Nephrite stared at her and blinked. For a moment, he thought he was hallucinating, that the rum was finally beginning to take control. Then Zoisite stood up.
“Makoto-san?” he said, his voice confirming that she was real, not just some vision of desire.
Makoto barely looked at him. Her eyes were on Nephrite. Her face was pale and her cheeks were marked with tears. He could feel his heart start to pound, like a distant drum in his ears. He pushed himself up. “What happened?”
“It’s over.” Her voice, in contrast to her appearance, was strong. It was the voice that reassured him that she was all right, that nothing truly terrible had happened. Then the words hit, bursting in the air like fireworks and he drew a long breath.
“What happened?”
She shrugged. “Many things… dancing with you was probably the last straw.”
Nephrite got up, only lurching slightly and pulled out a chair for her. She stared at him for a moment, then put a hand to her eyes. “Oh you…”
“What?” he said, looking at Zoisite for help, but Zoisite only smiled and began to play another tune on the piano.
“Even when you’re drunk, you’re trying to be nice to me,” Makoto said, sitting in the chair.
“Yeah, I’m so nice that I’ll even offer you my rum.” He tipped a little into the glass and she tossed it back without blinking or even coughing.
“I can’t stay here, though,” she said softly. “I told him to get packing… I have to make sure that he leaves.” She looked down at her hands. “But I’m afraid.”
“Afraid? You?” Nephrite smiled, aware that he probably looked like an idiot. “You’re not afraid of anything.”
“I’m afraid of going back and letting him persuade me to give our relationship one more chance.” She ran a finger up and down her shot glass, not meeting his gaze.
“I could come with you,” he volunteered, inspired by the image of battering the door down and threatening Susumu with bodily harm.
“I don’t think so,” said Zoisite, making them jump. “Not in your condition. If anyone’s going to accompany Makoto-san, it should be another woman. I think Ami-san is still up… working… I’ll go and tell her, if you wish.”
Makoto hesitated, looking at Nephrite. Then she nodded and Zoisite rose and left. “Be good,” he said before closing the door. Nephrite rolled his eyes. What did he think they were going to do?
“I can still come with you,” he said, looking back at Makoto. He couldn’t keep his eyes off her for very long. She magnetised him.
“The thing is… I’m not worried about you,” she explained, surprising him. “I’m worried about what Susumu will do…”
“Did you tell him about… what happened?” The words almost stuck in his throat. His heart pounded and he felt terrified. The silence yawned between them.
“No. Dancing with you was bad enough. Kissing you…”
“Why did you do that?” His voice was equally quiet. Her presence was both electric and sobering. Perhaps it was the memory of death that lingered between them, but he always woke up when she was around, his body sensed that it had to be at its best for her. Or maybe it wasn’t death at all, maybe it was that other great motivation for the human body.
Makoto licked her lips. “Because I wanted to see what it was like. You said that I used to taste like rain… well, I remember how you tasted back then. Warm… clear… like honey. But it was not just out of curiosity.” She looked at him finally. “I still care for Susumu, Nephrite. We’ve been together for a long time, it’s inevitable. But I don’t want him anymore. I feel no physical passion for him. I told myself that was just the consequence of being together for so long but… that’s not true. I wouldn’t have felt this pull towards you otherwise.” She pushed her glass away. “I’ve been pulled in two different directions: body and heart. I can’t let that happen anymore. In the end… I guess I have to take this chance. Even though it terrifies me. The thought of being with you… again… it’s scary. Can you understand that?”
“Sure, I do. I’ve always understood that, Makoto-san. But in return, I have to say that I’ve never been so glad that you’re the senshi of courage.” He reached forward, took her hand and kissed the back of it gently, heard her breathe in. “You’ve never been a coward and you never will be. That’s what I love about you.”
Her eyes widened, shining white in the dusk of the room. “Nephrite…”
The doors opened and Zoisite walked through with Ami, who hurried towards Makoto and gently hugged her around the neck. “I heard what happened,” she said softly, seeming oblivious to the atmosphere between her friend and the other man. “I’ll be happy to go back with you.”
Nephrite almost threw his glass at Ami. He could feel his arm muscles tensing, his fingers curling. He got up and moved away, out of temptation. Even now, with everything changing, he could still feel Makoto’s eyes on him, still feel that pull towards her. He wondered yet again if this were sane. Of course not: love had nothing to do with sanity. The alcohol thrummed in his veins like fire, giving the illusion of courage.
Yeah, that’s right. I have the illusion, she has the reality. She’s always the stronger, even though I know she doesn’t believe it.
“You’ll be here tomorrow, won’t you?”
He turned around at her voice. She was standing at the door, her eyes asking a different question. Nephrite took a deep breath and nodded.
Even if it’s fake… I can still use it… I know what true courage is, Makoto-san.
DISCLAIMER: These two wonderful but stubborn people belong to Naoko Takeuchi, as do Zoisite and Ami. I just borrow them occasionally.
