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Review by Loki |
2006-08-21
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A stunning representation of pathos and psychological rage with a powerful punch
I was quite impressed by this story. I am not familiar with this Anime, but it is intriguing to say the least. I thought you could have sold the story a little more on its merits as merit it definitely has. The humor of your comments, though witty, hide the gem that shines within. So, I would add a little something to your notes to reflect the deeper sense of your muse and its intentions.
I only noticed one or two little flaws, careful not to use repeat words and phrases too much, though contextually it works depending on the narrative style. Also, for a genre Manga-Anime, the contemporary term _off of_ is not suited to the period in which this is written.
Highlights:
Your POV with Sakura was brilliant, the manic desperation and frustration was beautifully and powerfully conveyed. Passion in writing is what this story is all about, you made it gripping and it hooked me. Your visualisation, the action and the dialogue were all first rate, it was palpable and the atmosphere blended an almost poetic prose with action-adventure style pace and it flowed to its ultimate conclusion leaving a definite impression. In short, you are a fine writer, just proof and polish up on basics and fix typos etc, and you will go far. *hands you a crystal katana and bows* L.
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