Spirit of Fire: Extra Scene II AUTHOR’S NOTE: Here’s another entry I wrote for the sm_monthly community at Livejournal, which won the award for “Most Original” for the month of May 2009. This scene takes place shortly after Chapter 4, a couple of days after Rei is born. Entering Fatherhood (Theme: Photograph) Hino Keitaro was a father. It had been almost two days since his daughter Rei‘s birth, yet that fact had yet to sink in. The word seemed so…foreign to him. Him, a father? The title didn’t suit him at all. He was a husband and a politician, currently running for the office of governor of the Tokyo metropolitan area, but a father, he was not. That had never been a title he aspired to. A baby had not been a part of his plans, his dreams for the future. Yet, he supposed it was time he accepted it. After all, whether he liked it or not, he did have a daughter, and a beautiful one, at that. Rei was practically the spitting image of his wife, who had risked so much just to give birth to her. Thinking of Takara and how close he had come to losing her yet again, Keitaro sighed as he entered the hospital gift shop. Despite her indomitable spirit, his wife had a weak heart, and her doctors had been against a pregnancy from the very start, fearing it would be too much for her. It almost had been, too. If Takara had died… No, don’t think about that, he lectured himself as he picked out a pretty bouquet of pink roses from among the gift shop’s meager selection. Takara is going to be fine. She survived. That’s what is important. Keitaro brought the roses up to the cash register to pay, randomly grabbing a small stuffed bear as well at a last minute present for Rei. The clerk, upon noticing the words “It’s a Girl!” stitched on the bear’s stomach, smiled and congratulated him on the birth of his daughter, but Keitaro only mumbled a soft “thank you” before taking his purchases and heading up to Takara’s private suite. There, he found Takara was not alone. Also in the room were their close friends Asaka Miyuki and Uchizawa Minoru, who was taking pictures of Takara and baby Rei with what appeared to be some fancy new camera. “Come on, laugh for your Uncle Minoru!” Minoru said, making funny faces at Rei. “Let’s see that gorgeous smile of yours! Coochie-coochie-coo!” Miyuki rolled her eyes. “Minoru-san, Rei-chan is only two days old. She doesn’t know how to smile yet.” “Not true. She smiled at me yesterday. I swear it!” “I hate to break it to you, but that was probably just gas.” “It was a smile, and nothing you say will convince me oth-- Oh, Keitaro, there you are! We were starting to wonder where you were.” Plastering a smile on his face, Keitaro entered the room and placed the rose bouquet on Takara’s bedside table. “Sorry, but things have been crazy at the office these past couple of days after what happened the other night,” he apologized, referring to how he had to suddenly withdraw from a debate with his rival for the governor’s seat, Tanaka Yoshiyuki, after learning that Takara had gone into premature labor. “Governor Negishi-sama sends his best.” The out-going governor was a close family friend and Keitaro’s political mentor during his campaign. “Is everything okay with your campaign?” Takara asked, always his number one supporter when it came to his career. “It will be,” he assured her, not wanting her to worry. “Negishi- sama is already trying to line up another debate with Tanaka-san.” “Good.” “How about you? Are you still in pain from the C-section?” Takara groaned as she shifted Rei in her arms to a more comfortable position. “I feel like I’ve been gutted,” she complained, though her grimace quickly became a radiant smile as soon as she looked down at Rei. “But it was certainly worth it, wasn’t it?” “Y-Yeah…” “Hey, Keitaro, what’s in the bag?” Minoru asked, pointing to the small bag from the gift shop containing the bear he had bought for Rei. Keitaro had nearly forgotten about it. He reached into the bag and pulled the bear out, handing it to Takara. “I-It’s for Rei-san,” he said, blushing and feeling awkward. Takara’s eyes lit up. “Keitaro, it’s adorable!” she exclaimed, waving the bear in front of Rei’s half-opened eyes. “Look at what Papa bought you, Rei-chan!” Papa… It still didn’t sound right to his ears. “Could you please not call me that?” he asked in a gruffer voice than he had intended, surprising Takara and the others. “Papa? You don’t like it?” “It’s not that…” Keitaro sighed, wishing he hadn’t said anything about it. He had been trying so hard to act the part of a happy new father for Takara‘s sake. “What would you like her to call you then?” “Otou-sama,” he replied without thinking, and immediately regretted it. That was the address he had used for his late father, a cold, unfeeling alcoholic who had blamed Keitaro for the death of his mother during childbirth. It was because of Hino Takeo’s emotional abuse that Keitaro had never wanted to become a father himself. Minoru, who was Keitaro’s childhood friend and the only one present who knew the true extent of the pain his father had caused him, frowned. “Are you sure, Keitaro?” With some reluctance, Keitaro nodded. It wasn’t as if the alternatives were any better. Papa, otou-san, otou-chan… None of them truly fit him. “She’ll be growing up in the public eye,” he said, defending his choice. “Rei-san should learn early on to treat her elders with the utmost respect, including her parents.” “If you feel that is best,” Takara agreed with a good-natured smile, Keitaro glad that she didn’t seem to mind his request. “Now, would ‘otou- sama’ like to hold his daughter? Rei-chan has been waiting for you.” “H-Hold her?” he stuttered, feeling like a deer caught in the headlights. “That’s right, you haven’t had the chance to hold her yet, have you?” Minoru remarked, holding up his fancy Nikon camera. “Lucky! I can record this momentous occasion for all eternity.” “I don’t think that’s such a good idea…” “Why not? It’s a golden photo opportunity for your campaign. Just think of the publicity! Everybody loves babies.” “I’m not going to use Rei-san for political gain, Minoru!” Keitaro snapped. He had always hated those politicians who sold their families to the media as if they were nothing more than pretty show dogs and swore he would never do the same with his. “Okay, fine, then it’ll just be a private family memento,” Minoru amended, already fiddling with the camera to prepare to take the picture. He waved a hand toward the window. “Go stand over there with Rei-chan. The lighting is best over there.” Having no choice in the matter, Keitaro sighed and awkwardly took the tiny baby out of his wife’s arms. “Be sure to support her head,” Takara said, adjusting his arms to the proper position. “See, like that. Got it?” “I think so…” Rei was lighter than he had expected and felt incredibly fragile in his arms, as if she was a porcelain baby doll that would break at the slightest touch. Keitaro, moving as slowly and carefully as he could, walked over to the window where Minoru had indicated and tried to act the proud father, smiling the smile he had perfected over the years during his career in politics. “Hey, I thought you said this wasn’t going to be a campaign photo op,” Minoru said, frowning. “Lose that creepy smile and just act…natural, you know?” Acting natural was easier said than done when nothing about holding a baby -- his daughter, Keitaro had to keep reminding himself -- came naturally to him. Even holding Rei in his arms, he still felt no real connection to her. It wasn’t supposed to be this way, was it? Something had to be wrong with him. Where was that instant bond of love that was supposed to form between a parent and child the first time a baby was held? The love that was rumored to be the greatest love ever known to man? He felt…nothing. Not even the slightest stirring of affection in his heart. She was like a stranger to him, some unknown alien being who had invaded his life and somehow made him a father. “Now you look just plain terrified. She’s a baby, not a ticking time bomb!” “Just take the picture already, Minoru. It doesn’t have to be perfect,” Keitaro said, wanting to get the whole thing over with as soon as possible. Rei had begun squirming in his arms, almost as if she sensed his unease with the situation. “Maybe it would be better if you were sitting down…” It was at that moment that Rei began to wail at the top of her lungs, startling Keitaro so much that he nearly dropped her. “What’s wrong with her?” he asked, his eyes darting toward Takara just as a flash of light came from Minoru‘s direction. “Did I hurt her?” Miyuki swiftly rose from her chair beside Takara’s bed and took Rei from his arms. “Shh, it’s okay, Rei-chan,” she cooed, the baby’s cries seeming to soften as soon as Miyuki had taken her. “She hates me…” The words came out of Keitaro’s mouth before he could stop them, but, to his surprise, Miyuki and Takara were both laughing, Minoru hiding his chuckles behind his camera. “What’s so funny?” Keitaro asked, finding nothing humorous about the situation at all. “She doesn’t hate you, Keitaro,” Takara said as Miyuki handed Rei back to her. “She’s probably just hungry, that’s all.” “It is about her feeding time,” Miyuki agreed. “I guess that’s my cue to leave then,” Minoru said, putting the camera back in its bag and tossing it over his shoulder. On his way out, he placed a hand on Keitaro’s shoulder. “Hey, don’t worry about it, man. I’m sure you’ll get the hang of things eventually.” Keitaro wished he could believe that, but, at the moment, the path to fatherhood seemed a steep mountain, impossible for someone like him to climb, no matter how hard he tried. Takara, on the other hand, was a total natural at motherhood. Watching as she nursed Rei, a serene smile on her face, Keitaro got the strong sense that Takara had been born to be a mother, and he began to understand a little why she had risked so much to have a child, despite everybody’s objections. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so happy,” Keitaro said, taking a seat in the chair Miyuki had vacated. His wife’s best friend had left the room as well, giving the new family some privacy. “So…at peace.” “She’s a miracle,” Takara murmured, caressing Rei’s cheek. “I always knew that becoming a mother would be amazing, but it‘s even better than I imagined.” “Motherhood certainly becomes you. You‘re already a pro at it.” A faint blush colored Takara’s face. “I wouldn’t say that. There’s still a lot I need to learn.” “You won’t have any problems. You’re a natural,” he insisted, fighting the urge to add, “unlike me.” Takara, however, seemed to have the power to read his mind. “Keitaro, Minoru-san is right. Nobody expects you to be the perfect father, especially not right off the bat. Just try the best you can; you’ll learn as she grows. Just think of it as on-the-job training.” “But --” “But what?” Keitaro shook his head, unable to confide in Takara about his doubts of being a decent father. Takara was idealistic to the core; it was something he both loved and disliked about her. She would never be able to understand his conflicted feelings about becoming a father, and he didn‘t want to be the one to ruin her illusion of having the perfect little family. He couldn’t do that to her. “Never mind,” he said, forcing himself to smile. “I’m sure you’re right.” Standing up, he leaned over and kissed Takara on the forehead. “I have a lot of work to do before the next debate with Tanaka-san, so I think I’m going to head back home.” “Already? But you only just got here.” “Visiting hours are almost over anyway, and I’m sure you need your rest. Remember, the faster you heal, the sooner you and Rei-san can come home.” “Home… I certainly do like the sound of that,” Takara said, sighing wistfully. She hated hospitals more than anything. “Okay, you can go, but only if you promise me that we can go home by the end of the week.” “Takara, you know that’s not up to me. Your doctors are --” “Just humor me, okay? Even if it isn‘t true, give me something to look forward to -- the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel, so to speak.” “I’m sure you’ll be coming home soon,” Keitaro said, unable to promise anything more specific. Takara seemed satisfied enough with that, though. “See you tomorrow?” “I’ll try to come by on my lunch hour, but if not, I’ll be here tomorrow night.” “We’ll be looking forward to it,” Takara said in a soft voice, beaming as she looked down at Rei, who had since fallen asleep in her mother’s arms. “Should I call for the nurse to take her back to the nursery?” he asked, his voice dropping to a whisper when he saw. Takara shook her head. “No, let me keep her a little while longer. The nurse will come for her soon enough.” Keitaro nodded his understanding and left the room, taking one last look inside at Takara and Rei before sighing and quietly shutting the door behind him. No matter what Takara said, Keitaro knew in his heart that he would never be a “Papa”. Only Otou-sama. DISCLAIMER: Sailor Moon is the property of Takeuchi Naoko.