Moments After Dawn by Jessica Pendragon

My Heart

All the fear has left me now
I'm not frightened anymore
It's my heart that pounds beneath my flesh
It's my mouth that pushes out this breath

And if I shed a tear I won't cage it
I won't fear love
And if I feel a rage I won't deny it
I won't fear love

Sarah McLachlan-Fumbling Towards Ecstasy


Minako shut the door with a quiet click as a loud and heavy sigh escaped her lips. She didn't bother to turn on the lights, but merely kicked off her sandals, molting her outer layers as she went along. The pale moonlight gently touched her skin and hair, making her glow like the mist over a lighthouse. The plush bed her destination, and her tired feet took her there automatically. By the time she slipped between the sheets she was free from the constraints of her clothing, but not released from the endless thoughts racing through her mind.

Everything was different now, which seemed strange to say considering nothing had ever been normal since as far back as she could remember. Maybe there really was no normal. The Senshi and their rulers had spent the day with their lost sister, welcoming her with open arms back into their growing group. Minako was happy they were all together again; after everything they'd been through with the Outer Senshi she couldn't imagine a world without them anymore, regardless of their differences. It was good to resolve this issue of time and change that for so long had been foremost in all their minds.

For the past couple of days she felt as if she existed outside herself. Ever since Setsuna's revelations, Minako did not know what to think or how to react. She tried to stay strong and together for her friends, but inside, her world was a giant storm ready to tear her apart. She smiled, laughed and joked, yet out of the corner of her eye she was always watching him. He was never one to make waves. But since their trip through Setsuna's timeline, Kunzite was being especially calm. As always, he remained by his king's side, and as far away as possible from the Venusian princess. That was a hard feat to accomplish, considering how close the king and queen remained throughout the day. But if someone could pull it off, it would be Kunzite. Placated, his smiling face was hard to read — it always had been -- and she could only wonder what Kunzite thought or felt during these daring days.

For her part, the swirling vortex of her thoughts and emotions always ended at one pinpoint -- Him. She rolled her eyes at herself for entertaining such a notion, thinking back to all those years of fruitless and reckless pining after men whom she thought shone brighter than stars. But her true, Heavenly King was only a few halls away, and she was afraid to make the last turn. However, this meant so much, for she could hardly contain her heart in her chest when finally they heard their twisted history lesson. Every knot of their past holding them back now unraveled; their future free of former villains and complications, without unsettled ghosts, curses and destiny ruling their every decision; their future finally theirs to decide. She would always be Sailor Venus, but now that she knew who she was, things were simply falling into place within. She didn't have to fight who she was to be free. That was something she should have learned long ago.

She had almost been willing to give her heart to him before, but the revelation concerning Katarina obliterated every plan she had at the moment. It had shaken her to the core. And for a long time she could only think about this woman who had so convincingly worn her face. There was one question plaguing Minako she could not overcome. During years past; when Kunzite looked into her eyes, who would he really see? She was afraid to find the answer. So they floated past each other, five years of silence despite being only a few feet apart, protecting those they were sworn to protect. She learned to ignore his presence, to numb herself to everything she once felt for the one man who made her feel truly alive. She refused to look into his eyes ever again. Everything was awkward; everything was so wrong when it should have been so perfect. They had won, they had beaten their enemies and saved the Earth, but Minako's personal victory seemed far more impossible.

She sighed dramatically, turning on her side to stare at her shadowed bedroom door, a dark rectangle against the golden wall. In her mind, it became a picture frame, showing her memories like an old film. Images old and new flashed across her vision, of the two of them together, of the two of them apart. Sadly, she realized they had spent more time away from each other over those long years. She thought she would have to go on forever like this; ignoring someone's very existence just so she could keep a little of her sanity. Separated from the man destiny once showed her was hers and hers alone. She often thought fate had playfully and cruelly changed its mind, toying with her emotions and soul. Now…maybe all those years ago weren't the right time. Perhaps she had other things to do first, and she could not deny they had been important, or their love was real enough to stand the test of time, if given the chance.

All these hopeful thoughts were floating through her head because of what happened in the gardens. He had spoken directly to her for the first time in ages, and offered to help her up after Demando's battle. Of course she declined; even though he had her flustered, she wouldn't relent that easily. She wouldn't be swept away simply because he finally gave her the time of day. But in the end, she ended up in his arms, a place she never thought to find herself ever again. She was so surprised and exhilarated at the same time, she could only stand there in disbelief. Usually it was the senshi of love and beauty that dared to make a first move, not the silent guardian Shitennou. The golden beauty had been afraid to look in his eyes, however, afraid to see if maybe this was all a misunderstanding, and ruin the tingles of joy rushing to her toes.

He broke their unwritten rule, forged by awkward glances and stubborn minds. Did he think things could change so abruptly? And she could not be more outraged with herself, standing there like a blubbering and crazed school girl getting attention from her favorite idol. What made matters worse, she had to admit; it was something that did not happen again. It was almost as if the incident hadn't occurred at all, even though she could never mistake such a delicious reality for a dream. Minako did not know what to do. Should she pretend it was all a lie, when half the court was there to see it and pester her for answers she didn't have? Should she wait patiently on his heels until he decided to make another move? Is that really what a princess of Venus would do? What was she doing…what were they doing?

The sheets exploded away like a sail mercifully filled with a saving gust as she rushed up from her fitful slumber. She only paused to grab a modest robe and wrap it around her slim figure before sprinting towards the door. Her mind was made up. She wouldn't be afraid of love this lifetime. She wouldn't be afraid to take the chance, and she wouldn't let fate pass them by again without a fight. Five years and two lifetimes were long enough to wait. The Goddess of Love and Beauty would have her one chance at true love, whether he liked it or not. She wrenched open the door, but yelped in surprise, all momentum coming to an abrupt halt. Something massive and familiar blocked her passage in the darkened hallway beyond; a living shadow she could recognize anywhere.

"Kunzite," she breathed out, having to release the pressure in her lungs as the edges around her vision started to blur. She could barely see his features hidden by the night, but she knew them all the same. He was as familiar to her as her own skin, and she had reverently traced every inch of his pale skin. Neither moved for a few painful moments, and she tried to keep her composure in front of him. It was always that way between them, some unspoken game from ancient times. They were stubborn and combative, even when it came to love. She tried to hide her feelings from him long ago, and then keep them hidden from the whole world as they met in secret, in an attempt to keep a hopeless love alive. She got so used to concealing her feelings over the centuries. No more. There was so much to say, so many years and centuries of things to make up for, to explain.

Yet as she found the courage to open her nervous lips, Kunzite pushed himself out of shadow, and the words fell from her tongue in a shocked heap on the floor. She stood there, utterly surprised at his appearance and the emotions burning in his eyes. His hair disheveled, as if, like herself, he too had been tossing and turning minutes before. His chest rose quickly as if he was the victor of a cross country race. She could feel his passion as if he had his warm arms wrapped around her, and the force was almost staggering. Only once before had she felt such emotion from Kunzite, so complete and perfect, so exposed and true. Her eyes began to water at the memories, but she wouldn't let the dam completely collapse yet. She needed to speak, to tell him everything in her heart.

"Kunzi-"

He crashed upon her like a tidal wave, and instantly she was swept up in his embrace, as the land has no choice but to submit to the mighty ocean's will. His lips were on fire, igniting a wild passion deep inside her. All thoughts and words, explanations and ultimatums left her mind, and she opened herself to her senses. She loved the feeling of having his hands once again lost in her long hair as she tipped back her head, exposing her long neck. Kunzite trailed kisses along her jaw, kissing her soft skin of her throat, gently nipping at her collar bone, causing her to moan as she gazed at the ceiling. He took control, taking hold of her and pushing her against her golden wall with a force that knocked the breath from her lungs.

She retaliated, digging her nails into his shoulders as she nipped at his ear, something that always drove him crazy. He made a noise, either of frustration or passion, it was hard to tell, and Minako usually instilled both in and out of the bedroom. Impatiently he pulled the robe off her smooth shoulders, obviously pleased to be met with unclothed flesh beneath. His touch wasn't at all harsh, but merely forceful and needy as he pushed his fingers into her flesh, grasping, pulling, pinching. He thrust his hips into hers, making her knees go weak as she felt him, hard and present against her. Minako was losing herself in the pleasure as it radiated through her, the strongest pulsations in her abdomen, yet she wanted nothing more but to stay in this moment. This moment she'd been dreaming and praying for, for so long.

Fortunately for her, Kunzite had no time for extended foreplay. He felt the same desperate urge to be together after all this time. Effortlessly, he lifted her up. She immediately wrapped her strong legs around his waist as he carried her to the bed, all the while kissing his neck and face, remembering every inch with her lips all over again. A startled gasp escaping already swollen lips as he threw her roughly upon the edge of the bed, but Minako was hardly scared. Like a cat she inched her way up the bed, watching him with keen eyes as he removed his constrictive pants. The hunger in his eyes made her shiver with anticipation, and as he came after her, she could practically hear her quivering heartbeat pounding in her ears.

His hand all but lost itself in her long sumptuous tresses, while pulling her down into the pillows as his lips claimed hers once again under the moonlight. His free hand finding hers, fingers intertwined close to her head as he pressed down against her. She submitted easily as he pushed her legs further apart; she was beyond being stubborn now. She wanted this, wanted someone to take control, to claim her. She wanted to belong to someone, after so many years of feeling like there would be no end to her loneliness and sense of emptiness. The white Shitennou claimed her lips once more, delivering a kiss that sent tingles rippling down her body. She cried out against his mouth as he filled her, losing herself in flesh and warmth as their hips met over and over again.

It was like a dance; lost, but not forgotten…never forgotten. She held him tight, fingertips feeling every muscle in his back and arms, the strength of them giving her strength. This was better than any words or confessions; love spoke for itself. As the passion and pressure built up, almost exploding, Kunzite wrapped his arms around her shoulders, bringing himself closer. It was as if every inch of his body covered hers, and she imagined them melting together, becoming one body and one soul. His heavy breathing in her ear as their hot cheeks touched; the temperature rising, blazing like a furnace within them both. It grew larger with every panted breath and moan, each desperate movement as it brought them to the edge and beyond.

He whispered something so faintly, she could barely hear it, but its effect was great. All the pains and hurts of the past disappeared with its utterance, and left only the happy memories and this precious, precious moment. Delightful shudders of ecstasy were spreading throughout her body, bouncing back as waves of pleasure and release. She cried out against his shoulder, gently biting his collarbone as the powerful orgasm took her to places she hadn't been for so long. Against her closed lids the world turned red as she squinted, eyes shutting sharply as Kunzite reached his climax above her. As their breaths began to return to normal and their bodies relaxed, as he began to trace her cheeks affectionately, Minako did not open her eyes.

She was afraid of what would happen if she did, afraid in that way she had been not all that long ago. She didn't want this to be a lie; it would destroy her heart beyond any hope of repair. Minako only wanted to lay there, forever ignorant, hearing his heartbeat so close to hers.

"What are you doing?" he finally asked, his voice raw with emotion, as he gently traced her hairline with his thumb.

"I don't want to wake up…I don't want this to just be a dream," she quietly admitted.

"Loni…" he whispered her ancient name again as he had only moments ago, so hushed and reverent like a prayer to a goddess. It had frustrated her no end when five years ago he suddenly appeared and uttered her name so carelessly, but it brought tears to her eyes for different reasons now. It was like a soft admission of love to her, a testament to their time tested union. In his arms, the Senshi of love didn't want to be known as anything else.

Slowly, she opened her eyes, finding his brilliant ones in the darkness. He was smiling, something so rare and beautiful to her world. Yet, just outside the corner of his eye was something that surprised her far more. A wandering tear remained, poised to fall and die against her bed sheets below. Minako reached up, curious and elated at the same time, and gently brushed the warm drop from his feverish skin. That single droplet of unabated truth told her of his love more than any poem or sonnet. And shakily, as her own tears finally broke the dam, she smiled.

He caught her hand, pressing it against his face and softly kissed the smooth palm. "Never again…never again," he promised, and despite all those broken pledges of the past, she knew he meant it this time.

So without hesitation, as he held her close well into the silvery night, Minako slept knowing her heart was finally mended, finally allowing her to love the one man she could not live without. The Senshi of love and beauty at last knew she had her own happily ever after, and would never fear loneliness and heartache again. She was loved. She was free.

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