Duck!
By Kevin McHorney
All characters created by Rumiko Takahashi.... with guests.
A quiet day at the Tendo house, such a rarity these days. Along with fiancées, rivals and curses, Ranma Saotome brought a good deal of noise and confusion wherever he went. Ranma and Akane however, were enjoying the quiet. Both their fathers were gone for the weekend, out with 'the master'. Nabiki was also out, enjoying the Saturday with some friends. That left only Kasumi, who was in her room reading a book, and Ranma and Akane, who were watching television.
A quiet day, until Akane heard Ranma say, "Akane, do you think I look like a duck?"
"What was that?" Akane asked in surprise.
Ranma eloquently replied, "Huh?"
"You asked about a duck."
"What duck?" Ranma asked, perplexed.
"I don't know what duck, you brought it up."
"No I didn't."
"Yes, you did."
"Well I don't remember saying anything about a duck," he said with a snort.
"You did, I heard you," Akane yelled at him.
"Yeah, sure, whatever," Ranma shook his head in dismissal. They watched television in silence for a few more minuets. Then Ranma said, "But why a duck?"
"I didn't bring the duck up Ranma, you did!"
"No I didn't."
"I clearly heard you say, 'Akane, do you think I look like a duck?'"
"That's stupid," Ranma said.
"I agree."
Ranma snorted, "I don't think I look a thing like a duck."
"Then why did you ask me?"
"I didn't, you're imagining things."
"You said it, I heard you," Akane was starting to visibly glow, but Ranma didn't notice.
"I didn't, you must have ducks on the brain."
"That's it Ranma," she yelled as she stood. "Be an idiot, see if I care." Akane stalked out of the room.
"Don't molest any ducks while you're out there," Ranma called after her. "That was," Ranma paused as one of the cement lawn ornaments crashed into him, "weird." Ranma shook his head to clear it and turned and stood as he heard Kasumi walk up behind him.
"Was that Akane I heard yelling?" Kasumi asked, ignoring the cement chunks littering the floor.
"Yeah, the stupid Akane has some crazy fixation with ducks and took it out on me."
"Oh my, isn't that Chinese boy, Mousse a duck?"
Ranma thought for a second, a not altogether familiar sight, "yeah you're right." He stood and thought for a few more seconds, then shook his head in disbelief, "there's no way that Akane could have fallen for that blind idiot," Ranma looked up at Kasumi, "could she?"
"Now Ranma, I'm sure there's a perfectly reasonable explanation for this."
"I don't know, this is weird, even for her."
Kasumi looked up at the clock, "Oh, it's time for me to go shopping, could you come with me to help carry packages Ranma?"
Unbeknownst to either Ranma or Kasumi a small black pig wandered out from under the house, he glared at Ranma's retreating form then set off in search of some hot water.
Not too much later, at the Cat Café:
The restaurant was not very crowded, just a couple of patrons eating, Cologne was in the kitchen, Shampoo was out on errands and Mousse was wiping down some tables. Rather fortunate, because at that moment Kuno burst through the front door and yelled, "You foul sorcerer, you will never have the fair Akane Tendo."
Mousse looked up in shock. "What?" was all he got out before the wall next to him burst and Ryoga jumped in.
"How dare you try and take Akane away from me," he said.
Mousse looked back and forth between them in confusion, "What are you talking..." he was cut off as Kuno and Ryoga both attacked.
Within seconds, the Tendo house:
"I think that's all the groceries Ranma," Kasumi said. "Thank you for your help."
"Sure, no pro..." they both heard a loud crash from the yard. "I wonder what that was." Ranma walked out to the yard and found a semi-conscious Mousse.
Mousse looked up at Ranma and said, "I think I know how you feel sometimes Ranma, they never told me what was going on." Then he passed out.
"Humph, I wonder what that was about," Ranma said to himself, "oh well, can't leave him out here." Ranma dragged Mousse over to the dojo.
Just after Ranma dragged Mousse into the dojo, the door slammed open and Akane stomped in. She looked around and glared at Ranma and Mousse. "What is he doing here," she hissed.
"What's wrong, Akane?"
"I just had Shampoo spend half an hour telling me all of Mousse's good points and saying how good a couple we'd make."
"You and Mousse?"
"Yeah, and I've heard weird things about me and Mousse from lot's of people today too."
"You don't really like Mousse do you?"
"No," she said angrily, "he thought I was a stuffed pig. I don't know where everybody got that from."
Ranma thought for a moment, "maybe it's cause you were so interested in ducks this morning."
"I was not, you brought it up Ranma."
"No, you did."
"No you started it,"
Ranma rubbed the back of his head and said, "I'm not arguing about this again."
Just then, Mousse woke. He sat up, blinked a couple of times and looked around. Realizing that it didn't do him any good, he pulled a spare pair of glasses out of his robe and looked around the room again. Within seconds his eyes came to rest on Akane. "Akane Tendo, I'm sorry but I could never love you, my heart only has room for Shampoo."
Ranma and Akane looked at Mousse. Then looked at each other. Then back at Mousse. Finally, Akane said, "What are you talking about?"
"I've heard stories that you are secretly in love with me," Mousse said.
"Cause he's a duck," Ranma added.
Akane ignored Ranma, "No, I'm not."
"I hope so, I could never bring my self to have any feelings for you."
Akane growled and punted him through the roof. Then she sighed and said, "This is weird."
"I agree, this is weird." Ranma paused, then said, "I do have one question."
Akane cocked her head to the side, "What's that?"
Ranma opened his mouth and tried to say, "Akane, do you think I look like a duck?" but no sound came out. Ranma and Akane both looked at each other in confusion.
Meanwhile, far away at the Masaki House:
"Little Washu," Tenchi called as he entered the laboratory. "Little Was... Oh, there you are," He said as he spied her working on her computer.
Washu didn't look up from her computer, "Hi Tenchi."
"We haven't seen you for he last two days, we were worried that something might have happened to you."
Washu didn't respond, then with another couple of clicks on her computer she said, "No, I'm all right. But now that I think about it, did anything weird happen yesterday?"
Tenchi thought for a moment, "Let's see; Sasami cooked, Mihoshi slept... Ah Ryoko and Ayeka only fought three times yesterday." He paused. "Oh wait they also..., and then they..., make that six times. Nope everything was normal."
"Great, an experiment of mine backfired yesterday and created a time anomaly. It wasn't very powerful; probably just a sound wave was heard earlier than it was said. No worries then."
Tenchi sweated a little, then watched her computer over her shoulder. After a few seconds he asked, "Little Washu, did your computer just say 'my wife for hire'?"
"No it said 'my life for Aiur'."
"Oh, ok." He watched for a few seconds more, "Who's Aiur?"
"Aiur's a planet about half again as far from Jurai as we are now. Everyone avoids it though, it's full of a bunch of religious fanatics."
Tenchi opened his mouth as if to say something, closed it, opened it again and said, "What are you doing?"
Your father gave me some Earth software, I didn't think much at first, but it's strangely addicting. I'm gonna be here for a while." Tenchi made no move to leave, staring avidly at the screen. Washu sighed and materialized another chair for him, then went back to the game, pointing out objects on the screen as she went.
The End.
