be honored because of who he was. As the father of the current princess, his funeral was turning into a bigger production that the simple William Anderson would have wanted, but Kyanna could only answer the questions put to her, and not much more. Somehow, she ended up housed in the palace. Someone had packed for her. Someone made sure she was fed. Her son-by-marriage had come to talk to her and hugged he before he left. Her king and queen had come to talk to her and shared their sympathy over her loss. A parade of military came through to offer respects. Kyanna didn't really remember much of this. It didn't seem real. Yet, on the day of the funeral, wearing a black dress, a black veil, and holding a white calla lily in one hand and her daughter's hand in the other, something unstuck. Something made everything seem real again. And as the tears ran down the military wife's face, she realized that this was her one chance to say goodbye to her husband, the father of her only child, the love of her life. ****** The funeral was a large and somber occasion. It started just after sunrise with the tradition playing of "The March" by the military band. "The March" was played with the rising of the sun on the day of all military funerals; the melancholy song was to remind all in the area that they had lost a hero. Soon, after the last strains of the song died in the air themselves, workers and merchants emerged to line the streets between the palace and the Creationist cathedral, where the service would be held. Different sects called the services to remember the dead different things. To the Creationists, who counted among their number the Andersons and the prince and princess, this service was called "the send-off". For them, they were sending their loved one to back to the Creator. Not that the belief made anything easier. Those gathered in the streets wore black. Women covered their faces with veils. The streets were silent, which was broken only by the occasional weeping. The men stood still, eyes forward and sad. Those that lined the streets knew that they could be standing for hours at least, but they felt that they had to honor the great man they lost in some way...and support their beloved princess in any way their stations would allow them. An hour after the lower classes had gathered in the streets, the military continued their honoring of their own by marching the stretch from the colonel’s house to the cathedral behind a rider less horse. The legion directly behind the horse was the same that the colonel had commanded thirty-five years ago. Generals, lieutenants, captains, colonels, sergeants came from as far away as Towana to the service. As those of military rank reached the steps, ten men in the colonel's former legion stood at attention at the front of the cathedral, in place to continue their final service to Colonel Anderson. At this point, the nobles began arriving. Like the everyone else, except the military who were in uniform, the nobles wore black. Unlike the others, few of them seemed to be very moved. Their presence was more a show of support for the princess than out of any caring for colonel and a lord that few had interacted with or heard much about, besides the incident many mooncycles ago that had saved the king's life. The few nobles who knew Lord Anderson the most well would be arriving with his family. Nonetheless, the nobles entered the Cathedral in silence, out of respect for the life of a hero. Many didn't know what to except of the service, but few thought it would be a traditional military send-off. The hero whose life they came to honor was the father of the princess, after all. Finally, from the castle, the procession of the family began. Leading the way from the castle were six military men, in dress uniform, carrying the vessel that held the body of Colonel William Anderson, lord of the house of Fidelity. Those six men included unknown military men, such as Private Braxton, and well-known military men, such as Colonel Howard Clinton and Sergeant Jamison. The six men moved with precision and in silence, and silence followed in their wake. As per tradition, those walking behind the vessel walked in this order. First came the widow and any children of the deceased. Following the children were their spouses and any grandchildren. Following the grandchildren would be any living parents and siblings. Finally, following the family were close friends of the deceased, who lined up in order of their rank, the lowest ranking friend bringing up the rear. As the vessel could be seen by those in the crowd, many people anxiously looked at the two women walking behind the vessel. From what word had gotten out of the castle, those gathered on the street expected to see one picture of strength and one of despair. It had been said that the princess was near hysterical upon discovering her collapsed father and had been almost inconsolable since. It was said that she was only able to pull herself together in three cases. She somehow managed to be politely formal with her husband's parents, the king and queen, seemingly to fall back on her noble training as a way to interact without thinking. She was able to function while being held in the arms of the prince, as if she felt safe there. And, of course, she was able to pull it together when holding her son. Marching behind her father with her husband and son behind her, many worried if the princess would have the strength to make it to the cathedral. Lady Anderson, on the other hand, had been described as a rock. She had been able to do all that was asked of her. She was the one who told the watch what to do when they reached her house. She knew what her husband wanted and was able to answer all of the questions put to her. She seemed so in control that some had commented that she would have made a great commanding officer. In fact, according one member of the military watch, Lady Anderson got more replies of "Ma'am, yes ma'am," than Lieutenant Shannon Gore, which was significant, given that Gore, as Jedite to the current prince, was the highest ranking woman in the military class. Most people expected that the mother would be supporting the daughter into the service. That is not what they saw. For the first two-thirds of the silent walk, mother and daughter looked like most mourners in a military funeral. They both stood straight with military posture, and, while the princess moved with the grace of a noble, her mother's walk was the almost march of most military wives. Both were dry-eyed...at least until they were within sight of the cathedral. As the vessel neared the cathedral, the ten military men stood at attention. One of the men turned to the others and the last military act of honor was underway. "Attention!" the sergeant said. "Present-" "Present," the nine other men echoed as they withdrew their swords. "Arms." the sergeant finished. Nine swords were lifted into the air to create an archway. The sergeant nodded, moved back into place, and removed and lifted his own sword. At the word 'present', Lady Anderson froze. She looked down at the calla lily she held in one hand and her daughter's hand which she clasped in the other, and she began to cry. Princess Adaunde moved quickly to prop up her mother, as she looked around for someone to help them into the cathedral. Her husband, the prince, moved to help her, but she shook her head. Instead, she motioned for someone near the back of the procession. And, when Mistress Maya Tiffany-Cartier moved to the front and supported Lady Anderson on the other side, the crowd nodded at the rightness of it. Maya was, because of her friendship with Adaunde, a second daughter to the family. It seemed only right that she would be the one to help the Andersons into the church. It was in this way that family arrived and the send-off began. Lady Anderson cried through most of the service, quiet only to hear the send-off words from the creationist minister and to hear the charges. The princess, while clearly saddened, was not crying, but straining to take in everything. But for the caring looks and hand squeezes from her husband, the princess may have injured herself through concentrating too much. After the minister uttered the traditional phrase, "Away from us, but returned to home. A vessel returned to terra, a soul returned to its maker," it was time for the reading of the final charge. And, as the prince rose to kneel before the vessel and the minister, there was a gasp that echoed through the cathedral. The final charge was a military hold-over. Often written by the deceased before dying, the charge was given to the military next in command, or, when available, to a son or son-by-marriage. Many had assumed, since the prince was not of the military class, that Anderson would leave his charge to someone else. When such a possibility was first mentioned to the prince, he objected, wanting to receive the last instructions from the man he admired and whom his wife so greatly loved. Apparently, Anderson himself felt similarly, as he made his charge out to the young prince. "To my son by marriage," the minister began as he read the charge aloud. "Look behind you to my wife, Kyanna" As the prince turned to look at the older woman, the minister continued, "She is now your mother as well. Care for her for the rest of her sunrises and sunwanes. See also my brothers in arms. Send them not into battles without purpose. Avoid bloodshed wherever possible. Pray to the Creator before ordering arms. "My son by marriage, I leave in your care the two greatest gifts I have ever received, my daughter Adaunde and my grandson Endymion. As I already know that you will protect them with your life, I ask that you continue to love them with your whole heart. Have them remember the minor colonel who loved them and loved his provenice and his realm." Looking up from the charge, the minister looked at the prince, who once again faced him and said, "Terrius, prince of Earth, do you accept the charge of Colonel Anderson as read in the hearing of the assembled?" "Yes, I accept the charge," the prince agreed. With that, he stood and saluted the vessel holding the colonel. Returning to his seat next to his wife, some in the front swore that unshed tears sparkled in his eyes. After the accepting of the charge, the widow rose to put her flower on the vessel and to say goodbye. She appeared steady enough at the approach, but after laying the flower, she didn't appear to be able to let go of the vessel. Noticing the hesitation on the part of the widow, Mistress Maya rose and walked to the vessel, and, after hugging Kyanna Anderson and standing next to her for a few minutes, led the older woman back to her seat. Finally, William Anderson's only child stood and walked to the vessel. Pressing her hand on the top, she whispered, "Oh, Daddy. Did you have to return so soon?" Two tears fell from her eyes and hit her hand. After a few seconds, she straightened and appeared to turn to return to her seat, but she stopped and put a hand to her head. Blinking a few times, her eyes slid closed and she crumbled. The sound of shock was so loud in comparison to the previous silence. Lady Bella and Prince Terrius were at the fallen princess's side before many in the cathedral could blink. Over the surprised murmurings of the crowd, Lady Anderson's voice calling for her daughter and Maya's soft, "It's okay, Kyanna. Dawn will be fine," almost seemed like a shout. Others reported being moved by the small voice that uttered "Mummy?" worriedly and the reply from the queen. "My little sunrise. Everything shall be fine. Just stay here with your grandmummy Honoria." Next to the fallen princess, Lady Bella knelt and fanned. Holding the princess' hand was her royal husband, who whispered, "Oh, Creator, not again. I do not think I can do this again." "Terrius," his oldest friend said as she stopped fanning the princess. "You have to believe that everything shall be fine." On the word fine, the princess began to blink. Stirring and beginning to sit up, the princess whispered, "What – what has happened?" "You slipped from us again, Adaunde," her husband explained softly. "Can you stand?" The princess nodded and was helped to her feet by her husband and her friend. "After the commitment, we are taking you to see a medic," her husband whispered, his tone conveying that he would not take any arguments about his pronouncement. The princess turned her sad eyes to him, and he hugged her briefly as he led her back to their seats. ****** It was hours after the commitment of the remains of William Anderson to the terra firma of the military burial ground. Kyanna sat in a darkened sitting room of the palace. She was cried out, tired, and desperately missing her husband. Truth be told, she was also a little angry with her Bill because he had known...he had known that - A knock on the door interrupted her thoughts. Looking at the door as it opened, she saw the prince enter the room. "Lady Kyanna? Might I talk with you for a while?" "Of course," the former colonel's wife agreed. "But only if you call me Mom, your royal highness." Expecting Terrius's normal refusal, she was surprised when he replied, "If that is what you wish, Mom. But you should call me Terrius in return." The widow nodded. After a few minutes of silence, the widow voiced the discovery that was making her angry. "Did you know," she began in a detached voice, "that Bill knew he had a weak heart? For many mooncycles he KNEW that he would be facing the Creator soon and he never told me? There were things he could have done to stay with us, with me, longer, and he never even told-" the widow's voice broke. Terrius crossed over to her and took her hand. "I think," the prince began tentatively, "I think he wanted to spend his last mooncycles with you and Adaunde and Endy and not in some medic ward. I cannot say that I would not make a similar choice." After a few moments, Kyanna nodded. A few beats after a thinking silence fell, Kyanna turned to the prince. "Terrius," the widow began. "Why have you come to see me?" "I was wondering...hoping actually, that you would join us in the palace." As Kyanna's eyes widened, Terrius quickly continued, "It is just that the home of Lord Anderson is so big for one person. And Endy would love to be able to see his grandmere Kyanna every sunrise. And Adaunde shall need you..." Here the prince paused for a second. Then, looking at Kyanna he said, "I just left Adaunde with the medic. Apparently, she is with child again. I thought such a thing would make her happy, but she merely squeezed my hand and continued to stare out the window. I just... I think she might need her mother." Kyanna nodded. "Do not worry so, my son Terrius," the sergeant's daughter reassured the prince. "My daughter will smile again, Terrius. As to that," Kyanna shrugged, "I may smile again myself. As to your offer... I will stay here with you. It might," she paused to clear her throat and stop a sob. "It might make sending Bill off a little easier seeing the little bit of him that is in our Endy." "Thank you, Mom," the prince said. Deciding not to push the noblewoman further, he stood and quietly left Lady Kyanna Anderson with her thoughts. - to be continued –