Well, that was a big waste of time and money. Even though Gerard’s had changed, it seemed nothing else had. He had been looking so forward to having Victoria back in his life and being good enough for her this time around, but she still took his heart and stomped on it as though it meant nothing to her. (And didn’t that hurt more- the fact that she’d still love him, but wouldn’t want to be with him.)
But he could finally move on after all this time, and concentrate on the things that were happening for him right then and there.
Taking control of his tomorrow, he took out his cell phone and dialed.
~*~*~*~
“I knew you’d call. I had this strong feeling,” Shawn said, bouncing on the bed, his shoes already off, and his hands working on his belt.
Carlton wanted to roll his eyes, and ask if the “spirits” had given him that feeling, but, instead, he settled for unzipping his own pants. The sooner they got naked the sooner Carlton would lose himself in some much needed sex, and could forget about his abysmal attempts at having a marriage once more.
He was down to his boxers when Shawn pulled him down on top of him, and kissed him passionately. He gave as well as he got, and soon they were breathless, fighting each other for control of the kiss.
Shawn touched him wherever he could reach him. Carlton’s mind went blank at everything else but the feel of Shawn’s warm lips and hands on him.
~*~*~*~
They were spent, and all Carlton wanted to do was close his eyes and sleep until well past dawn, but there were things he had to say; things he had to admit now that he could and had another new path in front of him that he didn’t plan on trailing in this life.
But, if Carlton was good at anything, it was rolling with the punches.
“Hey,” he started softly, not sure if Shawn himself was asleep already.
Shawn rolled onto his side, automatically coming closer to Carlton and throwing an arm over his hip. “Hey, yourself. Not sleepy?”
“Yeah, but needed to talk to you.”
“Hmmm, really? What about?” Shawn sounded nervous. Carlton couldn’t really blame him; he had told Shawn right when they started seeing each other outside of work that he was still trying to reconcile with his wife, and that if he was successful, they’d have to stop seeing each other. Shawn was flippant at the time, saying he didn’t care, that they’d go on dates for as long as Carlton would want. Carlton had sensed nervousness in Shawn that night when he asked him to come over that he figured was probably due to the fact that Shawn knew he had met with his ex-wife and was probably considering himself dumped.
“Well, Victoria and I had a date at Gerard’s tonight, although it technically wasn’t so much a date as an official breaking up. But, well… now I’m a free man as they say. Really, really free.”
Even though he was still heartbroken over Victoria and the fact that he wouldn’t have that picture perfect family he had always envisioned having, there was something peaceful about saying those words to Shawn, someone who was there for him when the one good thing in his life was breaking at the seams.
Shawn was silent for a minute, but when he finally started speaking, he took his arm away from Carlton’s hip and turned on his back.
“I’m sorry it didn’t go so well. Now you have to settle for second best.” He laughed nonchalantly, but all Carlton felt was shock.
“What? No, you’re not second best.”
“Well, I’m no Victoria.” He got up and started walking away. Carlton reached out and grabbed his wrist, panic seizing him.
“Hey, come here.” He pulled Shawn back into bed, who landed on it a bit ungracefully.
“I don’t need you to comfort me.” Shawn said grudgingly, but stayed lopsided in the bed.
“That’s not what I’m trying to do. Yes, I wanted Victoria to stay with me and I wanted to build a family with her, but just because that’s not going to happen now doesn’t mean I’m only staying with you because it’s convenient or you happen to be here. I- I’m starting to fall for you, Shawn.” He laid his hand over Shawn’s, partially to keep the other there because that was the first time they talked about this thing between them, and partially to convince the other man that he was genuine.
He might have clung onto his marriage with iron claws but that was more for the idea of being with someone like that and less for Victoria herself. He didn’t doubt that, in time, he’d cling to his and Shawn’s relationship just as tenaciously (if, God forbid, Shawn ever got bored of him, and dumped him just as Victoria had done).
“That’s good because I’m kinda, sorta starting to fall for you too.”
Carlton could feel his mouth breaking into a grin. One good thing in his life might have ended, but another was just starting.
“C’mere,” he said again. Shawn climbed into his lap, still naked and warm, and Carlton seized his lips hungrily.
His life might not have been as he once imagined it when he was young and naïve, but from where he was sitting, it wasn’t quite so bad.
