Vision

	When a person dies, where do they go? Is there such a place as 
Heaven, the kingdom of eternal bliss? Is there such a place as Hell, the 
wasteland of eternal pain? Or do departed souls simply disappear, as if 
they never existed at all?

	Those questions were on my mind one Friday morning when the 
golden light of daybreak awoke me from my dreams, long before I had set 
my alarm clock to go off. I doubted anybody else was awake. Dead silence 
filled the air, broken only by the sound of my own soft breathing and 
the occasional groan of the settling house. In my younger years, I might 
have been scared to lie awake in that dim darkness, knowing everyone 
else was still asleep, but instead of fear, I only felt loneliness. A 
deep, dark loneliness…

	Six months ago today, okaa-san died. I still hadn’t completely 
gotten over it and I supposed I never would. The death of a loved one 
certainly wasn’t something a person could so quickly accept and heal, 
like a broken leg or hurt feelings. Death was final. Death was forever. 
Death was death, and nothing I could do would ever bring her back to us, 
no matter how much I wished for such a thing.

	And, oh, how I wished! 

	Laying face up, I stared at the ceiling, my fingers laced 
together and sitting behind my head. I wondered if she was looking down 
at me from heaven, if there was such a place. I decided I rather liked 
the idea of okaa-san being an angel. It suited her. 

	Through the thin walls between my and otou-san’s room, I heard 
his alarm clock go off, ringing simultaneously with mine. Breakfast 
would be ready soon. I threw the blankets off my body and finally sat up 
in bed, rubbing the final remnants of sleep out of my eyes before 
heading to the closet to dress.

	“Touya-kun, breakfast will be ready in about ten minutes,” my 
father’s voice said, coming from outside my bedroom door.  

	“Hai, otou-san,” I called out, pulling my T-shirt over my head.

	I quickly finished dressing and went downstairs to the 
combination kitchen and dining room, finding otou-san flipping pancakes 
at the stove and my little sister Sakura already sitting at the table, 
happily playing with her plastic silverware. I made sure to ruffle her 
messy brown hair as I passed by her chair to my seat, knowing it always 
annoyed her. “Ohayo, kaijuu,” I greeted Sakura.

	“I’m not a monster!” the little runt squealed, trying to set her 
hair back into some semblance of order. “You’re such a meanie, onii-
chan!”

	Otou-san smiled in amusement, setting a stack of hot pancakes in 
front of each of us before taking his seat beside Sakura. He was used to 
our teasing. “Ohayo, Touya-kun.”   

	“Ohayo, otou-san,” I said, reaching across the table for the 
bottle of maple syrup.

	For the first time, I noticed a brand new picture frame holding 
an old magazine photo of okaa-san placed at the usual place of honor in 
front of the chair okaa-san would have been sitting in had she still 
been alive. It had been otou-san’s idea to keep the photographs out 
after the funeral, saying he wanted us to remember her like that: happy, 
peaceful, beautiful. Instead of grabbing the bottle, I took the frame in 
my hands and stared at the magazine spread, a strange feeling washing 
over me. 

	Okaa-san…

	“Touya-kun, is something wrong?” otou-san asked.

	I shook my head, putting the wooden frame back in it spot on the 
table. “I’m fine,” I replied, not knowing if I was lying or not.

	Otou-san didn’t seem convinced, but he didn’t ask any more 
questions after that, for which I was grateful. I didn’t want to talk 
about okaa-san. 

	After breakfast, otou-san left to work on some important 
research at the university. He was a very busy professor of archeology, 
so it was not an unusual occurrence for us to be on our own for much of 
the day. We were used to it.

	While otou-san was gone, it was our job to do the household 
chores. My first chore of the day was washing the breakfast dishes, so I 
gathered the dirty plates and walked over to the sink, mindful of the 
fact Sakura stood right behind me. She pulled on the leg of my jeans 
after I put the dishes in the sink and turned on the faucet, looking up 
at me with those large green eyes. “I wanna help, onii-chan,” she said. 
“Pretty please!”

	“No way, squirt,” I replied, stepping on the small stool we kept 
nearby so I could reach the sink. “You’re too little to do dishes. This 
is a big kid’s job.”

	“I’m a big kid. See?” Sakura grabbed onto one of the drawer 
handles, precariously standing on her tiptoes. Even with the extra 
height, she barely reached over my knees. 

	I laughed, soaking a sponge in the soapy, lemon-scented water. 
After I squeezed out the excess water, I tossed the sponge toward her, 
accidentally on purpose hitting her head. “Here, kaijuu. Go wipe the 
table and stop bugging me.”

	“I’m NOT a monster!”

	“Go tell it to somebody who cares.”

	Sakura stuck her tiny pink tongue out at me before climbing back 
on her chair to clean the kitchen table. 

	Shaking my head as I tried to hold back my laughter, I got back 
to work washing the dirty dishes. It really was too easy to torment her. 
All I had to do was mention the word “kaijuu” and Sakura was thoroughly 
offended. Of course, I didn’t really think she was a monster. It was 
just a silly nickname I gave her the day she came home from the hospital 
three years ago because I was jealous of all the attention okaa-san and 
otou-san lavished on her. Somehow, the name kind of stuck through the 
years, and now I didn’t really care to break the habit. Besides, it was 
just too much fun to tease her.

	While I washed the dishes, I found myself staring out the small 
window above the sink, as I usually did. It provided a nice view of our 
backyard, blooming with colorful summer flowers. Both our parents loved 
plants, so we always had the most gorgeous gardens. Looking out, I 
smiled at the sight of dozens upon dozens of nadeshiko flowers covering 
the ground, thinking they looked as beautiful as the woman who shared 
their name. However, it wasn’t the pretty pink flowers which held my 
attention.

	For some reason, my eyes were drawn to the sakura tree, or as 
Sakura always liked to say, HER tree, standing in the far corner of the 
yard, still pretty even without its trademark April blossoms. From one 
of its bare branches, an old tire swing rocked back and forth in the 
summer breeze, like a hypnotist’s pocket watch. 

	I still remembered the day otou-san made that swing. It had been 
summer, a day very much like today. Sakura was still a baby at the time 
and I couldn’t have been more than eight. I remembered after otou-san 
hung the tire from the branch and made sure it was sturdy, okaa-san put 
me and Sakura in the swing and gently pushed us back and forth, our 
laughter ringing in the air…

	Suddenly, the plate I was wiping slipped from my fingers and 
crashed to the floor, shattering to a thousand tiny pieces.

	“Onii-chan?” Sakura asked, though I barely heard her.

	It couldn’t be. It wasn’t possible.

	Thinking my eyes were playing a cruel joke on me, I blinked, 
fully expecting the illusion to disappear. But it didn’t. It only became 
more real.

	Okaa-san sat inside the tire, laughing as she made the swing 
twirl around like a top. 

	Watching her, I felt the blood draining from my face. She was 
dead. It couldn’t be her. Yet, she appeared as real as I, if only 
somewhat paler than I remembered. I could practically see right through 
her.

	“Onii-chan, what’s wrong?” my sister asked again as she 
approached me, her voice betraying a small twinge of fear. “You’re 
scaring me…”

	Using all my strength, I forced myself to tear my gaze away from 
my mother and turn back around. “It’s nothing, Sakura,” I assured her. 
“Stay away from the glass. I’ll clean it up.”

	I jumped off the stool and over the shattered pieces of the 
plate, retrieving the broom and dustpan from the pantry. I then cleaned 
up the mess and tossed the glass into the trashcan, still a little 
shaken. 

	Sakura watched me with widened eyes. “Onii-chan…”

	“It’s nothing, kaijuu,” I repeated, stepping back on the stool. 
“Go to your room and play. I’ll take care of all the chores today.”

	With a small nod, she left the kitchen and I finished washing 
the dishes, trying to forget what I saw.

	And outside, the tire swing was once again abandoned, rocking in 
the wind…

******

	A week later, I sat at the desk in my room, attempting to 
complete my summer homework. The second trimester of school would be 
starting in a few days, and while I had done most of my work at the 
beginning of vacation, I still needed to finish my math exercises and 
the picture diary. But concentrating on my schoolwork proved to be a 
futile activity, as my mind kept returning to what I saw that day.

	Was I going insane? I still hadn’t told otou-san or Sakura about 
seeing okaa-san sitting in the tire swing, afraid they wouldn’t believe 
me. If I were them, I wouldn’t believe me either. The whole thing was 
ridiculous! Okaa-san was gone. It couldn’t have been her I saw, unless…

	I threw my pencil aside and buried my face in my hands, trying 
to block the idea from my mind. No way. There was absolutely no way 
okaa-san could be a ghost. Ghosts were things of campfire stories and 
really bad B movies, a figment of people’s overactive imaginations. They 
weren’t real and I refused to believe I had seen one. There had to be 
some other logical explanation. But what?

	Someone knocked on the door to my bedroom, breaking my thoughts. 
I quickly pretended to be working on my worksheet before telling whoever 
it was to come in. 

	Otou-san opened the door and popped his head inside my room. 
"Oh, Touya-kun, I didn’t mean to interrupt your studies,” he said, 
seeing me hunched over my desk.

	“That’s okay, otou-san,” I replied, turning around in my chair. 
It wasn’t as if I was actually working on my homework anyway. “Did you 
need something?”

	He scratched the back of his head, as if he was contemplating 
asking me or not. “Well, Sakura-san wants to go to the summer festival 
over at the local shrine and since I’m working on some research for that 
big conference, I was hoping you could take her, but if you need to work 
on your summer homework…”

	“I’m almost done,” I said, thinking a change of scenery might do 
me good. “I can finish the rest tomorrow, so I don’t mind going to the 
festival.”   

	“Are you sure, Touya-kun?” he asked, probably surprised that it 
had been so easy to convince me to look after my little sister. Usually, 
babysitting was not my idea of a fun time, but I was willing to try 
anything to get my mind off okaa-san.

	“Hai. It’ll be fun.”

	“Goodie!” another voice said, its owner coming out of hiding 
behind the opened door. Sakura, already dressed in the beautiful kimono 
otou-san made for her, smiled cheerfully. “Arigatou, onii-chan!”

	“Yeah, yeah, don’t mention it,” I said, walking over and 
kneeling in front of her. “You just better be on your best behavior, 
kaijuu, or the kami-sama who lives in the shrine… Oh, you don’t want to 
know what the kami-sama does to bad little girls.”

	Irish eyes widened. “What, onii-chan? What does he do?”

	I paused for dramatic effect before answering her question, 
quite enjoying the look of fear in her eyes. “The kami-sama eats them!” 
I whispered loudly in her ear.

	Whimpering, Sakura hid behind otou-san, her short arms wrapped 
tightly around his leg. “Is that true, otou-san?” she asked. “Does the 
kami-sama really eat bad little girls?”

	Otou-san shook his head, patting her hair in comfort. “I don’t 
think you have anything to be worried about, Sakura-chan, although I do 
want you to behave for your brother, okay?”

	“Hai! I will!”

	After otou-san gave me a few instructions and a little money to 
spend at the festival, I got dressed in my kimono and about fifteen 
minutes later, Sakura and I headed to the small Shinto shrine just two 
blocks down from our house. 

	When we arrived, the festival had just begun, although the 
shrine’s grounds were already quite crowded with other kimono-clad 
visitors. Sakura squealed with excitement as we walked through the torii 
at the entrance, enchanted with the festive atmosphere, and even I had 
to admit it looked fun. There were tons of booths set up around the 
shrine, offering different kinds of entertainment. Some were concession 
stands, selling anything from powder-pink cotton candy to corn dogs to 
sushi. Others offered customers the chance to win plush toys and other 
silly little prizes by playing carnival games. And of course, a couple 
of the shrine’s pretty mikos were selling good luck charms in the booth 
nearest to the shrine, their line of customers mostly consisting of 
adoring young men and silly schoolgirls wanting luck in catching their 
sempai’s eye. With all the choices available, it was hard to choose what 
to do first.

	“So, where do you want to go, squirt?” I asked. “Do you want to 
play a game? That ring toss booth looks fun.”

	Sakura placed a finger on her chin in mock concentration, 
looking around at all the brightly painted booths. I rolled my eyes 
after a few minutes of waiting for her to make up her mind, realizing it 
had been a mistake to let her choose, but just as I was about to lead 
her to the aforementioned ring toss, she tugged on my sleeve, pointing 
in the direction of a concession stand. I heard her tummy growl, 
reminding me we hadn’t eaten dinner yet. “I’m hungry, onii-chan,” Sakura 
said. “Let‘s get some ice cream.”

	“I don’t know. Shouldn’t we eat something a little more 
nutritious?” I asked, even as I felt my own stomach rumble in hunger. A 
vanilla ice cream cone covered in rainbow-hued sprinkles did sound 
pretty delicious right about now, especially in the summer heat.

	“Please…” she begged.

	“Okay, okay,” I finally agreed, getting in the short line to 
order. “After all, it would not be a good idea to let the little monster 
go hungry. You might decide to eat me instead.”

	“Onii-chan!”   

	Ignoring the rather nasty glare my sister gave me, I bought two 
ice cream cones from the vendor. I handed the small strawberry cone to 
Sakura, keeping the vanilla one for me, and then we went for a walk 
around the festival, taking in the sights while we ate.

	“Oh, onii-chan, look!” Sakura exclaimed as we came across the 
shrine’s sacred tree, illuminated by a strand of paper lanterns hung 
across the branches. “A pretty birdie!” 

	She stopped in her tracks and pointed toward a regal black crow 
perched in the tree, forgetting all about the half-eaten ice cream cone 
in her hand. The sweet treat slipped from her excited fingers and onto 
the ground, bringing tears to Sakura’s eyes once she realized what 
happened. Her lips curled in a tiny pout. “My ice cream…” she whispered 
mournfully, looking down at the ruined cone as the crow flapped its 
wings and flew away.

	“Oh, jeez, Sakura, don‘t start crying…” I pleaded, though it was 
already too late. A tear was already starting to run down her cheek.

	Sakura sniffled, wiping away the tear with the sleeve of her 
kimono before beginning to sob in her hands. “My ice cream…”

	“Please don‘t cry, Sakura,” I repeated again, in a much softer 
voice than before. “I’ll buy you another ice cream cone, okay?”

	Kneeling in front of her, I pulled her hands away from her face 
and wiped away her tears with the napkin from my ice cream cone, which I 
had already finished eating. If there was one thing I hated, it was 
seeing my sister cry. Sure, I liked to tease and torture my little 
sister as much as the next big brother, but that didn’t mean I ever 
wanted to see her sad or hurt. 

	“Really, onii-chan?” Sakura asked, once her sobs had subsided. 
“Do you really mean it? You’ll buy me another one?”

	“Sure. I’ll even buy you two if you want.”

	“Arigatou!” Before I knew it, the cheerful Sakura was back, a 
huge grin on her face. She threw her arms around me, hugging me in 
gratitude. 

	“Ahhh! The monster is squeezing me to death! Somebody help me!” 
I teased, standing back up with the little kaijuu still hanging from 
neck.

	“Onii-chan, I’m NOT a… Onii-chan?”

	Not again.

	Slowly, I set Sakura back on the ground, feeling my heart pound 
against my rib cage. It couldn’t be…

	Underneath the sacred tree, a woman stood, staring at us with a 
look of love in her emerald green eyes. Wavy silver hair framed her 
lovely face and her pale skin seemed to glow with a light all its own. I 
took in a sharp breath, recognizing the woman I saw spinning in the tire 
swing one week ago. 

	“Why are you here, okaa-san?” I asked in a hoarse voice, 
entranced by the apparition.

	The ethereal vision smiled softly, her eyes falling on her 
daughter for a moment before locking with mine. Beside me, I felt Sakura 
tugging on my sleeve. “Onii-chan, why are you talking to okaa-san?” 
Sakura asked, confused. “Otou-san said she’s in heaven, remember?”

	No, Sakura, okaa-san wasn’t in heaven. She was here, on Earth, 
leaning against a tree as she smiled at us. Or was she? Didn’t Sakura 
see her? Okaa-san was standing right in front of us, and yet my sister 
didn’t appear to notice her presence.

	“Sakura, you don’t see her?” I asked. “Okaa-san is standing 
underneath the sacred tree. Can’t you see her?”

	Sakura shook her head, squeezing my hand tightly in fear. “Onii
-chan, you’re scaring me,” she whispered. “Please don‘t tease me like 
that. It‘s not very nice.”

	“You really don’t see her?” I asked again, slowly walking toward 
the glowing woman. Something unexplainable drew me to her, even if she 
wasn’t real. Could she really be… 

	“A ghost?”

	My sister’s grip on my hand suddenly tightened at my words, 
holding me back. “I’m scared,” Sakura repeated, her voice shaking as she 
tried to hold back her tears. She buried her face in my robe, her other 
hand gripping the silken fabric as if were a treasured security blanket. 
“Ghosts are scary! Tell her to go away, onii-chan. Please!”

	I finally looked away from okaa-san, focusing my attention back 
to my little sister, who began crying into my kimono. Sakura really was 
afraid, wasn’t she? If I had known it would upset her so much, I never 
would have told her about seeing our mother.

	Surprisingly enough, however, my own fear seemed to have 
disappeared, replaced instead by curiosity. Why was she here and why was 
I the only one able to see her? But those questions would have to wait 
for another day, for I had no desire to frighten my little sister any 
further.  

	“It’s okay, Sakura,” I assured her, resting my hand on top of 
her head in comfort. “She’s gone.”

	“Really?” Sakura glanced up and sniffled, wiping her snotty nose 
with her sleeve.

	I handed her my napkin and ruffled her hair, forcing a smile on 
my face. “Yeah, kaijuu. I was just teasing you. Good one, huh? Now, what 
do you say we go get you another ice cream cone?” 

	“Hai! Let‘s go!”

	Excited, Sakura pulled me back toward the ice cream stand and we 
got in line, but as we waited for the man and his son in front of us to 
get their order, I looked over my shoulder one last time at the woman 
still standing underneath the sacred tree. She gave me a soft smile 
before fading into nothingness, and I sighed.

	Okaa-san… Why?

*****

 	Why, okaa-san? Why?

	For what seemed like the millionth time since the night of the 
summer festival, I asked myself that question, always getting the same 
answer in return. I didn’t know why she was here, and quite frankly, 
sometimes I thought it was better that way. Maybe I didn’t want to know. 
Without answers, I could always imagine what I wanted to believe, 
instead of facing the truth of the matter. What was it they always said? 
Ignorance is bliss? That’s the way I felt sometimes. Ignorance was 
bliss. It was easier than dealing with the idea that my deceased mother 
was a ghost, or spirit, or whatever it is she was, and that I could see 
her.

	However, another part of me, the stronger part, wanted to know 
the truth. I wanted to know why okaa-san was here and, more importantly, 
why she only appeared to me. Why not Sakura? Or otou-san? I knew my 
father would love to see her again. He tried to be brave for the sake of 
me and my sister, but okaa-san’s death had affected him more than 
anyone. It would be a dream come true if otou-san could see her one more 
time, even if only for a moment. So, why me, and not him?

	“Touya-kun, remember you have school tomorrow,” my father’s 
voice said, passing by my room. “Don’t stay up too late.”

	“Hai, otou-san.”

	After putting away the last of my completed summer homework in 
my backpack, I turned off the light switch and crawled into bed, 
although I doubted I would be able to sleep. Slumber had not come easily 
for me over the last couple of days. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw 
my mother’s pale face smiling at me, and it was only from pure 
exhaustion I managed to get any sleep at all, little as it was.

	And so it was again tonight. I tossed and turned in my bed for a 
good hour or so until I decided to finally give up my battle for sleep 
and just look out the open window at the full moon, glowing in the dark 
midnight sky. The sight calmed me somewhat, the moon’s soft luminance 
falling over my face like a lover’s caress. I sighed, rolling on my side 
so I had a better view.

	“Why?” I whispered to the moon, my only companion in the lonely 
night. “Why is she here?”

	A light breeze came through the window, causing the curtains to 
flutter ever so slightly. I pulled my blanket closer to my body, 
shivering. The summer night air was rather cold tonight, wasn’t it? 
Getting out of bed with the blanket still wrapped around my shoulders, I 
walked over to the window and closed it.

	When I turned back around, she was there.

	“Okaa-san?” I whispered, frozen in my spot by the window.

	The transparent vision nodded, kneeling down in front of me. She 
stroked my cheek, so lightly I barely felt her touch, and smiled. 	

	“My dear Touya, you’ve grown,” the apparition said, her sweetly 
high-pitched voice echoing in my head as her lips moved. It startled me 
at first, hearing her like that, but I soon became accustomed to the 
unusual link of communication, accepting the fact that ghosts didn’t 
have to obey the laws of science. Her very existence proved that to be 
true.

	“I missed you, okaa-san,” I finally said hoarsely, wiping away a 
wayward tear which managed to roll down my face with my hand. “So, so 
much.”

	“And I, you.”

	Our eyes met, both of us seeking assurance that what we were 
seeing was real, or at least as real as real could be when one dealed 
with such a remarkable event. I longed to hug her, but stopped myself 
from doing so, still afraid her presence might be a figment of my 
imagination. If it was, then I didn’t want it to disappear. I wanted it 
to last forever.

	“Why?” I asked her once I managed to find my voice again. “Why 
are you here? And why ca-”

	Bringing her finger to my lips, okaa-san laughed. “So full of 
questions, aren’t we?” she teased, standing back up and floating over to 
my bed. “Let me tuck you in, and I’ll tell you everything you want to 
know.” 

	She patted the mattress beside her and I climbed back in, 
allowing her to wrap me with the blanket. “Why?” I asked again, once I 
was settled.

	“Because you have a very special gift, Touya-kun,” she answered, 
her weightless hands covering mine. On her left hand, her golden wedding 
band sparkled in the silver moonlight from around one of her long, 
pianist's fingers. I was momentarily reminded of all the afternoons we 
spent together, practicing on the organ in the living room, and how fast 
her fingers had moved across the keys, but I shook the memory away and 
glanced up at my mother.

	My eyes widened. “A gift?”

	“Yes, you were born with the power to see into the spirit world, 
like me,” she explained. “Your father and sister don’t have that gift, 
so that was why Sakura could not see me at the festival.” 

	It took a minute for the news to really sink in. I had the power 
to see spirits? If it wasn’t for okaa-san sitting on the edge of my bed, 
telling me this in her own voice, I never would have believed it. This 
was all like something out of a ghost story.

	“But if I have this ’gift’, why haven’t I seen any other ghosts 
before now?” I asked, still a little confused. “That is what you are, 
right? A ghost? This is all so strange…”

	Okaa-san brushed a strand of hair from my eyes, looking down at 
me with sympathy. “I know this is a lot to handle, Touya-kun. It was 
difficult for me when I finally discovered my power, when I was just 
about your age. I felt confused, and scared, and lonely, as if I didn’t 
really fit in with everybody else. But, listen to me. I want you to 
always remember that your power is indeed a wonderful gift and you 
should never be afraid or embarrassed because of it. Are you afraid, 
Touya-kun?”

	I shook my head. How could I be afraid when my mother sat beside 
me, assuring me everything was going to be okay? Okaa-san was here, and 
her presence was all I needed to drive away any fear I might have had. 

	"That's my brave little boy," she said with a soft smile. "Be 
brave and protect your little sister in the trials she will face. She's 
going to need you." 

	"I will."

	"And try not to scare her too much with this, okay? I saw what 
happened what happened at the festival. I have a feeling Sakura-chan 
doesn't like ghosts very much."

	"Okay," I reluctantly promised, only mildly disappointed. It 
would have been fun to scare her every once in a while. "I won't scare 
her too much."

	"Good."

	“Okaa-san, will I be able to see you anytime I want?” I asked, 
my eyelids growing heavy.

	“Not always,” she answered. “But I will always look after you 
and Sakura, my precious darlings. Remember that. Now, go to sleep, 
Touya-kun. You have school tomorrow.”

	“Hai…” Yawning, I closed my eyes, already feeling the fabled 
Sandman work his magic. It would not be hard to fall asleep tonight. 	

	“I love you, okaa-san,” I whispered, sensing she was about to 
leave.

	“I love you, too, my sweet Touya…”

	And with those words, I felt the faintest brush of a mother’s 
kiss on my forehead before I could feel her presence no more. 



Disclaimer: Card Captor Sakura is the property of CLAMP.

Author's Note: Well, this is my first try at writing a CCS fic. I hope 
you liked it. Any comments can be sent to me at ElysionDream@aol.com.