Ties that bind
Time's
quicksands
A
RahXephon fanfiction by regie27
Standard
disclaimers apply
“Shitow
Haruka’s time is still stuck in 2012.”
Kisaragi
Itsuki
~o~
March
10, 2026
TERRA
Headquarters’ Motor Pool
0830
hrs
1st
Lieutenant Shitow Haruka stared at the strip of road that bridged the
gap between TERRA HQs and their private airstrip, as her thoughts
centered on the last piece of news that had been the watercooler
topic of the week. She was anxious to return to the base and review
the briefings for the upcoming operations. The rumor mill had started
to grind its wheels frantically since the last sporadic attack of the
MU at Singapore. After much failures and a much needed boost in
budget thanks to the Bahbem Foundation, there were initial reports
that the first live tests of the TDD engine were promising enough to
believe TERRA had finally succeeded in creating a weapon able to
withstand and counterattack the MU advance. If the Intel reports were
as accurate as it was rumored, she knew the next step for the
Federation was to launch a high scale operation. The personnel to
participate in such an operation would be handpicked and the
competition to land the few, precious slots was going to be fierce.
Haruka
ran down a mental list of her objectives so far; the latest one was
already crossed out. After years working at less important sections,
she finally earned a coveted slot in the Intelligence Division and
therefore, now she worked directly under HQ. She had already
dutifully completed her quarterly Officer Assessment, the Continuing
Education requirements and the organization’s shrink had deemed
her sane enough to work at the stressful environment of the belly of
the beast that was HQ. As she had carefully planned, at last she was
in the right place at the right moment. Her record should be deemed
interesting enough to make it to the Selection Board for the upcoming
missions. Tapping absentmindedly over the steering wheel while making
a stop, Haruka voiced her thoughts out loud:
"I
just need to update my weapons qualification numbers and I think my
package has a real chance to land on the Board. If only I didn't have
to do this silly gofer duty today" the junior officer mumbled
her expression one of utter frustration. Her voice could not hide the
disbelief and the slight contempt she had for the mission at hand.
"I
thought they had personnel for this! Well, there's no purpose in
protesting now and the Colonel looked very adamant in that I did
this. It seems this guy is very important for the research dept. Oh
well, it can't be worse than that CQ shift I pulled last month. At
least Elvy knew how to hide her tracks. What in the world she was
thinking to take a civilian to a Restricted Area? Then again, the guy
was indeed hot. You owe me that one, Hadhiyat!" the lieutenant
added with a saucy grin. She sighted in relief as the road sign for
the airport was at last sighted. If she remained on schedule, she
would be back before lunchtime and could still be able to get some
information.
Haruka
flashed her ID to the garrison guard and the liftgate opened, letting
the car go through. Minutes later, as expected, a state of the art
Tian-Lan with TERRA's logo emblazoned landed unremarkably with its
VIP on board. Haruka put on her dark glasses, the glare of the
landing strip blinding her eyesight. When the plane's door started to
slide open, she moved on queue leaving her seating at the wheel,
fixing her uniform trying to smooth the wrinkles off. A tall,
bespectacled figure initiated his way down the staircase. The dark
gray hair and tailored cut of his clothes surprised the TERRA officer
since she was actually expecting an older man. She reprimanded
herself mentally for being so scatterbrain to forget the guy's
profile record with the remains of her morning's breakfast. If she
had read it beforehand as she was supposed to, the man's identity
wouldn't be a guess by now. She couldn't make his features too well,
due to the distance and the glare. The man noticed the
official-looking vehicle that was waiting for him and initiated a
path towards it.
She
was readying for a martial salute when suddenly, her eyes focused on
the newcomer's face. She removed her glasses, wanting to make sure
she had seen correctly. Her pupils went wide and her jaw dropped.
Even with the more mature features and the longer hair she could
recognize him immediately.
"Itsuki-kun?"
A
smile of recognition flashed on the doctor's face. Much to her
obvious embarrassment, he obviously assessed her from head to toe and
nodded to himself in approval. Feeling her cheeks fluster, Haruka
quickly regained her composure and gestured in the rigid posture of a
formal salute.
"Kisaragi-san,
I'm sorry for the familiarity. 1st LT Shitow reporting, sir."
Itsuki
chuckled under his breath, obviously amused. It was her after all.
His sources had once again done an excellent job and this time, he
really appreciated their effort.
"My,
I knew I was going to receive a nice welcome, but this time TERRA has
outdone itself. I'm glad they have improved in their recruiting. I
wouldn't have imagined you would end up looking so nice in uniform
Lieutenant Shitow. At ease, please. I can't stand this military
nonsense too well."
"Kisaragi
Itsuki-san, it's that really you? What I heavens are you doing here?"
Haruka exclaimed, not being able to contain any longer her surprise.
"Didn't
they tell you? I work here and now I've been promoted to head of the
Investigating Branch. My sister and I been living here for how long
two, three years I believe, but I was away often on a special
assignment. It is nice to know you've decided to join us. As soon as
Quon arrives, I'll have to introduce the two of you."
"You
have a sister?"
"Yes.
I think I neglected to disclose that fact back then. She was on a
private school overseas, so I didn't have a chance for you to meet
before. In fact, she just moved with me about 4 years ago anyway.
Your sister is also here on Nirai-Kanai, isn't that so?"
"It
seems you have already landed a copy of my dossier. My younger sister
Megumi and I are living with uncle Rikudoh. I moved after I graduated
and I later applied for TERRA" she quipped, her eyebrows
slightly lifted in a quizzical expression. Itsuki always seemed to
have the sometimes unsettling ability of finding out the most arcane
fact from anyone if he wished to.
"So
many changes! The surname, the hair… actually, I like it like
this better. It makes you look more mature. You know I always thought
you had a nice neckline."
Brushing
off the last comment, Haruka replied in a more relaxed tone: "the
name change wasn't something of my choice but my mother's. She
remarried after…after she gave up waiting for my father to
return. As for the hair, long hair wasn't really that practical
during Officer Candidate School so I decided to cut it. It was time
for a change anyway."
"You
sure sound like you have indeed changed since we last met. Can I
invite you for a cup of tea? It will be quite interesting to find out
what you've been up to."
"I'm
not sure I can. I need to report back to HQ."
"That
can be arranged. I'm sure Colonel Kunugi will not mind if I request
for you to help me settle back."
"If
you say so. Actually, a cup of tea sounds good. Besides, I'm curious
on what type of home you have here. Your tastes were always
exquisite, Kisaragi-san."
"And
I don't think I'll disappoint you on that one, but aren't we old
acquaintances enough for you to treat so formally? I mean, we are old
friends and we are going to be colleagues. I would appreciate if we
started our renewed friendship with the same level of familiarity we
used to have before."
Haruka
noticed a sparkle in his eyes and a warm timbre in his voice. Could
it be that after all these years, almost a decade already, he still…?
"You're
right Itsuki-kun. I'm glad to have a familiar face around."
A
broad smile materialized on his pale face.
"Thank
you. It really means a lot for me. Now, shall we get going?"
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
September
20, 2017
Nara
Daigaku
1130
hrs
Second
year music theory student Kisaragi Itsuki lifted his eyes away from
the text again in the last 30 minutes or so that he had been trying
to get past the fourth line, and observed the young woman with the
bright auburn eyes across him. His bento box lay almost untouched by
his side. He lifted his glasses from the tip of the nose were they
had slipped to and adjusted the book to conceal his face. He didn't
wish to appear so obvious, but the fact was that he had found this
particular girl a very interesting sight to behold, and it made him
thank once again the instant he requested to return to Japan. After
transferring from a prestigious English university filled with
vacuous ceremonies and old traditions that nobody cared about, the
Nara Daigaku campus was a welcome change. He had wished to attend the
legendary Toudai but sadly, the MU invasion had eliminated it as an
option now that the city still lay encased within the Absolute
Barrier. Still, he couldn't be happy enough that college gave him the
freedom to be away from the Foundation and its stiff handlers at
least for the time being because he suspected the Foundation had more
plans for him in the near future. They would not definitely allow the
years and efforts they poured onto him go to waste.
Admiring
the tranquil ambiance of the campus, he wished Makoto could also be
here. However, he understood his friend had other plans in his life
and none of them had to do with music. In fact, Itsuki couldn’t
help but feel worried about his platinum-haired friend. After that
night they had almost escaped, something inside him had changed and
sadly not for the better. He just wished his friend could find the
way to be happy with himself, but he feared that wasn’t going
to be the case. “Makoto, your ambition will be the death of
you” murmured Itsuki under his breath. Helena on the other
hand, well, he was just glad the blonde woman also thought his
attachment to music was just a silliness that he should have
outgrown. But none of that mattered anymore. He had the opportunity
to be at last himself. Not an instrumentalist, not a child branded by
the mark of Xephon, but just Kisaragi Itsuki.
As
he had expected, the campus was filled with interesting characters
and pretty girls. Happily, none of them resembled Helena in the least
and for that he was quite grateful. However, this particular girl had
caught his attention in a way that had even surprised him. There was
an aura about her, a fascinating mixture of strength and
vulnerability, of intelligence yet a carefree attitude that
fascinated him. Her laughter was genuine and honest; qualities that
he found quite refreshing and so diametrically different from what he
had lived in his infancy at the Foundation.
Mishima
Haruka. That was her name, he recalled. They had crossed paths on
their way to their respective classes each morning. She had caught
his interest among the other girls with the surprising depth her gaze
could convey. He wondered when he would muster the courage to meet
her, to learn what else it could be found behind those chocolaty
orbs. A grin materialized in his pale face. The title from the book
cover that held her utmost attention was discernible enough to read
from where he sat down.
It
was James Churchward's "Lost Continent of Mu."
Suddenly
knowing how start a conversation, he stood up and directed his steps
towards the young woman with the auburn eyes.
`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
On
the road towards Dr. Kisaragi’s residence
March
10, 2026
1015
hrs
“If
I had told you back then that you would have ended up driving me
around, you would have never believed me” the scientist said,
evidently enjoying being chauffeured around by an attractive officer.
He silently lamented the fact that the ride was about to end as he
caught the outline of his house down the road.
“Not
only that, I might have hurled a book to your head just for the
thought. Enjoy it while it lasts, I don’t think this is going
to be a permanent assignment” replied Haruka with a mischievous
grin. Itsuki countered with the same impish tone:
“I
could pull some strings and request you to be my permanent escort.
Security reasons perhaps? Say, when did you decided to join TERRA?”
Haruka
glanced back at the rear mirror to notice Itsuki’s curious
glance. “I guess it was after mom remarried. I wasn’t
particularly pleased with the new situation, so when I learned about
TERRA and since I knew uncle Rikudoh lived close to its facilities, I
decided to join. It offered a change of pace and a challenge, so it
didn’t think it twice and well, here I am. It also gave me a
steady income and the security for me to take care of Megumi. She
never had the chance to meet our father but she resented the fact
that mom remarried. I knew she wasn’t going to be comfortable
staying with mom and her husband once I left, so she came along.
Uncle was kind enough to accept us both.”
“To
be honest, I never imagined you in the military, but then again, you
were sort of an enigma for me. You're motivations were always
zealously guarded. Sometimes I likened you to one of those old time
Templar Knights on a sort of grand secret mission in this world. I
tried to get inside that head of yours, but guess I didn't go too
far.”
“It
was never my intention Itsuki-kun, it's just…”
“I
know. Of all people, at least I can say is that I know. Besides, I
did learn to read your moods and your emotions. You’re not that
good hiding those or at least you weren’t back then.”
“I
guess you did. I really meant it when I said before I was glad to see
you again.”
“I'm
happy to know you find my company pleasant. Sometimes I felt that
wasn't the case.” A slight recriminating tone filtered through
his words. He caught the sharp undertone and the immediate ashamed
expression that perched on her face. “I'm sorry, that was
uncalled for.”
“It's
okay. It was my fault for making you feel that way. I hope we can
learn from our mistakes and take this chance to begin with a clean
slate.”
“I
appreciate the thought. So, any boyfriends for you?”
Haruka
drew a deep breath. “No, and you'll find that there are other
things in my life that haven't changed either.”
````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
Caravaggio
Hotel Inauguration Party
28
December 2018
2045
hrs
It
was the grand inauguration of the exquisite and very exclusive
Caravaggio Hotel in downtown Nara and everybody that was among the
best and brightest and not to mention wealthiest of the Japanese
society were there to witness the event. Ambassadors, foreign
emissaries, military personnel of the highest rank and politicians
all gathered to bask in the limelight. Flashes from cameras of all
types gleamed, trying to capture the image of the VIPs that
congregated to enjoy each other's company. That’s why it was so
awkward for two undergraduate students to be commingling with the
cream of the crop of the city’s society that evening.
“I
really don’t want to find out how you managed to sneak us here
but your connections are quite impressive Itsuki-kun!”
“Hey,
don’t look at me as I was related to the Yakuza or something.
It is just that my sponsors are highly esteemed and since they were
invited, they informed me that I could come by too.”
“You
sure have some impressive sponsors. This place is amazing and the way
the staff looked at you when you showed the invitations it was as if
you were related to royalty or something!”
“I
really didn’t pay too much attention to that because I’ve
been too busy noticing how amazing you look tonight.” Used to
seeing her in casual clothes at the campus, he was quite impressed by
the elegant black, sleeveless dress that his companion chose for the
occasion. Along with his finely tailored dark suit, they paired up as
a very attractive couple.
Haruka
blushed noticeably at the comment. Itsuki simply chuckled and took
her gently by the arm. They were heading to the tables for the formal
dinner when a familiar voice startled Itsuki:
“Kisaragi!
So you came to the party too? I thought you would be too busy doing
your music translations or whatever you call it to come. It is quite
an unexpected and pleasant surprise.”
Itsuki
recognized the voice immediately and turned around to seek the face
that matched the voice. As expected, hawkish eyes locked with his. A
man with white short-cropped hair and a sly grin stood on the
opposite side of the ballroom. A beautiful woman with auburn long
hair and voluptuous curves stood beside him.
“Makoto!”
exclaimed Itsuki as he hurried towards his friend.
“Well,
I’m glad that you not only brought your nose out from the books
but to also have the good sense to arrive pleasantly accompanied.
Isshiki Makoto, at your service” the man said, silently
assessing the woman that was beside Itsuki. He expressed his approval
with a discreet wink that only Itsuki managed to see.
“Mishima
Haruka. Pleased to meet you.” Haruka couldn’t help but
feel a certain cold edge from the man’s voice and gaze that not
even the amiable gesture could conceal. She wondered for how long
they knew each other.
“Well,
since introductions are now done, should we get going to our table?
I’m afraid if we don’t hurry well miss dinner.”
“Agreed
Itsuki. Besides, I’m really interested in knowing in how you
managed to attract such a lovely young lady. I bet she would love to
hear all about all our adventures!” added Makoto, as a
mischievous grin perched on his face.
“Makoto!”
The
white-haired man laughed heartily, obviously enjoying the opportunity
to embarrass his friend.
“I
think is going to be a long night!” muttered the music student
to himself as he braced for all the embarrassing facts he knew his
friend would reveal.
Suite
280
2351
hrs
“I’m
sorry Itsuki-kun. I’ll make this call as brief as possible. I
just want to know how things are going at Osaka. It is the first time
I spend the holidays away from my family after all.”
“Take
all the time you need. In fact, we might as well enjoy the great
view. It’s good that my benefactors indulge in the things that
can make a good evening even more enjoyable. Besides, I know Makoto
already left with his friend and I really doubt we get to see him for
the rest of the evening so there’s no hurry.”
As
Haruka stepped in and searched for the phone, Itsuki walked inside
the elegant and rather large suite. Actually, he didn’t mind
the opportunity to share some time alone with Haruka. Opportunities
like this were scarce since usually the two of them were too busy
with their college workload and at the weekends she would spend most
of the time with her family. They had dated for over a year and knew
each other even longer, but the times that they were actually alone
had been far too few. Knowing beforehand about the hotel inauguration
and that her family was to leave for Osaka, he seized the opportunity
and she had almost refused if it had not been for her mom’s
insistence that she took some time to relax by herself.
As
he inhaled the invigorating cool air of the night at the balcony, he
tried to discern why it seemed as if she had been trying to distance
herself from him. She had always been somewhat aloof and had kept a
rather bothersome distance, even when they were officially seen as a
couple for quite a while. It had grown worse as December arrived, and
every day that went by, she grew more distant and withdrawn. Perhaps
this was their best opportunity to clear things out. As he admired
the cityscape and the silver full moon a snowflake, then two, then
hundreds of them caught his attention as they appeared out of the
blue, blanketing the streets below with a white, soft blanket. The
biting cold forced him to return inside, so rather reluctantly Itsuki
closed the sliding door to the balcony and entered back to the suite.
Wringing his hands, the idea of a cup of steaming tea seemed like the
best way to fight the cold. Actually, there was another far more
pleasant alternative but that one needed the consent and willing
cooperation of his companion. Smiling inwardly as he debated the odds
of that one being possible, he walked towards the room where he had
left her. The unmistakable sounds of sobs startled him. He found
Haruka staring at the window and the falling snow like in a state of
paralysis, long tears streaming down her face.
“Haruka,
are you okay? It’s everything alright with your family?”
Itsuki's face reflected his concern as he maneuvered the young woman
to sit down on a nearby couch. From his pocket he brought a silk
handkerchief which he offered her. She hesitated for an instant but
took it and slightly nodded as if to signal she was okay. As she drew
a cleansing breath and dried her tears, she replied with a calmer
tone:
“Mom
and Megumi are okay. Don’t mind me. This is, how is that the
Americans call it, winter blues? Guess I am more sensitive during the
Holidays, that’s all.”
“Haruka,
I know you’ve been trying hard to keep a happy facade but I’m
afraid you’re a lousy liar. You’ve been particularly
distant tonight. In fact, this is something that’s been nagging
me lately but I couldn't find the right time to talk it out before.
You know been going out for a while now, but I’ve always felt
you've put an impenetrable barrier between us and you’re very
much aware of my feelings for you. It hurts, you know…”
“What…?”
“Your
distance. I can't get close to you no matter what I do. You
unconsciously reject me and it really hurts Haruka, because I don't
even know why. I'm starting to believe you think I’m not worthy
of you.”
“Don’t
say that! You’ve been wonderful to me. I'm not rejecting you
Itsuki-kun…It's just…”
“Oh,
barrier is up again I see. Why Haruka, you know there's nothing I
wouldn't do for you. Why the distance? Why I feel you are holding
back? Why can't you let me in?”
“I'm
not sure if I should tell you this. I mean…it is a thing of
the past but…”
“The
past, this should be interesting” Itsuki said pushing his
glasses up and placing his right hand underneath his chin in a
pensive stance. “Okay, who was he and what happened that has
left you in this shape?”
Haruka
blinked astonished. How Itsuki knew it was a he? Recovering quickly
from the mild shock, she answered: “The truth is that five
years ago, when the MU attacked us and Tokyo was trapped in the
Barrier, I lost someone special. I didn't loose not only my father
but also a friend, a good friend whom I was close to.”
“You
mean a boyfriend.”
Haruka
paused, then continued as her slightly cracking voice gave out the
emotional burden long kept in hiding. “Yes, he was my
boyfriend. Silly isn't it? It has been so long since that but I feel
I left part of me trapped inside that barrier and I don't understand
why. I've tried to let go, just like my mother wishes me to but I…I
can't! I'm sorry Itsuki, I should have told you this before. I've
been such a jerk.”
“Is
it someone I know?”
“Not
really. He was a classmate back in Tokyo. We met at a trip to Neriya
while we visited my uncle Rikudoh, who’s an archaeologist. I
caught him doing a drawing of me. He told me I looked picturesque. He
wanted to become a professional painter when we graduated.” Her
glance seemed distant for a moment as if she were reliving that day
in her mind's eye.
“You
have a thing for artists Haruka dear. And this painter, does he have
a name?”
“I…”
Words seemed to choke painfully on Haruka's throat. Her hands shook
slightly over her lap. The bespectacled student noticed and quipped
gently:
“I'm
sorry; I shouldn't push you like this. We can leave it like this if
you want to. I must admit I feel rather jealous because you are
talking about him with such a passion I didn't even imagined you
possessed.”
“I'm
so sorry Itsuki-kun. His name was Kamina, Kamina Ayato. He was with
his father while he and my uncle worked researching some ruins.”
“The
name sounds intriguing. Kamina, "from the gods."
“Yes,
I think that's what it means.”
As
Haruka stood silent for a moment, Itsuki kept staring at her
intently, as if he wished to reach through the depths of her soul.
“Haruka, do you love me?”
“Itsuki-kun…!”
“I
need to know. You are aware of what I feel, but I don't know what I
am to you. Do you love me?”
“You
are very special to me and you’ve been kind and gentle and I
really enjoy being with you and…”
Her
hesitance disappointed Itsuki deeply; his perception seemed to be
correct after all. He sighted loudly as he put into words what he had
feared. “But you don’t feel the same I do. That's okay. I
understand. Well, it’s snowing now I think you will need a ride
home. Let me get my keys.” Itsuki stood up offering his hand to
help her stand up, his countenance serious and his mood noticeably
subdued. Haruka couldn’t help the horrible sense of guilt that
crept up inside her conscience.
“I'm
sorry. I really wished I could learn to love you. I really wanted to
but it's just…”
“Don't
apologize. We'll deal with this one day at a time, alright?”
The student began his way towards the door.
“Okay”
she replied as she followed him out.
Itsuki
hand’s extended to reach for the doorknob when he out of a
sudden he stopped, as if something had clicked inside him. Haruka
caught up with him as she stared in a quizzical manner. Sensing her
closeness, he turned around as his glance locked with hers. A worried
expression materialized on her face.
“Itsuki-kun,
are you okay?” But before she could say anything else, Itsuki’s
lips came to cover hers in a passionate kiss. His arms engulfed her,
bringing her closer to him as his mouth sought admittance in a
deliberate assault. Her lips felt warm and soft against his and he
was very much aware of the softness of her body against his own. He
wanted her, badly, and the fact that she might never want him with
same intensity infuriated him. Having her like this was like a wish
come true that crashed with the harsh reality of the stiff barrier
she had so carefully, stubbornly erected and that kept him out of her
heart. He could sense her nervousness, her hesitation to let him in,
the way her body remained rigid despite his efforts to undermine her
defenses. Frustrated, reaching for his self-control damaged by the
delicious scent of her perfume, he withdrew as he gathered his
breath. Pushing his hair back, he muttered:
“Haruka,
if you would just give me the chance, I could help you forget him. I
want to help you because I can see loneliness in your eyes and it
kills me to see you that way. I care for you, I really do. I know it
must be hard to let go, to try to forget and start over. You must
have loved him dearly. Heh, I’m really feeling awfully jealous
of this past boyfriend of yours if you loved him so much that you’re
still loyal to his memory after all these years.”
Her
brown eyes and her slightly trembling voice conveyed the intensity
and almost maddening emotions that assaulted her and was forced to
confront head on at this instant:
“Yes
I did, he was my first love and I think I still love him, despite the
time, despite the fact he might have already forgotten me, despite
the reality that I might never get to see him again. Despite it all,
I can’t deny what I feel even if I want it so badly to stop.
When I met you, I really wanted to love you. I wanted to start over
because I hate living with this burden. I don’t want to live
with this uncertainty, with the possibility I might end up alone all
my life waiting for an impossible dream. I don’t want to be
left alone and cold.” Her fists clenched at her sides as her
head hung low to hide the tears that escaped her eyes.
“I
don’t want you to be left alone and cold either…”
Itsuki
brought Haruka’s chin up as his fingers gently caught the
tears. Ever so slowly, his head craned down towards her and his lips
touched hers in a gentle kiss. He jolted slightly when he felt Haruka
yielding to his caress, her lips at last parting to allow him in.
Sparks flew as his tongue touched hers and his gentle, almost languid
caress became more intense as he realized he couldn’t reign in
his desire any longer. He brought her arms around his neck as he left
her lips and began a moist trail from her cheek down to the right
earlobe. When he lifted his head again, Haruka realized his eyes had
darkened with desire and realized almost alarmed that she also felt
an urgent need building up inside herself. Brushing the soft strands
of bluish black hair away from her shoulders, he cupped her face as
his voice came in a low, husky tone that stirred the proverbial
butterflies in her stomach:
“Please,
stay with me tonight. I want to ease your hurt, fill the void that is
eating up your soul and that’s causing you so much pain. Let me
be the one that makes you fall in love again.”
“Itsuki-kun…”
Her voice trembled, her mind spun with questions yet unspoken. Could
she allow herself to forget the one she loved with someone who
reminded him so much? If he only knew that what made it so hard for
her was their amazing resemblance! But this night, Haruka felt more
mortal and vulnerable than ever in her life. She longed so badly to
forget even if it were for a brief moment, she wanted to banish the
cold and emptiness that froze her inside out. Her glance momentarily
went towards the December nightscape, watching the snowflakes fall
mercilessly over the city, feeling her skin shiver with the cool
draft that sneaked inside from a nearby window and from the painful
remembrance it brought, exposing her unhealed wounds all over again.
Itsuki’s voice, so warm, so soothing and enticing, brought her
back from her trail of thoughts. Placing a kiss on each of her hands,
he simply whispered as his forehead touched hers:
“For
you my dear Haruka, I'm Itsuki…I'm just Itsuki.”
`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
March
10, 2026
Dr.
Kisaragi’s residence
1115
hrs
“Nice
place you have here Itsuki-kun! You're obviously on the higher pay
scales and it shows” Haruka exclaimed as she admired the
immense two story house. The house was encased in such a way the
Nirai bay surrounded it and the pyramidal building that served as
TERRA's most prominent landmark served as spectacular background to
the place.
“What
can I say? I enjoy what I do and its spoils. You seem doing rather
well and I wouldn't be surprised in the least if you end up as head
of Intelligence one day” the doctor replied as he allowed the
both of them inside the spacious home.
“Don't
flatter me. The salary of a Lieutenant is nothing to brag about but
it provides a decent living. So, when is your sister arriving?”
Haruka replied, following the scientist. The sea shimmered brightly
under the midday sun; reflections of sapphire and turquoise with gold
were visible from virtually every corner of the immaculate
glass-paned walls.
“Ah,
Quon! She'll be here in a couple of days. She looks forward to meet
you” Itsuki answered as he cornered to one of the rooms to tuck
away his luggage.
“She
knows about me?” Haruka sat down in a leather sofa while Itsuki
continued the visual inspection of his house. She was quite intrigued
with this sister of his she did not know about until today. In fact,
they had never actually touched on the subject on his family while
back then. That was just one of the many mysteries that had
surrounded Kisaragi Itsuki. Most of them never had any answers. At
least now she could actually feel she knew a bit more about him.
“Of
course. She was quite amused to know a classmate of mine had ended up
working here also. Well, where have my manners gone? I promised you
tea. I'll be right back. Feel yourself at home. And Haruka?”
“Yes?”
“It
is really nice to see you again. I really miss our conversations. We
had some good times, didn't we?”
“Yes,
I guess we did.”
Itsuki
rushed towards the kitchen and the officer rose, observing with
approving glance that the taste of her former classmate had remained
indeed exquisite. Her eyes shifted to a table, were several metal
frames stood. One of the pictures depicted three children, two boys
and one girl. From the glasses and the grayish bangs, she recognized
him as a young and rather cute Itsuki. The other boy resembled
Itsuki's friend, the one she met back then, but the girls' identity
was unknown to her. She suspected that it must have been in the elite
institution he had been raised and educated. Another two pictures
caught her attention. One featured a girl in her teens with long,
flowing reddish hair and purple eyes. The girl was beautiful and
delicate looking, like a priceless china doll. The other picture
featured a young Itsuki in his graduation robes. She could easily
pinpoint the exact place and day it was taken because she had been
there. However, by then, their friendship had gone through certain
difficulties that had not been properly addressed since then. Before
she dwelled upon the remembrances that picture brought, she forced
her attention towards the elegant black piano that commanded the
spacious living room. TERRA's pyramid was positioned right behind it,
augmenting the illusion that the piano was at a stage ready for a
concert. Before she could be aware of her own actions, she sat down
and ran her fingers across the bi-colored keys.
“Do
you like it?” Itsuki's voice startled Haruka. He had removed
his jacket and was walking towards her with two cups of tea.
“It
is a very nice piano. I guess you're still very into music. I'm glad
you are doing what you like” she replied, taking her cup.
Itsuki brought a chair to sit beside Haruka. Taking a sip of the warm
beverage, he replied:
“In
a way I am. I wish I could say it is just for the pleasure of
playing, but actually is part of my research. Still, I do enjoy
playing with Quon and we have entertained the brass with small
recitals, nothing fancy. In fact, let me give you a little
demonstration.”
Putting
his tea cup away, Itsuki started to pulse the keys, bringing a soft
melody from it. The short-haired woman listened in silence, as an
image she treasured in the confines of her mind came forth, attracted
by the music. She could see the girl with the long hair and the
school uniform also playing a pleasant, soothing melody on the piano.
So concentrated she was on her task that she wasn't aware of the boy
that had come to stand beside her, attracted by the sweet, calming
sound that she brought from the instrument.
In
the present, in a reaction that pleased Itsuki, Haruka's fingers
reached for the keys, accompanying his melody, yet their musical
voices couldn't be more different. Itsuki's mood was bright and
calming but Haruka's had a timbre of melancholy and longing. While
her hands followed her musical partner’s lead, her mind
continued walking through the doors of her memories. Itsuki's living
room vanished and in turn, a classroom took its place. She felt an
intense gaze and when her head lifted, she found her eyes locking
with the boy's azure eyes, but as her present self did the same, it
wasn't a boy who stared back, but a man. His eyes had the same shade
of blue; his face had the features she imagined he would have at this
age. Even the smile was gentle as she remembered but there was
something that wasn't quite right, something didn’t fit and so
the illusion vanished, leaving her with the emptiness, now even more
cruelly emphasized by the likeness between them.
The
resemblance was so uncanny it pained her just to be with him in the
same room, but she hated the fact that for brief instants, her senses
could be tricked to believe it was him and not Itsuki. Her fingertips
suddenly rose from the black and white ivories and her hands came
forcefully to her lap. Itsuki's jovial voice brought her out of her
reverie.
"I
know it sounds awfully trite, but I think we do make beautiful music
together. You shouldn’t have stopped. It was actually coming
out nicely. You can even come here and play whenever you want."
"No.
It was silly of me to even dare to play with you. It must have
sounded terrible. I'm sorry, I wasn't aware of what I was doing. It's
just that the song brings me memories."
Itsuki
stopped his melody pressing one key that gave a low, dramatic tone.
"Still trapped in the past I see, but I must confess you're not
the only one." His voice took a low undertone. His eyes
darkened, as if he had suddenly seen in her face her thoughts. His
hand reached hers as his eyes commanded hers to stare at them.
“Haruka,
it's been so long. Do you know that my feelings for you haven't
changed?”
“Itsuki…”
“Haruka,
I think I know what you’re thinking.” Lifting her hand
and placing her palm against his cheek, he said:
"Please
understand. You know more than anybody else the impossibility of what
you wish for. He is lost, he's gone and heaven knows even if that
barrier will ever come down, but I am still here. Fate has brought us
to find ourselves again. We can learn to leave the past behind and
start all over again. We cannot live for the future stuck in the past
and you know it. Just look at yourself and look at me. We are older
and time is running its course with us. We should catch up with it
and continue forward. I know it’s not an easy thing what I’m
asking you, but there's one thing for sure: whenever you are ready to
come to me, I'll be here."
````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
December
29, 2018
0840
hrs
Itsuki
looked at the sleeping figure, so peaceful and beautiful, even with
the dark locks all in disarray. As his hands toyed with the piece of
paper that sealed his fate, his mind relived in excruciating detail
every second of what they had shared. He still could taste her,
perceive her scent, feel her warmth in his hands and all over his
skin as if it had been branded. He could still hear her voice in the
dead of the night, two lonely souls coming together to haunt the
emptiness and sorrow with a night devoid of inhibitions, of passions
that sought solace in their mutual company. It felt wonderful to have
her in his arms and to be witness and active participant in her
awakening to passion. He had waked up that morning with an optimistic
spirit, feeling he was on his way to accomplish his wish and heal her
battered heart.
And
then, by an act of the fates, he had to know her secret.
A
mixture of anger and hopelessness filled his soul as he held the
small book and the photo so zealously guarded. It wasn’t meant
for him or anyone else to see but it had ended on the floor and later
found when he was picking up their belongings after last night’s
events. He read again the short scribbling behind the photo: “To
my beloved Ayato” written in the cute handwriting of a 14 year
old. The face that looked at him almost mockingly, at least to him,
none other than his own at that age minus the glasses and the stern
clothing he used to wear at the Foundation, but yet this was not him.
It was the other him. The one fated to succeed in what he had failed
to not too long ago.
He
had always expected his 17th birthday with eagerness and enthusiasm,
after a whole life groomed with a single purpose in mind: to be the
instrumentalist, the Ollin to bring about the tuning of the world. He
had obediently accepted the severe treatment, the lack of parents,
the lack of warmth of true human companionship for only the reward of
being chosen for such honor, but as the year came and left and
nothing happened, his life turned empty, meaningless. He knew that
even those who he believed were his friends relished the fact that he
had failed. And now the other, with the time delay and the protection
of the dome was groomed to be his successor. He would have learned to
live in resignation of his fate if at least a new chance at happiness
was given to him. He thought that chance had finally arrived with the
girl with the warm eyes and cheerful smile. But once again…
“Onni-san.
So it has been you who stole her heart. It is you who still haunts
her and because of you, it is now impossible for me to reach her
heart.”
Has
this been just the physical manifestation of what they both longed
for inside? Was this just a moment of need, a weakness of the flesh,
mere pleasurable companionship to fight the cold and the loneliness?
No, for him it could never be that. Even if she never knew it, for
him it had been an act of love, of what he now sadly understood was a
lost cause.
He
stood in front of the mirror and stared at the grayish hair, the pale
complexion, the blue eyes, the features that instead of making her
forget about him, brought his memory back with a vivid intensity.
"You
are not to blame for this Haruka. If you just knew the truth, of whom
I really am. There's no one to blame for this. It is just rotten
luck." His fingers slipped over the smooth surface, wishing his
fingertips could rearrange his face in such a way it could never
again resemble his onii-san's. Maybe with another face and not this
she could fall in love with his true self and not the appearance of
what he was for the rest of the world: the substitute. As he pondered
on such thoughts, another face appeared on his mirror. Intense auburn
orbs were now also staring at him.
“Itsuki?”
He turned around to face Haruka. She must have woke up and notice
that he wasn’t there.
“Haruka,
are you okay? You, you don’t regret what happened?” He
could already sense the turmoil that was rising inside her. He knew,
for he was experiencing a similar situation. He braced for the worst.
“No,
I knew what I was doing. You didn't coerce me or anything, but I'm
sorry because I used you. I'm a terrible person. I stayed with you
for my own selfish, petty reasons. It was a moment of weakness but I
regret that I had to be with you because you mean so much to me and
you have cared for me like more that I could deserve. You deserved
more than I gave you.”
“Don't
say that. I was the one who came up with the proposition, it wasn't
the best idea as I realize now but I care for you and I wanted so bad
to make you feel better.”
“It's
not fair Itsuki, it's not fair for you. I can't…I can't keep
this up. I don't want to hurt you anymore.”
“I
know what I'm getting into to but I'm willing to wait until you feel
your heart is healed enough to accept me. To see me for myself.”
“You
don't understand; you look so similar to the one I lost that it is
scary. Oh god, why do you think I was so shocked when I met you? I
thought it was him, that somehow he had made it out of that place
until I realized the truth. And to make matters worse, you had to
fall in love with me. I can't keep this any longer, because in the
end we will both be hurt and deceived. As bad as it is living my life
alone with just a silly hope, I could never deceive myself and use
you to trick myself that somehow you are him. I just can't do that to
you and I can't do that to myself…or to him. I'm sorry
Itsuki-kun, but I can't go on with this. We should stop seeing each
other before we do even more things we later regret. I wish things
were different, I really do but I…”
“I
understand. I don't hold it against you. You can't rule your heart
and your feelings. Can I least take you home?”
“I
think it would be better if I rode alone.”
`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
March
11, 2026
TERRA
HQ’s, Intelligence Division
0745
hrs
Haruka
arrived to her office that morning with her mind and heart still
stirred by the storm of emotions that were awaken by her encounter
with Dr. Kisaragi. Her mind was sunk in a sea of confusion. After a
long time subdued by work and stern discipline her heart came to
eagerly remind her of the emotional and physical needs she had
neglected to tend. This fortuitous encounter with Itsuki had brought
the internal debates all over again. Once more, self doubt took a
hold, assaulting her with the countless questions that filled her
mind and she feared to answer. For how long would she hold on to this
quixotic quest? And she learned Itsuki still loved her after all they
had been through. Would it be so wrong to accept him, to seek a new
chance for happiness, to kiss away the bitter truth that the one she
loved and lost would never come back?
As
her mind still struggled to make sense out of her confused feelings,
the chirp of an incoming message in her computer interrupted her
thoughts momentarily. The message’s sender surprised her and
she hurried to click it open:
"To:
1LT Shitow, Haruka, Division 2
From:
Col. Tsubabuki, Intelligence Division Commander
Message
Classification: EYES ONLY
You
have been selected for Special Agent Duty. Please report at 0700 hrs
at Conference Room 10. Further details will be offered during the
official briefing. Please bring the following documents: personal
dossier and training record, Psychological tests, medical records and
immunizations, flying hours log and weapons qualification log."
Haruka's
eyes widened at the last sentence.
"TERRA's
Tactical Group has been selected for the oversight, planning and
conducting field operations for Operation Overlord. The Federation,
USDF, and the UN will work in joint operations. Intel Dept 2 will
collaborate in the planning and execution of the field operations…”
The
rest of the message was a barrage of timelines and facts but that
wasn't important for her now. A major operation was being planned!
Her gears clicked and she quickly understood. She thought about
Itsuki’s words and what they meant. She knew he was right, but
yet, how could she live with herself if she did not at least tried?
Inhaling deeply, she typed a quick reply to the message and left her
office in search of her records.
As
she briskly walked down the corridor, she caught a glimpse of a
solemn Itsuki talking with TERRA’s commander Colonel Kunugi.
Obviously it had to be about these latest developments to be summoned
so urgently. Her lips curved in a sad smile. She knew because of his
position he was soon going to find out about her new mission and what
she planned to do given the chance. Glancing at him one last time
before continuing her way, Haruka murmured under her breath:
“Itsuki,
before I reset my clock, there’s still one thing left for me to
do.”
Turning
around leaving Itsuki behind, with a renewed determination in her
eyes and spirit, Shitow Haruka reinitiated her search for what had
been lost and was yet to be found again.
~Fin~
Glossary:
CQ:
Change of quarters. An officer officially in charge of an unit
Headquarters at night.
Daigaku
– university
Toudai
– Tokyo University
Yakuza
– Japanese mafia
Bento
– lunch box
Quick
note about the dates:
Most
of the dates and locations featured on this story are based on the
RahXephon Bible.
Author's
notes:
So
after being inspired by Cendrillo's wonderful fic “Substitution”
and again Episode 13 providing a wealth of information and
inspiration enough for a second story, I finish this little
pre-series story. I'll admit that Itsuki's and Haruka's relationship
intrigues me and I'm sort of biased towards this pairing because poor
Itsuki seems to always get to draw the short straw. I had a lot of
fun with Makoto's cameo and actually, there's another character that
sort of makes her cameo appearance also, but I'll let you guess that
one. ;) And for those who haven't seen the movie, the day before the
Mu attack Tokyo it snows; that's why I portrait Haruka having an
emotional breakdown at the sight of snow precisely on the eve of the
anniversary of the attack.
Hope
you’ve enjoyed it and thanks for reading.
