He lived alone, in a cheap flat with four different layers of wallpaper on his walls and mysterious spots on the yellowing ceiling. The few windows faced the other building; grey, dirty bricks with various kinds of graffiti forming crude words. They were near impossible to open, having rusted shut, but he didn’t mind; the air was thick of fumes of traffic, garbage and misery.
It wasn’t much, but preferable to sleeping on the streets.
The block he lived in wasn’t the safest, but less dangerous than one might think upon first glance. The people here weren’t bad; they were failures, quitters or just down on their luck. He didn’t know which label he fitted under, but guessed it didn’t really matter. No one really judged here, because they were, essentially, all the same. And if they did, who should he care?
If it mattered, he wouldn’t be stuck here.
He worked at a convenience store for most hours of the day, even during weekends. All the money he earned that he wouldn’t need for rent, food and the occasional new clothing he put away with his savings. For what, he didn’t know. Maybe to one day get out of here, start over again, but he didn’t know when. Something was still missing, so he stayed. And waited.
.
She moved in to the apartment next door, alone. A short, old man he didn’t recognize had followed her as she carried a heavy box through the door. He stayed in the doorframe, and when she returned, he dropped a key in her hand and left. He’d watched the older man leave from the crack of his own door, but found his eyes drawn to the girl.
She was young, really young.
Too young.
He wondered what she was doing here, and opened his door fully. He greeted her with a smile, noting her sad eyes, her lonely smile in return. Welcome, he’s said without really meaning it. She didn’t belong here, he could tell. Behind the worn clothes, the messy hair and hollow cheeks was a child.
Or so he’d thought.
They became…friends. He helped her unpack, helped her cook when he realized she could not make even toast taste edible. He showed her the way to school, surprised that she owned a car of decent quality. Surprised she could drive, and slightly horrified by her apparent love for speed.
She was seventeen, had no parents like himself. He told her about his guardian – a man too young for the life he was living far from here, deep in the addiction of alcohol. He confessed he had quit high school, because really, it had been his turn to be taken care of. She said she admired that kind of devotion, but hit him hard on the head for being stupid because of it. He hadn’t understood, not really, and it made him realize she wasn’t as young as she appeared.
She told him about her guardian. He hadn’t slept much that night, because he couldn’t comprehend how such a man could’ve been assigned to look after such a girl.
The short, old man with the key that day was a horrible man.
.
He grew accustomed to seeing her face every day. Could hardly say no to her smiles, her pleading eyes. So he agreed to join her hellish study sessions after dinner, confused by the many mathematical terms he was sure he hadn’t encountered before. She tried to teach him, and he wished he could return the favor. But during the preparation for her exams in school all he could do was provide her with steaming cups of chocolate, sometimes with added cream and when he could afford it, marshmallows.
It made him feel pathetic, because at twenty eight, he shouldn’t be here.
Then again, at seventeen, she shouldn’t either.
.
Their first kiss was electrifying. It was unsuspected, a spur-of-the-moment. She had taken him on a ride after dinner, easily persuading him after a couple of glasses of wine. Speeding through the city, she had laughed and he had been intoxicated and they had forgotten the stale air of their apartment complex and the hard reality of life. They had parked just outside the city limit, watching the stars through her car’s dirty windows. She had wondered out loud if she would ever get out of there, and he had looked at her and something had snapped.
He didn’t want her to leave, not without him.
It wasn’t until her lips were on his he had realized he’d spoken.
.
Months passed quickly and he wondered why they didn’t just move in together and save the money. He spent more time in her bed than his own, because it was so much softer, so much warmer, and smelled like her. It was bigger too.
They shouldn’t be doing what they were doing, but she said she didn’t care and he was guilty that if he were to be truthful, he agreed. She was young, she wasn’t legal, but her eyes were old and her moans were not those of a child. He had seen so much more, had gone through things he would not let her near. But he lacked things she had, and he craved it, because it was a better experience than what he had lived through in his years.
He knew what t do with his savings.
He knew what he had been waiting for.
A reason to leave, a reason to start over again.
Her.
.
He was at her graduation, had bought a camera just for that occasion. She looked so happy, and he had been jealous despite knowing he had left all that on his own for valid reasons. Her grades were good, she stood a better chance for a future than he and he felt unworthy to be around her, afraid of dampening her light. She left her friends, took his hand and dragged him to her car. She drove them away, in her usual, insane speed and they ended up in her apartment.
He tried to protest but she said she deserved it, being free of school at last.
He made sure they showered afterwards, because her kitchen counter wasn’t as sanitary as he wished.
.
It had taken him most of the previous year to come to the point he was at now. He was prepared, he knew what to do and he knew when and with who and why. He didn’t know if it would work, but he didn’t care, because he would try and he wouldn’t give up.
He wasn’t a quitter.
She turned eighteen that day and he had given her breakfast on the bed, showered her with kisses and explored the boundaries of the new freedom her legal age brought his conscience. Night came around quicker than he had thought and she looked so comfortable in his arms. It felt right and he knew this was his opportunity.
“I have savings that would be enough for a new apartment far away from here, and enough for several months of food and rent.”
She had stopped breathing, her blue eyes wide with fear. He could almost hear her mind screaming at him.
Are you leaving?
Where are you going?
What about me?
Us?
He couldn’t help but kiss her then, and her response was desperate. It took strength to pull away and her whimper was heartbreaking.
“But I can’t afford a plane or even a train ticket. I need a car. A fast car. Do you know someone who has one?”
She kissed him again, and this time he didn’t pull away from its warmth.
He didn’t have anything more to say.
.
They would be able to make it, together. He would get a job, she might take a while to find one, but they would be alright. They could perhaps move to a nice little suburb; maybe he could start school again. Maybe their lives would become stable.
As they speeded past the city limit, onto busy roads and huge signs, he was content with not knowing for now.
All they had to do was try, and he was sure her fast car would get them far.
