CRIMSON AND EBONY
Crimson jewels, glittering like little red stars upon my wrist.
Beautiful designs, twirling and circling into shapes of art.
Part of me recoils; screams...
This is not me!
What are you doing?
But the irrational side of my brain, the one fascinated at the sight of my own blood, wins out-
The pain, the release- oh, to feel something other than emotional agony...
I cannot take it any more.
I hate you.
And yet... I love you....
Is that why it hurts so much?
How can I feel such confliction; how can I hate you and love you at the same time?
It makes no logical sense.
Spilling over, tainting the white bedroom floor.
Struggling to break free from a raw throat, already sore from prolonged grief.
Look what you do to me.
Crimson, crimson, crimson: everywhere.
It is my hands.
It is my arms.
It is a pool, growing dismally at my feet.
Mama will have to clean that. Poor Mama...
Strange how the mind wanders, even on the brink of death.
A last slash.
Fluttering eyelids, a last goodbye.
More bloody tears, intermingling with pure ones-
The last piece of innocence I have left.
Because you took it all, Mamo-ch... Mamoru.
It seems I have lost the battle of tears as well.
My last battle on this earth, other than the unconscious one my body fights to stay alive, and I have lost again.
But my spirit is not belligerent this time.
I am not... strong. I am not a warrior.
I never was.
I am ready to go.
I am done.
Too much pain than one human can bear in one already tragic life.
I gave you everything. I gave you my strength. I gave you my warrior spirit.
And now they are gone.
Broken heart, heavy.
There are too many burdens in this world.
Darkness caresses my mind,
But it only serves to remind me of... him.
Black like night,
Black like *him*-
Ebony hair and an ebony cloak.
Red dots, dancing seductively across the abyss behind my lids.
Reminds me of
Meaningless red roses,
And red eyes that could have been.
Red like my pain,
Red like my blood.
You kidnapped my heart and spirited away my dreams,
Never returning them whole like promised...
Pittering baby feet of a daughter: I shall never hear,
Honey-silkened laughter of a husband: I shall never savor.
A sickening weakness now,
An increase of darkness now.
The petals have all fallen,
And my time is up.
Goodbye, my sweet savior,
I tell the chiseled countenance
I had memorized long ago.
I am sorry it did not work out. I am sorry I could not be the Princess you wanted.
One last time, smiling,
Your beautiful face,
Before I go to sleep.
AN: Ehhh... it did not exactly have the same effect I wanted without apostrophes indicating thought. Too much editing... Oh well. What did you think?