Mamoru would later regard this as the worst, most embarrassing day of his life.
He arrived at the Tsukino household fifteen minutes after he was supposed to. That was what Usagi considered on time after all. And that was on a good day. He knew that the rest of her family had gone out for the day, so there was no danger in running into the menacing face of Tsukino Kenji, and for that, Mamoru was exceedingly grateful.
He reached for the doorknob, turning it without having to use the key Usagi had given him without her father’s knowledge. Even though she was alone, Usagi almost never locked the door behind them. It was very hard for her to be worried about an ordinary human burglar when she’d faced all sorts of monstrous demons in her time.
“Usako?” he called, shutting the door behind him. “Are you ready?”
“Just give me a minute, Mamo-chan!”
Apparently, it wasn’t a good day.
He sighed a little, shaking his head. He chuckled a bit as he headed over to the stairs. He ascended them quickly, skipping the two that squeaked out of habit. Then he walked over to her open door, peering inside.
There was his Usako, lovely as ever.
Mamoru leaned in the doorway, his eyes raking over her pleasing form. She was wearing his favorite dress without telling him, her favorite little way of telling him she was in the mood for something… special. It was short, form-fitting white lace that clung to her perfectly. It was also backless, which he could tell from the up fancy up do she was sporting. She seemed to be almost ready. She wasn’t standing in front of the mirror, just the closet, tipping her head to the side, probably deciding which shoes to wear.
“You look great,” he complimented, striding forward. Before she could respond, he wrapped his arms around her tiny waist, nuzzling her neck. “But you know that dress drives me crazy.”
She seemed to tense when he touched her, and he wondered if maybe he’d surprised her. Even now, months after there had been an enemy, she’d jump a bit sometimes when he came up behind her.
“Relax,” he instructed gently. Then he raised his eyebrow a bit and nipped at her earlobe. “I can help you relax….” He began to outline every curve of her ear with his tongue while he eased one of his hands over her hip and down to her thigh. Her breath quickened as he teased his fingers over her bare skin.
“You know, we don’t even have to go to the restaurant if you don’t want,” Mamoru whispered in her ear. “We could just stay here…” His other hand glided up her stomach to cup her breast, flicking his thumb over her nipple.
She gave a quiet moan that he thought was an affirmative.
He grinned and kissed the area just below her ear. Then he dipped lower, devouring her pale neck, marking it with his lips. Normally, Usagi would reach up with her hand and run it through his hair, guiding it to her collarbone. However, this time she kept her hands right at her sides, clenching and unclenching her fingers. Apparently, she expected him to do all of the work this time. He didn’t mind and obliged her unspoken request, biting her shoulder lightly while squeezing her breast. He grinned into her skin when he heard her gasp.
God, but he was good at this.
His mouth never left her shoulder as he continued to administer attention to her breast. Her breath was coming shorter now, the sound driving him on. He started to moving his other thigh, up her thigh and underneath the thin material of her dress. It wouldn’t be long now.
“MAMO-CHAN!”
Then again, it might be a very, very long time.
Mamoru’s eyes flew open, his mouth still resting on what he thought was Usagi’s shoulder. He immediately moved his hands, praying that what he thought was happening actually wasn’t happening and that this was all some nightmare or youma induced hallucination. Of course, he realized it was foolish to hope, so he spun around…
…And faced his doom in a petite blonde package, her hair done up in its usual style.
Usagi stared at him, her mouth agape and tears filling her eyes. She folded her arms across her chest, hands clutching at her arms. “Mamo-chan… how could you?!”
“Usako, I--"
Before Mamoru could explain that he had been certain the woman he was currently getting to second base with was Usagi, his girlfriend fled the room. He heard her thump down the stairs, her feet hitting the two squeaking stairs. She continued crying as she flung open the front door, slamming it behind her.
He turned back to the woman, who was clearly evil, and grabbed her by the shoulder, whirling her around. “Just who the hell do you think you--"
Mamoru stared. Either he was insane or the world was, and he wasn’t entirely sure which he preferred.
“Minako?”
“Hey there, Tiger,” Minako said with grin, completely recovered except for a slight flush in her cheeks. Of course, this had nothing to do with her being embarrassed, a fact that infuriated him for some reason. She glanced down at the garment she was wearing, trying to smooth out the wrinkles. “Well, Usagi was certainly right about this dress. You really can’t control yourself when she wears it.” She looked up again, her eyes sparkling with satisfaction. “Or apparently anyone else.”
“B-But—“ he stuttered, shaking a little bit. “Why are you wearing it?! And what are you even doing here?”
Minako walked over to the mirror, inspecting her neck and collarbone. There were several red welts, courtesy of her best friend’s boyfriend. She didn’t seem pleased with their presence. “My date with Isamu is tonight, and since we both know that the relationship doesn’t have a very long shelf life, I wanted to make the most of it. Usagi told us about how you react when she wears this, so I asked if I could borrow it.”
Mamoru felt himself pale. “She… She told you about that?”
Minako smirked and turned around to face him. “Oh, she tells us everything.”
“Everything?” His voice was very small.
She nodded, dropping her eyes meaningfully before looking up at him again. “Everything.”
Mamoru very much wanted to die. He wanted God to reach down and flick him so that this horrible moment would be over and he’d be dead and go to hell so that he wouldn’t have to face Usagi, or worse, Usagi and her friends when they found about this.
Minako pouted, making fitful noises. “Of course, I’m going to have to cancel now. I can’t go out with him with these things all over me.” She turned back around, glaring slightly. “Really, I thought she talked to you about not leaving hickeys where they can be seen.”
Mamoru couldn’t believe this. She was upset with him? This made sense on absolutely no levels whatsoever. “Minako!” he shouted, waving his hands a bit. “You just… you just stood there!”
“Well, you did take me off guard,” Minako explained nonchalantly.
Mamoru buried his hands his hair, trying to rip it out of his scalp. “But why didn’t you say anything?!”
Minako shrugged, smiling in a way that was eerily similar to that of every single woman who had ever brainwashed him. Mamoru thought that this description was very appropriate. “You know, I thought about it… But then I decided it was more fun my way.”
“More fu--" Mamoru released his hair, dropping his arms to his sides so that they slapped against his thighs. “You are insane! You are absolutely INSANE!”
“Well, duh,” Minako giggled. “Boy, you really don’t listen when Usagi talks, do you?”
Mamoru screamed in frustration and ran out of the house, prepared to do whatever it took, buy whatever she wanted, and grovel as much as necessary for Usagi to forgive him.
And then he would kill Minako.
