Chapter 6: “Pain”
My eyes fluttered open; I was lying on my bed. Looking beside me, I found Alex sitting on a chair, his head resting on one hand and his other hand inches from mine. I wondered if he was holding it.
I sat up and realized that I had a terrible headache. My memories were a blur. I tried to remember what had happened, but I was blank. All I remember was that it was something very painful.
Alex woke up. Seeing me sitting, he smiled and said, “You’re finally awake. I’ll go tell the others.”
He ran out of the room while I racked my brains trying to remember and then…it hit me. I suddenly felt that same emptiness in my heart again.
Haley entered the room. She ran up to me and hugged me.
“We heard what happened from Alex,” she said.
“How did I get here?” I asked.
“Alex carried you.”
“All the way from the river?”
“Yup.”
My right hand was feeling numb. I saw that I was clutching something. I slowly opened my hand to find the white angel in it.
“We all tried to prize your fingers open but they were just too tight…Can I have a look at it?” said Haley.
I gave the white angel to Haley. She turned it over, read the words and looked at me with sympathy.
“Trinity…”
I didn’t say anything. The void in my heart suddenly started to feel like a thousand knives piercing into my chest.
“We were all very worried about you…especially Alex. He always sat on this chair and held your hand.” said Haley.
“How long was I unconscious for?” I asked.
“Three days.”
“Three days! No wonder I’m starving.”
At that moment, Wanda, Natoe and Leon entered the room with Alex. They huddled over me.
“Oh God, we thought you’d never wake up!” exclaimed Wanda as she hugged me.
“I didn’t think that though, I always knew you’d wake up.” said Leon with a goofy smile.
To this, Wanda made a face and said in a low voice, “He’s lying, he was the most panicked person. Other than Alex of course (she winked).”
“Glad to see you awake, Trinity.” said Natoe.
The void in my heart disappeared and was replaced by warmth at listening to the concerns of my friends. They bustled around the room worrying over me like grandmothers, asking me if I was feeling sick or cold, and so on.
After a little while, Haley motioned to the others to leave the room leaving Alex and me alone. Alex sat on the chair beside me.
“How are you?” he asked.
“Hungry” I answered.
“Don’t worry, lunch will be here in a few minutes,” he said with a smile.
A long silence issued between us. I wasn’t looking at Alex, but I felt him staring at me the whole time. I felt guilty for having such bitter feelings for him earlier. He must’ve worked hard to fulfill my brother’s last wish, and I had thanked him by being rude to him.
“I’m sorry,” I said and finally looked up at him.
“For what?”
“For being rude to you. I now understand why you didn’t tell me.”
“No-no, it’s my fault. I should’ve just told you…As for being rude, anyone would’ve wanted to kill me for being so annoying. Actually, I’m surprised you didn’t,” he replied.
I smiled and asked, “But, why were you so annoying?”
“It’s just my way of blocking out the pain and the guilt,” said Alex, “Whenever I look at you, I get reminded of your brother, even though you don’t look like him.”
“Guilt? The Kreons killed him, not you.”
“I just feel that if I was a bit more careful, then I could’ve saved him. We were both so much in love with you, him as a brother and me as a…Well, we were reckless and if only I could’ve just shot that Kreon a little earlier…”
My cheeks suddenly felt very hot. Does Alex still feel that way about me? I knew we had a thing when we were young, but after four years, (we broke up two years before my capture), does he still have feelings for me?
As soon as that thought came, it was replaced by that familiar cold void as I remembered my brother. I turned my face away from Alex.
“Hey, are you okay?” he asked.
I couldn’t hold it any longer, my vision was blurry.
“I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you,” said Alex in a rush as tears started rolling down my cheeks.
“N-No, it’s not you…It’s just that…I-I won’t be able to see him again…he-he’s gone…” I said, trying my best to stop crying.
“Trinity, who says he’s gone? Look, I know this sounds cheesy but I’ll say it anyway…Trinity, Johnathan will always be in your heart, he’ll never be gone,” said Alex as he held my hand.
I held my face in my hands as I tried to stop crying, but I couldn’t stop the tears running down my cheeks. Alex tried to cheer me up but that only made me cry harder, as I remembered how rude I had been with him over the past few days.
Then, unexpectedly, Alex pulled me into his arms and locked me into a tight embrace. I was so shocked by this action of his, that for a moment, I stopped crying. At that moment however, Haley and the others walked into the room and Alex quickly let go of me.
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A few weeks passed by since that incident as I tried my best to get over my terrible loss.
I wore the white angel around my neck as a necklace and looked at it whenever I was close to a breakdown. I kept my mind busy and worked hard so as not to let my thoughts wander off to my brother. Even that was hard since Alex was usually near me and looking at the worry and pain in his eyes made me think a lot of my brother.
I wasn’t sure how long it was until I finally got over my loss. Whether it was a month or three, I cant remember for I hardly kept track of time, but what I do know is that I did get over him and I had no problem reminiscing with Alex about the days when he was alive and we were happy.
