Midday Ramblings
He hadn’t expected her to be here when he came home. He had hoped, yes, but had not expected it. Relief had spread through his chest when he found her asleep curled up in their bed. He had been a little surprised to find her asleep, but perhaps that was for the best. Grissom knew he had hurt her with this case. He wasn’t quite sure how he had done it, but he knew he had. There had something off about their conversation in the lab. He settled down beside her on the bed, not touching her just watching. She had said she understood.
How had she understood? He had never explained it to her. He sighed at that. That was his mistake. She didn’t know about Heather’s granddaughter. She didn’t really know anything about his history with Heather either, come to think about it. She had never been a primary investigator on any of the cases involving her, and they had never really discussed the subject since they had become involved. And given the case and knowing the lab, there had probably been all sorts of gossip going around about him and Heather.
What it boiled down to was trust. He knew Sara trusted him, but he hadn’t trusted her this time around. Not because he didn’t trust her, but because he didn’t think about it. Now he had to fix it. The question was how? He sighed and watched her sleep. She’d been sleeping much better after moving in with him. Her insomnia had decreased since they had started dating, but since they had really started living together, her sleep patterns almost resembled a normal person’s.
“I’m sorry, honey. I really am. Sometimes I forget you don’t know everything that’s going on in my head and do stupid things like not let you in on what’s going on. You remember the case with Heather’s daughter? Well, she had a baby, a little girl. Heather was denied any custody or visitation rights. She was suicidal. She sold her life in order to make sure her ex-husband could have all the money the baby would ever need.”
Logically, he knew Sara was asleep and wouldn’t remember anything he said, but Grissom needed to get this out. And maybe if he got through it once, he could do it again when she was awake. “That’s why I wasn’t here when you got home. I convinced her ex to let her at least meet her granddaughter. I can’t imagine what it would be like to loose the last connection you had to the person you loved the most. I don’t know how I would function if someone kept me from our child or grandchild. I should have told you though. I do trust you, honey. I just forgot that I need to tell you things instead of just think them. We don’t need words so much of the time that I forget there are times we need them.”
His hand had moved to her hair, gently stroking it. “I hate it when I hurt you like this. That’s one of the reasons I was so afraid of having a relationship with you. Heather was a one night stand at most. She was intriguing, available, and there were no messy complications with her. But she wasn’t you.”
“I’m not very good with words when it comes to my emotions, Sara. I’ll try to explain everything tomorrow. I love you, honey.”
Grissom slid off the bed to make his own preparations for sleep. When he finally slipped between the sheets next to Sara, he found she had turned on her side, now facing him. One hand lay curled palm up stretched out to him.
***
She had woken when he sat down on the bed. She had planned on just ignoring him and going back to sleep. And then Grissom started talking. It took all of her self restraint not to react. She was half afraid if he realized she was awake, he would stop talking. By the time he was done, she was willing to forgive him. At least, she would be tomorrow even if he was as eloquent then.
When Grissom finally came to bed, she had turned so she was facing him, hand palm up. Grissom slid under the sheets next to her and gently brushed his hand against hers. Sara twined their fingers together, letting out a sleepy murmur. “Turn off the light, Griss.”
