What do you do, when the one you love says that they don’t love you anymore? What do you do, when every word that person says is designed to chip away at your heart, and drive you away? Some people nurse their pain, others rage, and a rare few hold onto precious hope that it was all a horrible mistake and that they will once again go back to their happily ever after.
Tsukino Usagi was one of those rare few that held onto hope. Why shouldn’t she? The man she loved was the same man she had loved in another life. The same man that had been the reason she had committed suicide in aforementioned previous life. The very thought of living without him had been unthinkable and unbearable to endure for more than that single moment it took to comprehend his death, feel the pain and make her decision.
They had found each other again in this lifetime. It had been a bit of a rocky start, with lots of fights that she now attributed to simmering sexual tension that neither had been willing to admit at that time. Plus there had been the problem of dealing with the Dark Kingdom, AKA the dark forces that had destroyed their happiness in their previous life. Somehow they had gotten past all that and fallen in love once more. A love she thought was even stronger and more powerful than what they had shared during the Silver Millennium. And it was with the power of their love and the love she shared with her friends that had defeated the evil that caused them to die in their previous lives.
Suffice it say, Usagi thought she had some pretty damn good reasons to believe that she and her Mamo-chan would get back together again. All she had to do was find out the reason that had caused Mamoru to break up with her in the first place and fix it. She had to believe in that because she didn’t think she would survive if all hope was gone.
So with those thoughts in mind, she had spent the past half hour, as soon as Haruna-sensei had freed her from detention, tracking the man down to ask him for the real reason for their break up.
She found him running in the park, which only further served to prove in her mind that something was clearly wrong. She knew her man well enough to know that while he did run to keep in shape and be able to fight their enemies, he also ran when something was on his mind. She also knew that he preferred running in the mornings because it was cooler and the man was a creature of habit. To be running in the afternoon, was to her mind, a clear indication that something was not right in the world of Chiba Mamoru.
“Mamo-chan?” she called out as she slowly approached, when he stopped at a water fountain for a drink.
“Don’t call me that anymore,” he said, his voice having the same chilling effect on her as being hit by one of Mercury’s attacks that she hadn’t been able to dodge in one of Luna’s evil Senshi training sessions. Actually Mercury’s attacks left her feeling a lot warmer then her beloved Mamo-chan’s voice at the moment. “What do you want?”
“Why did you break up with me,” she asked. “I want to know the real reason.”
“I already told you.”
“No, you didn’t,” she countered. “You said you didn’t love me and I don’t believe that. People just don’t fall out of love. Not like that. No one falls out of love in a matter of hours.”
“They do when they were never in love to begin with.”
“What are you talking about,” she whispered, as the light of hope inside of her dimmed with his words.
“I mean that I never loved you in this life,” he replied. “Think about it, Usagi, before we remembered our past lives, we argued and fought. We hated each other.”
He looked away from her when she began blinking rapidly and her cerulean blue eyes began to look glassy. Had Usagi not been trying so hard to fight back the tears and the pain from his words, she might have noticed the pain and regret that flickered in her love's eyes.
“The only reason I asked you out after the Dark Kingdom was defeated was because of those feelings I had for the Princess of the Moon.”
“But I am the Princess of the Moon!”
“No, you’re not. Not really. You look like her and have the powers that she did, but you’re not her. You’re not like her at all. And I’m tired of trying to pretend that you are. I’m tired of letting the past effect my present.”
“But-”
“I don’t love you anymore,” he yelled, although in his heart he denied it vehemently.
Because he did love her; he loved her more then life itself and he would die for her again if he had to. It was because of his love that he had to push her away. He was doing this to save her life because she would die if they stayed together. His dream had shown him that.
Now he wasn’t a foolish man to believe in just any dream he had, but how could he ignore a dream that kept recurring relentlessly? Night after night. Always the same, down to the very last detail. Every night, he watched as his precious princess died, because they were together.
Who was he to tempt fate? The last time he had a recurring dream, it had led him to his love and now another dream was snatching her away.
“Not…love me,” she whispered.
Mamoru turned and walked away from her, silently begging her to forgive him, for hurting her. For causing the tears that he knew were sure to come. He wouldn’t be surprised if the heavens struck him down with lightning for making an angel cry.
Usagi watched as the love of her life walked away, the wind gently blowing her golden blonde hair. She watched until she could no longer see him, then slowly began to walk home, each step a constant struggle to hold everything inside. Halfway there, she slipped into a dark alley and leaned against the cool brick wall. Finally letting herself break down and cry. Tears poured down her cheeks as she let out heart wrenching sobs.
“I never hated you!,” she cried. “Even when we were fighting… I wondered what it would be like to be your girl. To feel your arms around me… your lips on mine. Why couldn’t you love me? Why wasn’t I good enough for you to love?”
She pushed away from the brick wall, turned around, and punched it as hard as she could; relishing the brief pain that it caused her, because, for that moment, it pushed aside the pain of her broken heart. Looking down at her hand, she saw that her fingers were slightly swollen and the knuckles were scrapped and starting to bleed. A normal person would have broken her hand, however her Senshi powers had allowed her to come away from the situation with minor injuries. The wall was not so lucky as it now sported a dent the size of her fist.
Giving herself a few more minutes to cry, Usagi pulled herself together. Focusing her attention on her hand, she called the power of the Maboroshi no Ginzuishou to heal it, so she wouldn’t have to explain her injury to anyone. She then pulled out a mirror and made sure her eyes were no longer red and that there was no evidence that she had been crying before continuing home.
“I’m home,” she said, her voice flat and without her usual good cheer in it.
“Hey baka,” Shingo greeted her. “You’re late. Did you get detention again today?”
“Shingo, be nice,” his mother reprimanded him. “How was your day, Usagi?”
“Fine,” was her answer.
Ikuko frowned as she pushed a strand of wavy blue hair out of her eyes. Something was terribly wrong. There had been such a lifeless look in her daughter’s eyes just now. Even when she had been depressed or unhappy in the past, there had always been a faint sparkle of something… a je ne sais quois, in Usagi’s eyes, but not today.
‘What could have happened to cause this,’ Ikuko thought. ‘What could have hurt my baby girl to make her look as if her whole world had crashed around her?’
In her room, Usagi plopped down upon her bed. As she looked around her room, she felt the tears threatening to spill again. Biting her lip and blinking a few times, she was able to force the tears back. She was glad that Luna was with Ami right now because she didn’t want to be questioned about what happened and why she looked like she was going to resemble a human Niagara Falls.
The reason for the tears that wanted to flow free was because her room contained so many items that reminded her of Mamoru.
The pink bunny resting on her bed was a prize that Mamoru had won for her when they had gone to the amusement park.
On her night stand was picture in a silver frame with an entwined rose and crescent moon engraved on the bottom right-hand corner. The picture in the frame showed her and Mamoru in front of the Crown Game Center on their first day as an official couple.
And then there was…
She got up and walked to her bureau. Carefully she opened the glass jewelry box, a birthday present the previous year from her parents, and pulled out a star locket hanging from a delicate gold chain.
It was the same locket that she had given him a thousand years ago so he would always remember her and be reminded of the love they shared.
The same locket that helped bring them back together.
The same locket that had helped trigger his memory when he had been brainwashed by that bitch, Beryl and helped to cleanse the negative energy from his body.
And the same locket that now drove the final blow into her heart, or to be more precise, the pieces of her heart. Grinding those pieces until they were little more than dust in the wind. Her body shuddered as she felt as if she had been hit by one of Mako-chan’s thunder bolts. She had to sit down because the pain was too much for her to bear.
“Usagi,” Chibi-Usa chirped as she bounced into the room, her ruby red eyes sparkling with excitement. “There’s going to be a Senshi meeting at the temple. At 5 o’clock.”
“Okay,” Usagi responded mechanically. A part of her wanted to hate Chibi-Usa,because it had been shortly after the pink-haired girl’s appearance, that Mamoru had broken up with her; but another part of her scolded her for such thoughts, because that part of her wanted nothing more than to protect the child and erase the fear and sadness that lurked in her eyes.
“Wow! That’s a pretty locket,” Chibi-Usa exclaimed, when her eyes lit upon the locket in Usagi’s hand.
“Do you want it,” Usagi asked. “You can have it, if you want.”
“But it’s so nice,” the little girl protested. “This locket has to be very special to you.”
“It’s not,” Usagi replied. Maybe it was once very precious to her, but now it had become a source of pain and a symbol of all that she had lost. “It’s just a trinket.”
Usagi handed the star locket to Chibi-Usa, who gave her a sweet smile and thanked her for the locket.
“Come on Usagi,” Chibi-Usa said. “It’s 4:33.”
“You go on ahead Chibi-Usa,” Usagi replied. “I have a few things to do before I go to the meeting.”
“Okay,” Chibi-Usa replied and then added as she ran out. “But Rei-chan’s going to kill you if you’re late.”
As soon as she was alone again, Usagi gathered all the things that reminded her of Mamoru and placed them into a box. She then placed the box into the back of her closet before leaving her room to go the meeting.
Because it was 4:48 by the time she had finished with her task, she decided to take the shortcut through the park to get to Rei’s faster. The last thing she needed, was to deal with was Rei yelling at her again for being late again. As she walked through the park, she heard a familiar scream.
She ran towards the direction of the scream and saw Chibi-Usa fleeing from a Droid with a garden motif and the standard porn queen outfit. It seemed to be the rule of thumb for all evi,l that all theirs monsters had to be porno rejects or something. It only served to reinforce the idea that whoever was the ultimate big bad of the Black Moon clan had to be a horny male.
“What is it with the bad guys and their porn queen monsters,” Usagi muttered as she pulled out her pink transformation broach.
“Moon…Crystal….Power! Make Up!”
Glowing pink ribbons wrapped themselves around her before fusing together to form her Senshi fuku. The familiar boost of adrenaline coursed through her body as a side effect every time she became Sailor Moon. As soon as she had finished transforming, she used her tiara to hit the droid’s arm and get its attention away from Chibi-Usa.
“Who’s there,” the droid demanded.
Sailor Moon stepped out of the shadows. “How dare you terrorize small children, you fiend. I am Sailor Moon, the Champion of Justice and innocent children.” She knew her line went ‘I am Sailor Moon, the Champion of Love and Justice,’ but she didn’t have much faith in love anymore so why say it? “On behalf of the Moon, I will right wrongs and triumph over all evil. And that means you, you X-rated garden disaster!”
“Die, Sailor Moon,” the Droid cried as she threw razor sharp flower petals at Sailor Moon.
“Oh please,” Sailor Moon replied, as she nimbly dodged the attack. “Your attack is so pathetic. Chibi-Usa, run to the others!”
“But-” the little girl protested.
“Do it,” snapped the golden haired heroine. The little girl nodded, turned and ran.
“Come back here,” the droid cried, its attention returning to the young girl.
“Hey Slut Queen! I’m the one you should be worried about,” Sailor Moon yelled, kicking the Droid in the back of the head.
She hadn’t wanted to fight another Droid today, especially since the Dark Moon had been sending them more frequently lately, but since they had sent another one, she might as well use the damn thing to vent the pain and anger in her soul.
Mercilessly she attacked the droid with her hands and feet until finally she decided that it wasn’t worth her time to fight with it anymore. She then pulled her Moon Scepter out of her subspace pocket and aimed it at the droid.
“Moon… Princess…Halation!”
She watched as the Droid turned into a pile of sparkling dust, oddly feeling short-changed. The battles usually took longer and required more effort, but this had been rather anticlimactic. Laughter filled the air, sending a chill a down her back, then something hit her in the back of her head. Then everything went black.
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Final Thought from Usagi:
Mamo-chan...
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-chan - suffix for a name that means family or close friend. may be offensive ifyou don't know that person well.
-sensei - suffix for a name, usually used when a student addresses a teacher
Senshi - soldier, warrier, fighter
Maboroshi no Ginzuishou - Illusionary Silver Crystal
baka - stupid, idiot
fuku - used to refer to the uniform worn by female Japanese students. In SM, it is used to refer to the outfit the Senshi wear when they transform.
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Revised: 9/16/2013
Thanks to Lynners for her help in the revisions and edits.
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Disclaimer: I do not claim any rights to Sailor Moon or the characters associated with the anime/manga. Those rights belong to Takeuchi Naoko and anyone else she says has rights to it.
