Now watch me rise up and leave
all the ashes you made out of me
When you said that we were wrong,
life goes on, look how wrong I could be
Now watch me rise up and leave
all the ashes you made out of me
When you said that we were wrong,
life goes on, you blew me away
Minako hated morning-afters, but this one was going to be the worst.
That first impulsive coupling the night before had not been their last. After resting for a few moments, Minako had found herself on her back, surrounded in curtains of black silk hair and a hot tongue in her mouth. They had moved together until dawn, drunk on the incense of sweat. When the sun had come up, it seemed to break through their haze, and then Minako had found herself alone in bed, the sound of the shower in the next room like a horrible accusation of having done something wrong. She’d gotten dressed, gone out to the kitchen, and made a cup of tea. Now she was sitting out on the steps, wondering.
She was not surprised when half an hour had passed and her lover of the night before sat beside her.
“The others are still asleep,” Minako offered after a little while. “They haven’t moved.”
Rei sniffed, raising an eyebrow. “You checked?”
Minako shrugged. “I knew you’d want to know but wouldn’t want to risk it yourself.”
Rei’s cheeks colored. She opened her mouth, probably to demand whether or not Minako was calling her a coward. She thought better of it; there were other arguments for that morning. That one could wait even if it could not be forgotten.
Minako watched Rei’s mouth close, her still swollen lips squeezing together to form a white, thin line. Her eyes shut soon after, her whole face turning away and shutting down. It was painful.
“Are you all right?” Minako whispered.
“No,” Rei answered bluntly. She sniffed again.
Minako swallowed. “Rei--"
“Why did you do that?” Rei asked, her voice like knives.
Minako inhaled, her stress creating knots between her shoulder blades and at the back of her neck. “I wasn’t the only one who--"
“You initiated it,” Rei said, the slightly more grown-up version of ‘you started it.’ “I want to know why.”
Minako sighed, turning away from the back of Rei’s head and looking out at the street below. What could she say to that? How could she explain her insomnia that night, knowing that she and Rei were alone in the room with the others snoring in the next? How could she explain how there had been other sleepless nights and dreams even while she kissed boys in broad daylight and let their hands wander in darkness? How could she explain to Rei what she couldn’t explain herself.
“I’m not sure,” Minako said finally.
“Oh, bullshit!” Rei yelled, her head whipping around. Minako didn’t turn to see if she was crying. She knew the tears were gathered, and she knew Rei would rather throw herself down the stairs rather than let them spill over.
“It’s not,” Minako insisted. “I… I’m just not sure.”
Rei sat in silence. Minako could feel the anger building, like a fire growing out of control. She’d been stupid to put it like that.
“So it was just a game?”
Minako brought the cup of tea to her lips but did not drink and let her had fall forward. “That’s not what I’m saying.”
“Then what are you--"
“I’m saying that I’m not sure why I did it, I just…” Minako shook her head. “I just wanted it, that’s all.”
Rei stilled. “You just wanted it?”
“Yeah,” Minako said softly.
Rei inhaled, laughing quietly to herself. “Well, it’s nice to know you don’t think any less of me than your boys. I’m plaything just like them.”
Minako reached out and grabbed Rei’s wrist, anticipating the moment when she’d run away from her. She turned back to Rei, seeking out her eyes, but even now that they were both looking at each other, there was still a mile and more between them.
“You’re not like them, Rei,” Minako said earnestly. “You’ll always be more important than that.”
Rei shook her head. “If I was more important, you’d be able to tell me why.”
Minako narrowed her eyes and practically shouted, “Can you tell me why you went along with it then? Can you tell me why you didn’t tell me to stop?”
Rei’s face fell as if a burning building had just collapsed into ashes, and Minako understood.
“Yes,” Rei whispered, the word nearly lost on the wind.
Both of Minako’s arms fell slack, releasing both Rei’s wrist and the cup of tea. The porcelain tumbled down the long stairs, one after another, somehow remaining mostly in tact, chipping and cracking along the way. And Rei got to her feet, walking away from Minako in complete silence.
When the cup finally reached the bottom, shattering into a million and one pieces, Minako broke as well.
I sink like a stone, I lost my control
I sink like a stone, I lost my control
I sink like a stone, I lost my control
I very obviously do not own Sailor Moon or the song "Ashes" by Embrace. If you think I did, you are grossly overestimating my annual income - which is zero.
