Nymphadora Tonks was silently patrolling the grounds of Hogwarts. The risks of attack on the grounds were high since the return of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named the end of the previous year. Dumbledore had several members of the Order of the Phoenix on the Hogwarts grounds at all times.
Friends and even acquaintances of this young Auror would not recognize Tonks. The sparkle of Tonks’ eyes and the bright pink hair were gone. Her clothes were wrinkled and her hair, currently a mousy brown was dull and unkempt. In fact her entire appearance looked neglected. The hopeless look on Tonks’ face, especially in her eyes, told a story of deep disappointment and misery. The creases of Tonks’ face had changed and the spark of life and mischief that many associated with her were also missing. Tonks had not smiled in months, and actually did not care any more if she ever smiled again. Tonks was struggling with her will to keep living, to keep moving forward with her life.
It all started that night at the Ministry of Magic when Tonks’ cousin, Sirius Black, fell through the veil to his death. Bellatrix Lestrange, their aunt had pushed him through after having first injured Tonks in battle. Tonks, along with most of the members of the Order of the Phoenix, had arrived in time to save Harry Potter and his friends. A devious trap had been set by He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named in an effort to obtain the prophecy that the Order had been protecting all year at the ministry. The prophecy had set the destiny of young Harry all those years ago. It had also led to the death of his parents, and left him with the lightning bolt scar on his forehead. Tonks, had been injured and sent to St. Mungo’s for treatment. The healers at St. Mungo’s had prescribed bedrest on the spell damage ward. After a couple of days taking all sorts of dreadful potions, she finally was discharged with an almost clean bill of health, even though her ribs still hurt a bit where Bellatrix’s spell had hit her. The healers had given Tonks a potion to take for a few more days. She was also instructed to make sure she got plenty of rest the next few days.
The first night at St. Mungo’s, a worried and depressed Remus Lupin had come to make sure she would be okay. Remus didn’t want to loose two friends in one night to Bellatrix. Remus was mortified by the death of the last of his close friends. He considered his friend Peter to be dead since he betrayed James and Lily by telling He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named where to find them.
Remus did not immediately tell Tonks about Sirius, although she could tell he was in shock and seemed to be mourning for someone. Tonks knew it had been a dreadful battle at the Ministry of Magic. Struggling to hold back tears, Remus refused to tell her anything until he was sure she was well enough to take the news. When Tonks was discharged he took her home to her apartment. Remus promised to tell Tonks everything once they got there.
Once at Tonks’ apartment Remus had broken the news about Sirius. Tonks had collapsed into Remus’ arms sobbing, and she felt his tears finally start to fall with hers. They both cried for their friend and relative, as Remus thought of Sirius as a brother. Once their tears dried up they started to share their memories of Sirius. Remus spoke of their days together at Hogwarts, and the adventures and mischief of the Marauders. Tonks relayed stories her mother shared with her about Sirius, and her own memories of Sirius, few as they were. That night they seemed to connect in a very special way. It was the first night that Tonks realized that she had strong feelings for Remus, and may even be in love with him. The night ended suddenly though, much more quickly then Tonks would have liked. They were still sharing memories of Sirius sitting on her couch together when their eyes met. She felt her lips felt drawn to his, but before they met his, Remus pushed her away. He looked at his watch, mentioned about how late the hour was and reminded her that she was supposed to be getting rest the next few days. Then Remus rushed out the door.
Tonks didn’t see or hear from Remus again until the Order provided an escort to accompany Harry at the Kings Cross train station where they had a little chat with the Dursley’s about his stay there that summer. Remus rushed away immediately after the meeting saying something about an assignment that Dumbledore had given him for the Order of the Phoenix. Tonks later learned that the assignment was to spy on Fenrir Greyback and the other werewolves who followed the dangerous rogue. That piece of knowledge alone increased Tonks’ despair.
Tonks wrote Remus several letters, sending them by owls. The only response she received was one letter asking her to stop trying to contact him because he was working undercover and was cursed anyway. Once more she attempted to contact Remus with her Patronus, but to no avail. At Order meetings at which they were both present Remus always arrived right after the meeting started and left right before it adjourned.
There was only one meeting at which Tonks and Remus were both present. Tonks had started to leave, but saw Arthur Weasley invite Remus to stay for dinner. Remus was looking even thinner and more rough then usual. Molly came up to her and invited her to stay, too. Tonks thought that maybe this would be her chance to talk to him.
When Remus saw that Tonks was staying, he tried to make excuses to leave, but Molly insisted that he remain till dinner was over. She worried over how thin he had become and the grey sprinkled generously through his hair. Remus ignored Tonks the entire dinner, although when she was not looking at him, she felt his eyes on her. When he had finished his meal, Remus tried to hurry away, but Tonks cornered him before he could leave. Remus finally looked her in the eye again, and did not allow her a chance to speak. In a hoarse voice he determinedly informed Tonks that his was a dangerous life and that his curse prevented him from being able to have a relationship. Remus was sorry, but she needed to live with that fact. His voice kept cracking as he faced her, but he still got the words out. Then he hurriedly walked away, wiping away the tears that were starting to run down his face.
Tonks needed to find a way to make him understand that he was a good man and deserved to find happiness. She could see the love in his eyes as he told her how dangerous it was to be with him. The tears were also a sign to her tortured heart.
