Hermione doesn't drink in excess and has never been drunk in her life. She thinks it's utterly disgusting, and avoids House parties as a general rule. However, when Lavender wakes her out of a sound sleep one night, laughing hysterically and falling all over herself to come downstairs, Hermione finds she had no choice but to follow her.

When Hermione gets downstairs, she's greeted by Dean dressed in the strangest outfit she's ever seen. It's something like a school girl's uniform, but it's orange and the skirt is alarmingly short. There are blue and yellow bows on his outfit, and a red one in his hair.

"Dean, I didn't realize you were colorblind," Hermione drawls.

Dean throws himself at her, or perhaps trips over to her, falling on her heavily. She has to hold him up, and she chokes on the smell of alcohol. "Hermione, you're lonely aren't you?"

"Not right now," she says through ground teeth and tries to push him off. "What are you doing wearing that thing?"

Dean looks insulted. "I'm the Soldier of Love of course! Defending young couples and uniting lovers everywhere! And I've just happened to notice that you and Ron still aren't dating, so--"

Hermione now pushes him off, dropping him to the ground without ceremony.

Then Hermione looks around and sees Seamus running around in green and pink version of Seamus's outfit. He tackles Neville, who was hiding under a table in a blue uniform up until that moment. Neville clearly does not want to be in this situation, and Hermione contemplates helping him, but Seamus looks rather frightening so she holds back. He drags Neville to his feet and shouts, "IN THE NAME OF JUPITER, I AM UTTERLY WASTED!"

"I gathered that," Neville says in a very high voice, his eyes darting about in terror and his hand trying to pull down his skirt. "Please let me go and let me get out of this--"

"Hermione!" a familiar voice shouts.

She turns around and nearly dies when she sees Harry and Ron. Ron has been put under the impression that he looks good wearing red, and she desperately wants to kill whoever told him this. However, it still isn't as bad as Harry, who is wearing a ridiculous pig-tailed blonde wig that someone made out of broomstick twigs. "Enjoying yourself?" Harry asks as Ron hiccups loudly.

Hermione turns to Lavender, glaring. "I hate you. Just so you know."