Cast This Darkness From My Soul by Starsea

All your lies,
I'm not believing.
Heaven shine a light down on me.

And you're right, I don't deserve you but you know I'm not the only one.

Evanescence
The Only One

“All this time you’ve been alive and you didn’t let me know. Not a word. Not even a dream.”

She stood there, arms folded, blonde hair blowing around her figure like a cloak. He remembered what it had felt like to roll in that hair, to wrap it around his fingers, to watch it slip over her naked breasts.

“You knew I was alive.”

“You know what I mean!” She strode forward, high heels clicking, sending shivers up his spine. “Don’t play semantic games with me, you’re not in court now.”

“Aren’t I?” The question was soft but it stopped her in her tracks. “It seems to me that I am in court, and you’re the judge, jury and executioner.”

“I won’t execute you unless I have to,” she said.

“I feel so reassured. No, don’t say anything. You shouldn’t even have promised me that, really. Come inside. The least we can do is talk on equal terms.” He turned and walked ahead of her. Manners were redundant in this situation, there was no way she would willingly show him her back. The steps rang under her heels and he had to marvel at how easily she moved. He left the light off so the room was bathed in the neon lights of the street and turned to face her. She lifted a hand to the brooch in the centre of her chest and pressed it, the uniform disappearing and becoming a short black dress. A party dress. He wondered where she was supposed to be. Something to do with the industry, no doubt.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” she demanded and there was a catch in her voice. “Were you so afraid of my reaction?”

“Afraid?” He shook his head. “No. I just wanted you to have a chance at happiness.”

“Happiness!” She laughed and looked out of the window. “My God, you have no idea.”

He felt the first prickles of anger. “No idea? Didn’t you dream of being a singer?”

She glared at him. “Yes.”

“Didn’t you want a famous boyfriend who’d shower you with gifts and attention?”

“Yes.”

“Didn’t you want your name to be on everybody’s lips?”

“Yes!”

He felt some kind of satisfaction that she was admitting this out loud. “You’ve got everything you wanted and you’re telling me you’re not happy?”

“NO!” she screamed, hurling the word. “No, I’m not happy, and I didn’t even know why until he told me you were back!”

The words hung in the air for a moment. He didn’t know which of them was more shocked, but she was the first to recover. “Ever since I first began to fall in love, I knew I was searching for something, for someone,” she said, suddenly quiet. “And I had some idea of what he looked like, because the boys I liked were all the same: fair and confident and always out of my reach, somehow. But I never put it all together because I didn’t have all the pieces. So no matter how I tried, I couldn’t solve the puzzle. But tonight, Endymion gave me the final piece. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because you deserve someone better.”

She stared at him. “Better?” she repeated. “Better than you?”

“Much better than me.”

She shook her head. “He doesn’t exist.”

“There are hundreds of men who—“

“Aren’t you and never will be you, so don’t try and tell me that they’re better than you!” she flared. Then she gave him a smug smile. “Objection overruled.”

She was taunting him. She was taunting him in his own language. He couldn’t believe the audacity and yet he should have expected it. Infuriated, he strode forward and grabbed her by the shoulders. “Don’t you understand?!” he yelled, feeling her jump. “You deserve better! You deserve better than a two times traitor with blood on his hands! There are plenty of decent men in this world, go and find one of them!”

“They’re not you!” she yelled back, pushing his hands off. “You’re the one who doesn’t understand, Kunzite. Even if there are better men in this world than you — which I doubt — I don’t want them. I want you. Why is that so hard to grasp?”

“Because I don’t deserve you!” For a moment she thought he was going to do something terrible — not to her, but to himself. Then the rage seemed to vanish, just as it always had, back inside him, deep inside. He stared at her, into her. “But what’s worse is you think you don’t deserve me,” he said softly.

She turned from him. “Don’t do that!”

“Do what?”

“Read my mind… how can you still do that?” She hugged herself. “It’s not fair…”

“I’m sorry…”

“For what? For still knowing me so well? Pretty pointless apology.” She tried to smile.

“For everything.” He reached out and pulled her into his arms, noticing that she automatically fitted herself against him. “I can’t do much to make up for it now, I know that, but I am sorry.” He cupped her face in his hands, trying not to feel the softness of her skin. “I never meant to hurt you.”

She gazed up at him with such clear eyes. “You hurt me every time you say that you don’t deserve me.”

“Who does deserve you?” he asked, his hands sliding back into her hair of their own free will. It was just as thick as he remembered, just as silky. “Who deserves a world saviour? Who deserves the Goddess of Love and Beauty? Who deserves Aino Minako?” He shrugged. “I can’t really think of anybody.”

“And there’s nothing I can do to change your mind.”

“No. So you’d better go to whatever party you’re missing and let Artemis know you’re alive. Because I know you didn’t tell him you were coming here.”

Minako snorted. “Of course not. He’d have had forty fits.”

“And now he’s having fifty because he has no idea where you are.”

“In this case, I think that’s a good thing,” she replied, but she didn’t move. She remained exactly where she was, just looking at him, all golden hair and long legs, legs that would be perfect wrapped around his hips as he held her up against the wall and —

Kunzite shook his head. “You really should go.”

“And you should take your hands out of my hair, but I don’t think either of us really want that,” she pointed out, smirking and then sighing as he sunk his fingers even further into the golden mass and tipped her head back, exposing that perfect white neck. He wanted to sink his teeth into that soft flesh, he wanted to hear her moan his name just like before and more, he wanted everything.

“Go on,” she whispered, eyes closed. “Go on, please.”

He stared at her, helpless in his arms, exposed, begging him to carry out his fantasies. “Why did you come here?” he asked, amazed that his voice sounded so normal.

She opened her eyes and stared at him. “Only you,” she said, her voice deadpan. “Here I am, telling you to do whatever you want, and you ask me why I’m here.”

“That’s why you love me,” he said, and he meant it to be a joke, but her eyes changed and she looked away and he felt as if she’d winded him. “Minako… I didn’t…”

“I know you didn’t,” she said, straightening and pulling away. “But you’re right, I should go. If you can joke about that, then I really have no business being here. I shouldn’t have come in the first place.”

“No!” He leapt in front of her and she stared up at him, hostile once more, eyes brimming with anger. His mind raced. “You haven’t answered my question,” he said.

“Your question?”

“Why did you come here? And don’t say that it was just because Endymion told you. You wouldn’t miss an industry party just to see if it was true, that could have waited.”

She suddenly laughed. “You think I’m going to a party?”

“Why else would you be wearing a dress like… oh.” He felt his whole body heat up with that one realisation. “Oh,” he said again.

Minako smirked. “Yes, ‘oh’,” she said, running a finger down his chest. “I knew you’d get there eventually. You’re a clever boy.” Then she glanced down and up again, and her smirk widened. “Sorry, I should say ‘man’, shouldn’t I? Little boys don’t have this problem.” And she pushed her hips up against his. Kunzite came very near to having her against the wall for a few moments. He breathed in very deeply and heard her laugh in delight.

“Have I answered your question?”

“You chose that dress for me,” he said, focusing on the one tangible fact remaining in his lust-blurred mind.

“I know you like my legs — you did last time. And this dress definitely shows off my legs.” She turned, giving him a full view. “Wouldn’t you agree?”

“Yes,” he said in a whisper.

“But then you like everything about me, don’t you?” she followed in a lower voice, her eyes darkening.

“Yes.”

“And you want everything, don’t you?” she whispered, looking up at him.

“Yes,” he sighed, knowing that this was the last thing he should be admitting, but he didn’t care. She looked good enough to eat and he was starving.

“So you want me… and I want you… what’s stopping us?” she asked, tangling her fingers in his hair.

Kunzite attempted to think, because he knew he couldn’t go to pieces every time he was in her company, so he might as well use this as practice. “You have a boyfriend?” he reminded her, and realised that Minako hadn’t mentioned Arashi the whole time she was here. In fact, he’d been the one to mention him, twice now.

Minako laughed. “Oh please. I know you know he’s gay. He hit on you at the New Year’s party, remember?”

“I try not to,” Kunzite retorted, wrapping his arms around her waist, partly because it felt good and partly to suppress that uncomfortable memory. “But his being gay wouldn’t stop you being in love with him, would it?”

She hit him on the shoulder. “Damn you and your inescapable logic,” she muttered. “How come you can still think straight? You should be on your knees by now.”

“Like the others, you mean?”

Minako ignored that question. “Anyway, I’m not in love with him. You know it. You know that I’m just doing him a favour… besides, he has his boyfriend, why shouldn’t I have one, too?”

“Because I refuse to be your bit on the side?”

“Exactly how are you on the side when I don’t have a main course? Unless you want to be the main course,” she added, looking at him as if this had only just occurred to her, which made him feel a bit better about the dress.

“I told you, I want everything,” he whispered.

She blushed and he smiled, bending down and rubbing his cheek against hers. “You know it’s all or nothing.”

“Yes, I know,” she answered, tucking her head under his chin and breathing in the scent of his skin. “And I think it is about time I stopped pretending… with Arashi, at least. I know he thinks he’s going to be the one to end it.” She looked at him, a playful gleam in her eyes. “And that just isn’t going to happen. I’m always the one who ends things.”

“Except with me,” he added, leaning forward and kissing the curve of her neck.

“Except with you,” she agreed, shivering and tipping her head back. “We didn’t really have the chance to end it, did we? We were just… put on hold.”

“And you want to pick up again?” he asked, moving up to her jaw.

“Oh God, yes,” she whispered. “You know I do. You know that’s why I’m here.”

“So… you came to yell at me and hit me… and then pick up where we left off.”

“Yes… although I didn’t realise that when I left.” She laughed but he could hear the tremble in it. “I was so mad… and so hurt… hurt that you wouldn’t tell me.”

“I thought you were happier without me,” he said, kissing her temple.

“I didn’t really have a choice, did I? I had to live without you, so I made the best of it. But I don’t have to do that anymore. Neither do you.” She looked at him, not even trying to hide the emotion on her face. “You can let go. Do you understand? You want everything: well, I’m offering everything, right here, right now. So take the offer. I’m tired, Kunzite. I’m tired of pretending. Pretending to feel something when I don’t feel anything. I feel numb. Do you know how awful that is? To be the senshi of love and feel numb? And I didn’t even know why until tonight!” She swallowed. “Even if this doesn’t end well, at least it will have been real. At least I’ll feel something again.” She looked away. “I’m tired of being lost without you.”

“We’re all lost, Minako,” he said, cupping her cheek and turning her face back to him. “We’re all grieving. Trying to find the way back home.”

“So come home,” she whispered, resting her hand on top of his.

He knew he shouldn’t. He knew that he had no right to come home; that he was bad for her and that there was no guarantee this would work out; he also knew that she didn’t care. And he knew this was probably the only time she would allow him to see just how much she needed him. Loved him. She loved him. He still couldn’t believe it. He put his hand on her other cheek and kissed her very softly on the lips, feeling her tremble. She looked at him, eyes wide, then her arms slid around his neck and she kissed him back with a sob that rapidly turned into a moan as he slid his hands down and cupped her buttocks, pushing her against him.

“Much as I love this dress, darling,” he whispered, “I think it’s going to have to come off.”

“Here?”

“Well, I was thinking of the bedroom.”

“Good plan,” she sighed, as he set her back on her feet.

After he’d taken the dress off — and the underwear, and the stockings, and suspenders — Kunzite paused on his knees and just looked at her, because he knew that he wouldn’t have the time to do so later and she deserved to be admired. All those curves and me with no brakes, he thought and smiled. Minako smiled back and ran her fingers through his hair. “No scars.”

“Not on the outside,” he agreed, kissing her belly gently, then rising and pulling his T-shirt off.

She reached out and ran her hands up his stomach and chest. He closed his eyes. He would never be muscular like Nephrite, he didn’t bulk up very much, but she wouldn’t find any flab. He was proud of that.

“Very nice,” she whispered. The words were weak but when he opened his eyes, her expression said everything. He put her arms around his neck, picked her up and laid her on the bed. She sat up and curled her fingers over the top of his jeans.

“Let me,” she said, looking up at him. “I want to see you. It’s been so long…”

He nodded and watched as she unbuttoned and unzipped them, careful but quick. She was a little slower with the boxer shorts, like a child with a present, holding her breath as she pulled them down. “Oh,” she sighed, a mixture of delight and greed on her face, “if I wasn’t so desperate…”

Kunzite took one step back, ostensibly to get out of his jeans and boxers, but also because he remembered that look very well. “If you weren’t so desperate, you’d make me beg,” he finished.

Minako gave him a coy look. “I’d have some fun, yes. But that isn’t possible at the moment. At the moment…” She lay back on the bed, arms above her head. “I just want you inside me.”

He’d thought that it was impossible to be more aroused but the combination of those words and that position proved him wrong. He strode forward and grabbed her hips, pulling her forward a little so she rested on the edge of the bed, then spread her legs, thanking heaven that she’d been a gymnast. She watched him from under her eyelashes with a small smile.

“Hungry?”

“Starving,” he whispered, positioning himself.

Her eyes glittered. “This is going to be good.”

“You don’t know that,” he had to point out.

“Yes, I do. I remember that tone in your voice from last time. You always had it when we hadn’t been able to meet for a while and it always meant the same thing.”

“And what was that?”

Minako pulled his head down and kissed him, deep and intimate. “That we’d make love all night and I’d spend the next day completely satisfied,” she whispered against his mouth. “It was almost worth being away from you so long just to have you like that… like this.”

He let go at those words, at the thought of making love to her all night. And it was as if all the bloodshed and fury and sorrow had never existed, as if they really had just been put on hold. It was just like before. As natural as breathing. They didn’t find a rhythm so much as fall into one, moving slowly but surely towards the same goal. He knew that once wouldn’t be enough, that she’d been right, but he didn’t waste his breath on that. He saved it for whispers in her ear, whispers of encouragement, whispers of love and devotion. She wasn’t quiet, of course, she never had been, but she tried.

“Don’t,” he whispered, finding it harder and harder to focus on the words. “I like it… I like hearing you.”

“But…”

“Don’t hold back… don’t ever hold back with me.” He thrust harder and she cried out in pleasure, digging her fingernails into his shoulders.

“I should warn you… that I scream,” she whispered.

“Yes, I remember.” He bit her neck and she writhed and he grabbed hold of the bedclothes, trying to remain still.

“Very… loudly,” she panted, when she could speak again

“Go ahead; the neighbours should get used to it, after all. I’m not letting you leave tonight.”

She laughed, breathless. “I told you, didn’t I?”

“I will never doubt another word you say,” he promised, falling back into the rhythm once more.

“Good,” she sighed, closing her eyes. “That’s a start.”

She did scream when she came, very loudly, as she’d warned, but he didn’t mind, because she screamed his name and he couldn’t help but feel very satisfied about that. Besides, it wasn’t as if he’d been quiet, either. In the aftermath, he noticed that her skin was glowing slightly, a faint golden light. He could even see the sign of Venus on her forehead, faint but there.

“Minako…”

“Mmm?” She opened her eyes slightly, smiling at him.

He reached out and gently traced the sign on her forehead. She shivered and put her hand up. “Oh,” she said, tracing the sign. “That’s never happened before. But I can feel things now. Even if you decide to throw me out, I won’t feel numb anymore.” She grinned. “I’ll hate you and tear down the building but I won’t feel numb.” She pressed her hand above her left breast. “I can feel it. It’s all warm in there. Warm and happy.”

“And you’re glowing.”

“Well, you always made me do that,” she said, snuggling closer.

He wrapped his arms around her. “You’re like an angel, glowing with Heaven’s light,” he whispered.

She looked at him, eyes wide. “That may be the most romantic thing you’ve ever said to me.”

“Well, you are. My light in the dark, shining down on me.” He stroked her hair.

“Still feeling unworthy?” she demanded.

Kunzite paused and then shook his head. “At this moment, all I can feel is…”

“Yes?”

“Love,” he finished, and kissed her, feeling her gasp. “Just love.”


DISCLAIMER: These characters do not belong to me, they belong to the marvellous Naoko Takeuchi.