Decisions of the Heart
Chapter 2/4
By Baine
Email: ladybaine@gmail.com
Written: November 24, 2002
Posted: December 5, 2002
Summary: “So, Momo, it's time to choose. Who's it gonna be, him or me? You can't have us both, you know...”
Stormlight—you are amazing and wonderful and I love you ever so much! ::megaglomp:: Merci mil fois! The lyrics are so beyond perfect!!!!!!! They matched this chapter to a “T…” Talk about uncanny!
Chibi Anon—Thank you sooooooooo much for weaving the lyrics into the story………they fit hauntingly well. I never could have done half the job you did…You are officially my Lyric Weaver! ::grin::
Kuris-Chan—::wipes at eyes:: You’re amazing…You do realize this. (I think I’ll keep you! ^_^) {And next time have something to say! ::Grin::)
Azurite—What would I do w/o you? You MUST
be my lifeboat! ^.~
Finyda—Thanks for the title! It was so hard to get a title for
this baka story…….::sighs::
Enjoy, minna!
(One week until the semester’s OVER! Whoo-hoo!)
~~Disclaimer: Peach Girl belongs to Miwa Ueda. In the
Japanese version, Kairi is really Kiley, but since everyone
knows him as “Kiley,” he’ll be Kiley in my fanfic ^_^
---------------------------------
Decisions of the Heart
By Baine
~Chapter One~
---------------------------------
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*Momo, you can't keep leading us on like this. You're
going to have to choose. Who's it gonna be, him or me? You
can't have us both, you know. If you choose him, don't
come back to me later. If you reject me now, I'll move
on…*
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“I…what?”
“You heard me, Momo.”
“I did hear you. I just...don’t believe what I heard.”
“You never expected me to ask you to choose?”
“That isn’t it. It’s a perfectly fair question...I’m just not
sure what my answer is. I’m so confused!”
“Well, when you figure it out, give me a call.”
--------------------------------------------
Lay a whisper on my pillow,
leave the winter on the ground.
--------------------------------------------
I watch in shock as Kiley brushes me off. He…He can’t do
that! My eyes narrow as he rises from the bench and runs a
hand through his unruly hair. “It’s been real, Momo. I’ll
see ya around, okay?”
What? He’s leaving me here? “Kiley, wait!”
He turns back to face me and raises his eyebrows. “Yes,
Momo?”
“I…I’m sorry. I never meant for any of this to happen.”
“I know.”
“Do you…really like me?”
“Yeah, Momo…I do. You know that I do.”
“I’ve been leading you on, haven’t I?” I stare at him in
horror as comprehension dawns. “I truly never meant
to—”
“Forget about it. What’s done is done. It’s time for you to
come to terms with the past in order to determine your
future.” He smiles lopsidedly before waving and walking
away, leaving me to stare after him.
I slowly stand as well, staring into the lake as though it
will answer all of my questions, then turn back to the
path and walk home.
Kiley is right. I have a lot of thinking to do.
------------------------------------------------------------------
I wake up lonely,
there's air of silence in the bedroom
and all around
Touch me now, I close my eyes and dream away.
------------------------------------------------------------------
I wake up the next morning no less confused than I was yesterday.
I get ready for school slowly, running my brush carefully
through my silky hair as I analyze my reflection in the
mirror. I grimace as I observe how dark my skin still
is. No matter what I do, I’m always tan. With Kiley, it
doesn’t matter so much. Then again, he is rather
perverted. As for Toji? He’s the one I tried to be lighter
for to begin with. We may not be together anymore, but
worrying about my skin tone has become a habit now.
I sigh as I lower my brush, stick my tongue out at my
reflection, grab my bag, and head off to school.
Honestly? I don’t understand that Kiley. He’s been after me
for quite some time now. He’s made this fact blatantly
obvious on several occasions. So what’s going on? And why
does he still insist that I belong with Toji? Especially since
it was his brilliant idea to choose between them, anyway.
I mean, I’ve known that I would have to choose between them
sooner or later…I’ve just been hoping that it would be later rather
than sooner.
As for Toji and I? We’ve had our chance. A few chances,
really. Isn’t it time to give Kiley a chance? I mean, sure,
he’s rather perverted and has an infuriating tendency to
make me angry with him…but he’s also sweet and kind.
Beneath his mask, he truly does care about me. All he wants
is for me to be happy. Why else would he continuously go
through so much trouble to make me happy when it only
brings him pain?
------------------------------------------------------
It must have been love but it's over now.
------------------------------------------------------
So why did he turn away from me last night? What changed?
Is he just giving me a taste of my own medicine? Does he
think I’m leading him on? Is this all a game to him?
‘Great! Momo finally chose me; I’ve finally won this
drawn-out game of cat and mouse!’ But, no, he isn’t like
that. I mean, that’s how I used to think he was, but now?
I’ve actually seen past his exterior and there is so much
more to him than just a brainless playboy.
“Hey, Momo?”
I blink as I’m pulled from my thoughts and turn to
face the tall blond who has come up beside me. “Toji, hi!”
What’s going on? He hasn’t really spoken to me since our
big fight three months ago. “Um, how are you?”
He shrugs his shoulders absently. “Not too bad. Pretty
busy with school and practice. What about you?”
“Um, yeah. I’ve been pretty busy too. School, practice...it’s
a lot for a girl to handle.” I inwardly wince. It’s a lot
for a girl to handle? Man, I’m pathetic!
He nods thoughtfully. “Yeah, you’ve always had a lot of
weight on your shoulders. I’ve often wondered about how you always
manage to juggle everything so well. I know that if it were me,
I’d have collapsed under all of that pressure a long time ago. That’s one
of the things that I admire most about you, Momo.”
...What? He admires me? Even now? I nibble on the bottom of
my lip and stare up at him. “Toji, um...”
“Yes?”
“Why...well, what are you doing?”
“What do you mean?”
“Just…well…this.” I gesture with my hands, waving them at
the space that hovered between us, separating our bodies.
“I’m not sure I understand.”
----------------------------------------------------------
It must have been good but I lost it somehow.
It must have been love but it's over now.
----------------------------------------------------------
I blow out my breath in frustration, causing strands of
hair to catch in my mouth. I grimace and pick them out,
taking a moment to think about what I want to say. “It’s
just...I mean, we’ve been apart for three months now, Toji.
You broke up with me because you couldn’t trust me. Again.”
“That was a lapse in judgment, Momo. I was going through a
tough time and suspicious of everything around me...and
everyone.”
“Including me.”
“Yeah.”
“Your girlfriend. The one person that you’re supposed to trust
even when it seems as though the world has turned against you.”
“...Yeah.”
I stare at him and sigh, watching as a flurry of emotions dance
across his face. “Look...Toji...What is it that you want from me?”
“I just...Well, I want to take it all back. Go back to what
we were. I...I miss you, Momo.”
------------------------------------------------------
From the moment we touched,
'til the time had run out.
Make-believing we're together
that I'm sheltered by your heart.
------------------------------------------------------
I bite my lip pensively. “And what happens the next time
you come to the conclusion that you can’t trust me? Am I
supposed to be all sympathetic? ‘Oh, hey, it’s okay. We’ll be
back together soon. I’ll just pretend this isn’t happening.’
No, Toji. I’m sick of it. I’m sick of this. I can’t live
like this...and neither can you. I’m sick of being at the end
of your every suspicion. I hate feeling like my boyfriend
can’t trust me for reasons I can’t even begin to
comprehend! Don’t you get it, Toji? I can’t take it
anymore!”
“I won’t do it again, Momo, promise. I—”
“How can I believe you when you use a line that you’ve used
several times before, Toji? And each time I take you back,
you only succeed in breaking my heart anew. I
can’t do this again. My heart is weary. Its finally given up
the fight. It’s over—This time for good. I just...can’t deal
with this melodrama anymore.”
“But, Momo—”
------------------------------------------------------
But in and outside I've turned to water
like a teardrop in your palm.
And it's a hard winter’s day,
I dream away.
------------------------------------------------------
I wince at the hurt expression in his eyes, but refuse to
let his troubled state weaken my resolve. “I’m sorry,
Toji.”
“So...that’s it, then?”
“I guess so.”
“God, Momo...” Toji runs his hands through his immaculate
hair. “I never imagined that it would turn out this way.”
“Neither did I.”
“You...you were my first love, you know. I still love you.
Isn’t there anything that we can do to make things right between us
again?”
I smile sadly. “No, I don’t think so. Not now. You know, I never
thought that I’d ever experience a moment quite like this one.
Since junior high, all that I ever wanted was to be your girl.
Yet now...here I am, turning away from you. You’ve hurt
me too many times now, Toji. I gave you my heart. I gave
you a part of myself that I can never get back. A part of me
will always love you...but, right now I think that we’re better
off as friends. That’s all that my love can be for you now. The
love of a friend.”
“I don’t know if I can settle on just being friends with
you, Momo.”
“If you can’t, then you’re not half the man I thought you
were.”
“I just...Momo...” Defeat glows in his eyes and he lowers his
head resolutely. “So that’s the way it’ll be.”
“Yeah...”
“Well...what we had was great, Momo. I’m sorry that I had to be
a bonehead and screw things up.”
“Yeah...me too.”
He nods again and brings his head up, meeting my eyes
once more. “So...friends?”
“Always.”
------------------------------------------------------
It must have been love but it's over now.
------------------------------------------------------
He smiles sadly as he bends to kiss my cheek. “I have to go
to class now...”
“Me too.”
“See ya around, Momo.”
I pensively watch as he lopes off, awash in memories of the
past. I’ve made the right choice, for more reasons than
one. It’s true that I don’t want my heart broken again.
It’s also true that I only care for him as a friend now.
Ever since I met Kiley, I’ve been struggling to bury my
true feelings for him. I mean, me and that playboy? But,
Kiley...well, he’s like moss. He grows on you after a while.
All I loved about Toji was the fantasy. When we were
together, my feelings were based on the dream, not the reality.
And now I’m paying for my mistake.
-----------------------------------------------------------
It was all that I wanted, now I'm living without.
-----------------------------------------------------------
But, Kiley...He likes me. I know he does. And I like him.
I’ve finally decided to listen to my heart. It’s Kiley that
I want to be with. How can I be with Toji and not give
him my entire heart? It isn’t fair to him...or to me. No, this
is the way it has to be.
With this in mind, I decide that it’s about time to have a
Little chat with Okayasu Kiley.
Alas, the fates are against me! Kiley has been absent all
week long. At least, I haven’t see him. Normally, I run
into him at least once, even if it’s only in the hallways.
But this week, when I needed to see him most? He’s...
vanished.
This put a damper on my entire weekend. I mope around the
house aimlessly, all kinds of horrifying scenarios flashing
through my head. Maybe he’s hurt! He could be lying in a
dich, unable to call for help. He could have drowned...again.
I mean, the moron can’t swim, yet he loves playing near the
water. The list goes on and on.
Now it’s Sunday night, and I’m so disgusted with myself for
jumping to such crazy assumptions that I take a walk along
the river. I stare down into its murky surface solemnly. I
can’t even see my reflection on the surface. That’s how
brown the water is. Normally, I stay away from the river.
It smells rather...fishy. Not to mention the fact that it reeks of
mold and rot. Not exactly the best smells in the world.
“Oh, Kiley...What happened to you?” I stare into the water
wistfully before turning on my heel and stalking back over
the hill that brought me to this godforsaken river.
Where could he be? What could have happened to him? I stare
whimsically into the window of a small ice cream parlor, mournfully
watching all the happy couples. That should be me in there
right now. Once I tell Kiley the truth, we can finally
become the quintessential couple. I just know it!
But enough already! All this daydreaming is only making me
crazy! Enough is enough. I know when to stop torturing
myself. Spinning on my heel, I turn towards home...only to
stop dead in my tracks.
Could it be? No, it isn’t. Only storybooks ever work out
so perfectly. He’s standing five feet in front of me at
the edge of the sidewalk, waiting for the light to turn
green. Maybe I thought about him so much that I conjured
him up? Maybe he can sense that I’ve been thinking about
him and has finally decided to make an appearance?
A slow grin spreads across my face before I can stop it.
“Kiley!”
------------------------------------------------------
It must have been love but it's over now,
------------------------------------------------------
But, no, he doesn’t hear me. The light is green and he’s
crossing the street. I guess he hadn’t been able to hear me
over the traffic. I dash after him, crossing the street
as the light turns yellow, slowly advancing on my
oblivious target.
“Kiley!” I pant for breath as I run up to him, clutching
at the hem of his shirt. “Didn’t you hear me calling you?”
He stops walking and turns to face me. “Momo, hi! What’s
up?”
“I need to talk to you.”
“I’m listening.”
“Not here.” I grab his arm and drag him into a nearby side street,
away from the crowd of pedestrians milling around the busy road
that we had just been on.
“What’s wrong, Momo?”
“Nothing, I just...” I stare up at him and nibble at my
lip, memorizing the golden flecks of color in his concerned
eyes. This is going to be hard. Really hard.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine, I just wanted to...Well, do you remember
what you said to me last week?”
“I said many things to you.”
He isn’t going to make this easy for me, is he? The
louse! “About choosing between you and Toji?”
“Oh, that.”
My eyes narrow and I scowl up at him. “Yes, that.”
“I’m guessing that you’ve finally decided?”
“Yeah, I—”
“Remind me to congratulate Toji the next time I see him,
alright?”
“No, I—”
“It’s getting late. I have to—”
“Would you just shut up and listen to me for once?
Please?” I glare at him and watch his mouth open and close
soundlessly. I’ve shocked him. Good. I clear my throat
nervously and twirl a strand of hair around my nail.
“Kiley, I choose...well, I choose you.”
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It's where the water flows,
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“Me?” He blinks at me, stunned.
I smile nervously and nod. “Yeah, Kiley. You. I finally
choose you.”
“Did you tell Toji?”
“Not yet, no.”
“He won’t be thrilled with your news.”
“That isn’t my problem, Kiley. You were right,
I—”
“Look, Momo. I’m flattered, really. It means a
lot to me. But I never should have asked you what I did.
You and Toji are the super-couple. I’m not going to come
between you and—”
“Don’t you understand, Kiley? I didn’t choose
Toji, I chose you!”
He stares at me and runs a hand through his
disheveled hair before sighing heavily.
“Look, Momo. The thing is...The thing is that you don’t
belong with me. I was just...well, you know my reputation. I
was just...flirting with you.”
“Liar.”
“No, Momo. I’m flattered, really, but I
can’t…Look, my heart belongs to another.”
I scoff and raise an eyebrow. Who does he
think he’s fooling? Himself? Doesn’t he know how much
courage I had to work up to tell him this to begin with?
And now he’s screwing around with my head? The nerve! Well,
I’ll just have to call him on his bluff, now, won’t I?
“Oh yeah? Who?”
-------------------------------------
It's where the wind blows.
-------------------------------------
He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and
rummages through it before pulling out a weathered
photograph and showing it to me. “I’m in love with Nurse
Misao.”
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It must have been love but it's over now.
It must have been good but I lost it somehow.
It must have been love but it's over now.
From the moment we touched, 'til the time had run out...
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Finished: November 24, 2002
Song: ~"It Must Have Been Love," Roxette~
Like it? Hate it? I’m the one to talk to! Hit the little review button or Email ladybaine at gmail dot com today!
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«•´¨*•.¸¸. *Baine*.¸¸.•*¨`•»
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