Mamoru stood on his balcony gazing silently at the moon, his thoughts once more drifting back to the previous night’s battle or more precisely to what had occurred after the battle. He hadn’t been able to get Sailor Moon out of his mind ever since he had arrived home. He hadn’t been able to get to sleep last night until it was nearly dawn and even then it seemed he couldn’t escape her. The dreams he usually had of the princess asking him to find the Ginzuishou seemed to have been replaced with dreams of Sailor Moon.
His preoccupation with Sailor Moon hadn’t ended when he woke up this morning. She had been on his mind all day, in fact he was fairly certain that he had missed something important one of his sensei had been saying simply because he couldn’t seem to stop thinking about how she felt against him. Earlier when he had stopped by the Crown, Motoki had been forced to call his name three times once just to catch his attention while he had been remembering in detail that amazing kiss.
There were times when he didn’t particularly mind the images assaulting his mind, after all they were nearly as intoxicating as the blonde heroine herself. However, it was getting ridiculous when he couldn’t seem to get through his day without remembering something about her. In fact, considering he was standing here longing for another battle just so that he could see her again, well perhaps he was getting a little obsessive.
Mamoru knew that he was attracted to her, you didn’t have to be a genius to figure that one out. He wasn’t exactly innocent, he had no trouble at all understanding how much he was lusting after her. He’d been attracted to other women before, what guy hadn’t been? Still, he had never had any trouble ignoring them or for that matter caring enough to actually act on that attraction.
The real question was, why was she any different? Why did Sailor Moon have the power to affect him so much? What was it about her that attracted him so very much? Was it just merely this incredible chemistry between the two of them that kept her in his thoughts, or was it something else?
What else was there? Love? Impossible, he didn’t even know the girl that well. He couldn’t possibly have fallen in love with her. She was just the girl that he saved on a nightly basis, there was some sort of connection there but it couldn’t be love. The connection had been there on that very first night he had seen her, you couldn’t fall in love with someone that quickly. He didn’t believe in love at first sight, or rather he didn’t believe it would ever happen to him. His heart was too caught up with the princess in his dreams, there simply wasn’t room for someone else.
They rarely ever spoke to one another, usually he just showed up to save her and deliver some sort of speech to encourage her and then he left. You couldn’t fall in love with someone that you never spoke to, right? He didn’t even know who she was when she wasn’t being Sailor Moon. He figured she had another identity that she wore when she wasn’t fighting, after all he did, but he had no idea who it might be. There was a chance that he did know her alter identity, but he couldn’t think of anyone that drove him to distraction like Sailor Moon did.
Well there was Usagi, but the thought that the little Odango was Sailor Moon was laughable. Besides, he was NOT attracted to her. She was just a little brat that he loved to annoy almost as much as she irritated him. Definitely not the same kind of feelings he felt whenever he was around Sailor Moon.
Mamoru shook his head in an attempt to clear his thoughts. He didn’t want to think about the irritating blond, or even who Sailor Moon was. He wanted to figure out what he was really feeling for the heroine.
He had been honest when he had told her that she made him feel things that he had never felt before. There was just something about her that made everything seem right. She warmed his heart from the cold loneliness that he had always felt for as long as he could remember. Every time that she was in danger his heart almost stopped in a panic, only to beat extra fast whenever he held her close. She made him feel, well more alive then he had felt in a long time. Only what did any of that mean exactly, was it possible that he was mistaken in his beliefs and had somehow fallen in love with Sailor Moon regardless of the time he'd spent with her and the words shared? Mamoru was certain that he felt something more then just simple attraction to the blonde warrior, but wasn't certain what it was. His feelings were too strong to be a schoolboy crush and they were too deep to be mere fondness. So if it wasn't just attraction and it wasn't a mere crush or even fondness for the girl, then what was it? What else was there but love and if it was love?
He wandered back into his apartment and settled himself on the couch still deep in thought. He was determined to figure this out, otherwise he might never be able to get her out of his mind. The possibility that he might could have fallen for Sailor Moon was simply staggering. Mamoru wasn't sure it was even possible, but how else could one explain away everything he was feeling?
Mamoru growled, irritated with himself. He didn't even know if love was what he was feeling, he could very well be wrong and it was simply lust … a very strong desire mind you, but still simple lust he was feeling for the golden haired senshi. He needed to figure this out and be certain about things before he drove himself crazy with these thoughts.
How did one go about doing that though? Mamoru was certain that he could sit here thinking for an eternity and still not be able to come up with the answers he desired. It wouldn't be very logical to base his judgment on his thoughts and feelings alone as he didn't have enough experience with things like this. Unfortunately he also couldn't go to anyone to get the answers he wanted. Mamoru shuddered at the mere thought of going to Motoki for advice on his problems and he didn't think any of his sensei at school would be very helpful in the situation either.
Besides, what could he tell them? He was having trouble with his feelings in regards to Sailor Moon? Mamoru didn't think so, they would either think he was insane or they would realize that he was Tuxedo Kamen … or worse they would laugh at him. This was far too personal a problem to even consider doing something like that even if he were to lie and say it was about some other girl.
At any rate, Mamoru wasn't certain that anyone could explain things to him anyway. Feelings were one of those things that were hard to explain in the first place, kind of like trying to explain colors to someone who had never seen anything before. No this was something he was going to have to figure out for himself, but how did one go about doing that?
Mamoru thought long and hard about his predicament, before finally deciding that perhaps what he needed to do was go about this scientifically. An experiment of sorts, after all any good student knew that the best way to answer a question or investigate a problem was with the scientific method of carrying out experiments or tests. Mamoru considered himself to be a very good student and so to him this seemed like a good idea.
He had already made an observation. There was something about Sailor Moon that drew him to her like a moth to flame. He had asked his questions. What was it about her? Was it merely attraction or something more? Mamoru had a theory, it was possible that he might have fallen in love with Sailor Moon. Now he needed some sort of experiment to test that theory with so that he could analyze the results, draw his conclusions, and have his answers.
Mamoru relaxed into the soft leather of his couch, happy with his decision. This would work, Mamoru was certain about that. After all he did consider himself to be a good student and so whatever experiment he carried out would definitely give him the answers he desired. Now all he had to do was come up with a suitable experiment that would tell him whether it was merely lust or love that he was feeling for Sailor Moon. The high school student leaned his head against the wall and tapped his fingers against the back of the couch, wracking his mind for an idea. There had to be some sort of experiment that would successfully test out his theory and tell him what he wanted to know, but what was it?
After another hour or two of coming up with and tossing out various ideas, Mamoru suddenly grinned slyly. The perfect idea had just come to him, an idea that couldn't possibly fail. It was a kiss that had started this problem for him and it was a kiss that would solve it for him. All he had to do was find some other girl to kiss and see if she invoked even half of the feelings that Sailor Moon caused him to feel. If she did, well then he couldn't possibly be in love with Sailor Moon and it was merely an intense desire he was feeling. If she didn't, well he'd deal with that later if there was a need to.
It was perfect, all he needed was a willing girl to kiss and his answers would be solved. It shouldn't be too difficult to find a willing girl, Mamoru was fairly certain that most of the girls in his school hung on his every word. He simply hadn't bothered to pay much attention to them before, but this was a special circumstance. He needed to know the truth about his feelings for Sailor Moon. If he had to kiss some other girl to get them then so be it. It wouldn't be that difficult an ordeal, it was only a kiss after all.
With these final thoughts Mamoru rose from the couch and made his way to his bed, confident that his problems had been solved. He would figure out more of the details tomorrow, but for now he was happy with his plan. Having a plan of operation put him back in control of the situation and Mamoru liked it better when he was in control. It made him uneasy when things weren't going the way they were suppose to, or in this case sudden feelings of obsession and little blond warriors got in the way of his normal schedule. Things were bound to go back to normal once he put his plan into action and he figured things out.
