If We Kissed by Masked Maiden

 

IF WE KISSED

By: Masked Maiden

 

 

I’ve never been defenseless
I can’t even make sense of this
You speak and I don’t hear a word

What would happen if we kissed?
Would your tongue slip past my lips?
Would you run away?
Would you stay?
Or would I melt into you?
Mouth to mouth, lust to lust
Spontaneously combust
What would happen if we kissed?

~ “What Would Happen” – Meredith Brooks ~

The scent of freshly fallen rain hung in the air, mixed in with the unusual coolness of a summer’s night. Forecasters predicted another light shower before midnight, meaning the temperature was going to drop even more. Not the kind of weather most people wanted when there were barbeques and trips to the beach to plan, yet there was one teenager who loved it. He sat on the balcony of his apartment, bundled up in his favorite denim jacket, his eyes closed, as a faint, gentle breeze brushed his face like a constant butterfly kiss.

Shiroiyama Yukio had very little else to do. There was an opened history book on the stool beside him, a bookmark placed under the last line he read. He’d tried to attain a head start on his load of summer homework, but his mind was on another things. Other people, really.

His parents had left earlier that afternoon for their trip to Greece. It was their second trip since the beginning of the school year, and this one would last four weeks longer than the previous one. His father would spend his days at his company’s branch office, setting up their new computer system. His mother would visit the tourist attractions, shop at the local stores, and undoubtedly find another useless antique to add to her collection.

Neither one asked Yukio if he wanted to go. Not that he wanted to. He had no desire to journey to a foreign country, where he would be alone with no friends to talk to. Being alone in familiar settings was bad enough. But it was the principle of the matter. It showed how much his parents thought of their own son.

At least he had Endymion-san and Serenity-mama, as he called them. Whenever his parents were away, Yukio would spend a few nights at the royal palace. He felt more at home there, with Tori’s family, than he did in his own apartment. He never had to ask to stay over. He could show up unannounced with an overnight bag and be greeted with a warm hug from Serenity, and she would start asking him what he would like to eat for dinner.

That was the kind of family Yukio wanted. Even when Tori’s parents were away for some political matter, as was fairly common for the King and Queen, his grandparents were there and they were just as welcoming. Everyone was close, even Tori and ChibiUsa. (They fought incessantly, but Yukio knew it was their peculiar way of showing affection toward each other.) Everyone meant something to each other. By the end of the week, Endymion and Serenity were home, and they all had dinner together. They talked to one another. They loved each other.

A part of Yukio wanted to go to his bedroom and start packing. He wanted to leave and spend the night at the palace, despite how late it was. Yet, in his chair, he remained. With the way Tori had been acting these past few weeks, Yukio wondered if his friend wanted him around anymore.

Maybe he’s figured it out, Yukio thought. He’d taken a risk when he confided in Tori, about a secret crush that was unrequited. He didn’t reveal the name, only the scenario: there was a guy he liked in the same grade as he, but the guy was straight.

Perhaps in hindsight, Yukio shouldn’t have said anything at all. He should have considered their friendship more, how he valued it greatly… but he didn’t. Tori was smart, much smarter than he gave himself credit for. If he realized it was he who Yukio had a secret crush on, then it perfectly explained why he started avoiding him.

A pounding knock at the door startled Yukio. His eyes snapped open as he bolted to a sitting position in his chair, an adrenaline racing to his heart. He turned his head and looked over his shoulder, staring through the sliding glass doors and at the foyer, wondering who it could be.

That was also when his cell phone started ringing. Yukio picked it up from the balcony’s cement floor and slid it into left pocket of his jacket, reminding himself to call the person back once he answered the door. The phone switched over to voice mail at the moment he looked through the peephole. His eyes widened in surprise.

It was Tori.

Yukio unlocked the deadbolt and opened the door. His best friend stood in the hallway, silent and statuesque. He wore his black leather jacket, and he held his motorcycle helmet in his left hand, while his right arm remained empty and awkward by his side. Several droplets of water still remained on the helmet’s hard plastic shell, while tiny blotches were scattered across the jacket’s soft fabric, all indications he’d taken a drive during the recent shower.

“Tori? Yukio spoke his name with clarity and concern. He tried to look his friend in the eye, yet it seemed those irises of deep blue were staring right past him. He started to wonder if Tori had heard him, so he said his name again. Finally, the eyes shifted and stared back. Yukio took a second and looked at the entire picture, the slumped shoulders and the haggard face; it was as if Tori had been driving for hours without rest.

“… Can I come in please?” Tori asked.

The last word was the nail in the coffin. Yukio stepped aside so Tori could enter, and then closed the door once he started taking his shoes off.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, getting to the point.

“Everything,” Tori sluggishly blurted. “Everything’s all fucked up.” He slipped his feet into a pair of house shoes and went on to the living room.

Yukio raised an eyebrow, now bewildered and more concerned. He took a step as he started to follow him, but he stopped when his cell phone started ringing again. This time, he took it out of his pocket and glanced at the caller I.D. on the front screen. Somehow, he wasn’t surprised by who it was calling him.

“Endymion-san’s calling me,” he said out loud, knowing Tori could hear him. “What do I say?”

A spark of anger obviously ignited inside of Tori, for his voice now had a sharp edge to it. “You tell him I’m not here.”

“Tori, I’m not lying to your dad.”

“Then don’t answer it!”

The third ring ended and the voice mail came on, meaning Yukio now had no choice but to either return the call or wait until Endymion called again. As he glanced at his cell phone again, he saw Endymion had called the first time as well. Now, if there hadn’t been any clues already, he knew something was terribly wrong. Putting the phone back into his jacket’s pocket, Yukio walked into the living room and sat down on the couch, beside Tori.

“What is going on?” he inquired.

Tori leaned back into the couch, folding his arms. “We had a fight,” he spat out.

“You and Endymion-san?”

“Yeah.”

“But you two never fight.”

“Well, we did tonight!”

Yukio took a second to consider how amusing the scenario was: Tori had barely uttered a word to him lately, even during their study sessions with Yoroi and Kazuo. Now, despite the fact he was yelling at him, they were actually having a steady conversation.

“Okay,” Yukio said, trying to remain calm. “Can you tell me what you fought about?”

“Me, of course. What else would we fight about?”

“I don’t know. What did Endymion-san say to you?”

“He said I’d been acting like a fucking ass lately.”

Yukio resisted rolling his eyes. “Did he actually call you that?”

“… No,” Tori admitted, grumbling. “But I bet he thought it.”

“Well, Tori, with the way you’ve been behaving lately, it wouldn’t surprise at all if everyone sans your mom has thought that at least once.”

Tori opened his mouth to make an objection but decided not to, once he met Yukio’s gaze. A very random thought seeped into his mind, as he wondered if those rich, emerald eyes with the specks of hazel had always had this kind of hold on him. They halted his words, forcing him to reflect upon how he was acting right then, and he immediately felt sheepish.

“… ‘M sorry,” he quietly apologized. “You’re probably right.”

Yukio had to catch his breath; he didn’t expect to hear that. “Well… Why don’t you just tell me what happened?"

It took a bit of prodding and coaxing, but Tori finally divulged his side of the events from earlier that evening. His family had gathered around the table for supper, as they did most evenings, and not very surprisingly, ChibiUsa supposedly made a snippy comment about the way her older brother was behaving lately. Of course, Tori snapped back, Kazuo tried to keep the peace, and yet an argument ensued.

“Tori, your sister is only trying to state that we’re worried about you,” Endymion soon spoke, doing his best to intervene. “You don’t have to use that tone of voice with us.”

“Oh, excuse me!” Tori shot back, not quite aware he was actually yelling at his dad. “What kind of tone would you like me to use next time, your MAJESTY? God forbid I ever speak out of turn or do anything improper. And God forbid I would ever DREAM of doing anything that’s not how a prince should behave!”

“Tori, calm down-“

“You can’t tell me what to do!”

“… Yes. Yes, I can.”

Once those words were said, they couldn’t be taken back, and everything spiraled into a fatal downfall. Endymion and Tori started their own verbal battle, yelling at each other, both trying to win. Hitori tried to out-yell both of them, his own way of stopping the insanity. Ayami nodded to ChibiUsa and Kazuo and then to the door, silently asking them to leave (which they gladly did). And Serenity… she quickly stood from her chair and placed herself between her husband and her son. It was the only action that could bring any kind of silence.

“Then Mom asked me what was wrong,” Tori came near to his conclusion. “And I… I just couldn’t say anything. I fled from the room, got my jacket and helmet… and I left without saying a word to anyone. I drove around the city for a couple of hours, stopped at the park for a while. And when I saw it was getting close to my curfew… the first thing I thought of was coming here.”

“So they have no idea where you are,” said Yukio.

“Nope.”

“Tori, you should at least call them.”

“I can’t do it.”

“Why not?”

There was a long pause. The monotonous tip tap of raindrops falling onto the balcony’s glass door could be heard as another summer shower began. Tori watched as the pellets of water slowly accumulated, creating a thin sheen on the transparent material. A part of him could watch the rain for the remainder of the night and not say another word, for he was never someone who tried to confront his own problems. Yet, he knew he’d come this far. He was with Yukio, the one his heart secretly longed for. If he couldn’t tell Yukio how he felt, then there wasn’t anyone else he could tell.

“… How did you know you were gay?”

Yukio felt his heart perform a sudden flip in his chest, though he wasn’t sure if it was because of the shock of hearing that question, or from the sensation of his hope rising. “What does that have to do with anything?” he asked.

“Just answer the question,” Tori requested. His voice was stern, yet polite.

“Well… It’s difficult to answer, Tori.” Yukio rubbed the back of his neck, a little unsure as to what was going on. “I’ve always felt different. Ever since we were little kids, I knew I wasn’t like Kei-kun or Kazuo-kun. Or you. Of course, I didn’t really understand it until I was in junior high and puberty decided to kick in. That’s when I noticed I paid more attention to the boys than the girls.”

“So…” Tori tried to make sense of the information given to him. “You knew all that time and you never said anything?”

“I think I had an idea as to what was going on, but I can’t say I knew for certain. I mean, I was barely a teenager. I didn’t know if what I felt was permanent. So I decided to not say anything and wait until I was in high school. That’s when I knew, but… it took me a really long time for me to admit it.”

Somehow, Tori felt an amazing rush of relief when he heard Yukio say that. When he told their friends about his sexuality, Tori considered Yukio to be confident, sure of himself. It was nice to know even Yukio had his own doubts.

“When did you finally admit it to yourself?” he asked.

“This summer,” Yukio replied, and gradually he began to place a great effort in how he explained everything, without giving away one piece of vital information. “That’s when I realized I had a crush on that guy I told you about. I realized how much I cared for him. I wanted to be as close to him as possible. I wanted him to talk to me, look at me… and then I realized I couldn’t deny my feelings any longer. I couldn’t go on living a lie.”

“Yeah, but, you told me the guy was straight. You said there was no way the two of you would have a relationship. Why did you come out when you knew he wouldn’t have any feelings for you?”

“Because…” Yukio swallowed and licked his lips, forcing himself to carry on. “Even if he couldn’t feel anything for me, I wanted him to know. I wanted him to see me for how I truly was. Even if we had to be friends, I didn’t want to lie to him. I didn’t want to lie to myself.”

Tori slowly nodded. “I think… I think I can understand that.”

Yukio tipped his head to the side, wondering, as he kept his eyes on his best friend. “Why did you want to know all of that?”

A low, rumbling noise was heard as the light shower elevated to a thunderstorm. In Tori’s ears, however, all he could hear was the racing beats of his own heart. He finally averted his gaze from the rain to Yukio, and he still found those green eyes to be as alluring as ever. He also noticed his flawless, pale complexion, and how a few strands of his ivory hair would always fall in front of his face, no matter how many times he brushed them back.

He was such the opposite of Tori, whose skin was darker from so many afternoons of practice and training. His hair was longer, usually pulled back into a ponytail, and it was as midnight black as his father’s, and his eyes were the same deep, sapphire blue. But weren’t opposites supposed to be attracted to one another?

Tori thought of the answer as he moved closer to Yukio. It was easy to see his hesitance and the uncertainty he felt. And while his palms were now sweaty and cold, he reached out and placed a hand upon Yukio’s cheek. He leaned forward, closed his eyes, and then gently, he kissed him.

A shot of electricity ran down the full length of Yukio’s spine, causing him to jolt. He leaned back an inch and stared at Tori, his eyes widen and his mouth slightly gaped.

Tori immediately retracted his hand, almost beginning to regret what he’s just done. “I’m sorry,” he blurted out. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

“No… don’t be sorry.” A gentle smile etched itself upon Yukio’s face. He took Tori’s hand and slowly placed it back onto his cheek. “Do it again.”

Several minutes later, a denim jacket was tossed to the floor. A cell phone slid out one of the pockets and skidded across the hardwood floor, finally stopping when it struck the leg of a chair. There wasn’t much force behind the impact, but the cell phone was an older model and thus the battery easily popped off… disconnecting the two young men from the outside world.