Landing Maneuvers, the MST by regie

Landing maneuvers, the MST

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Landing Maneuvers, the MST

A RahXephon fanfiction by regie27

Beta Reader and accomplice: Carrie Asagiri

 

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Disclaimer:

 

No animals or human beings were harmed during the creation of this MST and the author’s sanity was preserved due to a small yet very helpful amount of Argentinean Merlot. The remainder of the wine though was imbued by Good and Bad Haruka while attempting to bleach out the images of the original fic after their review. Both consciences are doing okay now and were last reported lively debating for the umpteenth time the RahXephon: Pluraritas Concentio holding cell scene.

 

 

Narrator: Theatre of silliness presents…

 

Bad Haruka: Do we have to do this? *rolleyes*

 

Good Haruka: Shush, let Mr. Narrator speak!

 

Narrator: a Badfic productions MST of “Landing Maneuvers” by A-Z Mark II

 

“Disclaimer: I don't own RahXephon - if I did, it'd have more sex in it!”

 

Bad Haruka: Hey, I’m starting to like this guy. His mind sure is on the right path.

 

Good Haruka: *sighs* Goodness gracious, this is going to be a long day. Oh by the way, where have our manners gone?

 

Bad Haruka: You mean yours because I sure ain’t got any.

 

Good Haruka: Never something so true has been said before. Anyway, I’ll like to introduce us to our audience. My name is Good Haruka or Good Haru for short and I’m the conscience of good of RahXephon protagonist and namesake Haruka Shitow, and the lewd, nasty girl beside me is…

 

Bad Haruka: *waving and winking* Bad Haruka here, the non-boring side to Haruka Shitow unlike goodie two shoes here, but you can call me Bad Haru and if you look like Ayato you might wish to call me “master.”

 

Good Haru: *sweatdrops* There she goes again. Anyway, we have been assigned the job of commenting on this fic. I wonder why…

 

Bad Haru: Who cares, we’re getting paid right? Besides, if we get to see our yummy Ayato fooling around with us, I’m all for it.

 

Good Haru: Err, I’m not sure this story is about that but let’s find out, shall we?

 

“It had all started with just one beer.”

 

BH: And we’re starting on the right foot.

 

“Haruka was feeling very down about the way that things had played out with Ayato. Not that it was surprising; when you lock a young man you kidnapped in a room with an exploding door, then try to steal his artifact, and then treat him like a prisoner, it can leave a sour taste in his mouth. And that sour taste, it would seem, was turning into distrust of Haruka Shitow.”

 

BH: Not yay. Man, what a downer.

 

GH: I still feel so ashamed we had to do all that to poor Ayato-kun. No wonder he hated us.

 

BH: But I had suggested some ways to fix that but no, you wouldn’t agree.

 

GH: Shh, we’re getting sidetracked here… *sweatdrops*

 

“Having been snubbed by the young man, she had fled TERRA; both to regain her control, to gather her wits and plan, but mostly to keep from showing how much that snubbing had hurt her.

 

She still wasn't entirely sure how she had ended up in the restaurant/bar with Elvy Hadhiyat, the sole survivor of the air assault of Operation Overlord. But, here she was, fighting for food with the woman as she worried aloud that irreparable damage had been done to her relationship with the object of the exercise: Ayato Kamina.”

 

BH: Man, that Elvy is such a cheapskate. She wanted to eat the whole damned barbeque when we paid for most of it.

 

GH: But remember we were feeling guilty because we hadn’t told her about the true nature of our mission and the fact her whole unit was shot down on Operation Overlord.

 

BH: That was you with the guilty conscience, remember? I was far too excited seeing Ayato again to notice anything else. He sure looks yummy now. *drool*

 

GH: Bad Haru, you’re drooling all over but I’ll agree with you on that. He sure has become even more handsome with the years.

 

BH: And we might have had a nice peek of how nicely he has grown up if you hadn’t stopped me from catching a view when he was changing clothes back at Miura.

 

GH: Can we leave this discussion for later? Talk about a one-track mind!

 

“Elvy still had her dander up from the perceived betrayal of her mission at the hands of Haruka, who had not mentioned that the projected survival rate for the fighters that made it into Tokyo Jupiter was less than five percent.”

 

BH: Where the hell she thought we were going? Tokyo Disneyland? So much for a fighter pilot commander, sheesh!

 

GH: But we weren’t too explicit narrating the details of the mission.

 

BH: They should have hinted something when the lawyers made sure their Last Will and Testament papers were up to date. How dense can you be?

 

GH: You’re terrible!

 

“Still, with a pitcher of beer in her, Elvy was at least being somewhat helpful to her, suggesting that since she had lost the `good person' angle, she might want to try being a `good woman' instead.”

 

BH: Ahh, Elvy has always appealed to my side. *grins*

 

GH: Don’t remind me that. *groans* Still, there’s chance she’s actually meaning for Haruka to be a good woman and to follow my advices.

 

“Her meaning was clear to Haruka, but there were issues that Elvy wasn't aware of between her and Ayato. Still, the suggestion was seeping into her mind like a stain. She had ordered another round of draft beer to help herself think.”

 

GH: Or not…

 

BH: You should have known what they meant, silly. I’m really starting to like this. That’s how you do it, some beer and an imaginative mind will do the trick, girl.

 

GH: Now I do definitely NOT like the way this thing is going.

 

BH: Shut yer hole, this is getting interesting.

 

“That had been four pitchers ago, and Elvy had briefly detoured from beer to explore the path of a couple of vodka shooters and a shot of Tennessee whiskey before wandering - or, more accurately, staggering - back to beer.”

 

BH: *singing to the tune of Chumbawamba’s “Tubthumping”*

She drinks a whisky drink, she drinks a vodka drink, she drinks a lager drink, she drinks a cider drink…

 

GH: That Elvy has always been such a drunk. Why do we keep such company?

 

BH: Because she’s fun, but that’s something you’ll never know of. And to refresh your memory, you also put up with her so stop complaining and pass me that pitcher of beer.

 

GH: She’s the best pilot TERRA has ever had and a great person but I hate it when she drinks.

 

BH: So go ahead and put a word with her good Elvy side and stop whining. You’re getting on my nerves!

 

“Having settled their tab, the two worked their way down the streets, both of them bombed, though Elvy was far more intoxicated that Haruka was. Without thought, Haruka began to navigate herself and her friend toward her house. It wasn't so much that she thought that anyone but her sister and uncle would be there, so much as her desire to sleep off the binge.”

 

BH: Bah, if Haru weren’t that depressed, she would have partied the whole night.

 

GH: Yeah, that would have helped her nicely with the Ayato problems, Bad Haru.

 

*Bad Haru sticks out her tongue towards Good Haru* You’re so boring!

 

GH: And you’re up to no good, but shall we continue this?

 

BH: Alright, besides, Elvy’s such a lightweight drinking but sure ain’t so when it comes to haul her sorry ass. Next time, I’ll just leave her to pass out at the restaurant.

 

GH: You’re such a lovely conscience.

 

BH: I know. *grins*

 

“Elvy was a happy drunk, Haru had discovered, and when she was lit like she was, her usual restraint was the first casualty. For her part Haru got introspective when she drank too much, and after a pretty rough session with Megumi, she had promised herself that she would keep the drinking to a minimum.”

 

BH: And getting all introspective is all thanks to you Good Haru. You can’t leave one to have some fun, can’t you?

 

GH: Can’t blame me for Haruka relying so much on my side and my advice.

 

BH: And Megumi, I really have to figure something out to do with that nosy brat.

 

GH: That nosy brat as you call her is our sister…

 

BH: And I still wonder why I had to listen to you when we decided to drag her along to Nirai. One of our worst ideas but that’s all thanks to you, Ms. Responsibility.

 

“Her thoughts of her sister helped her focus slightly. She's probably going to be a bitch to me when she sees I've been drinking this heavily, reflected the older sister.

 

BH: Megu being bitchy, now that’s a stretch.

 

But, I can't really fault her about it; this isn't the kind of example I should be setting for her, she knew.”

 

BH: Oh goodness, it sounded so just like you Good Haru. I think I’m going to puke.

 

*Good Haru glares at Bad Haru*

 

“Shifting Elvy so she was easier to steady with her shoulder, Haru began to move up the long, steep grade to her uncle's house. Her thoughts about her sister and Ayato were disrupted by a hand on her breast.”

 

GH: O__O; What in heavens…!?

 

BH: Heh, I didn’t realize Elvy got her lesbo out when drunk but she better go and feel up Cathy the next time unless she wants both cheeks to be red when my fist connects with them.

 

“Blinking, she saw Elvy grinning a little as she felt her up. “God, Haru, those are some resilient tits you got!” she announced loudly. Fortunately for her, the two were alone on the deserted road that led up the edge of the hill to her uncle's house. “No wonder you wear strapless tops so much!” giggled the other woman. Haru blinked at Elvy.”

 

BH: Thanks for the compliment Elvy, now would you mind getting your paws off me, you sicko? I hope this thing doesn’t derange into some yuri garbage.

 

GH: I really need to speak to Good Elvy about this. I know she wouldn’t have agreed on this.

 

BH: She doesn’t have a say on this you dimwit and neither do we. This is a fic, remember?

 

GH: And I’m afraid it is only getting worse…

 

“Why are you feeling me up, Elvy?” she wondered. Elvy shrugged.

 

“Because you're cute?” she asked, cracking up in laughter at her little joke. Haru sighed.

 

BH: And how about if I knock some teeth off you, dead wingman or not?

 

GH: Calm down, Bad Haru. That’s just part of the drunkenness.

 

“This is why I don't go binge drinking with you often.” she muttered, catching her balance. Elvy pouted.

 

“I was being nice.” she complained. “Least you could do is thank me.” she complained. Haru considered that.

 

“You're right, Elvy-chan.” she said, reaching across to fondle Elvy's tits. “That better?” she asked, beginning to giggle herself at the childish antics of her and her friend. Elvy smiled at her.

 

BH: And this is also part of the drunkenness Good Haru?

 

GH: O______O; Nope, this is most definitely not part of the drunkenness. This is blatant fanservice.

 

BH: I swear if this thing goes yuri on me I will kick the author’s sorry ass harder than I did to those mulian punks.

 

GH: For once I think I’ll agree with you Bad Haru. Elvy’s a good looking woman and a friend but I seriously doubt we’ll react like this. I’m afraid this is crossing the OOC line.

 

BH: Oh it sure is!

 

“Only if you're gonna make good on it.” she said, her tone dropping to a sultry whisper. Not for the first time, Haru wondered if perhaps Elvy might be a little bi-curious. Probably just the alcohol, she dismissed the thought. Moving up the hill, she half-guided, half-dragged the drunk pilot along.”

 

BH: If you want to go bi-curious Elvy, go wank Cathy.

 

GH: Is it just me or Haru here is not scandalized over the fact that her best friend just fondled her breasts?

 

BH: Nope because the author is getting his fantasizes on with two female pilots getting in on. The punk… and I had already had some high expectations on this one. Man, what a letdown. I thought this might have been a keeper like “Nocturnal Revelations.” Hey regie, you owe us sequel of that one!

 

GH: Hmm, a sequel to “Nocturnal” wouldn’t be such a bad idea.

 

regie: *sweatdrops* Can we talk about this in another moment girls? Hey guys, can someone please hang the “shameless self-plug” sign somewhere around here?

 

BH: You’re no fun like this ninny I’m stuck with but alright. I think I’ll need to reread “Nocturnal” anyway after this last scene. >.<

 

GH: And I think I’ll join you on that one. 

 

“I think it's time to get some rest.” she said aloud, hearing Elvy sigh dejectedly.

 

“We could go find some men.” mused Elvy. “Maybe that Ayato guy you spent all night obsessing over.” she suggested.

 

BH: Okay, we’re getting back on the right track. Just forget about all the lesbian overtones and you’ll have me at your side again, kid.

 

GH: Do you realize that Elvy is implying that she’ll also participate in this search?

 

BH: She better not think about laying a finger on my beloved Ayato-kun or she’ll be seeing all her dead comrades in heaven soon enough!

 

“I'm not obsessing over him!” denied Haru. I've just spent the last twelve years getting back to his side, and dreaming of him nearly every night, and cursing the Mu for stealing him from me; not even close to obsession, right? she rationalized to herself.

 

GH: I thought we waited fifteen years, not twelve. And it’s not obsessing, it’s called devotion and loyalty and love.

 

BH: Hah, keep deluding yourself, but I admit we are obsessive and I don’t mind. Hey kid, get your facts straight. It’s 15, not 12. We were 14 when that *BLEEP* of a barrier…what the hell!?

 

GH: I think you have been bleeped out Bad Haru. *sheepish smile*

 

BH: Damn, whatever happened to freedom of expression? This must have been your doing, Good Haru. Anyway, a little math lesson here kids. If Haruka was 14 when that stupid barrier fell down separating me from my boy toy Ayato, and now we’re 29 years old, that means the time difference is 15 and not 12 years.

 

GH: 15 years of agonizing and long wait... *sigh*

 

BH: But I didn’t mind that tasty interlude when Itsuki was around. That sure made the waiting easier. *sly grin*

 

GH: *blushing* Ahem, I think we have sidetracked again Bad Haru.

 

BH: Hehehe, you sure hate it when Itsuki pops into the conversation. You sure liked him as much as I did, don’t you?

 

GH: Bad Haru, the fic…

 

BH: Hehehe…

 

“You should just fuck him and get it over with.” said Elvy sagely. She might have been more convincing as a wise adviser if she hadn't been looking a little to the left of where Haruka really was. “God knows you need to get laid.” she muttered.

 

BH: Elvy is getting on my good side again. She understands about certain needs of the flesh unlike someone I know and I had the right solution to that inconvenience if it hadn’t been for a certain someone…

*glaring at Good Haru*

 

GH: Don’t get started on the Miura Peninsula thing again! If you had gotten your way there when we were stranded with Kamina-kun, that would have altered the whole series!

 

BH: I’ll keep my opinion for when we do a MST of that episode but you sure ain’t heard the last of it! Such a precious opportunity, wasted *grumbles*

 

“And you don't?!” snapped back Haru. Elvy considered it.

 

“Hmm. You make a good point.” she said with drunken intensity. “Let's go get laid!” she shouted happily, staggering forward up the hill. Haruka steadied her as best she could.

 

GH: Did you write this Bah Haru?

 

BH: Nope, but it sure reads like if I had done so.

*grins*

 

“And who do you think is going to be home to fuck you?” she asked Elvy. “It's only me, Megu and my uncle living there.” she reminded the pilot. Elvy shrugged.

 

“I'll think of something.” she dismissed the topic. “Or we could go back to town and look for some young stud.” she added brightly.

 

BH: Oh yes, brilliant idea! Go to town and get your own stud while I manage to sneak into Ayato’s room.

 

“Planning to share one?” grunted Haru as she steadily closed in on the house where she and her sister had lived for the last ten years. Elvy giggled.

 

“Sounds fun!” she said. “Never tried that before; two girls and a guy, I mean.” she confided to her friend.

 

BH: Ohoho, I don’t think so! Sharing isn’t my game darling. Go get your sick kicks with Makoto or Donny or someone else. Man, how more OOC is Haruka going to get? Obsessing over a guy for 15 years just to share him with a crazed, kamikaze fighter pilot at the first chance? No *Bleep* way! Man, I hate this bleep *bleep* Argh!

 

GH: At least Elvy didn’t agree to go on to uncle. Ugh!

 

BH: Now that’s just plain nasty Good Haru. You just have made me sick of my stomach with the mere image. Now here in the hell did I left the emergency badfic kit?

 

GH: What’s that?

 

BH: Bleach my dear, to bleach out all the badness and the ickyness resulting from badficness.

 

GH: Keep it handy, something tells me I might need some of it.

 

Haruka refused to think about the implication of that statement. She's so different when she's drunk! marveled the woman. At work, she is calm, cool and collected, but pour a few pitchers of beer down her and chase it with some liquor and she turns into a nympho! Her thoughts were interrupted by Elvy's hand back on her breast. “You're cute enough, Haru-chan.” she mused, as if she were thinking about something.

 

GH: And why is Haruka thinking about Elvy in that way?

 

BH: Better questions is why in *Bleep* is Elvy groping us again! Nympho or no nympho she’s going to get a piece of me!

 

GH: Do you realize what you just said?

 

BH: Not THAT piece, you pervert? She’s going to get a knuckle sandwich up her face!

 

“What are you talking about, Elvy?” asked Haruka, nearing the end of the climb to her house.

“Wanna?” asked Elvy, pulling on Haru's shoulder so the Captain turned to face her. Haruka frowned.

 

GH: I think I’m the one who’s going to be sick now.

 

“Do I want to what, Elvy?” she wondered, having forgotten the previous thread of conversation as she thought about other matters.

 

BH: Oh Haruka, you might be scatterbrain but you ain’t naïve, baby. So much for being an elite TERRA Intel operative. Pretty lousy agent you are being here Shitow Haruka!

 

GH: It’s the alcohol, Bad Haru. Excuse me, I think I need a paper bag just about now.

 

“Wanna share a guy?” whispered Elvy, seemingly more alert after the climb and the cool breezes off the ocean.

 

“I told you, the only guy here is my uncle, and I don't want to even think about him in that context!” protested the other woman. Elvy shook her head.

 

“Spoilsport.” she muttered. “Tell you what, if we find a man, we split him for the night. Deal?” she pressed. Haruka sighed.

 

BH: Hey Good Haru, bring another one of those paper bags. Now I’m sick too. Uncle Rikudon on a ménage a trois. what a disgusting thought! Hurry! Someone really got his sick on when he wrote this, and I do mean *he* because no woman is insane enough to write such a thing.

 

“Sure, Elvy, deal.” she said. What could it hurt? Uncle is the only man at home, and he's probably getting ready for bed even now, reasoned the woman. It was a sure-win bet, after all.

 

BH: *slapping her hand over her forehead*  Baka! You fell for it!

 

GH: *cleaning her mouth* Fell for what?

 

BH: Heh, no wonder Haru makes such lousy decisions; it is all because of you! She fell for it because she just agreed on that stupid bet and guess who’s waiting at home?

 

GH: O_______O; Oh-oh!

 

BH: Oh-oh is right!

 

It was another ten minutes before the pair made it to the front door of the house. Sliding it open, Haru kicked off her shoes, preparing to help Elvy inside.

 

“We're home!” yelled Elvy happily. Haru slapped a hand over Elvy's mouth.

 

“Keep it down!” she hissed angrily. “And anyway, you don't live here - this is my house!” she pointed out. Elvy ignored the minor detail.

 

GH: Actually it is uncle’s house but we can’t be nitpicky about minor details.

 

Haru was distracted by a flash of movement and barely had time to drop Elvy to the floor and spread her arms before Buchi was pulling her strapless top down as he meowed happily.

 

BH: The author sure didn’t miss that detail, huh? *rolleyes*

 

Cradling her cat in her arms, she sank to her knees. “Oh! Buchi-kun!” she cooed to the cat. “What are you doing here, Buchi?” she asked him. The cat didn't answer.

 

GH: And if he had answered, I would have been very, very disturbed.

 

BH: Not more than we have already been with the gratuitous mammography that “doctor” Elvy had just performed on Haruka.

 

GH: You had to remind me that. I think I might need some of that bleach just now.

 

Hearing footsteps nearing them, she looked up, prepared to greet her sister or uncle. Instead, a young man stood there, looking at her and her sprawled-out friend. “Haruka.” said the young man softly, his tone odd.

 

“Ayato.” she breathed.

 

Good Haru and Bad Haru sigh in unison: Ayato-kun! *double drool*

 

Narrator: Good thing this carpet was stain proofed with Scotchgard’s stain and moisture repellent or else this floor would be a mess now.

 

BH: Go and do your commercial somewhere else, punk.

 

GH: Oh-oh! Do you realize what’s going on Bad Haru?

 

BH: Oh-oh indeed. Enter Elvy’s damned bet and this fic will soon go downhill.

 

Megumi had made dinner interesting with her snippy comments and irritated behavior, but Ayato hardly noticed. Sitting between Elvy and Haru, he had been fending off the dark-skinned girl's rather blatant advances for most of the meal.

 

BH: I wonder how Elvy managed to keep her head over her shoulders for so long. I should have ripped her head off for daring to touch my Ayato-kun.

 

Oddly enough, with more beer in her, she seemed to be sharper and more aware. From what Ayato could gather, she had been one of the `invaders' he had seen in Tokyo before Haru snatched him. Or I snatched her, either way, he mused.

 

BH: Technicalities, now when do we skip to the part when Haruka ditches Elvy and we get to invade Ayato-kun’s room?

 

GH: That never happened on that episode Bad Haru.

 

BH: In my version of the series it would have happened.

 

GH: I’m glad Izubuchi-san never greenlighted that idea.

 

BH: Cowards! At least they did approve some of my ideas for the manga.

 

GH: Don’t remind me. Your fingerprints are all over that holding cell scene.

 

BH: Hehe, yeah, that’s truly one of my shinning moments. *grins*

 

GH: At least Izubuchi-san liked my ideas for the conclusion.

 

BH: That sappy and romantic ending? Yeah, that’s indeed you. Too bad they went for that instead of my version. I had such great ideas for the honeymoon!

 

GH: That would have landed the manga on a nice M rating. Way to go Bad Haru!

 

BH: My pleasure always.

 

With the meal consumed, Megu had stomped off to bed, telling Haru to keep her drinking buddy quiet that night.

 

BH: Okay, the brat is gone. Now to kick Elvy off the house and it is just you and me dearest Ayato.

 

GH: And uncle and Buchi…

 

BH: Shove it!

 

Haru had assured her that it wouldn't be a problem. Next to excuse himself was the girls' uncle, citing a long day.

 

BH: Yes, another one down!  

 

That left Ayato with the two drunk girls. Elvy had managed to press herself up against him, her hand on his crotch, while Haru seemed to be alternating between being affectionate and being shy. It honestly confused him to see her acting that way.

 

BH: WHOA NELLY!!! Why the *BLEEP-BLEEP* is Elvy’s hand doing there!? 

 

GH: I’m not watching, I’m not watching…! 

 

BH: And why is Haruka acting so *Bleep* passive. Can’t you see Elvy’s got her hands all over your man? Wake up, baka!

 

GH: Lalalalala, I don’t want to know…!

 

As Elvy whispered nasty suggestions in his ear, Ayato finished the last of his beer. Somehow, he had ended up with a beer when the last round had come through, and since he had always wondered about it, he had worked on it until he finished it, finding the taste to be pretty bad. Must be an acquired taste, he reasoned. His thoughts were distracted by Haru.

 

“I think we should get her to bed, Ayato.” said the woman.

 

BH: I think you should kick her sorry butt off your house and get him on your bed, Haruka.

 

GH: I believe I might agree on this one with you Bad Haru.

 

BH: Ohoho, goodie two shoes is turning around? This must be truly rotten if you are agreeing with me on this one.

 

Nodding, Ayato managed to stand, finding that Elvy was not eager to let him do so. With her hand having been caressing his dick for most of the evening, he was semi hard and aroused, but managed to get it situated comfortably; he didn't notice that Haru watched him adjust his dick.

 

GH: O_____O; I think I’m feeling lightheaded…!

 

BH: The sneaky bitch, that should have been ME doing that!

 

GH: Is it just me or this fic has suddenly become really dirty?

 

BH: I hate to agree with you but it is turning dirty and OOC if you ask me. Elvy is earning the privilege of having my boot up her ass soon if she doesn’t quit touching my man. *cracks knuckles*

 

Elvy noticed and launched into another round of lecherous suggestions.

Together, Ayato and Haru managed to get the woman up and guided her upstairs to Haru's room.

 

GH: Oh no, I don’t want to see!  *covers eyes*

 

BH: Baka Haruka! Are you stupid or you are just pretending to be so? Can’t you realize this is what Elvy has been wanting the whole time?

 

As they entered the room, Elvy smiled. “This'll do!” she said happily, twisting to kiss Ayato.

 

BH: That’s it! I had with this fic!

 

Caught off guard, Ayato found his mouth full of Elvy tongue as the woman kissed him deeply. Getting himself together, he kissed her back, glad for the practice with Hiroko. Several moments passed before Elvy broke the kiss. “That's better.” she said simply.

 

BH: Hiroko!? That mulian bitch had a piece of my Ayato too? Give me that, I need to know what else happens in this thing before I go on a killing rampage!

 

*Bad Haru begins to read the fic that she took from a staffer while mumbling curses that would make a sailor blush.*

 

BH: This is pure and utter bull, people know very well I would never, EVER share my Ayato with no one!

 

GH: Did you read the whole thing Bad Haru?

 

BH: *Still rambling half mad* This kid spends way too much time watching pr0n and very few time with a real girl.

 

GH: Maybe that's what he needs, a girlfriend.

 

BH: That or a reality check because this sure ain't happening! Get your fat ass out of the couch and get some fresh air and meet some real people bozo.

 

GH: Can I read now Bad Haru?

 

BH: Go knock yourself out but I warn you, you are not going to like it. Okay, gig's over, can't stand reading more of this stuff. It's making me sick!

 

GH: Whoa, wonder what happens next if it's making you fee sick. Let’s see…

 

*starts reading*

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

O____o;

 

 

>.<

 

x___x

 

 

T__T

 

 

=X

 

 

GH: Oh my goodness gracious what in the name of Pete is this!!

*drops fic*

 

BH: Pete, who’s Pete? Anyway, I told ya but you wouldn’t take the advice. You didn’t read the whole thing, did you?

 

GH: I couldn’t, it made me feel so dirty! And the mental images, they won’t go away! It burns, it burns, get these hideous images out of my head!

 

BH: Hey guys, you might want to bring some extra bleach and some brain glue also. Good Haru is not doing to good here. C’mon, snap out of it!

*Bad Haru slaps Good Haru*

 

GH: I’ll have nightmares of this! Why someone made Haru such a..a…a…

 

BH: A stupid slut, yeah I know. I wish I could kick the author’s butt for doing this to Haru and for making our cutie Ayato into a brainless pr0n star.

 

GH: Oh goodness, to bring the memories to my head because they hurt! A paper bag pronto! I’m nauseated all over again!

 

BH: Oh brother! Sorry guys, we’ll have to cut this MST show due to the newest casualty this fic has created so be smart and don’t read the fic, read our MST instead and save your brain some unnecessary pain. Till the next one!

 

 

~End~

 

Author’s notes:

 

So, how these funny characters came to be you might ask? I’m not sure exactly how it happened but it all began with a hilarious conversation on Yahoo Messenger with fellow Rah fan Carrie but I’m pretty sure it didn’t involve Chemical X. With the memories of the unforgettable Good Excel/Bad Excel skit from episode 1 of Excel saga still fresh on my mind, everything got mix up together like a cocktail and voila, Good Haru and Bad Haru were born. No, we weren’t drunk or high, just unusually giddy and just a little naughty minded. XD

 

As we discussed the RahXephon movie, suddenly these two started adding witty and very funny ad-libs to our conversation. So funny was the end result that I knew that I had to write a Rah parody with them someday and the right opportunity for their crazy antics arrived when we both read the fic featured on this MST and ended up nauseated with the story, not so much because of the rather distasteful sexual content, but by the blatant fanservice and the annoying OOC ness of the main characters. You might wish to read the original story and arrive to your own conclusions but I believe there are better Rah fics out there and this one was ripe to poke some fun at. In the end, everyone’s entitled to their own opinion and so this is mine.

 

Constructive reviews are all welcome. Flames, rotten tomatoes and death threats will be all handled by Bad Haru. Ja ne!