Self-Incineration by ViperInferno

Part VI

Self-Incineration
By Viper Inferno
Part VI
 
But believe me, it did get worse...
 
My eyes suddenly popped open at a rather loud noise sounding all around me. My heart was once again pounding at my chest and my body was trembling. I did nothing. I only lied there under my blankets with my eyes wide open and my body trembling. I had once again dreamt one of those terrible nightmares.
 
I was at the Haneda Airport, gazing out toward the runway. It had started out as a rather pleasant dream for once. It was like I was waiting for someone I loved to come home. Rather, I was excited to be there, waiting impatiently for the moment their plane pulled up to the ramp and the moment I’d finally see their faces.
 
But as the dream progressed, I saw a plane approaching the runway. However, this plane was acting very strangely. It was pitching and rolling quite violently. I was no expert at landing airplanes, but I knew in my gut that what that plane was doing wasn’t right at all. And then, it happened. The plane suddenly let its nose and left wing drop. And in an instant, the plane exploded as it slammed into the ground before ever reaching the runway.
 
But my pleasant dream turned horrible nightmare didn’t end there. In fact, it repeated itself, only that time with me being inside that doomed airplane. I felt the plane bucking and rolling hard enough to send me flying about the cabin unrestrained. I felt the plane’s nose and left wing drop. And my body flew forward at breakneck speed as the plane augured in.
 
Thank God that loud noise had wakened me from this terrifying double-take. And after a minute of lying there under my blankets in total fear, the noise all around me finally ceased. Once it had stopped, I began to gaze all around me. I immediately recognized my dresser, my mirror, my nightstand, and my rather sparse wall furniture. Their forms were relatively well lit, making them easy for me to pick out. And finally, I noticed my alarm clock which read 8:02 am. I then concluded that my alarm clock had woken me from my nightmare and that I was back in my room.
 
So I reached out from under the blankets and toward my alarm clock. After shutting the alarm off, I threw my sheets off and rose from my bed. I then made my way to the bathroom to begin my morning routine. It had been my routine now for God knows how long. Ever since my battle with that daimon, ever since I stopped cooking and housecleaning, I have been having these same nightmares. Every night, I’d wake up sometime in the middle of the night with my face sweating bullets and my heart pounding. And every morning, the same damn thing would happen. But recently, it wasn’t my nightmares waking me up; rather it was my alarm clock waking me from my nightmares. And because of it all, I had been getting very little sleep at night.
 
After finishing my morning routine, I went straight into my kitchen. I didn’t even bother to change out of my pajamas, much like I have been for probably a few days now. I had no idea how long it’s been, and I really didn’t give a shit anymore. I had no plans to go out that day. What was the use? I had no interest in shopping anymore. And my visit to the gym that same few days ago was my last, as even it couldn’t keep my mind off of things anymore.
 
Or was it a week inst4ead of a few days? I had no clue anymore since these damned nightmares, both sleeping and waking, kept weighing heavily on my mind. Hell, I didn’t even know what day it was anymore. Was it Saturday or Monday? Did I have school today? Even if I did, I was really feeling like shit after getting so little sleep and didn’t very much feel like going.
 
Having seemingly lost all concepts of time and day, I just brushed off those questions and started up the pots for some rice and tea. Again, it was something simple to prepare. And I had some rolls that I had bought yesterday. So that was to be my breakfast, as it had been since my last great American-style breakfast.
 
So as the water in the pots was heating, I walked into my semi-organized living room and flopped down on my couch. I was young, I was single, and I was living by myself, so what the hell? I had no interest in housecleaning and rearranging furniture anymore, unless I somehow got tired of a messy room.
 
As I lied there on the couch, waiting for the water to come to a boil, I pondered what to do for the rest of the day. Each day, finding something to occupy me was becoming increasingly difficult. Yesterday’s trip to the store, or maybe the day before, was the first time I had left my apartment since my final trip to the gym. So all I had to pass the time was my television and my books. And I was slowly losing interest in both of those as well.
 
Soon, the water in the kitchen came to a boil. So I pushed myself up from my couch and walked into the kitchen. I grabbed some rice and green tea and began work on my rather simple breakfast. And as I was making my breakfast, my mind had wondered back to last night’s dream.
 
My dream was actually quite different from the other ones I’ve had, but that didn’t make it any less frightening. Most of my dreams had either involved the detective at the door with his heart-shattering news, the terrified people inside the doomed airliner, Mother’s dying screams as the plane augured into the ground, and the daimon tearing away at my soul with his knowledge of everything about me.
 
This dream, however, made me witness the plane crash from the outside as a spectator, and then from the inside as a passenger. Just like the other dreams, though, it seemed so real. I felt the windows rattle when the plane crashed. I felt my body slam into the front of the cabin when it crashed. I felt the heat from the fires before I woke up. And those thoughts, sensations, and memories stayed with me all throughout breakfast.
 
 
That evening...
 
Throughout the day, outside of breakfast and a rather simple dinner, having not been in the mood to eat much lately, I had kept myself occupied throughout the day by watching a couple of soap operas and reading some of my old novels. They weren’t much, but they were all that I had left to enjoy in life.
 
All of a sudden, my whole apartment went dark. All the lights went out and my air conditioner stopped running. All was silent around me except for the clock on my wall ticking away.
 
“Damn,” I swore as I rose from my couch. Power outages were always hell, especially during the summer when indoor temperature rose rapidly with no air conditioning to keep the outside heat at bay. But at night, navigating a pitch black apartment to search for some flashlights was a real bitch. I knew I had kept my flashlights in both my kitchen and my bedroom. So I dropped to my hands and knees and crawled on the floor to get around my table, couch, and anything else lying about my living room.
 
My thick curtains covering my sliding glass door certainly weren’t helping matters either. But I did make it to my kitchen and began feeling around my cabinets for the drawer that contained my flashlight. After a couple of unsuccessful attempts, opening the drawers that contained my silverware and cooking utensils, I found my flashlight and pulled it out. But when I flipped the switch on it, it didn’t turn on.
 
“Damn, the batteries are dead,” I swore to myself, tossing the dead flashlight onto the counter and shutting the drawer. I had only the flashlight in my bedroom left to try. God, I hoped it would work; otherwise I would have to put up with the dark for however the hell long the power was going to stay out. But retrieving it meant that I had to crawl all the way to the back of my apartment with no light.
 
So I let out a discontented sigh and continued crawling through my dark apartment, feeling the floor and walls along the way. I really hated this damned power outage, just as much as having to crawl around my damned apartment like an animal because I never checked the batteries in my damned flashlights. But after making it into my hallway, I found my open bedroom door and crawled over to my nightstand. I opened the top drawer and quickly found my flashlight. And there, I paused and hoped to God that this flashlight worked. Again, I certainly didn’t want to spend the rest of my night in a dark apartment with no light and no air conditioning.
 
I aimed my flashlight across my room and placed my thumb on the switch, hoping that the flashlight would turn on. After a brief pause, I pushed the switch, and in an instant, the wall across from me became bathed in a large spot of golden-white light. I let out a sigh of relief as one big worry was lifted from my shoulders. I would no longer have to navigate my pitch black apartment on my hands and knees.
 
So with my flashlight in hand, I rose from the floor and began making my way toward my door. But when I turned my flashlight to my door, it revealed the form of the very diamond I had been encountering over and over. In pure shock, I dropped my flashlight to the floor and stumbled backward onto my bed. Why? Why was he standing there in my doorway?
 
Quick to act, I immediately opened my drawer and felt around inside. Immediately, I found a big, heavy book, removed it from my drawer, and hurled it toward where the diamond stood. However, all I heard was the book hitting the wall in the hallway and falling to the floor.
 
“Damn, missed,” I cursed to myself. I quickly scurried over to my still-lit flashlight lying on the floor, then grabbed it and shined it at my door. But to my surprise, the daimon wasn’t there. I merely stood there, with my flashlight illuminating my doorway, and my heart pounding at my chest.
 
“I see you’ve finally given up on a lot of things and have been keeping to yourself,” his voice said, startling me. I swiftly turned my flashlight in the direction of his voice and saw him standing right next to my closet.
 
“Yeah, there isn’t much for me to enjoy anymore,” I responded after a brief pause. And then I raised my voice at him, “And it’s all your fucking fault.”
 
“My fault?” the daimon challenged, “You’re the one who’s been living a lie ever since they died. You’re the one who covered up that trauma with the lie you’ve been living. And you’re the one who’s finally accepting the truth about it all.”
 
I had no response for what he had just said. I couldn’t fight it anymore, because it really was all true. I only became the person I was after my parents died, because I was all alone.
 
“In fact, that plane crash wasn’t the only trauma you covered up,” the daimon continued.
 
Yes, I had other traumas in my life too, but none that changed my life as much as the lost of my parents and the loss of someone else in my life who was important to me.
 
“You remember it just like it was yesterday, don’t you?” he beckoned.
 
I sat there and hung my head and lowered my flashlight, knowing all too well what he was talking about. “Yeah, my sempai who broke my heart,” I meekly replied.
 
“He left you, didn’t he? And if that wasn’t heartbreaking enough, he left you for your best friend,” he explained.
 
A single tear welled up in my eye as he mentioned it. And yet, I had no response for it, not even a curse.
 
“He had feelings for her too, but in the end, as much as you had to try and offer him, he chose her over you,” he continued, “He chose her because he couldn’t stand your aggressive temper, your warrior’s pride, and the tough girl reputation you carried at your old school. You tried to show him that you were different outside of school. You showed him your cooking skills. You went shopping with him. You even gave him flowers. But he saw through all that. He knew you were just using it all as a mask to cover up your bad reputation and your boyish personality. It made him uncomfortable to be with a younger girl who was both faster and stronger than he was, and almost as tall as he was. In reality, he was embarrassed by it. He saw through the lies you lived and was embarrassed by them.”
 
I tightly clutched the flashlight in my hands as the tears continued to well up in my eyes. I had always wondered why he had broken my heart. But, a part of me had always known. He knew I lived alone ever since I was 8 years old. He knew that my size helped me to be physically strong and swift. And he knew I was quite proud of it to the point where the other students saw me as boyish. But, he also loved my cooking. And he always loved going shopping with me. But after he left me, I started doubting if he really did enjoy being with me. Maybe he did see it all as a mask I wore, just as the daimon was saying. Maybe that’s why he chose Tomoko-chan over me. She stole my sempai from me. And since then, we haven’t seen eye-to-eye, let alone talked.
 
“When he chose your best friend over you, you blamed her for it. She knew you and he were together, and still she had feelings for him as you did. But deep down inside, you knew that she wasn’t the one living a lie. She wasn’t the one masking the traumas she had suffered. And because of that, you placed the rift between you and her... with your right fist.”
 
By then, a couple of tears rolled down from my cheeks, soaking into my pajama sleeves. She was my best friend. I loved her like a sister. And I punched her in the face and ran away crying when she told me that she and my unrequited love had gotten together.
 
“That was another trauma you covered up, wasn’t it?” the daimon continued, “Ever since then, you pushed away everyone who tried to be closer to you. You avoided the other students, knowing that they would only betray you as your unrequited love and your estranged best friend did. And those who you couldn’t push away, you fought. You got into more fights, both outside of school and even in school, ever since then. It didn’t matter if they were another girl or even a boy. And with it, you fortified your tough-girl reputation to the point where some of the students started spreading rumors about you being in a gang of delinquent students. And you ravished it. And those who saw through that lie and tried to be friendly with you; you pushed them away because you wanted to be alone.”
 
How does this daimon that I thought we had killed know all this about me? How, even in death, does he continue to appear before me and torment me with his revelations? With what and his words on my mind, I squeezed my flashlight and twisted it like I was wringing out a washcloth as more tears soaked into my sleeves.
 
“And then, a month after he broke your heart, you got into another fight with a student at your school that resulted in him going to the emergency room,” he continued, “You fought him because he made fun of you for losing your love to your best friend. He made fun of you being dumped, made fun of why you were dumped, and picked a fight with you for it. He was the one who knew why your sempai broke your heart. He knew all about the pride you had in your size and strength. He knew all about your boyish ways and boyish personality.  He even went as far as to call you a ‘boy in a girl’s body’ before laying his hands on you. And in your desire to uphold your pride and continue living your lie, you beat him to the point where he coughed up blood.”
 
That revelation didn’t surprise me anymore. Although it was common knowledge that I was expelled from my old school because I kept getting into fights and had put a student in the emergency room, it was something I never lied to share with others. So it was no surprise to me that this daimon knew about it as well.
 
“You do remember me telling you about how you pushed your uncle away with your tough-girl charades, do you?” the daimon beckoned.
 
That sent a hell of a burning sensation shooting up my chest and into my throat. How could I forget everything he kept tormenting me with, no matter how much I tried? And as these words, as well as the previous times he’s mentioned my uncle, weighed on my mind, more tears welled up in my eyes. And yet, he continued.
 
“It was one of the few times that your uncle did intervene in your life,” the daimon explained, “He was the one who transferred you to Juuban Junior High after you were expelled from your old school. The only reason the police didn’t get involved was because the other student had provoked you and placed his hands on you first. Even though you didn’t start the fight, your uncle was quite disappointed in you. He was disappointed for all the fights you had gotten into. He was disappointed in the pride you had taken in it. He was even disappointed in your tough-girl attitude, your short temper, and the reputation you carried. The only reason he still accepted you, despite being pushed away, was because of your cooking and homemaking skills, and everything else girly that masked your boyish nature. Is that proof enough that you pushed him away?”
 
By then, the tears were cascading down my cheeks, soaking both my face and my pajama sleeves. He was right all along. Although I had chosen not to live with my uncle, my tough-girl nature was why he had little to do with me outside of providing me with my apartment, my food, and my clothing. I wanted to be tough. I wanted to show him that I could handle myself. And in doing so, I had pushed him away.
 
“But you wanted to push him away, didn’t you? You wanted to be all alone,” the daimon beckoned, “You wanted your sempai who you loved to leave you. You wanted both him and your best friend to leave you alone when they got together. You wanted the other students to avoid you. Why? It’s because you took comfort in being alone, ever since your parents died. So you acted all tough and got into fights with others and developed your bad reputation so you could stay lonely. And you having a crush on a guy, having your best friend, and even having a crush on Motoki were all lies you lived to escape from being lonely.”
 
“Why? Why are you telling me all of this?” I whimpered, with the tears in my eyes being made known through my voice.
 
“Because it is all proof of who you are and how you’ve tried to hide it all these years,” the daimon replied, “You’ve lived these lies your whole life to cover up that trauma you suffered and the fear it bestowed upon you. You bask in your loneliness yet try to hide from it. You act all tough, yet you cook and clean. You contradict yourself in masking the loss of your parents. You contradict yourself to hide from your fears. How will Motoki ever like you if you’re doing nothing but living lies to hide from that one traumatic event? He’ll see through it all just as your sempai who broke your heart did.”
 
I couldn’t respond anymore. I just sat there, gripping my flashlight tightly in my hands as I silently cried.
 
“Your best friend was your only redemption from the lie you’ve been living. She was the light in your life when everything was dark. Yet, you pushed her away. Why? It’s because she betrayed you, because she left you all alone for a guy that you both had feelings for. When she did, you masked that loss with your tough-girl charades. You had lost your family, and then you lost your best friend. You can’t run from your trauma. You can’t run from your fears,” he continued, “You lived your life pretending it never happened, for 7 years. You lived your life contradicting yourself. You can’t run forever, Makoto. For it will always catch up with you and torment you forever.”
 
That last sentence echoed in my mind. He said nothing else after that, so I assumed that he had finally left. Everything he had said weighed heavily on my mind. Everything about my sempai who broke my heart, my best friend whom he chose over me, and my uncle whom I had pushed away was all true. It all reminded me that I really was alone. Ever since that plane crash, ever since Mother and Father died, I was alone. I lived alone, I went to school alone, and I even worked out alone. That goddamn bastard was right. I was used to being alone, and I pushed everyone away to be alone. And with those final thoughts, I shut my flashlight off, placed it back into my nightstand drawer, and lied down on my bed.
 
How much more did that bastard know about me? How much more can he torment me with these 7-year-old memories, and his revelations? If this was who I really was, why did he continue to show them to me? I had no way of running and hiding from it anymore. I had already given up cooking. I had already given up my pride in my strength. And he already convinced me that I wasn’t as tough of a girl as I had pretended to be, for 7 years. So why did this keep happening to me?
 
And suddenly, everything in my apartment came back on. The power outage was over. As relieving as it could’ve been, I just didn’t give a shit. All I thought about that night were the daimon’s words and all these nightmares, flashbacks, and visions I’ve been getting and continue to get. And every time I thought about Mother and Father, all I could do was cry.
 

The next day...
 
I still lied there on my bed. My face and eyes were completely dry. I had cried on and off through the night until I could cry no more. I had gotten no sleep at all that night, much like the little sleep I had gotten the past few days. I couldn’t get the plane crash out of my head. I couldn’t stop thinking about the daimon’s words. I couldn’t sleep at all, and even if I could I’d just have more of those same nightmares that had plagued me for weeks.
 
The sun shining though my barely open curtains and on my face finally broke me from my long train of thought. I turned over and glanced at my alarm clock, which read 10:00am. God, did I really stay up that long? It was already late in the morning? Perhaps I really have lost my concept of time.
 
But just as I had thrown my legs over the side of my bed and stood from it, I immediately saw that plane at the airport. I saw it explode in a massive ball of flames, just like that day of our last battle with that daimon. I froze in place as the exploding plane flashed in my mind. I quickly squeezed my eyes shut shook that awful flashback from my head. I didn’t want to think about it anymore. I had been thinking about it all night.
 
So I walked into my hallway, only to find that my apartment had disappeared all around me. My bedroom, my living room, my kitchen... were all gone. All I saw around me was an endless black void. And suddenly, a long row of rectangular lights formed all around me. I immediately froze and tensed up. “Oh my God, not again,” I gasped to myself. Once again, I was standing inside of an airplane, the same one I’ve been seeing for weeks since that last battle. And then, rows of seats, many occupied with people, formed beside the windows. I looked all around me, watching the people as they buckled their seatbelts. And then, I saw my parents behind me, glancing happily out the window together.
 
Although seeing them like this usually brought me a warm feeling of joy, I only dropped to my knees and started trembling. I had seen this too many times and knew exactly what was happening, and what was about to happen. And just as expected, the plane began to buck up and down and roll violently, sending me flying about the cabin and the sending the people screaming. I couldn’t even stand. As much as my mind was telling my legs to move, they would not obey and stayed frozen in place.
 
And then, just as my eyes had finally turned back to my parents, the outside of the plane burst into flames and quickly spread into the cabin. Not only were the people screaming in sheer panic, but I also witnessed the terrified look on my parents’ faces. It was a look so horrifying that it would forever be burned into my memory. If that wasn’t bad enough, the flames suddenly began to race toward me, consuming every frightened soul in its path.
 
“Mako-chan!!!” my mother screamed as the flames touched her and the plane exploded all around me, virtually blinding me. I tightly shut my eyes, squeezing a few tears from them and letting them roll down my cheeks. This was the other horrible sight and sound that would forever be burned into my memory.
 
Perhaps this was why I was afraid of airplanes so damn much. It was because one had taken my family away from me, turning their joyful moments into ones of sheer terror, and literally ripping my life apart when the news reached me. Perhaps it wasn’t my fear of dying in a plane crash that had brought on that fear of airplanes in the first place, but rather what a plane crash had already done to me and was continuing to do to me.
 
Suddenly, the ring of a doorbell broke me from my thoughts. I opened my eyes to find myself back in the endless black void. The only thing I saw was an open door with a man in a suit and tie, a woman in a police uniform, and another man whom I had long since forgotten.
 
“Kino Makoto, I’m afraid I have some terrible news for you,” an all-to-familiar voice echoed about the void, “I’m afraid your parents won’t be coming home. Their plane crashed last night, and no one on board made it. Your mother... your father... they’re gone. I’m so sorry.”
 
“No,” I gasped. Those words weren’t just engrained into my memory; they were etched in stone 7 years ago. And every time I heard those words, I felt the same pain, the same loneliness, and the same emptiness that I had felt 7 years ago. “Mother... Father... you can’t be gone,” I gasped.
 
But they were gone. And all these horrifying visions of the plane crash that had taken their lives and Mother’s dying screams were proof of it. And recently, those tormenting screams were what broke me every time. Why did Mother scream my name when she died? I did not know. But it made me feel as though I was supposed to have been there with them every time I heard that dreadful scream. Hell, I don’t even remember anymore why I wasn’t with them to begin with. Were they just taking some time to themselves without having to worry about me? Did they leave to visit some strange relatives, and I complained about not wanting to go? Did I bed and plead with them not to go, because I was 8 years old and afraid to be left alone? I just didn’t know anymore.
 
I immediately fell to my hands and knees as the tears were cascading down my cheeks and to the floor like the Angel Falls. Immediately, my recent dreams of the plane crash, both outside and inside the plane, and Mother’s dying screams flashed in my mind. And as another image of the detective flashed, I slammed my fist against the floor. Dammit, I should’ve been there with them, not that it would’ve kept the plane from crashing. But at least I would’ve been there with them during the last moments of their lives. I should’ve been there. Goddamn it, I should’ve been there. I should’ve died with them, and then I wouldn’t be here... alone... reliving these hellish events... day by fucking day.
 
I closed my eyes tightly as those thoughts stayed on my mind. And as I thought about it, I saw the exploding plane on the tarmac from our last battle. I saw the inside of the plane as it burned everyone alive. I saw the burning building in the Juuban district. I saw the plane crashing in front of me at the Hikawa Jinja. All these images flashed in my mind. When I opened my eyes, I saw my apartment burning all around me. And upon seeing it, I let out a great scream that resonated throughout my burning apartment. After letting out that scream, I rose to my feet, and found my apartment to be completely normal and unscathed.
 
I then let myself fall back against my wall. I closed my eyes, squeezing a few more tears them, as I slid down the wall and to the floor, with my knees tucked in and touching my bosoms. And it was then that the final epiphany had begun to reveal itself.
 
It wasn’t that daimon nor even these constant memories and visions that were bothering me anymore, but rather something deeper that had been beckoning me all along, something I had only recently begun to realize. It was the reasons that these visions had kept occurring and the reasons I had kept seeing that daimon: the fear that this was who I really was, and that this was how I was really living my life.
 
I was living my life contradicting myself, covering up the loss of my family with a tough-girl persona. It was something that I had taken great pride in, but in turn it scared away all the other girls, which was why I spend more of my time at home doing all the housework. Even my favorite hobby, mastering the culinary arts, was nothing but a mask I wore to hide myself from my trauma and my bad reputation. And I did it so others would accept me, so that they would see me as a lady and not as the boyish girl, and not as the lonely traumatized girl with no friends and no family.
 
That daimon, the one who had shown it all to me, was right. He was right all along and I couldn’t run from it anymore. He showed me that under all the charades, I was nothing but a traumatized girl who hid from my wounds. And he showed me that the life I had lived for 7 years, even the life I was living then, was all a lie. Everything I ever loved, the people I loved... everything was all a lie. It was just as the daimon had told me once: time really did stand still when I heard those heart-shattering words 7 years ago. And even as I sat against my wall, I continued experiencing it over and over.
 
Without them, I was lonely. Without them, I was empty. No, without them, I was nothing. How could I have lived this lie for so long? And why only now do I realize it all? Why did it take a Death Busters daimon, making me face my worst fear of all, to remind me of who I really was? I didn’t know, nor did I really give a shit. But somehow, I felt that I already knew the reason why I kept experiencing these awful visions every goddamn day and why nothing can even keep them off my mind.
 
I was being punished. The constant reminders, the plane crash, the detective at my door, the daimon laughing at my misery, the bodies burning alive, and Mother’s dying screams were all retribution. And these constant visions would forever be my reckoning for living a lie, for covering up my trauma for 7 years. I couldn’t even bear it for a couple weeks, a few weeks, or however the hell long it was. I just couldn’t bear it for the 7 years I had lived my lies, let alone bearing it forever.
 
I lost my family 7 years ago. I lost my sempai whom I loved and then my best friend. I lost my pride as a Sailor Senshi and my pride in myself. I lost my desire to shop. I lost my desire to clean. I even lost my desire to cook. And if this was how things were going to be forever, then I have finally lost my desire to live.
 
So after leaning on against my wall with my knees tucked into my chest for God knows how long, I rose and walked back into my bedroom. Once there, I went straight to my nightstand and opened the drawer. Inside sat a few batteries, my flashlight that I had placed back inside last night, my jewelry box, a paperback romance novel, and a silver and black .38 revolver.
 
Now you might be wondering how a common Japanese citizen owns a handgun, especially a 15-year-old junior high student living by herself. Well, something I never told you was that my uncle was, and still is, a police officer in the Shinjuku Ward about 10km northwest of Juuban. Since I was only 15, my apartment was rented under his name. And he let me keep the gun, also registered in his name, for protection. But never once, until glancing upon it just then, have I ever thought that I’d use it to protect myself from the lies that I had been living and the punishment I would forever endure for it.
 
I gazed down at the shiny metal weapon as more tears began rolling down my cheeks. I then reached inside and took the black grip into my right hand and then took my gun out of the drawer. With my thumb, I slid the cylinder release and gazed at the six bullets seated perfectly inside. Satisfied with what I saw, I let out a discontented sigh as more tears were welling up in my eyes. I then closed the cylinder, spun it on its axis, and then walked backward toward my wall.
 
By then, my vision had blurred out from the tears in my eyes. I had fallen backward into my wall and let myself slowly slide down to the floor. And there, I pondered the weapon in my hand, wondering how I should end my suffering. Should I aim for the temple and end it all right there, quickly and painlessly? Or should I aim for the chest, and let the lie that was my life slowly bleed away?
 
As I pondered that, more images of the plane crash and the detective’s life-shattering words flashed in my mind, prompting the tears in my eyes to roll down my cheeks and fall to my bosoms. And right them, I placed the barrel of the gun to my neck. I had decided that I wanted to die quickly, yet still feel the life drain out of me.
 
So with the end of the barrel resting against my carotid artery, I released the safety on the gun and placed my finger on the trigger. I closed my eyes, squeezing more tears from their prison. And immediately, the inside of that doomed airliner flashed in my mind. I tightened my grip on the gun as the plane burst into flames. My body trembled as the flames quickly raced toward me.
 
“Mako-chan!!!” my mother’s voice screamed. And I pressed the barrel harder against my neck and began to put pressure on the trigger to forever end this horrible nightmare.
 
“Mako-chan, noooooo!!!” a different voice screamed. And immediately, I felt a pair of hands grab my wrist and pull the gun away from my neck.
 
Still trembling, and still alive, I opened my eyes. And through my blurry vision, brought about by my tears as they continued to well up in my eyes, I barely made out the form of a pair of blonde dumpling-shaped buns. I took my left sleeve and wiped the tears from my eyes. And it was then that I discovered what had happened. Usagi was lying there with her face buried in my right shoulder. She had a tight grip on my right wrist with one hand, and and a hold of my right hand and gun with her other hand, with her finger jammed behind the trigger.
 
“Mako-chan, please... no,” Usagi barely gasped.
 
I had frozen, completely mesmerized at the sight before me. But as I sat there with Usagi leaning against me, trembling, and keeping a tight grip on my wrist and hand, I began to wonder what she was doing here and how she had gotten inside.
 
“Don’t do it... Mako-chan,” Usagi squeaked.
 
I only sat there, staring off into space. I didn’t know what to do. I really wanted to die and forever end my punishment, but Usagi was leaning against me and holding the gun away from me. However, a small part of me was listening to her pleas and was desperately battling my desire to die. And as that battle raged on within me, I just sat there and gazed beyond my wall, totally spaced out.
 
“Please, Mako-chan,” Usagi whimpered.
 
And as if by instinct, my left had laid itself on Usagi’s shoulder. “Usagi-chan,” I barely whispered.
 
And at the sound of my faint voice, Usagi lifted her face from my shoulder and looked directly into my eyes. Her eyes were nearly bloodshot red, with tears pouring down both cheeks. Yet despite her apparent despair, she was still keeping a tight grip on my wrist and gun.
 
“Why, Mako-chan? Why?” she pleaded, punctuating each word by hysterically shaking my right wrist, before breaking out into a mild weep.
 
“Usagi-chan,” I gasped, still staring beyond the wall behind her as she wept.
 
After a moment, she looked back into my eyes, showing me the results of her crying as her eyes had completely turned red and watery. “Give me the gun,” she ordered.
 
And as if I had no control over my body, and still giving my mile-long stare, my right hand obediently loosened its grip on the gun. Usagi then immediately took the barrel in her hand, slid her other hand under mine and onto the grip, and took the gun from my now trembling hand. It dropped lifelessly to the floor as my finger slid out of the trigger guard.
 
Usagi immediately engaged the safety and clutched the gun to her chest, with more tears welling up in her bloodshot eyes. I finally broke from my trance and gazed at my gun that Usagi held protectively in both hands. I then noticed that she was trembling quite noticeably, more so than even I was.
 
“Usagi-chan,” I gasped, “Please... just let me die.”
 
“No!” Usagi snapped, “Not until you tell me what the hell has gotten into you?”
 
I only stared down at her lap at her response. I couldn’t tell her what was going on, just like back when I witnessed that burning building and saw that daimon mocking me. I couldn’t tell her that everything she ever knew about me was all a lie, and that I was forever living this nightmare as retribution. I knew Usagi, and I knew she was just going to downplay it and sugarcoat it like she always did. Well, these goddamn visions and nightmares were not anything that any amount of sugarcoating could ever make all happy and better.
 
“Tell me, Mako-chan,” Usagi pleaded.
 
Remembering my confusion from earlier, I uttered the first thing that came to my mind, “Usagi-chan, what are you doing here? How’d you get in?”
 
“What am ‘I’ doing here?” Usagi snapped in response and then went a little hysteric, “I came over to see if you were alright. I haven’t seen you in school for over 2 weeks since you passed out before that study session. You missed every study group that Rei-chan and Ami-chan had scheduled for us since then. I’ve even tried calling you, and all I ever got was your answering machine. Goddamn it, Mako-chan, I was worried about you.”
 
I only sat there and stared down at the small space in between us. I really had no response to what all she had said. But after a moment of silence between us, one part of her hysterical response had sunk into my head.
 
“Has it really been only 2 weeks?” I wondered.
 
And immediately, Usagi leaned in very close to my face. “You mean you don’t even know how long you’ve been out of school?!” she loudly protested.
 
A winced as she yelled in my face. But then, I only hung my head down in defeat. “To be honest, I don’t even know how long it’s been anymore,” I said.
 
Usagi then backed away from me, yet still sitting in the same place in front of me on her knees. She wore a very concerned look on her face. “Mako-chan, you’re really scaring me,” she said, “What is wrong with you? This isn’t like you at all.”
 
“No shit,” was my only response. This wasn’t the Kino Makoto that everyone knew. This was the real Kino Makoto, a depressed, traumatized, lonely girl with no family, who’s been living lies for 7 years to hide it all. And for the first time, Usagi was seeing me as the person I really was. And that prompted another response from me. “Please Usagi-chan... just go away,” I gasped, not even meeting her eyes with my own.
 
“No! I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what’s really going on,” she snapped back. I looked completely away from her, knowing that I was defeated. That response right there told me that I wasn’t going to get rid of her. As much as I used to enjoy her company, I really didn’t want Usagi to be here.
 
“Come on, Mako-chan,” Usagi urged, “Something tells me that you passing out from that run to a study group wasn’t what it seemed.”
 
Silence was my only answer. If I told her what was really going on, what I was really feeling, she’d just turn away and leave me like everyone else in my life has. Even Usagi wouldn’t want to be friends with the real Kino Makoto.
 
“I know you’re hiding something serious,” Usagi insisted, “And me coming over to find you holding a gun to your neck is proof of it. Now tell me. What’s wrong? What’s going on?”
 
“Why should I tell you?” I snapped back, looking directly into her eyes. She just wouldn’t give up, and it was starting to piss me off. “All you ever do is sugarcoat everything. You have no idea about the kind of torment and anguish I’ve been enduring these past few weeks, or however the hell long it’s been.”
 
“What?!” All I do is sugarcoat everything?!” Usagi protested, “You know me better than that, Mako-chan. You know I’ll always listen to whatever’s on your mind. Besides, how the hell can I sugarcoat something this serious?”
 
Those words drew a few tears from my eyes. A part of me was wanting to share my pain and suffering with Usagi. But I was afraid to tell her.  And the other part of me wanted her to go away so she wouldn’t have to see me die by my own hands. Finally, Usagi let out a sigh.
 
“You’re right, I don’t have any idea what kind of torture going through,” she said before raising her voice at me, “But dammit, are you just going to throw your life away like that?”
 
“My life is a lie, Usagi-chan,” I retorted, turning again to meet her eyes with my own and showing her the tears that had once again come forth. I had no control over the words that had come out of my mouth just then. It was like they had to be said, whether I wanted them to be or not. However, it did succeed in grabbing Usagi’s attention like it was a news flash.
 
“What do you mean by that?” she wondered.
 
“You wouldn’t understand,” I immediately replied.
 
“What wouldn’t I understand?” she rebutted.
 
“Just a lot of things that have been on my mind recently, that’s all,” I replied, turning away from her with the other side of me making its stand.
 
“I can see that. And I don’t think it’s just the plane crash or the death of your parents, is it?” she said. I couldn’t hold back from her anymore. She was just going to poke and prod like she always did, and wasn’t going to give up until I told her the truth. And her persistence was what drew even more tears from my eyes.
 
As they shed, Usagi placed her hand on my shoulder, prompting me to look back into her eyes. “Mako-chan, you can tell me,” she said, “You can tell me anything, okay? I’m here for you. Don’t hold back.”
 
And at that moment, I threw my arms around her, buried my face in her shoulder, and broke out crying. As I cried, I heard her toss my gun onto the bed before she wrapped her armed around me in a loving embrace.
 
“I want to die, Usagi-chan,” I sobbed, “I can’t go on living like this anymore.”
 
“Shhh...” she said as she stroked the back of my hair and neck.
 
“You can’t possibly understand the kind of hell I’m going through,” I continued between sobs and sniffles, “You still have both your parents and a younger brother. You still have a family. I have nothing.”
 
“You’re wrong, Mako-chan,” Usagi argued, “You have Ami-chan. You have Rei-chan. You have Minako-chan. You have me. You have friends who will always love you... just let us.” She tightened her hold of me as she too broke out crying. “I don’t want you to die, Mako-chan,” she sobbed, “I don’t want you to die.”
 
As she cried into my shoulder, and my own tears were soaking into hers, the part of me that had cried out for Usagi’s help was finally winning over my desire to get rid of her and die in peace. Having given up on getting rid of her, I really had no choice anymore but to tell her about my nightmares, about the daimon, and about the lies I had lived for 7 years. If the real Kino Makoto shocked Usagi enough for her to not want anything to do with me anymore, then so be it. It was the story of my life, after all.
 
Usagi then lifted her face from my shoulder. “Hey Mako-chan, what did you mean by ‘your life is a lie’?” she asked me.
 
I then removed my face from her shoulder, showing her my own watery and bloodshot eyes. “Okay, Usagi-chan,” I gasped, “I’ll tell you.”
 
I closed my watery eyes, squeezing a few more tears out, and took a deep breath. Usagi then released her embrace and slid out of my arms before taking both of my hands into hers.
 
“Well, Usagi-chan,” I said, taking another deep breath before I began, “It’s not just the plane crash or the loss of my family that’s been on my mind. It’s everything that came about as a result of it all.”
 
“Oh? Like what?” Usagi wondered, with her eyebrows and ears perking up.
 
“Ever since our last battle, I’ve not only been having nightmares of both the plane crash and the police detective at my door,” I explained. I paused for a brief moment and took another deep breath as I felt an apprehensive burning sensation spread throughout my body. “I’ve been having flashbacks, visions, and hallucinations of it all as well.”
 
“Oh my God,” Usagi gasped in shock, giving my hands a gentle squeeze, “You mean this has been going on ever since that strange daimon made you relive that horrible event in your life?”
 
I only nodded in response. “It’s not just that,” I continued as more tears quickly welled up in my eyes, “”I’ve been seeing that bastard daimon over and over.” By then, I became hysterical and started whimpering, “He shows me these visions, he brings back these awful memories, he even tells me about how I’ve been living my life ever since then. And it’s all fucking true.”
 
Usagi remained silent as she heard it all. As I once again broke out into a weep, she pulled me into her arms and held me tightly against her chest. As she held me, she gently stroked my back and neck while I cried into her shoulder. “I can’t take it, Usagi-chan,” I sobbed, “I can’t keep going through this over and over.”
 
“What’s the daimon saying to you? What’s he been showing you?” she gently gasped.
 
When she asked me, I said the first thing that came to mind, “When I punched that guy out... I saw that daimon. I distinctly saw him. He said that the burning building was what I fear, who I am, and that I live my life running from it.”
 
“So that’s why you punched that poor guy out,” said Usagi, clutching me tighter.
 
“Mmhmm,” I nodded against her shoulder. I then wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled myself tighter against her as I continued. “That time when I ran to study group and passed out... I wasn’t sick. I was running away from that daimon, Usagi-chan,” I whimpered as more tears soaked into her blouse, “He showed me a lot of fires, he crashed a plane right in front of me, and he told me that my tough girl personality was nothing but a mask I wore to hide the death of my parents. I was running from him. I was scared out of my mind and was running from him, but I couldn’t get away.”
 
I felt her arms tighten around me. I felt her stroking the back of my head and neck. I even felt her kiss the top of my head. Perhaps she really was listening. Perhaps she wasn’t going to try and sugarcoat it. Perhaps she was starting to understand a little about what I was going through. But God, did I ever have a surprise in store for her.
 
“He’s been saying all that all this time?” she gasped as it all started to sink in.
 
“He said that I only became a strong and tough girl to cover up that loss,” I continued, “I only became boyish so that being alone didn’t hurt as much. I was only a strong girl so I could run away from the time that the police told me that Mother and Father weren’t coming home. And if that’s not bad enough, he said that all my cooking, shopping, and everything was all another mask I wore to cover up the bad reputation I had developed and hide my boyish personality.”
 
“But that daimon is dead,” Usagi protested, “We killed it. We returned Motoki-san’s friend’s pure heart. How can you believe such rubbish when he’s dead?”
 
“I know he’s dead,” I replied. I loosened my hold of Usagi’s waist and lifted my face from her shoulder. “The daimon is me, Usagi-chan,” I explained, “The daimon I kept seeing over and over was me all along. It’s a part of me that’s been beckoning me ever since that daimon showed me that horrible event from 7 years ago. He knew my darkest secrets. He knew I had lived my life contradicting myself. But no one knows the real meaning behind it all more than me.”
 
Usagi was quivering as I explained it to her and was loosening her embrace. “What do you mean?” she questioned.
 
“I’ve been living my whole life to cover up the pain I felt when my parents died,” I continued, “I became a tough girl to run away from it all. And then, I covered that up by becoming a good cook and housekeeper. I’ve been living a lie for 7 years, Usagi-chan, and I’m being punished for it.”
 
Usagi then let go of me completely. I turned and took one quick glance at her when I heard her shuddering. I saw her eyes filled with tears and her face on the verge of crying. By then, I could tell that everything I was telling her had finally sunk in.
 
“So now you know why,” I continued, as I turned away from her teary eyes, “I’m just a lonely and traumatized girl with no family, who will forever be punished for living a lie and running away from it all. I can’t live like this anymore... I can’t live with the lies and the punish...”
 
And just as I had said that, before I could finish that last sentence, Usagi grabbed my shoulders, turned me to face her and look into her tear-filled eyes, and then slapped me hard across the face. She then took my shoulders again and turned me to face her again.
 
“Dammit, Mako-chan, you’re lying to yourself,” she yelled, shaking me for emphasis, “The only lie you’ve been living was the last few weeks. You’re letting that memory of the plane crash and news the police gave you take over you. You’re letting it convince you that you’ve been running. Dammit, you’re a stronger girl than that.”
 
“Strong? I’m not that strong, Usagi-chan,” was my only response as I looked down and away from her eyes. “I’ve only been living this lie to cover up the pain of losing my family,” I explained, “If I was really that strong, then I wouldn’t be like this.”
 
“You haven’t been living a lie, Mako-chan,” Usagi argued,” You just grew up, that’s all. You’ve lived by yourself since you were 8 years old. You learned how to take care of yourself, you learned how to protect yourself, and you even learned how to cook the best gourmet cuisines. You’re a strong girl because you grew into a strong girl. You didn’t live lies to cover up that loss, you just became stronger. The Mako-chan I know and love ‘is’ the real Mako-chan.”
 
Usagi paused for a moment and looked away. She let out a rather discontented sigh as a frown formed on her face, like something she said had struck her too. “In fact, I envy you,” she meekly said, “You’re a much stronger girl than I’ll ever be. And I could never be the kind of cook that you are, even if I really tried. I’m just a crybaby and a bit of a klutz.”
 
And for the first time in God knows how long, even if it was only for a second, a bit of a smile formed on my face. Usagi was always good at making others smile, even at her own expense. But that smile quickly disappeared before Usagi could even see it. “Yeah, that’s because you’re so carefree,” I finally replied, “All you ever have to worry about is food, shopping, Mamoru-san, and all the finer things in life. But, you also have entrance exams to worry about. You have a family who worries about you, who cares for you, and who helps keep you down to earth when things go wrong. You haven’t faced the same adversities as I have.”
 
“Yeah, you’re right,” Usagi sighed in agreement. She then looked directly into my eyes with a sorrowful look on her face. “I’m sorry I slapped you,” she apologized before raising her voice at me, “But don’t you think you’re being a little selfish? You’re not the only one who’s gone through the loss of family. Rei-chan lost her mother when she was young and wants nothing to do with her father. And if that’s not bad enough, Mamo-chan lost both of his parents in a car crash on his 6th birthday, a crash that he miraculously survived. If anyone can understand what you’re going through, it’s him.”
 
Those words struck me like a bolt of lightning, and sent another burning sensation flowing throughout my body. And as I thought about it, I buried my face in both my hands, hiding the tears cascading down my cheeks. Oh my God, what was I doing? What was I thinking? All she had to do was mention the fact that Mamoru was an orphan, and it immediately made me think about him. He had suffered the same loss as I had, and at an earlier age, no less. But he was living a perfectly good life, loving someone like Usagi, and studying hard to become a doctor. I look at myself, and I realized that I had all of that too, at least until I faced my worst fear for the first time and the memories it had brought back. And as I thought about it, I drew in a sharp breath and burst out crying.
 
Usagi quickly grabbed a hold of me and yanked me into her arms. She clutched me tightly, burying my face into her chest as I wept. And in response, I threw my arms around her and returned her embrace.
 
“I miss them, Usagi-chan,” I sobbed, “Mother... Father... I miss them so much.”
 
“It’s okay to cry, Mako-chan,” said Usagi, keeping a tight hold of me, “Just let it all out.”
 
“When that police detective came to my door,” I whimpered in between sharp breaths, “”And told me that my parents weren’t coming home... I felt like time had stood still for me... and I was all alone... and I all I could ever do was cry.”
 
“Oh my God,” Usagi gasped as she continued to hold me.
 
“I don’t even remember anymore where they flew to, what they were doing, or even why I wasn’t there with them...” I continued.
 
“Mako-chan!” Usagi snapped, shutting me up mid-sentence, as she tightened her hold on me, “Just be grateful that you lived. You may have lost your family when you were 8, but since you transferred to Juuban Junior High, you gained us. We’re your family now, Mako-chan. We’re all here for you. We’ll all listen to you. We’ll all help you out.... We all care about you.... We all love you, Mako-chan.”
 
Usagi began shuddering at her last sentences, and began whimpering, “Please, Mako-chan, if you die... a part of me will die with you... I just don’t know what I’ll do if I lose you.”
 
“I just can’t get these damned visions out of my head,” I cried into her chest, “I can’t get these damned dreams out of my head. I keep being tormented by these horrible visions of the plane crash, the detective’s heart-shattering words, and Mother screaming my name as she died. I can’t get them out of my head.”
 
Usagi then grabbed my shoulders, pushed me off of her chest, and glanced directly into my tear-filled eyes. “Then let us help you,” she said, “You’re a strong-hearted girl with a powerful will, but you’re not invincible. It’s okay to come to us, to tell us what’s bothering you. We’ll help you get through this, just let us.”
 
She then pulled me back into her arms and let me cry into her shoulder as she too let out a mild weep. “I love you, Mako-chan,” she whimpered, “I don’t ever want to lose you.”
 
And we sat there, embraced for God knows how long. I cried into her shoulder, releasing the many weeks of pain and anguish I had endured. A part of me had cried out for Usagi’s help, and here she was, keeping me from taking my own life and convincing me that I was letting my memories defeat me. She didn’t run away from me like I had thought she would, but rather saw through my pain and misery, and saw through the person I had convinced myself that I was.
 
After a while, after we had calmed down from our crying, I was the first to speak up. “Hey Usagi-chan, how’d you get in?” I asked, changing the mood, “I thought I my door was locked.”
 
Usagi then let go of me and looked into my eyes with a bit of a smile. “Silly, you were the one who told me where you hide your spare key,” she playfully scolded.
 
“Oh, right,” I remembered, with a bit of a smile of my own forming on my face. I swear to God, Usagi was contagious.
 
She then gave my shoulders a loving squeeze before she rose to her feet. She then let me go and turned to walk toward my door.
 
“Where are you going?” I asked.
 
“I’m going to call Mother and let her know that I’ll be staying the night here,” she replied, “It’s okay that I spend the night with you, right?”
 
“Yes, of course it is,” I replied, But don’t we have school?”
 
“It’s Saturday,” said Usagi, smiling at me, “We didn’t have half-day classes today. I’ll be back, okay?”
 
“Okay, but my phone is broken. You’ll have to use my neighbor’s,” I explained, remembering that I had thrown it against my wall and shattered it.
 
Usagi then walked back to my bed and picked my gun up. “I think I’d better hold onto this, just in case you have any second thoughts,” she said.
 
“It’s okay, Usagi-chan. I won’t need it,” I responded as I proudly shook my head, “Just put it back in my nightstand.”
 
Usagi then gave me a rather knowing look, “Are you sure?”
 
“I promise,” I said, smiling at her.
 
“Okay,” she said as she opened the drawer to my nightstand and placed my gun inside. She then walked toward my door, and then stopped to look back at me. “I’ll be back in a minute, okay?” she said, smiling at me as she disappeared into my hallway.
 
I sat there as I heard my front door open and close. Everything was going to be okay, after all. It was going to be hard, and I was probably going to have more visions and flashbacks, but I wasn’t going to have to face them alone anymore. Usagi was there for me, and I wasn’t going to lose her like I had lost my sempai who broke my heart, like I had also lost Tomoko-chan.
 
Sure, there may have been some truth to the daimon’s words, but the rest of the words were merely my own interpretations. Those truths were a part of me, every bit as much as my pain, my fears, my pride, my love for cooking, and my identity as Sailor Jupiter. Usagi showed me that I always was my true self, and that I wasn’t alone after all. I had Usagi. I had Ami. I had Rei. I had Minako. I also had a bit of a crush on Motoki.
 
So I leaned back against my wall and let out the biggest sigh of relief that I had ever let out in my life. No matter what was going to happen from then on, I was assured that I would never have to face it alone.
 
... And thus ends my story.

------------------------------
 
That is the story of how I faced my worse fear of all. As easy as it was to avoid airplanes, to avoid ever having to fly them, that fear still came back to me from within. No one can truly hide from their fears, for they will one day have to face them.
 
When I faced my fear of airplanes for the first time, it tortured me with the horrible memories of my parents’ death. It made me look at myself and scrutinize how I had been living my life. My fear took such control over me that it had distorted how I looked at the world, how I looked at my friends, and how I looked at myself. Usagi was right. The only lie I ever lived was my own distorted point-of-view in the few weeks since my battle.
 
Fear changes us when we come face-to-face with it. It can make us do things we never thought we could do. It can change our views of life, the world, and even ourselves. It can unmask our true selves, or it can distort them. Fear can do many things to us and change us in many ways. For me, my fear nearly cost me my life.
 
Now you may be wondering: Would I have really done it? Would I have actually pulled that trigger and forever ended my suffering? Well... if Usagi had come over even a mere few seconds later... I would not be here right now, sharing my story with you.
 
But it changed me. It reminded me that I was only human, that I was frail and finite. I may have been physically strong and had an iron will, but I wasn’t invincible. I was vulnerable to fear and anguish just like everyone else was. It taught me how to accept my fear as a part of my true self. And finally, it reminded me that no matter what adversities I faced, including my fears, I would never have to face them alone.
 
I had Usagi, the first true friend I had made since my old flame broke my heart and chose Tomoko-chan over me. She saw through my bad reputation, and saw through the lies I lived after facing my fears. She accepted my past, she accepted my strengths, and she even accepted my weaknesses. And that’s not all. Through her, I met Ami and Rei, and later Minako. I even met some new and interesting friends since then, especially a strong-willed and highly-athletic, yet elegant girl named Haruka.
 
Usagi was there for me during my most desperate hour. She not only saved my life, but also showed me everything that made it worth saving. And for that, I will be forever grateful.
 
Since that day, I’ve slowly regained my confidence in myself. I grew even stronger than I was before, both physically and emotionally. And the biggest boost in my confidence came when I passed my entrance exams... on my first try. I went to Juuban Municipal High School, where I joined the cooking and gardening clubs despite my peers urging me to take up athletics.
 
It’s quite funny, really. I still take great pride in my physical prowess, yet won’t participate in any sports. Instead, I take up cooking, baking, decorating, and gardening. So maybe I do contradict myself, but I’m okay with that. After all, it’s still my dream to be a great chef, florist, and cake decorator who will one day open a fine gourmet restaurant. And... I still want to be a bride. I still have someone particular in mind, and the good news is that he’s available since he let Reika-san go to live her dream. So maybe I’ll ask him out on a date soon.
 
However, I still won’t step on an airplane to save my life, even to this day. And sometimes I still think about Mother and Father, and still have an occasional dream about them. But I’ve learned to accept it, for it’s every bit a part of me as my dreams. And as I look at myself now, I know that Mother and Father would be proud of the girl I grew up to be. And as long as I know that in my heart, I know things will turn out just fine.
 
“Hey Mako-chan, the cake’s done,” Usagi’s voice summoned.
 
“Yeah, we want to try out your newest cake,” Minako added.
 
“I’ll be there in a minute,” I replied.
 
Well, everyone’s waiting to try my newest and greatest cake ever, one that will become something enjoyed all around the world. So I leave you with this:
 
Fear is a powerful emotion. If you ever have to face it, don’t let it take over you completely. If you can’t face it alone, then turn to someone you truly love and trust. You’d be surprised with the results. But fear is also the most honest emotion, and will keep you humble whenever you get to thinking too highly of yourself.
 
Also, cherish everything you have, especially your friends. True friends are always there for you. They’ll listen to what’s on your mind, and they’ll lend you a helping hand when you need it. But, you can also trust them to be honest with you. They’ll be your biggest supporter, they’ll be someone to lean on, and they’ll also let you know when you’re being an idiot. And when you face your toughest challenges, including your fears, your friends can help you to face them and overcome them. Alone, you are strong. But together, you can triumph.
 
Farewell, and take care of each other.

The End

------------------

Disclaimer: As usual, Sailor Moon and most of the characters ain't mine, but belong to Naoko Takeuchi. And God bless that woman for creating such great entertainment for all of us with a lot of free time on our hands to enjoy. The English dub belongs to DiC Entertainment and Cloverway, and I only thank them for bringing' it to America, nothin' more. But Russell Hino/Hino Kyodai, Tuxedo Inferno, Titanius, and Deanna Kokorono/Kokorono Meijin are MINE (in a growling voice). So, please don't sue me. I'm just a lonely man who ain't got anythang but his pride. Well, y'all enjoy this fanfic and e-mail me.

Have fun Sailor Moon fans,
Viper Inferno
(Y2V)
 

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