The Poisoned Chalice by Starsea

A Fever High

Rating PG-13

I’ve got pins and needles for you,
I’ve got pins and needles for you,
You’ve got needles and pins, and the seven deadly sins,
Still, I’ve got a fire in my heart for you.
— The Super Furry Animals

The conversation with her mother had obviously unsettled Erinya and Jadeite didn’t try to find out what was wrong. He was gentle with her. ‘Gentle’ was not one of the qualities any of his friends would have associated with him, but he could be so when the situation required it. He told her about his kingdom on Earth, the steppes which gave way to tropical rainforest, the typhoons that swept the coast. It was a hostile landscape but also beautiful. Each island had its own special appeal. He always had so much to do when he visited home that he often ended up working through the night, despite travel fatigue. Gradually, he saw the shadows vanish from Erinya’s eyes. She started to smile again. He told her about his fellow guards: Nephrite, brash but funny; Zoisite, sly yet sympathetic; and Kunzite, their leader, enigmatic and charismatic at the same time. Erinya laughed at his tales of them as boys and Jadeite told her about Endymion, their prince, their master, working hard to create a united Earth.

“He’s the best of us all,” he said frankly. “I don’t think anybody but him could have managed it.”

“You love him, don’t you?” Erinya said softly.

“I’d die for him,” Jadeite said immediately, yet as he said this, he felt a twinge. Before today, Endymion had been the only person with a claim on his heart but now… everything had changed. Every time he looked at her, he felt like he was on fire. If she asked him to do something, he would do it, no matter what. He knew it. And he knew that he shouldn’t be feeling something like this. His loyalties needed to be whole, not divided.

Erinya was smiling. “I know what you mean,” she said. “I’d do the same for Serenity.”

“What’s she like?” Jadeite asked, curious, envious of this unknown girl who inspired such devotion.

“Serenity? She…” Erinya paused. “She’s difficult to describe. She can be so immature that she makes me want to scream but… but she’s also gentle and so loving. She loves you for who you are. She believes in you, but more than that, she believes the best of you, so you want to be the best you can. And she can charm anybody.” She smiled ruefully. “It’s a good thing she doesn’t know how appealing she is, or she’d be dangerous.”

Jadeite nodded. “It’s interesting to speak to someone who actually knows her,” he said. “Since it’s forbidden for us to contact them and vice versa… There are so many rumours about what goes on up there.”

“Such as?” Erinya asked, her voice sharp.

“That the moon’s plotting to take over the Earth, that everyone who lives there is immortal and never dies, that they can influence the events on Earth whenever they want… I lose track of what people say.”

“Is Earth really so afraid?”

“People fear the unknown,” Jadeite said simply. “Perhaps people wouldn’t be so afraid if they knew a little more. That’s all I’m saying.”

“You’re not afraid,” Erinya said, turning to him. Her eyes flashed that strange red again and he felt his throat dry as she put her hand on his arm. Her voice was low, making him bend towards her. “You fought Ares and never faltered. You faced my seven other brothers without blinking an eye. And you don’t seem to share these fears about the moon.”

“I see the unknown as a challenge,” he answered, feeling himself fall deeper and deeper as he looked into her eyes.

“We’re the same,” she said softly, her thumb tracing the curve of his elbow. “I never expected to find a man who felt like that. I never thought a man could be so fearless.”

“Is that what you weren’t expecting?”

She nodded. “I thought men were… all the same. My brothers are so concerned with their honour, with how they look. They’re so afraid to lose face. And most of the men on the moon are the same. But you… you’re not like that. You don’t care.”

“I believe a man’s honour is something that is defined by his actions, not by what people think of his actions.” God, her lips were so close. If he leaned forward just a few inches, he would actually be touching them. Except he wanted to do a lot more than that, so leaning forward would not be a good idea.

“Why?” she whispered. “Why do you have to be so right?”

Jadeite blinked, not sure what to say. Fortunately, Bellona arrived and saved him from answering. “May I speak to you for a moment, Erinya?” she asked, taking her daughter’s arm. “You will excuse us, Lord Jadeite.” Her eyes flashed red, warning him to agree.

Jadeite bowed in response but he straightened in time to see the look of pleading that Erinya gave him before her mother led her away (a royal request being a command). He counted to ten, then carefully followed them through the ballroom and out into the corridor, keeping to the shadows. Bellona was walking quickly, almost marching, and still holding her daughter’s arm. Erinya was walking slightly behind her mother, head bowed. The sight made Jadeite grit his teeth.

Bellona led her daughter outside onto the terrace which ran around the whole of the ground floor. The two moons of Phobos and Deimos hung full and low in the sky, casting a soft pinkish light over the gardens. Jadeite hid himself behind a pillar and waited. He wished that he could let Erinya know that he was there but there was no way to do that without Bellona realising as well.

Erinya pulled her arm away and lifted her head defiantly. “What is it, Mother?”

“I’m pleased to see that you’re getting on so well with Lord Jadeite,” Bellona said, and she did look pleased. She was smiling lovingly at her daughter and Jadeite could see Erinya trying not to react, trying not to bask in the love.

“You didn’t bring me out here just to congratulate me about that, Mother.”

“No, you’re right.” Bellona gazed out at the gardens for a moment. Erinya hugged herself, waiting.

“You know that your father and I wish to develop closer ties with the Earth,” Bellona stated, still looking at the gardens, so Jadeite couldn’t read her expression.

“Yes. I know. That’s why you invited an Earthling to the Games in the first place and why you asked me to agree to him as my escort,” Erinya replied, folding her arms.

“You say that as if I asked a terrible thing, Erinya,” Bellona said lightly, turning her head and giving her daughter another smile. “Yet, from what I’ve observed, I would say this evening has been anything but terrible for you.”

Erinya went red, Jadeite could see it even in the pinkish light, and he sighed inside. She was doing her best to guard her emotions, but she was only sixteen and this was her mother. Bellona’s smile widened as she saw the reaction but her voice remained quiet.

“Your father has also noticed the friendship developing between you. It pleases both of us.”

“Nothing is going to come of it, Mother,” Erinya said swiftly, her voice equally quiet. “I am going to pledge myself to Serenity. You know this. I thought you had accepted it.”

“One can accept something for the short term and still hope to change the long term. I understand that you have this idea of remaining completely faithful to Serenity for the rest of your life and that to love someone else in any way would be a betrayal of her. It is touching but it is also very naïve, Erinya.” Bellona looked stern now. “You are a princess. You have a duty to your planet and your people. You cannot just shut yourself away out of some childish idea of ‘purity’.”

“It’s not childish!” Erinya cried, her hands clenching into fists. She took a step forward. “Why can’t you understand? This isn’t some whim! I’ve thought about it, long and hard, and I know this is what I want.”

Bellona made a dismissive gesture. “How can you know what you want? You’re only sixteen.” She spoke with the cruelty of age and experience, undeniable, inarguable. “You’ve barely begun to live, Erinya. And how can you say that this is truly what you want?” Her voice became soft. “I have been watching you all evening, my darling. I have seen the way you look at him.”

Jadeite felt his heart begin to hammer so hard that he was sure they would hear it. Erinya turned away. “Don’t, Mother, please.” Her voice was low, weak.

“No, Erinya. If you are going to do this, you need to be completely honest with yourself. I will not let you make that vow without acknowledging exactly what it means. I will not let you throw away a wonderful opportunity.”

“Stop it!” If she’d been younger, Jadeite knew that Erinya would have put her hands over her ears.

“You have been watching him all evening, Erinya. I have seen it. I have never seen you look at any man that way before, ever. And I am willing to bet that you have never looked at any man on the moon that way, either.”

“And what of it?” Erinya snapped. “If I’m looking at him differently, it’s because he’s not like any other man I’ve met, that’s all!”

“Oh?” Bellona raised one eyebrow and Jadeite silently begged Erinya to stop, for her own sake, but she was too agitated.

“He didn’t just take on Ares today, Mother, he took on the whole crowd. Nearly everyone in that stadium was willing him to lose and he didn’t care. I’ve never seen a man so completely indifferent to what other people think. And afterwards, seven of my brothers surrounded him in the corridor and he did not even sweat!”

“Really?” Bellona asked, but Jadeite could tell that she wasn’t surprised, that she had known, just as he’d suspected. She spoke only to encourage her daughter.

“Yes! Seven of them and he spoke just as boldly as if he were facing one!” Erinya’s eyes were shining and Jadeite found that he was holding his breath. “He’s so fearless, Mother, so bold! He isn’t afraid to challenge me, he doesn’t shiver at the prospect of me losing my temper. I think I could scream at him and he wouldn’t raise an eyebrow. He deliberately provoked me this evening, just to get a reaction out of me, and then he told me he could take any amount of fire. Of course I look at him differently!”

“Because he’s your equal.”

“Yes!” Erinya stopped, terrified as she saw the trap. “No! No, it’s not like that!”

Bellona shook her head. “Oh, I think it is, Erinya. You’ve found your match.”

“No!”

“You just said he’s your equal. Out of your own mouth.”

“No! No, he can’t be…”

“But he is… I thought he might be. As soon as he walked into the arena, your expression changed.”

This was new. Jadeite looked at Erinya, who’d turned her head away. “That has nothing to do with…”

“Then why did you have your binoculars trained on him the whole time?” Bellona asked. “You smoothed your hair and skirt before he came up to receive his medal.”

“Mother, why are you doing this?”

“Because I love you, Erinya. Because I know what that look means. Because he is a match for you. You’ve had princes from Jupiter and Coronis courting you and you never looked at them with any interest, but this Earthling walks into the arena and you can’t sit still. You wore your best dress tonight and I didn’t tell you to do that. And forgive me for bringing this up again, but you have been watching him all evening, and I know that you weren’t thinking about his manners or his conversation, or even the way he danced, were you?”

Erinya shook her head, just once.

“These feelings are not wrong, Erinya,” Bellona said, stepping forward and placing her hands on her daughter’s shoulders, her voice loving. “They are natural. It is no shame to be attracted to a man because he has blue eyes and wide shoulders, it is no shame to think about what it would be like to kiss him, to be courted by him. To be married to him.”

Erinya pulled away. “So that’s your plan.” Her voice was high, too high. “You want to develop closer ties with the Earth and you also want to take me away from Serenity, so you marry me off to an Earthling and kill two birds with one stone!”

“Erinya, royal women have always married to make alliances. You are no different.”

“I am not JUST a royal woman!” Erinya cried. “You know that, Mother! You know I have to stay with Serenity!”

“Stay with her, yes, but you do not have to devote your entire life to her, Erinya. You have this chance to do something for your people. Marriage is not torture, my darling. If you marry a man who understands you, who has similar interests, it can be pleasurable. If he wants you, it can be even better. I want you to know these pleasures, Erinya. I want you to know the joy of having your own children, of having a husband who respects and cares for you.”

“I cannot be a senshi and have those things, Mother, it isn’t possible!”

Jadeite felt the world turn upside down. Senshi. Erinya was a sailor senshi, one of those legendary warriors who had the power of the elements at her fingertips. He closed his eyes, feeling dizzy. He should have known.

“Then tell me you don’t want him, Erinya. Tell me that you look at him and you feel nothing. That you don’t imagine what it would be like if he took you in his arms, that you don’t imagine what it would be like to be his wife, to have his children.”

Jadeite opened his eyes, even though he knew what her answer would be. Erinya opened her mouth but no words came. She put her hands over her face and her voice came out from between her fingers, young and broken. “I can’t. I can’t.”

Bellona put her arms around her daughter and held her, rubbing her back. “You see? It’s not as simple as you think.” She kissed her daughter on the cheek. “If you pledge yourself to Serenity, you give up all chance of ever having children or even companionship. And for what? I’m sure the other girls haven’t made this sort of vow, have they? I’m sure Serenity would understand you making a diplomatic marriage.”

“Mother, please don’t do this,” Erinya whispered, looking up. “I will do anything else you ask of me, anything, but please do not make me marry that man.”

“This is all I want of you,” Bellona answered, cupping her cheek. “This is the only thing I ask. And you will not do it?”

Erinya stepped backwards. She shook her head silently, pale. Jadeite could see that she was on the verge of tears but only on the verge. She would not break. He felt a strange sort of pride in her. Bellona’s face became blank. “Very well,” she said coolly. “I will speak to your father about this. You are not an adult, nor have you taken a vow yet. There is nothing preventing it. And your consent is not absolutely necessary, although it is preferable.”

“And what about my consent?” Jadeite asked, emerging from the pillar. He had the satisfaction of seeing Bellona jump. Erinya looked up, eyes wide.

Bellona recovered quickly. She strode forward, eyes narrowing. “How dare you follow and spy on us? What sort of behaviour is this?”

“Necessary behaviour, given that you seem to have married me off to your daughter without even asking me about it.”

She laughed. “And you’d say ‘no’?” Her smile was knowing. “I saw the look on your face on the balcony, Lord Jadeite. And I’ve seen how devoted you’ve been all evening. You would deny that you wish to marry my daughter? The only Princess of Mars? Beautiful, accomplished, strong…”

“And a senshi,” Jadeite said calmly. “The senshi are not allowed on Earth. It is intergalactic law. She would not even be allowed to set foot on my planet or it would be taken as a sign of aggression from the moon. Develop closer ties with my planet by all means, your Majesty. But do it through me, not through your daughter.” He could feel Erinya staring at him, but he would not look at her. He could not afford to show any tenderness at this moment, it would be seen as a weakness.

“She would not be a senshi as your wife,” Bellona said, her voice colder now. “She would simply be a princess. Your princess.”

“And I already said that I’m not interested.”

“You lie.”

“You may call me a liar all you like, but you cannot force me to marry your daughter, your Majesty. I am not one of your subjects. I am independent. A quality which I value at this moment in time.”

Bellona’s right hand clenched. Jadeite held her gaze. He’d called her bluff and they all knew it. There was no way she could force a marriage if he did not agree. For one moment, he thought that she would hit him, but she was too much of a queen to do that. Instead, she turned to her daughter. “It appears that you have a knight in shining armour, Erinya,” she said calmly. “What a pity that you will never be able to reward him for his valour.” Then she walked slowly back inside the palace, back straight, head high. Jadeite watched her until she’d vanished into the shadows.

“You came,” Erinya said and he turned back to her. She was looking at him with warm eyes and he swallowed.

“You told me to stay with you, so I did,” he said. “I could see you didn’t wish to be left alone with her.”

“Did you mean it?”

“Mean what?”

“What you just said about not being interested.”

“Does it matter?”

Erinya looked down and she blushed again. “Yes,” she whispered.

Jadeite let out a sigh and put his arms around her. It occurred to him that this was the most intimate position they would ever be in. Erinya buried her face in his chest and he felt her shoulders begin to shake. “No,” he said. “It was a lie. You have to know that. I’ve been interested ever since I set eyes on you, your mother was right… but she was labouring under an illusion. I would only marry you if it was your free choice. And what I said was also true: you could never be a senshi on Earth. You could not be a guardian of Princess Serenity and my wife at the same time. And I know that being Serenity’s guardian is very important to you.”

“You heard everything,” she stated.

“Everything,” he confirmed, stroking the nape of her neck.

“Then… then I suppose there’s nothing left to say.”

“Not really. You will go back to the moon and take your vow… and I will return to Earth and take care of Endymion. And we will never see each other again.”

She breathed in sharply and held tighter. “Never is such a long time,” she whispered.

“So is forever and that’s how long your vow is going to last,” he reminded her.

“Why?” she asked. “Why does this have to be difficult? It was all so simple and now… Why did I have to meet you? Why did you have to be so right?” She looked up, her gaze full of desperation. “I want to be her guardian, yes, but… I want you, as well. I want to be with you always, I want to be married, I want… Why?!” Her voice broke. “Why do I want these things all of a sudden? I never wanted them before! I never wanted anyone else before! She was enough! She has to be enough!”

Jadeite sighed. “Nothing is ever easy, Erinya,” he said. “I may not have taken a vow of chastity but Endymion is my master and I should not love any person above him. But now… now I find that I do.”

“Love?” she repeated in a whisper, her eyes widening.

He shrugged. “What’s the point in hiding my feelings if we’re never going to see each other again? Yes, love. I can’t think of anyone but you, I feel like I’m on fire whenever you look at me. It’s not lust. I know what lust feels like, this is more than physical. Even though we only met today, even though we’ve only spent one evening together…”

“You love me.”

He nodded and smiled at her, because just admitting it was a weight off his shoulders. For a moment, Erinya stared at him as if she couldn’t believe what he’d just said. Then she took a deep breath, put a hand on the back of his neck, pulled his head down to hers and kissed him.

The shock of feeling her lips on his made Jadeite freeze for a moment. Then the fever took over and he pulled her against him, kissing her back, drowning in the feeling, going as far as she would let him… which turned out to be farther than he expected. By the time they pulled away from each other, Jadeite had tasted her mouth and explored both her neck and shoulders with his lips and tongue. Erinya was panting, her cheeks pink, her eyes burning red. “We could,” she whispered, gazing up at him.

“We could what?” he asked.

“She is right… much as I hate to admit it… I haven’t made my vow.” She was watching him, waiting. “If we… if you… it’s not wrong. Not yet.”

Jadeite closed his eyes for a moment, trying to breathe. Erinya had not just offered to go to bed with him. He was imagining things. “Don’t make that offer,” he said in a whisper. “Not now. Don’t offer that to me just when I’m resigning myself to giving you up.”

“But you don’t have to,” she said eagerly. “Not yet. We don’t have to say goodbye yet. I want to… I want… I want you!” She stared at him, begging him to understand.

Jadeite nodded. “Yes. I know you want me. And I want you, too. But I have to think about myself, Erinya. I have to think about the future, about the fact that we’re never going to meet again after I leave for Earth. And it will be much easier for me to live with this fire you’ve created if we don’t cross that boundary. It’s going to be painful enough as it is without adding more fuel. And that applies to you, as well. Do you understand?”

She closed her eyes and turned away. “Then there really is nothing left to say,” she said in a flat voice that felt like a slap to his face.

“Nothing except goodbye.”

“No.” He heard the merest tremble in her voice. “I won’t say that yet. Not until I have to.” She turned her head and looked at him, pleading. “Won’t you change your mind?”

“And what happens when your mother finds out about it, Erinya? She seems to know about everything that happens in this place. Do you think she would simply let me take you to my bed without any consequences? You know her better than that: she would seize the opportunity and say that I had raped you, that we had to marry for the sake of your honour in order to avert war between our planets. Yes, look indignant and flash those red eyes at me, you know that is what would happen. And she would be happy to do it, because she would know that it was not a rape at all.” He couldn’t stop his eyes looking over her body at that point, stripping away the thin material to the flesh underneath. He knew how it would be, he could see it all in that instant: her lithe body underneath him, moving in rhythm, her voice softly moaning his name, the joy of being with the woman he loved; the forced marriage, his friends’ shame, the disappointment in Endymion’s eyes; her belly swelling with child, their early love turning to disillusionment and resentment as she was cut off from her friends and her princess… an empty, cold marriage.

She was trembling as he looked up, her longing so intense that he wanted to fall to his knees and take it all back, beg her to marry him right then and there, he would agree to whatever she wanted as long as he could have her. “How can you look at me like that and say ‘no’?” she asked.

“Because I love you,” he said softly and she bit her lip. “Because I know that you would not really be happy if you married me.”

“And I will not be really happy if I go back to the moon!” she flared.

“You will have some chance of forgetting me if you go back to Princess Serenity. You will have no chance of forgetting her if we share a bed tonight and you are forced to come to Earth with me. You do not belong in my world, Erinya. The gap that separates us is too wide. You know this. Your youth and this new feeling have blinded you temporarily but I know that, in time, you will realise that this is the best thing to do.”

She swallowed and closed her eyes for a second. Then she opened them and he saw that she had put it all away, all the love and longing, all the hope and despair. She was her mother’s daughter, after all.

“I think I’m a little tired, Lord Jadeite. I would like to retire,” she said.

Jadeite bowed, ignoring the sharp flare of pain as he did so. “I shall escort you to your chambers, my lady,” he said, but he did not offer his arm and she did not try and take it. They walked back to her chambers together but separate, and Jadeite told himself that it would get better, once he was back home, among his friends, where he didn’t have to look at that pale, perfect face and that lovely body and think of what might have been. He knocked on the door of her chambers and it was opened immediately by Phobos. She seemed pleasantly surprised to see them.

“You are early, your Highness,” she said. “Is something wrong?”

“No, Phobos, I’m just a little tired and Lord Jadeite was kind enough to escort me back here,” Erinya answered, her voice clear. “Please tell Deimos to run a hot bath. I need to relax after being on display all evening.”

Phobos nodded and then bowed a little to Jadeite, surprising him. “Thank you for bringing her back safe and sound, Lord Jadeite,” she said. “We appreciate it.”

Jadeite bowed in kind but did not reply and Phobos left to convey Erinya’s instructions. She turned and looked at him. “Goodnight,” she said, holding out her hand, but Jadeite couldn’t do it. He was only human and he could not give her up quite so easily. He put his hand on the back of her head and kissed her, not caring if she rejected him and scorned him, he just needed to taste her one last time. Then her hands grabbed at his hips and pulled him forwards and he was pressing against her, rubbing, and her hair was coming down so that it filled his hands, soft as smoke. Her mouth was burning hot and he was whispering her name, over and over, almost praying to her. She pushed his head back, but her eyes were wild and her hair fell over her shoulders, so that she looked ready for bed, not dancing.

“Come inside,” she whispered. “Come to my bed now, or go and never speak of this again. Have all of me or nothing, Jadeite. Prove your love.”

The last three words saved him, pulled him back. It would be so easy to go inside and spend the night in her bed, touching her, teaching her, listening to her cry out as he moved in her; it would not be so easy to deal with the consequences.

“You wish me to prove my love, Erinya?” he said. “Watch.” And he turned and walked away, even though his feet felt like lead. He didn’t stop walking until he reached his chambers and stumbled inside. Then he closed the door and sank to his knees, undoing his trousers so that he could have some sort of release.

It was probably the noblest thing Jadeite had ever done and he knew he’d regret it for the rest of his life.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own these characters, they belong to Naoko Takeuchi, and no profit is made from this. The lyrics, again, belong to The Super Furry Animals.

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