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Santaclaws by Loki

Summary

What happens when Artemis, after knocking down Minako’s Christmas tree while ‘sleep walking’ has to make a mends by performing as a fur lined Santa? Read and find out!

Rated PG13

A Loki Ficlet

Santaclaws


I have to tell you good people. You know, talking about myself is a little hard, cause all you usually get is the little inserts and I play a more supportive role to Minako. She is a good charge, and she looks after me pretty well. Luna looks after me too. She’s pretty amazing as is our daughter, Diana, currently on vacation in London, my old stomping ground with her friends from Mau! But Luna is so wonderful.

“You’re the love of my life, Luna, love…”

“Artemis, you’re getting soppy again, and please, keep still.”

You see, it all started -- and if you’re wondering what my beloved… “Ouch!” Luna, is doing to me -- well allow me to explain.

I had dreamt I was scaling a huge tree, it was like climbing a mountain, I mewed, yowled and hissed at these fuzzy yellow energy balls that just hung there, suspended in mid-air, ‘This was odd!’ I thought to myself, swatting at the thing, and it flipped off the branch and smashed on the ground far below. I didn’t understand. But then, I fell and whilst tumbling down I scrambled as best I might and then it happened! *crash*

I woke up, amidst a collage of Christmas tree branches and decorations strewn all over the floor. Minako stomped in and her hands on hips, in her nightdress as she stared at me as I struggled to free myself from tinsel.

“Artemis! What on Earth are you doing and why did you pull down the Christmas tree?” she accused, shaking her head.

I righted myself and surveyed the damage, and blinked. “I had a dream I was scaling a vast tree the size of a mountain…”

I knew I was for it. But skulking away with my white furry belly close to the floor, I slid off as quickly as I could and scurried for cover.

Suddenly, much to my horror, indignation and humiliation, my feet suddenly left the floor. I wailed, protesting as my tail swished in agitation. “Mina!”

”Yes, Artemis?”

“Please put me down!”

“I will, but I want you to help me clean up, and because I have to get some help re-decorating the tree and righting it, I must think up a fitting punishment for you. Now…hmmmm,” she closed her eyes and I knew I was done for!

Now I am a good-natured guy, err, cat, cat guy! Oh, what the hell, bite me! I am a feline Mauan, and when I feel like it, not that I had done it for a long time, capable of assuming a human form. But as I scooted across the floor chasing those infernal shining metallic colored orbs, I began to enjoy myself, but was careful not to let on in case Sailor V got mad at me again… I kid you not. She transformed and used her ‘Love Me Chain’ to right the tree. And in a flurry of chants and such, the tree was all but back the way it was. I, sat expectantly as she folded her arms in front of her chest, her golden locks in a tumble of blazing fury as she chewed her bottom lip. I was really in big trouble, for when she is lost in thought like that and you happen to be the subject of such intense scrutiny, you had better brace yourself for the unexpected. I purred, and looked everywhere but her shimmering sapphire eyes, her raised heel tapping the polished parquetry flooring to the rhythm of what I thought the latest Senshi fan club single off the CD called aptly, ‘Sailor V.’ I love the ‘Peach Hips.’ Minako keeps calling them the Apricot Hips, I keep correcting her, but she keeps saying it!

*sighs*

I began washing myself. Hey, a cat’s got to do what a cat’s got to do, give me a break guys!

“I got it!”

“G-got-what, Venus? I hope it’s not contagious!”

“Artemis! That was mean! I suppose I can’t blame you for being embarrassed, but I think I have solved a little problem I had. So, let me see. I want to look at you a moment… Hold your head high now and stay still!” she said, her eyes took on that glazed look, the same look she got when we organized a surprise party for Usagi and Chibi-Usa’s birthdays! Boy, that was a riot, and Usagi almost drowned in Kahlua ice cream and Mamoru had a bit of a job to clean her up, not going there! But it took him hours! After which I looked at Luna, she coughed, and led the way to Azabu park and we made out on the park bench under the moonlight, the penny dropped. Luna giggled after I began licking the ice cream off her ear and I handed her a pink-rose… if Mamoru, as Tux can do it for Usagi, why not I for Luna? Besides, it worked! *winks*

But now, in the present moment, as I sat there and Venus strode in and out of the room, I began to get both a little alarmed and curious as to what she had in mind. Fabric wrapped in tissue paper, scissors the size of garden sheers, and pins sticking out of her mouth, a ghastly sight, especially when you know you are fated to become the subject of a bizarre seamstress’s fantasy!

There I was, looking longingly at the marzipan coating on the Christmas cake on the table as a distraction while all this was going on, the icing I had acquired a taste for whilst we spent our first Christmas in London. Yup, I destroyed a giant Christmas Tree Youma! I couldn’t believe that even the Dark Kingdom would lower its colors to rain on the holiday season. But there it was, Sailor V, her masked ladyship, blasted the thing to smithereens and I ate the marzipan remains, and ever since, loved the stuff! So, come this time of year, look out marzipan! Haha!

“Cat! Wake up, Artemis, your eyes are misting over again,” Minako poked me in the ribs and I mewed in protest.

“You rang, Minako?”

Hey, I couldn’t resist, after all, it was her fault for wearing a Santa hat with a bell on it! Ahaha!

She groaned. “Help me here Artemis, I need a model, a cat of high distinction, a performer and not a ham, though no doubt you’ll want some of the smoked Christmas ham in the fridge.”

“I think I wouldn’t mind a little of that, Minako,” Luna broke into the food debate, her passion was the ham as was mine. But she had her name on one turkey leg at the Tsukino’s and another at Mamoru’s place.

“Me, I’m a breast man-cat, actually, love the turkey breast, and the seasoning!”

“Artemis!”

“Whaaat!” I snickered and Luna swatted me playfully.

I turned my attention back to Minako. “Okay, what’s the catch here, I got to be a Santa, but at what cost?”

“Artemis, it’s not all bad. After all…Luna can be your kawaii little helper, hint-hint!” she winked, Luna blushed and I coughed.

I heard a knock at the door. Minako, dressed in her Senshi version of a Christmas fuku, with the fluffy red boots and white trim and a Santa hat like mine, skipped over to the door and answered it. Mamoru, and Usagi stood there bug-eyed and grinning like loons. “Minako, you look great, got a pressy for us?” Usagi chirped, and added, “Arti, you look like a plushy!”

“Now come on guys, both of you, Arti is to be our Santa for this year’s surprise charity fest!” Sailor Venus exclaimed.

Usagi giggled in the doorway and entered the room. He does look cute and most warm and fluffy!”

“Wa-“ I cried, and was silenced with a marzipan treat.

“Yup, I think you would look good in red, you got the white bit right, so, cause I am a nice girl, I won’t make you where a beard, but a cute Santa hat would suit just fine, don’t you think so, guys?” Minako giggled.

“Oh most certainly, you would make the perfect Santa, and I, lady Christmas!” Luna purred, licking her lips at the prospect of Christmas dinner with all the trimmings and I blushed.

“And this year’s Christmas performance is going to be a surprise venue and a special audience. They’ll love you both!” Venus said, and both Mamoru and Usagi nodded their agreement, sat on the sofa, and admired the tree that was the cause of my plight.

At that moment, I longed to lose myself within a marzipan universe filled with delicious cakes, and all that yummy faire. But soon as the outfit was measured, and I, suffering the occasional pinpricks! *seamstress forgets said feline is not a fur-lined pin- cushion!* *Ouch!* I resigned myself to my festive fate!

~*~

“Ha! Guys, I think this is going to be an awesome concert! Got the girls from Puffy Ami Yumi playing. Artemis here is going to be the star of the show. I’m going to read out a poem. You guys are to perform the Christmas dance and the girls will join you with Kunz and the other guys. It will be a blast!”

“But mina-“

“Artemis, come on, it will be fun and Chibi-Usa will lead the reindeers and the sled!”

“They look more like Rain-mice!” Luna protested.

“Need an incentive, now don’t we, and besides, they’re cute!” Minako bubbled and squeaked much to my chagrin.

The Shitennou came into the room attempting to hide their large bags of Christmas presents, but Minako rushed up to Kunz and kissed him. “Sprung bad!” she giggled.

“Well then Minako my love, what do I get in my Christmas stocking this year, hmmm?” he winked.

“Me!”

“Ah the perfect gift!”

“Nothing but the best…for my guy,” they kissed and I rolled my eyes as had Luna.

As all this went on around me, I knew I was in for an interesting time. There I sat, made up to look like a stuffed plushy Santaclaws, now that’s a good pun! But really, it might not be that bad. But I don’t have any idea who we are going to be performing for, a shopping center gig, with kids pulling our tails and looking for the microphones, I won’t have them pulling my tail! But, we’re on a stage, yes, and stages are far enough off the ground to prevent tampering with the actors, so okay, it might not be all that bad.

“All right, I love Puffy Ami Yumi, and who else have you got?” Ami said enthusiastically.

“Rei and Yuuichirou . You should hear their new songs, and the gang is going to do Gothic Rock styled Christmas songs like White Christmas and Santa is coming to the Subway! But really… it will be such fun!”

“Town, Minako, it’s town…”
Makoto corrected.

“You kidding, you’d never get into downtown Tokyo on Christmas day, no it’s here in Juuban!”

“Forget it. It’s cool!” Mako-chan chuckled as Usagi and Mamoru, along with the others laughed.

Minako looked blank faced at everyone and pressed on, “Oh, yeah… Also, we’re throwing in some dance tracks and love songs for the fun of it. We have a fireworks thing planned as well. It’s all to be held in the Juuban Community Hall and the food is going to be great,” she said excitedly.

“And the guys hot, and the music and a good cause, what else do you need to know,” Makoto piped up.

“Lunch!” Usagi smiled and patted my head and Luna purred and mewed as our treats were placed before us.


Puffy Ami Yumi Tour Bus


“Yumi, its going to be so fantastic, imagine, finally meeting our fave female super heroines in person!” Ami exclaimed, “ And Mizuno Ami. She’s cool. I think we’ll get on like a house on fire. But Tux…he is gorgeous!” she drooled.

“Cool your jets, Ami, the guy’s spoken for, and besides, if anyone’s got a chance of clinching the hottest guy in Tokyo you’re looking at her!”

“Yumi!”

“I know. I may not have the powers of a Sailor Senshi, but I don’t have to with a rock’n voice and musical charm that will sizzle his heart and I can claim him for myself!” she declared, slipping into super-Senshi look-alike mode, ripping through a few complex riffs on her electric guitar.

“Oh, but there’s Motoki, Mamoru’s best friend. I staked out the Crown Arcade to check it out as a possible venue, a bit small, but he is awesome!”

“Okay, we’re pumped and we’re ready to rock and roll! Sailor Senshi, move over, we’re Sailors Puffy Ami Yumi!”


Night of the Christmas Concert


The girls had transformed. All wore Christmas fukus. Kaz was ogling the girls and asking for autographs. Humoring the guy, they shrugged and gave each other knowing looks before signing the balding little manager’s autograph book.

“Oh thank you ladies, I love watching you in action, you are really awesome!” he declared, and bowed to each of them in turn.

“Thank you, I think…” Mars smirked and shook her head as he hummed the vaguely familiar theme song of the Anime tribute series dedicated to them all.

Yumi and Ami had warned everyone about their wayward mad capped manager and all decided to grin and bear it, for tonight anyway.

~*~

It was such a sight. The stage was huge! I was touched to find that the concert was being organized to raise funds for the Mauan refugee and orphaned kittens appeal. After the war, the little guys who lost their folks needed a home and so Mamoru and Usagi had organized it. I was honored to play Santa and hand out presents to all the young kittens.

So there we were. On stage and after a little jam session, I knew I was going to have fun!

I must confess, events leading up to the concert were crazy. Mamoru told Minako and me how Yumi would serenade him every night for five days, but Usagi and Reika weren’t having any of that, I can tell you. The situation coming to a head once Usagi doused Yumi with a bucket of water from Mamoru’s apartment balcony. Disgruntled, she gave up, knowing there was no way she’d steal Mamoru away from Usagi. And let me tell you, Mamoru had to run and hide for a while before this final hilarious confrontation took place. Then, Reika came up with the perfect solution to all their problems, having arranged with Mamoru for Ami and Yumi to meet a couple of the young interns at his clinic at the hospital. Yumi and Ami had fallen for them in an instant. The feeling was mutual. The girls, most taken with them, forgot all about their original quest for Motoki and Mamo-san much to the relief of us all.

“And ladies, gentlemen and our little guests from Mau,” Venus cried through the microphone and the kittens cheered along with the enthusiastic human members of the audience, “I introduce to you, the awesome, hot and amazingly talented… Puffy Ami Yumi!”

Remind me to wear earplugs next year! Only kidding. Actually, the girls were truly amazing! Really, the black leather and white velvet skirts and rose and pink tops, the purple and blue hair and their shining indigo and black electric guitars unleashing a blaze of intricate chords as the drums rolled into action and the girls, dressed as Senshi with Christmas hats did their thing. White Christmas will be forever changed in my mind, and I loved it, we all did, they performed a medley of their latest hits and mixed it up with a raft of Christmas classics.

“We wanna say, Sailor Venus, we think you’re truly awesome! And this is for you!” Yumi cried, and they did their Gothic-Rock version of the Sailor V song.

Suddenly, there was a flash and a strange man in a court jester’s outfit appeared on the stage. He definitely wasn’t part of the show and this butt-ugly green candle Youma standing behind him started sending streams of red and dark lightning at the audience.

Kaz, on roller-skates, tried to be a hero, and damn it, if he hadn’t managed to injure the Youma, redeeming himself in everybody’s eyes. There he was, wielding a crowbar he had fetched from the back of the tour bus. After he had struck the thing, he zipped off stage out of harm’s reach. I was impressed. Then it was our turn. Luna and I rushed the kittens to safety, while Loki, Morgana, Robbie and onyx jumped onto the rain deer, err, rain mice *don’t care what the others thought about that* We got the idea from Kaz and fitted the sled and the rain-mice with skates and rode it towards the Youma and rammed it, knocking the Youma over.

“Sailor Moon, it’s up to you!” Luna and I chimed.

“I don’t know about you, Yumi, but I think we’re in trouble!”

“Yeah, tell me about it!”

“Got to be something we can do to help,” Ami declared as they stepped back and allowed room for the Senshi to launch their attacks against the Youma.

“Moon Cosmic Power!”

“Jupiter Cosmic Power!”

“Mars Cosmic Power!”

“Venus Cosmic Power!”

And so the battle continued. I rushed towards the girls to help them off stage, but was amazed by what they did next, and though I had my hands full attacking the weird court jester guy -- never seen him before. He called himself Lord Piccolo -- he looked like an out of work stand up comic and his lines were just as lame!

“Okay Ami, this calls for a little Puffy Yumi Power, time to rock and roll!”

Suddenly, the girls played a devastating series of loud screeching riffs.

“No! Stop them please, that sound!” the court jester guy screamed as the candle began to shudder and the flame flickered.

“Now Sailor Senshi!” Yumi shouted and Tux, along with all the girls combined their attacks and whipped the Youma and the court jester, who vanished in a puff of green smoke and was no more!

As soon as the Youma had gone and the audience was back in their seats after the fight, Sailor Moon stepped up to the microphone.

“The show will go on everyone. And the kittens are in good hands, or should I say, paws!” she said, smiling down at both Luna and I. We gathered the kittens in the front row as Minako read her poem.

“And so snowballs are better than lamingtons! I love being here. First thing is first, Christmas is where I get to be a poetess. I love this time of year and the bunnies and the chocolate, err, whoops. Wrong poem…teheheh!”

I rolled over with laughter, and I had to admit, seeing Luna, the kittens giggling also was a wonderful site.

And then the girls played a rock waltz as Mamoru and Usagi danced, lost in each other’s eyes. We were all caught up in the magic of the moment as the fireworks went off outside. Sailor V made it through her recital. Yuuichirou and Rei did their thing accompanied by Puffy Ami Yumi, singing Jingle Bells as the girls helped set up the trestle tables and laid out all the food and we all had a great time.

Later, our friends, old and new, carried a Mauan kitten each onto the balcony and we all enjoyed the fireworks.

~*~

“Usagi, Mamoru, Luna and Artimis, you guys are amazing. We’re going to call our next tour, Senshi Rocks!”

“Thanks girls, and seems your cats have made some new friends,” Mercury said as they all turned to mush as the Mauan orphans played with Jen-Keng and Tekiai, Puffy Ami Yumi’s kitties and the other Earth cats. Luna and I joined in as she and I rubbed noses, and Loki and Hercules did a high-five!

Merry Christmas and a safe and happy new year! Artemis out!

End

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