Venus could remember the happiest moment of her life vividly.
It was the first time her family came to visit after she was whisked away to the Moon. She stood watching the silver vessel descending like a wished upon shooting star bringing her the thing she wanted most. She hadn't let go of her mother for a very long time and had failed to properly greet her kin in the way Queen Serenity usually demanded. But the Silver Millennium monarch only smiled as her own daughter bounced in her arms.
Not even that moment could compare to the feeling of Kunzite's lips against hers. She had kissed a few men before. It wasn't proper for a lady of her age and status on the Moon, which was mostly why she did it. A few had been sweet and cautious, others hard and unnerving. Some had just been utter disasters.
Kissing Kunzite was like two continents colliding. It began in her core and vibrated out to her fingertips. It was a simple kiss which explored the world that could be created between them, and she wondered if they could tear the universe apart when things became heated. As if answering her thoughts, Kunzite's hand cradled the side of her face. She melted against the touch, letting a soft moan escape her open lips. This only encouraged him as he wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her so close she almost had a hard time breathing, or at least that's the reason she told herself.
For her part, if she was going to be insane, she thought she may as well embrace it. So she clutched at his clothes and grabbed a fistful of hair at the base of his neck. She had wanted to touch the long white strands the moment she saw them. They were as fine as the silk the Terrans sold at market. He tasted like dry wine and promises she just barely could hope to believe in.
They were reaching the point of no return as they moved against each other. Her body began to ache and tremble in anticipation as she wrapped a leg around his. He grabbed it instantly, his touch burning her skin with fierce intensity. Roughly he pushed her back against the door and they broke contact as the direct result of such force.
It was like breaching the surface of a deep lake; or being doused with a bucket of freezing water. They stared at each other, the spell temporarily broken. She watched as desire, guilt and confusion rocketed across the Shitennou's features. He took his arms from around her waist, ending their embrace and stepped back like a man on the edge, having escaped his demise.
"I-" She didn't think Kunzite was at a loss for words all that often, but neither was she and there wasn't a single thing she could think of to explain this- except the truth. She wished to tell him now that they had crossed the line into oblivion, but if she did he would be forever haunted like she was. Scenes of them having a careless romance for the remainder of the mission played in her mind, but she didn't know if she could manage to keep it so casual when it was meant to be something so much more.
"Sailor Venus," Kunzite began again. "Please forgive me for my unspeakable behavior. I am not sure what would ever possess me to act in such a manner. "
Oh, I know. She thought.
"Kunzite-"
"I understand that you will want to report this to your superiors. I will take full responsibility for my actions, but they were mine and should not reflect upon Prince Endymion."
She seemed in that moment to crash after their amorous high. Was he going to deny the connection between them? She was both relieved and yet horribly disappointed by the idea. This had been the moment she had dreamed of since she was a little girl; finally embracing her destined mate and beginning their life together. The kiss had been perfect, Kunzite was perfect, but now everything seemed to come undone, like a wonderful dream you can no longer hold onto.
"What happened was a misunderstanding."
"Is that what you really think?" she asked, almost incredulously. "Did it have no meaning to you at all?"
"I had thought..." Kunzite stilled as a spark of clear intensity shown in his eyes for a moment. It was like he was trying to start an engine, but she knew his mind was fighting against itself.
"Thought what?" Why was she probing him? Why didn't she just leave before things got any worse?
She watched Kunzite's face fall, and knew the battle had been lost. "I admit this honestly, in hopes you will gauge fairly my true intentions. I wondered if your Senshi powers were...interfering with my abilities to control my thoughts, my emotions. Or perhaps it was just this planet and its people in general. I thought it would be wise to try and gain more knowledge about you."
"By kissing me?"
The noble Terran looked chagrined. "I have no logical or good excuse for that. I understand if you wish to no longer have any dealings with me-"
"Stop," she said quietly, but in a tone that left no room for argument. This was not what she had expected to happen. Did he not feel the bond between them as strongly? Neither of them could deny the ties that chained them now, but Kunzite no longer looked flushed with passion, only white with shame. Would fate give her a lover that did not, could not, reciprocate her feelings? A lover that lusted to kiss her until that fire scorched his skin and shied him away? Her life could not be so cruel.
A tear of sorrow escaped from her closed lids. "I am not going to tell anyone, and I suggest you do the same."
A second and third tear had slipped from beneath her eyelids for she had no control over them now. She knew the moment he realized she was crying; his whole body stiffened in response to seeing her in such a state. The golden Senshi wondered idly what he thought might have caused her tears to fall. She didn't know what his eyes said for she couldn't bear to look at his face. Not now, probably not ever again.
What made it worse was she understood. She understood why Kunzite was reaching for apologies and explanations instead of reaching for her. She would have reacted the same way at such a breach of protocol on her part had she not known about the link between them. Sailor Venus would have explained it away to the wine and the exhilaration of the Savéol festivities. She would have wanted to test the boundaries of whatever feelings were passing between them, be them magical or loving. She would have needed to know, for her own curiosity and the threat it could pose to be enamored to a possible future ally or enemy.
She could understand his withdrawal completely. Yet she didn't have to like it.
She knew Kunzite was waiting for her to explain, to say anything that might further absolve or condemn him, but she couldn't bring herself to speak. Words were too heavy a burden to be carried right now.
Everything was wrong.
"Sailor Venus, I'm...I'm truly sorry."
Without looking up or acknowledging him further, she turned and slipped into her room, shutting the door like a silent tomb behind her.
Kunzite could not remember a time when he had ever been so foolish.
Once, when he was much younger, he had ventured extremely far from home. He felt powerful in the glorious new spring sun and climbed the mountains further than he ever dared. Exhilarated by the new sights, smells and sounds around him, he barely noticed how far the sun had fallen beneath the trees.
The world around him had turned frighteningly foreign in the dark of night. He lost his way back, becoming hopelessly entangled in the mountain passes. He forgot everything his father had ever taught him about tracking, survival and finding your way at night. His knowledge caved in under his fear and all he could think about were the monsters lurking just out of sight.
At mid morning the following day, his father and a few others had found him buried beneath fallen branches in the crook of an old tree. Kunzite couldn't remember how he had gotten there or how he ever managed to fall asleep. He had been picked up gently like when he was smaller and his father had carried him back home without a word. Yet Kunzite's guilt ate away at him and he begged his father's forgiveness.
"A tornado leaves more subtle tracks," was all his father had said, and Kunzite knew it would be all right.
He wasn't sure how things could be made right this time.
He continued to stare at Sailor Venus' door for an indiscriminant amount of time. The hallways were absolutely still and he could barely hear his own breathing. For a fleeting, childish moment he wished he could stop breathing altogether and end this madness.
Kunzite had known exactly what he was doing, even though it didn't make complete sense to him. All day the touch of the once former princess had electrified him, building up a charge that thrilled and terrified him. Watching her laugh and smile throughout the gala made his heart light with a happiness he could barely understand. He yearned to see his master happy, but with her it was different somehow, stronger and intimate.
Meeting her here and catching the Senshi off guard had been deliberate. He wanted to see her with her barriers down again, to see if she might feel this same force, this connection that he felt every moment he was with her, and sometimes when alone. He had dreamed of lowering his lips to hers and kissing her since his arrival, although he had pushed the idea so far back into his mind it was like a name that constantly was out of reach, but nagged at you all the same.
He felt like he was flying whenever their lips met, but it was more like diving off a cliff and having no fear of the impact. Kunzite didn't often dream of falling in love or running away with a sweetheart; he was much too practical and grounded for lofty thoughts. He dreamed of working on the plains again and his friends and master living free lives. He never believed he needed anyone besides himself to complete his own existence. He strived to please his master and would lay down his life in service to the crown, but Kunzite only vaguely felt drawn to this by destiny.
Meeting her changed everything. When he walked into a room, he immediately sought her out before scanning his surroundings for dangers and potential threats like he usually did. He had never publicly dallied with a woman like he did tonight. Kunzite was polite, but always aloof to any advances. Never in his life had he done something so rash as to kiss someone in the middle of a hallway where any passerby could see.
Sailor Venus turned him into an impulsive, humorous person, and he did not hate who he became under her beautiful gaze.
He could not shake the horrifying look she held in that gaze when he lied to cover up the dizzying truth, however. The truth was; he had been with her all day because he felt rejuvenated, like he mattered to someone besides those he was destined to guard. He bumped into her because he loved the feel of her smooth skin and craved the current that flowed between them.
He had no inclination to believe that it was her Senshi powers, or the power of her people. It was between them only, a rope that lassoed them together for some inexplicable reason he still could not grasp, but did not seem to care if he ever understood. He had followed her around the party and through the halls because he couldn't get enough of her. He had kissed her because he wanted to, because he could not go another second without finally finding out what it would be like.
But he had lied to her out of a sudden fear that none of this was real, that it was all an impossible illusion meant to disarm and cripple him in a great time of change and controversy. He was being overwhelmed by emotions suppressed by years of practice and careful planning. He was meant to be the stoic right hand of Prince Endymion, a sacred guardian of Elysian's secrets. A man with a set destiny, he could not be anything else.
Yet…he didn't want to be just that anymore. There was a whole new world opening up before his eyes like a rare flower blooming after sixteen years of dormancy. His ideas of who he was were crashing down around him, burying him as he struggled to find footing on this strange planet with a woman who blazed through the dark of his mind.
He didn't know how he expected himself to ever forget the taste of her lips, to move on when all he wanted to do was embrace her and whatever path would open up before them. Neither would he ever forget the look on her face when he explained his motives. Knowing he had caused those crystalline tears to fall would haunt him for a very long time. Her pain stabbed at his heart like a warm poker. He wanted so badly to knock down the door, to confess…well, he wasn't sure what it was he was feeling, or whatever this connection was between them. He knew it was there, however, and he had denied it. The look in her eyes told him she would never be able to forgive him.
He felt an almost tangible loss, like something great and wonderful was slowly slipping from his grip and had not the strength to hold it. What had he done? Slowly, Kunzite finally turned away from her door and disappeared into the shadows, wishing he could meld into them and never return.
Everything was wrong and for the first time in his life, Kunzite did not have the answer.
