There had never been a time that I didn’t question my own life. I often wondered why things turned out as they did. Now that my second year of high school has started, I questioned things even more. Having never truly carved a deep niche in my high school society, I had always believed I was still a middle school kid at heart. Of course, I had some friends here and there, but I spent so much time with the band that I sometimes forgot about the age difference. Then there were times that the guys were so immature that I wondered why I wasn’t hanging around with people my own age.
Maturity was a strange thing, and I had never been sure of where I fell on the spectrum. Maybe that’s what high school was all about: finding yourself. It was about deciding who you were and who you wanted to become.
The problem was I had no idea what I was going to do with my future. I loved being part of the band, but I sometimes found myself wondering what it was like to be normal. I wanted to know what it was like to go through a full, uninterrupted year of school, go to the mall with a couple of girl friends, and maybe even have a real boyfriend.
It wasn’t as though I didn’t appreciate having Nat around. He was my best friend and his attempts to make us something more were flattering. It was complicated, though. No matter how hard I tried to ignore the difference in age, it always came up. By the time Nat was a freshman, I would be a junior getting ready to apply for college. I didn’t know if I was even going to college. Was I supposed to let Nat and the band hold me back from pursuing other dreams I might have?
It was strange to think of what things would be like it my life didn’t center around the band. I knew I was lucky to be able to live the dream, but I also wanted to know what else I was made of. There had to be more to my life than just being the bassist of the Naked Brothers Band.
Tenth grade had only begun, so I still had three more years to straighten things out. However, Time had never been kind the confused and insecure.
This year was going to be a living Hell.
