[Cue a chorus line of nekkid Senshi parading across your
screen!]

Senshi: ^-^ [fanservice for all!] "omake. Omake! OMAKE!!
WAAAAAIIII!!!"



                 STILL PRETTY FLY (FOR A HENTAI):

                       THE BLOOPER OMAKE!!!



     Usagi sighed wistfully about her time in the shower--or more
specifically, her time with the showerhead. Droplets of water still
glistened off her skin and ran down the curves of her body. She had
thoroughly enjoyed this morning. And now with her parents and
Shingo gone to some sort of weekend conference she had the house to
herself. This made for the perfect chance to have an "unusual"
evening.
     She made a mental note of calling the other Senshi over for
their usual orgy...but not before she had some fun. The living room
curtains were closed, so she sprawled herself out on the couch,
legs spread wide apart. But just before she had the chance to
role-play the Yellow Pages (and thusly let her fingers "do the
walking"), the phone rang.
     Usagi groaned and quickly grabbed the cellular phone resting
on the dining room table. Ideally it would be one of her friends
asking to come over tonight; she didn't like the idea of having her
foreplay interrupted to take a message for her brother.
     "Hello, Tsukino residence," she said as she activated the cell
phone.
     Came the curious reply: 

Sean: [as Dr. Evil] "Tonight, I shall steal Mamoru Chiba's mojo."

Usagi: [snickering] "Excuse me?"

Sean: [still as Dr. Evil] "You should not be laughing, Usagi. That
only proves how I am truly hentai, and you are only ecchi at best.
You are the decaff of hentai, Usagi. You are only a lime and not a
lemon."

Usagi: ^^ "Oh, really?"

Sean: "You are the David Hasselhoff of hentai, Usagi. The New Lemon
on the Block."

Todd: "Ne, Sean, Chibi-Me's humping Chaos' leg again."

His lordship Chaos: [frantically trying to kick ChibiChibi off his
leg] "GET OFF ME, YOU FREAK!!"

ChibiChibi: "Chibi!"


                         *    *    *


                              3....


                              2....


                              1....



     [Cue a super-deformed ChibiChibi popping up and taking over
the lemon!]

SD ChibiChibi: "Chibi!"

Subtitle: *Cue the music for Eminem's "The Real Slim Shady!"*

     [Cue the music!]


SD ChibiChibi:      So I'm ChibiChibi
                    Yes, I'm the real chibi
                    All you other ChibiChibi's
                    Are just sukebe, sukebe
                    So won't the real ChibiChibi
                    Please fuck up, please fuck up?


His lordship Chaos: [off-screen] "Well, so much for the censor
board on that one. Next!"

                         *    *    *
     Sean unscrewed the base of the projectile and found that it
had a hollow casing. Tucked neatly inside was a pair of very posh
sunglasses. Wondering if this was some odd new advertising ploy,
Sean carefully removed the shades from the casing and then placed
them on his face.
     To the casual reader the sunglasses were ordinary.
     But as Sean placed them over his eyes, a number of small 
computer-generated images appeared on the interior of the tinted
lenses. Once his retinal ID was cleared, an all too familiar voice
was heard.
     "Kon'nichi wa, Sean. Your fanfic, should you choose to accept
it, is to have Sailor Moon penetrate this black dream hole."
     A small viewing window appeared in the left lens, revealing
the face of a female author Sean recognized very well.
     It was Greenbeans.

Sean: ^^ [cracking up] "Dammit, Chaos, warn me when you're going to
do a thing like that!"

Haruka: "Mind if I take that mission instead?"

Sean: [sulking] "With you, it's not even a Mission: Slightly
Difficult."


                         *    *    *
Sailor Lead Crow: [eyebrow twitch!] "What does that have to do with
the lemon?"

Sailor Aluminum Siren: "Well I thought it would add character
depth. You seem to be blissfully ignoring this Y10K problem, I
might add, Crow-chan."

Sailor Lead Crow: --;; "Stop calling me Crow-chan! Do you realize
that story is based entirely on innuendo? There's no evidence that
we'd be still using the same computers seven thousand years from
now let alone still be on the earth!"

Sailor Aluminum Siren: "Well I...sometimes there's truth in
innuendo...oh, as if you've never done a story completely on
hearsay, Crow-chan?"

Sailor Lead Crow: [shaking her head] "All I wanted was a normal
co-anchor. Was that too hard of a request to make?"

Sailor Aluminum Siren: ^-^ "Would you like some lunch? I made it
myself."

Sailor Lead Crow: [peering into the bento box] "Does it come with
fries?"

     [Aluminum Siren starts to laugh.]

Todd: [off-screen] "Ask for the Happy Meal!"

Sailor Lead Crow: [chuckling] "With this kind of fic, what kind of
toy should I be expecting?"


                         *    *    *
     A naughty tentacle suddenly erupted from underneath the
tuxedo's cape, shooting out and wrapping around Chibiusa's ankle.
The tentacle tensed and then snapped back, flinging Chibiusa over
the main counter in the centre of the kitchen. Pots and pans
spilled over the side in a loud metallic clatter as the princess
groggily tried to get back up.
     Yet she found herself pinned down to the countertop as three
more naughty tentacle shot out from ChibiChibi, holding the
Yamhead's arms and legs fast in place.
     "What do you want from me?!" Chibiusa snapped, struggling to
free herself--an effort that proved to be in vain. Her pink eyes
narrowed. "You're not a secret lover of my Hotaru-chan, are you?"
     ChibiChibi shook her Tuxedo Kamen ghoul mask. Slowly she
reached in back of her cape and drew out three items: a box of
condoms, a jar of KY Jelly, and--
     Chibiusa's eyes abruptly widened. "A bunch of Pikachus?!"
     
ChibiChibi: >) "Chibi chibi."

Richard Gere: "Oh, the humanity! THE HUMANITY!!!"


                         *    *    *
     "Lemons tend to reveal a lot more too," Sean remarked offhand
to Chaos. He pointed to the tall brunette who was taking another
spoonful of Greenbeans' mounds of ice cream. "Take Makoto, for
example. She's been branded as a 'squirter' now whenever she
climaxes."
     Makoto froze, her head slowly turning in Sean's direction. Her
eyes narrowed.
     "Um...I didn't say I endorsed the whole 'gushing geyser'
effect," he said in an attempt to placate her.
     Makoto lifted her legs and swung her feet out from underneath
the table. "Are you saying that's wrong?" she challenged. "You
think I don't have the stamina for something like that?"
     "No! Your body shuddering in ecstasy when you have an orgasm
is perfectly valid too," Todd hastily added. 
     He was immediately cuffed upside the back of the head by
Greenbeans and Rei. "Stop encouraging her!" the two ladies
chorused.
     But it appeared Makoto was out to prove Sean wrong as she
positioned herself directly in front of him and spread her legs.
His lordship Chaos rolled his eyes as he saw what was happening.
"Makoto, don't you point that at him. Makoto, I mean it. Don't you
spray him with your--"

     *SQUIRT SQUIRT!*

Makoto: ;p [with a watergun] "Was it good for you too, Sean?"

Sean: [sliding down beneath the table] "Aiyeeee...I'm melting! I'm
melting! What a world, what a worrrrlllldd...."

     [Sean disappears beneath the table.]

Greenbeans: "You killed him, Makoto."

Table: *THUMP!*

Sean: >.< "Ow! My head!"


                         *    *    *
His lordship Chaos: "Yo, hold on. I got another call...Moshi
moshi?"

Beryl: [nekkid, with Jadeite kissing her feet!] ^-^ "WAZZUP?!"

His lordship Chaos: ^-^ "Wazzup?"

Ami: ^-^ "Wazzup?"

His lordship Chaos: :p "Aaaaaaaa!"

Beryl: :p "Aaaaaaa!"

His lordship Chaos: :p "I forgot my line."

Beryl: :p "Just keep doing this. Maybe no one will notice.
Aaaaaaa!"

His lordship Chaos: :p "Aaaaaaa!"

Beryl: :p "Aaaaaaa!"

His lordship Chaos: :p "Aaaaaaa!"

Beryl: :p "Aaaaaaa!"

His lordship Chaos: :p "Aaaaaaa!"


                         *    *    *
Mamoru: ^^v [leaping onto the scene] "Now this is a lemon--and a
Senshi--I could get into!"

Elios: [irately stomping onto the scene] "Hold it right there,
Tux-boy. You've hogged her enough in the lemon world--and you're
her dad to boot!"

Mamoru: >p "In your dreams, hornhead."

Elios: "They're wet dreams, I'll have you know! Beautiful wet
dreams too!"

Mamoru: "Oh yeah? Well my rod born of love's bigger than that pithy
little unicorn's stump on your head! How do you expect to satisfy
her with that?"

Elios: "It's not the size that counts, it's how you use--"

     [Elios abruptly breaks out laughing!]

Elios: ^-^ "Ha ha! Cut! I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

Mamoru: [chuckling] "Size doesn't matter, remembering your lines
does."

Elios: ^^; "I'll get it right next time, I swear!"

Sean: [turning to Chaos] "Maybe we should just unleash the tap-
dancing tentacles of these idiots, and call it a fic."

His lordship Chaos: "Don't tempt me."


                         *    *    *
     "Behold my Frankenfic," His lordship Chaos proclaimed, raising
his arms to welcome the creation into existence. "She is the
ultimate SM hentai plot device ever created!!"
     He abruptly paused.
     "No," he corrected himself. "I'm saying that too fast. She is
the ultimate SM hentai plot device ever created!! No...I'm still
saying it too fast."

Greenbeans: [feigning anticipation] "What is it, Chaos?"

His lordship Chaos: "That...that thing! That SM hentai thing!"

Todd: "Want me to say it instead?"

His lordship Chaos: "YES!"


                         *    *    *
     "So ChibiChibi escaped," Sean said to the other authors who
were anxiously pacing the floor of the Tomoe lab. He leaned back in
his chair. "What's the worst she could do? She's a disgustingly
cute midget!"
     "The most oversexed, disgustingly cute midget SM fanfiction
has ever seen too," Greenbeans retorted.
     Todd shook his head as he drank up another test tube of the
daimon Jello. "They said the same thing about Pikachu...yet look at
all the lemons with him."
     He paused to drink down another test tube of daimon Jello.
"But what we need to do is put a positive spin on this, and we'll
be fine. No flames--" He drank back another beaker. "And no evil
otaku burning us at the stake for being Sailormoon heretics."

His lordship Chaos: "Todd, stop drinking the props!"

Todd: "I'm thirsty, I can't help it."

Sean: "I've got a bottle full of that juice Rei was marinating in."

Greenbeans: [indignant] "Sean!"

Todd: "Do you take Mastercard?"

Greenbeans: [shocked] "Todd!!"


                         *    *    *
Beryl: [still on the phone] :p "Aaaaaaa!"

His lordship Chaos: :p "Aaaaaaa!"

Beryl: :p "Aaaaaaa!"

His lordship Chaos: :p "Aaaaaaa!"

Beryl: :p "How much longer do we have to do this? My face is
hurting."

His lordship Chaos: :p "I haven't the slightest idea. Aaaaaaaa!"

Beryl: :p "Aaaaaaa!"

His lordship Chaos: :p "Aaaaaaa!"

Beryl: :p "Aaaaaaa!"


                         *    *    *
     Todd recoiled across the room, clinging to wall as the gears
in his brain started to seize up. With little kawaii elephant heads
danced in the air behind him, he frantically pointed to Minako's
crotch while stuttering, "S-S-She-male!"
     Minako looked down at herself as if there was nothing wrong.
"What? No, I've actually got both."
     That didn't exactly help ease Todd's hysteria. "Both?!" the
terrified li'l SD author exclaimed. "Whaddaya mean 'both'? They're
not like a washer/dryer combo set!"
     "But I'm Aino Minako, the soldier of love!" she stated
proudly, striking a pose. "And how can I not love everyone if I
don't have all the right equipment?"

Todd: ^-^ [playing with her prosthetic rubber dildo] "Look, it's
gone limp!"

Minako: ^^;; [cracking up] "Cut! Cut!"


                         *    *    *
     Prince Demando sat in his dimly-lit throne room, a dark smile
across his face as he surveyed his prize. The woman he had always
longed for was at long last in his reach. "So, Queen Serenity," he
said in a smooth melodious voice. "At last I have you. To have my
way with you. The way I want to."
     Demando immediately picked up the Neo Queen Serenity plushie
and started talk in a bad falsetto voice. "'Oh no, I hate you, I
hate you! Leave me alone!'," he said, mimicking the queen.
     Suddenly he pulled out an Endymion plushie. "'Not so fast,
Demando!'" he countered, doing the best nasal-enriched voice he
could for Crystal Tokyo's king.
     "Endymion!" he exclaimed, going back to his own deep voice and
pulling out a Demando plushie for himself.
     The scene went downhill from there.     

Endymion plushie: "Yeah, it's me. I'm here to save my blonde
bombshell. How ya doin' odango-atama?"

Neo Queen Serenity plushie: "Mamo-chan, I told you never to call me
that in front of the villains!"

Demando plushie: "Well then, Endymion, it seems that I shall have
to destroy you. Bondage Queen Emeraude, take care of him!"

     [Cue a Viking longboat filled with Viking Doji monster
plushies!]

Demando plushie: [sweatdrop!] "Ano...you're not Emeraude."

Captain Todd plushie: "Attack! For the glory of the lemonfic, my
multi-appendaged friends! Get Serenity..and while you're at it, get
her out of that dress!"

     [The Viking Doji monster plushies all cheer!]

Viking monster plushie #1: "What about the two guys?"

Cptn. Todd plushie: [shrug!] "We could always sacrifice them to
appease the dark yaoi gods of fanservice."

Viking monster plushie #1: ^-^ "Hai!"

Endymion & Demando plushies: o.O;


                         *    *    *
     With a sigh, Greenbeans pulled out Haruka's Space Sword and
unsheathed the blade. "Oh, then I'll just fight."
     "Thus spake the bean," warbled Sean's voice from beneath the
root system.
     Greenbeans gawked. "Why do I have to get spanked?" she
protested.
     His lordship Chaos rolled his eyes. "'Spake' not 'spank',
Amanda. It would appear your Freudian slip is showing." After
seeing her facevault in embarrassment, he leaned over to Doom
Tree. "Her assimilation is progressing faster than expected. Not
bad."
     "Domo," a still flattened and twitching li'l Sean quipped.
     "So what do we do now?" Todd asked, turning to His lordship
Chaos.
     Chaos grinned confidently and nodded to himself. "I don't have
a clue."

Greenbeans: "Forget your line again?"

His lordship Chaos: ^-^; "Does it show?"

Sean: [grinning] "If I actually spank Amanda, think it'll help you
remember?"

His lordship Chaos: "Go for it!"

Greenbeans: "Wha? Hey, watch where you're groping there, buddy!"

Todd: [getting up] "While you guys consult the script, I'm going to
play me some pool."

Sean: "Just make sure it's not pocketpool!"

     [Todd facevaults!]


                         *    *    *
     Becoming frustrated, Sean decided to go with the familiar. 
"Perhaps Haruka simply isn't packaged properly," he said with a
smirk.
     The Senshi changed once more, this time wearing nothing more
than a layer of bubble wrap. "Pop me," she invited. That got the
author to raise an arch an eyebrow with intrigue. There was some
unidentifiable aspect of bubble wrap that prompted people to take
it up in their hands and squeeze the li'l bubbles. Sean wasn't
above using that to draw the bean into the fic.
     With an admirable amount of willpower, Greenbeans shook off
the lure of the bubble wrap and went back to her computer. "I can
get all the bubble wrap and packing peanuts that I want at
work."
     Sean groaned in frustration. Yet he wasn't one to give up
without a fight. "Alright, Haruka, if she won't come along
peacefully...lose the wrap!"
     Haruka gave a deliberate cough and reached out her hand to
Sean. He in turn fished out a few thousand yen of bribe money. "I
had better get reimbursed for this later," he muttered.
     Upon receiving her gratuity fee, Haruka then slowly removed
her entire wrap. All that remained was a pair of thong
panties...and the words "THIS SPACE FOR RENT" scrawled across her
bosoms in black marker.
     Greenbeans lost all her composure and cracked up.

Sean: [gesturing to Haruka's cleavage] "What are you laughing at,
Amanda? This is prime real estate here!"


                         *    *    *
     Sean carefully slid out from the booth and started searching
the Crown restaurant himself. "Is that the best you can do,
ChibiChibi? I know I can be much more original. What are you going
to do next, have Haruna-sensei start spanking all her bad students
again? Or maybe you'll pull some stunt with Mamoru and Chibiusa;
that'll really make you popular with the readers."
     ChibiChibi shot back with a contemptuous laugh. "Oh, please!
I read all about your avatar and Hotaru. What makes you think that
you can play with the big boys of hentai?"
     Sean looked out to the other authors to see if they'd had any
luck. After tackling a hapless old granny and discovering she
wasn't ChibiChibi, Todd shrugged. From the other side of the
restaurant, Greenbeans shook her head after feeling up a not overly
protesting Unazuki.
     "Oh yeah, well let me give you a lesson or two, Miss 'I'm So
Original'," Sean retorted, looking out the windows to the street
below. But all he could see was Setsuna's DeLorean. "Where's your
innovation? Why not set your plotlines higher? How about trying
something where the guy you're talking to actually remembers his
next line!"

ChibiChibi: "How about Greenbeans? Does she know her lines?"

Sean: "Hang on. Amanda, what am I supposed to say next?"

Greenbeans: [shouting across the restaurant] "Sean no baka!"

Todd: ^-^ "I'm sure that one can get worked into the script
somewhere."

Sean: "Hush, cannon fodder-boy!"


                         *    *    *
     ChibiChibi (heart-haired ankle-biter that she was) was busy
removing her tophat and cape. Then she raised her tiny clenched
fists; neatly held between each finger was a large and colourful
peacock feather. 
     "Masaka," Michiru whispered. "Not the feather tickle
torture...."
     The leer on ChibiChibi's masked face was unmistakable as she
started to slowly advance on the hapless Outers. "Chibi chibi."

     [Cue Todd Foster swinging across the living room on a vine,
dressed in loincloth and giving his best Tarzan yell!]

Todd: "Aaaaaaa-weyah-weyaaaaaaaaaaaaaah aweyaaaaaaah!"

ChibiChibi: o.O; [blink blink!] "Chibi?"

Subtitle: *What the hey?*


                         *    *    *
His lordship Chaos: [trying to shake the Kaolinite blow-up doll off
his leg] "Get off! Sit! Heel! Bad doll, bad doll!"

Todd: [amused] "Do you need some help?"

His lordship Chaos: [still shaking his leg] "I need a restraining
order, that's what."

Greenbeans: ^-^ "Aw, but it looks like love at first sight to me."

Sean: "Actually, I think Chibi-Me's getting jealous."

His lordship Chaos: --;; "Aha haaaaaaa...cute."


                         *    *    *
     Returning to the lemon at hand (which is indeed worth two in
the bush), the authors regrouped at Jyuban High's change rooms. Yet
the locker room was oddly void of nubile female students and
rampant nekkid flashes. This naturally raised questions about what
kind of lemon this was.
     Was it a half-assed lemon?
     Was it a whole-assed lemon?
     And if the latter was the case, would all of you reading this
get Sailor Mooned by said ass?
     Todd was the last of the four authors to enter the girls'
change room, busy checking out a copy of "Pretty Fly (For A
Hentai)" to see what all the death threats and lawsuits were about.

     *WHAM!*

Todd: >.< [pressing his palms against his forehead] "Ow! I walked
into the computer screen!"

Nurse Minako: ^-^ [boing!] "Daijobu, I'm here to help you, Todd!"

Todd: o.O [getting dragged off by Nurse Minako] "TASUKETEEEEEE!!"

His lordship Chaos: [saluting Todd] "Better you than us."

Sean: "You noble sacrifice shall not be forgotten when we have a
self-gratuitous moments, Todd."

Greenbeans: "Which version of Minako is that anyways?"

His lordship Chaos: [still saluting] "It's best you don't ask."

Greenbeans: >.< "Ouch. Poor Todd."


                         *    *    *
     Michiru stood up from the couch and headed towards the
kitchen. "I think I can solve this," she said, disappearing
momentarily around the corner. She returned pushing a large game
show wheel with pictures of the Inner Senshi decorating its face.
     Haruka applauded her lover's sage idea and jumped off the
couch. "Brilliant! But I get to spin the wheel this time!"
     "Hai hai," Michiru replied. "But remember, it has to go all
the way around once, or it doesn't count."
     "I'm not trying to fix our menage tonight, Michiru," Haruka
said as she cracked her knuckles, advancing on the wheel. "I just
want fanservice, period."
     With that, the tall sandy-blonde grappled onto the edge of the
wheel and let loose with an incredible spin. However, Haruka had
underestimated her strength, and the wheel was torn from its axle.
     The two surprised Outers watched the wheel roll right across
their living room and off the set, crashing into one of the
cameras.

His lordship Chaos: o.O "Um...cut?"

Haruka: ^^;; "Oops."

Sean: "Next on Wheel of Misfortune, Amanda here will dress up as
Vanna White and spell out a four-letter word on the board!"

Greenbeans: o.O "I'll what?!"


                         *    *    *
     Suddenly a little red Go-cart pulled up in front of the four
authors. The driver, with his dark skin and purplish-white hair,
was reclining in the chair. His jacket was left open, revealing his
bare chest. With a cocky grin he turned to the stunned group of
authors.

Akio: ^-^ "Need a lift?"

Todd: [trying not to laugh] "Been downsized at Ohtori Academy, have
we?"

Sean: [lying on the front of the Go-cart] "Hang on; I think I might
be able to sprawl myself out on the front hood here!"

Greenbeans: [waving her fist in the air] "Lower gas mileage, for
the revolution of the lemon!"


                         *    *    *
     "I just want us to get it right. There's a trick to getting
the proper kind of momentum for a sex scene," His lordship Chaos
explained to the other authors. "You put arms out. You thrust your
pelvis." 
     And with that he made an exaggerated pelvic thrust with a loud
"Uuh!" for sound effects. 

His lordship Chaos: "You thrust your pelvis--Uuh! You thrust your
pelvis--Uuh! You thrust your pelvis--Uuh! You thrust your pelvis!"

     [Sean abruptly pulls a cord, and Chaos falls through a
trapdoor! A loud splash is heard from below.]

Todd: [looking down at the trapdoor] "Just where did you get that
anyways?"


                         *    *    *
     "Well, evidently the mallet failed to work," Sean said,
keeping Hotaru close to his side. "Any other bright ideas on how to
eradicate an over-sexed ChibiChibi plot device?"
     Suddenly, the ceiling above ChibiChibi collapsed and an object
from above came punching through the crystalline material in a
rainfall of dust and debris. She only had the chance to let out a
startled "Chibi!" before she was unceremoniously crushed underneath
the falling object's full weight.
     There was a short and awkward moment of silence as the three
authors waited for the dust to clear. Small shards of debris still
tumbled down from above at random intervals. And as the dustcloud
settled, it revealed His lordship Chaos bouncing off a white
toilet, with the grace of a one-legged swan trying to land.

His lordship Chaos: o.O; [ack!] "Stunt double! Stunt double!"

Todd: [watching Chaos crash onto the floor] "Maybe we should invest
in seatbelts for the guy."


                         *    *    *
Haruka: [with Beans draped over her lap] "Oh, you naughty
authoress, you! You deserve a good spanking for being in this fic.
Naughty naughty naughty!"

Greenbeans: ^^v "Oooh, I'm all tingly."

     [Laughter off-screen is heard.]

His lordship Chaos: [snickering] "Should we cut this?"

Sean: "Are you kidding? Keep rolling, man!"

Todd: "Close-up! Close-up!"


                         *    *    *
     With that, she slammed the receiver down and retreated to the
bathroom. That call had left her in a bad mood as she stripped
down, but once she slipped into the steamy waters Rei found herself
forgetting everything but the pleasant tingling of her nerves.
     "Aaah," she sighed, lightly fondling her breasts. "This is the
fansubbed life."
     Suddenly the door to the bathing room was thrown back,
revealing the silhouette of the vertically-challenged Tuxedo
ChibiChibi! 

     [Cue the Psycho theme music!]

     Rei screamed in vain as ChibiChibi abruptly tripped on her
cape, and with a startled squawk faceplanted onto the floor.

His lordship Chaos: [off-screen] "Cut! Well there goes that
dramatic tension."

ChibiChibi: @.@ [in a British accent] "That bloody well hurt."

Sean: "Can we get a tech-boy in here to peel ChibiChibi off the
floor?"


                         *    *    *
     [The camera suddenly cuts to a scene to outdoors. Pink sakura
blossoms drift down through the air as two star-crossed lovers meet
to make their confession of love.]

His lordship Chaos: "A-Ano...."

Akio: "What is it?"

His lordship Chaos: "I...um...I've just realized that...."

Akio: "Yes?"

His lordship Chaos: [melodramatic delivery] "I LOVE YOU!!!"

Akio: o.O;; "You love me? Wait...I just realized I love you too."

     [The two ignore the obvious snickering off-screen.]

His lordship Chaos: [striking a pose] "Quick! To the Akiomobile!"

Akio: "I'll get the Go-cart!"


                         *    *    *
     In the royal palace, things were not boding well for the
heiress to Crystal Tokyo. Even when trying to make use of the
kawaii teary Bambi eyes (which didn't quite work on a teenager as
old as she was), Chibiusa found herself being denied of any sex for
the night.
     "Pleeeease?" she implored as she crawled on all fours across
the covers of their bed, trying to look as sexually enticing as
possible.
     An equally aged Hotaru emphatically crossed her arms over her
naked chest. "I'm telling you, Chibiusa-chan, I've had it," she
stated. "You just aren't satisfying me anymore as a lover."
     Chibiusa tried not to look disappointed. It was time to bring
out the proverbial big guns. "Well I've got something to make your
libido think twice about my performance," she said, hauling out her
laptop and placing it on the silken sheets.
     Hotaru somewhat skeptically appraised what was on the screen.
"A Sailormoon lemon? I hate lemons."
     "But this is about us, Hotaru-chan!"
     Upon hearing that, Hotaru suddenly burst into laughter.

Hotaru: ^-^ "I'm sorry, but this is too funny. I still can't
believe people think we're an item."

Chibiusa: [giggling] "Silly otaku."

His lordship Chaos: [off-screen] "Are you two actually going to get
this scene done without laughing in the middle of your dialogue, or
what?"

Todd: "That's the tenth take they've botched already."

Greenbeans: "If anyone needs me, I'll be at lunch."

Havoc: ^-^ "Hotcha! Hento box lunches for everyone!"

Greenbeans: "I'm feeling a draft...(o.O;) Havoc, give me those
panties back!"

Havoc: [bounding across the set] "Silken treasures for the
Hentenno!"

Sean: [watching Havoc strip the other Senshi nekkid] "Chaos, just
what do you feed that guy anyways?"

His lordship Chaos: [shrug!] "Hey, come on. Havoc's got a normal
testosterone level...if he was a herd of bull elephants during the
rutting season."

Todd: "I see Haruka's making it rather difficult for Beans to get
her Hello Kitty panties back."

Sean: "We really should do something to help. I'll get the video
recorder."

Todd: "I'll get the popcorn."

Havoc: ^-^ [boing boing boing!] "Wohohoooo!"

Greenbeans: "Give me back my underwear, you perverted excuse for an
avatar! And Haruka, would you stop fondling me?"

Haruka: "Never! I refuse to let that Quistis bitch have you all to
herself."

Greenbeans: [grrrr!] "Don't make me instruct you, Haruka!"


                         *    *    *
     With a diabolical laugh, His lordship Chaos took another drink
of Sake. "You see, I'm the financier of this little venture," he
explained. "I'm the Iron Chef to you three little Cheflettes. I am
the Professor Tomoe to your Witches 5."

Todd: "I call Eudial!"

Sean: "I'll be Cyprine!"

Greenbeans: [pouting] "Hey! That means I have to be bubblehead
Mimete."

     His lordship Chaos gestured to the authors, one at a time. "We
need Greenbeans here as a draw to sucker people into reading this.
In seeing her name on the list of contributing authors, otaku are
bound to scramble to read the story. And all too quickly they'll
realize that it was all a trap. Yet they won't be able to escape
and...and...oh, stop it."

Greenbeans: "Ano...what is it?"

Sean: "Are you okay?"

Todd: "You're asking this after seeing what he's got planned for
the rest of this fic?"

His lordship Chaos "That's just it: I don't want to do this. I
don't want to be an author anymore. I don't want to rant on all day
about what Crystal Tokyo might be like, or doing a character sketch
on Ami. I wanted to be...an avatar!"

     [The Lumberjack Song begins, slowly growing to a loud
crescendo. Greenbeans, Sean & Todd suddenly appear in behind Chaos,
patriotically humming along with the music.]

His lordship Chaos: "Leaping from season to season of Sailor Moon
and self-inserting myself at will, like those other great author
avatars: the necrophiliac Great Red Serpent; the ego-crazed General
Peterson; that useless trio of Chase, David and Richard!"

Todd: "That plucky little incestuous kitsune called David
Kintobar!"

Greenbeans: "The lofty pointlessness of Mike 'Ranger Saturn'
Matthews!"

Sean: "The flatulent antics of Tuxedo Chris Cadwell!"

His lordship Chaos: "With those godlike authors as my guides, I'd
sing. Sing! SING!!"

     [Cue the song!]

Chaos:              Oh, I'm an avatar
                    And I'm O.K.
                    I write myself
                    Into Anime

The authors:        He's an avatar
                    And he's O.K.
                    He writes himself
                    Into Anime

Chaos:              I'm so damn strong
                    I'm so damn suave
                    I've got supremacy
                    In lemons I wear nothing
                    And have orgies with Senshi

The authors:        He's so damn strong
                    He's so damn suave
                    He's got supremacy
                    In lemons he wears nothing
                    And has orgies with Senshi

Everyone:           He's an avatar
                    And he's O.K.
                    He writes himself
                    Into Anime

Chaos:              My plots are bland
                    The clich‚s wrong
                    But I can drive sportscars
                    I dress up like a daemon,
                    Get spanked by Sailor Mars!

The authors:        His plots are bland
                    The clich‚s wrong
                    But he can drive sportscars
                    He dresses like a daemon
                    And gets spanked by...Sailor Mars?

Everyone:           He's an avatar
                    And he's O.K.
                    He writes himself
                    Into Anime
 
Chaos:              I show up with
                    A nine foot schlong
                    I love Chibiusa
                    I want to be a hermie
                    Just like that guy, Osca'!

The authors:        He shows up with
                    A nine foot schlong? 
                    He loves...Chibiusa?!


     [His lordship Chaos emerges, dressed up in a spandex Sailor
Starlight outfit!]

Chaos: ^-^          Make-up, indeed!

The authors:        ...He's an avatar
                    And he's OKAY
                    He writes himself
                    Into Anime

                    He's an avatar
                    And he's OKAAAAAAAA
                    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
                    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
                    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
                    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
                    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
                    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
                    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
                    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
                    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-- 

Sean:               Shouldn't we need to breathe
                    right about now?

Everyone: (o.O)     *GASP!*
                    --AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
                    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
                    AAAAAAAAAAAAYYY!!
                    He writes himself
                    Into Anime!






     [The End! Or a reasonable facsimile thereof.]