Vignette Collection: Keanu Reeves Sucks! by Kihin Ranno

Fandom:Sailormoon Rating:PG
Created:2007-12-28 Modified:2007-12-28
Summary:Why Keanu Reeves is a talentless un-cute waste of space, by Aino Minako.
Keanu Reeves Sucks!

Minako heaved a desperately long sigh, reaching into the popcorn bowl precariously balanced on the very small space of couch she and Motoki had allowed for it. "Why do they cast Keanu Reeves in movies?"

Motoki shrugged. "Looks?"

Minako made a face, momentarily wondering if he'd actually over-salted it. "God, don't be gross. He's not cute at all."

Motoki arched an eyebrow. He'd heard her compliment other men's looks to an alarming and green-eyed monster inspiring degree, but he'd never actually heard her say anything negative about a guy before. "Really?"

"First of all, he's pasty," Minako rattled off around a mouthful of popcorn. "I'm not asking for all of the men in Hollywood to be tan, buff, and god-like, but he looks unhealthy."

Motoki shrugged. "Worked for Dracula."

Minako made a face. "Do not get me started on that monstrosity. Anyway, not only is he pasty but his eyes are entirely too close together. He might as well be a cyclops. And then there's the fact that there is so clearly nothing going on behind the eyes. Dead expressions everywhere you look. See, look, there's Satan being all... Satany, and there's Keanu, giving an eternally blank expression. I honestly think showing emotion would physically kill him."

Motoki leaned back, rather enjoying the rant. This was something he expected from Makoto and Rei, even Ami if you got her in an academic argument, but seeing this level of frustrated monologuing from her was a pleasant surprise. It made him smile.


As did her interesting made-up adjectives.

Minako reached behind her and pinched a bit of exposed skin, making him jump. She'd already known to save the popcorn from certain doom. If she hadn't just bruised him, he probably would have professed his undying love.

"And his face is all pointy," Minako continued. "I could probably sharpen the love-me chain on his chin."

Motoki snickered. "Heh. Love-me chain-- OW!" He glared at her, rubbing the continually offended piece of skin. "Abusive."

"Not what you said last night," Minako teased, a wicked edge in her voice.

"Hey, that was your idea."

"You liked it."

"Those heels nearly punched holes in my thighs!"

Minako rolled her eyes. "And they say I'm a drama queen."

For a moment, they lapsed into silence.

"I heard he likes ballroom dancing," Motoki offered.

Minako just gave him a look.

Motoki looked back up at the screen and raised both eyebrows. "Huh. Pointy chin or no, that butt could crack walnuts."

"Really, let me-- OH MY GOD SHE PRACTICALLY JUST CUT HER OWN HEAD OFF! Ew, ew, ew, so gross. So, so, so, so gross. I'm traumatized." She stopped flailing to elbow him directly in the solar plexus. "That was. AWFUL. I hate you so hard right now."

Motoki sighed. "I'm sorry, Minako. But you had to be punished for insulting the star of Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, dead eyes or no."

She unceremoniously dumped the popcorn on his head.


 Reviews: 0
 View All Reviews 

The community was founded in 2005. It is currently a static archive.
The current design and source code were created by Dejana Talis.
All works in the archive are copyrighted to their respective creators.