Love Hurts
Part 2: "Temptress, Tempest, and Trigger"
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The slam of a car door startled Usagi out of her reverie and she stiffened up, clutching the bars of the crib with white knuckles. Vaguely, she wondered how she could have missed the grating crunch of gravel that usually warned her of Mamoru's return ahead of time. But that was no matter now, because he was home, and the next thing the woman knew, the front door was ricocheting open.
"Usagi!" Mamoru's voice slurred impatiently. "Where 'rar you!"
Usagi automatically left ChibiUsa's room and came to the top of the stairs, trembling nervously. Her throat was dry and she had to lick her lips several times before speaking.
"Up... up here, Mamoru. I'm coming down now," the blonde called back hoarsely. She could see how his eyes flickered up to latch on to her descending form, and it was positively nauseating, the way those darkly azure orbs filled with sudden desire as she approached him. Usagi belatedly puzzled over how she could have ever wanted to drown in those nauseatingly glazed blue depths before his lips jumped frantically onto hers. A reluctant apathy settled over the former heroine as she realized what was happening. At least there would be no yelling or hitting tonight.
Mamoru reached down to grab her arms and push her up against the wall, still fighting feverishly for full control of her mouth. Usagi forced herself to respond appropriately; if she was even the slightest bit uneager it would only be harder on her. After all, the combination of his intimidatingly superior strength and dulled morals was dangerous. Usagi learned long ago the best option was always to succumb. She didn't enjoy being used as nothing more than a sex toy, but it was a mighty step above the demotion to punching bag.
When her intoxicated companion finally came up for air, breathing ragged, Usagi swallowed a heady urge to gag at the potent stench of alcohol assailing against her senses. Where was the smell of chocolate and spice she used to so love? Had it been that long, that she now associated the fetid malodor of beer and cheap whiskey shots with her husband?
Mamoru latched onto Usagi's wrist with a vice-like grip and tugged her in close. He whispered, "Our room. Now, my sweet little temptress."
It was probably lucky he wasn't able to see the grimace on Usagi's face at his god-awful, inebriation-induced nickname. Again she wished for the time when just a simple, sweet "Usako" made her heart flutter and knees weak.
"C'mon."
He tugged her onward and Usagi had little choice but to allow herself to be dragged up the stairs once more.
oOo
The blonde shivered, trying to procure warmth from the covers surrounding her bare body by pulling them closer. Even if it was early summer, the night was still chilly and the wide open window didn't help matters. She cast it a dirty glance before sighing, turning her attention to Mamoru and appraising his slack features. He seemed utterly unconscious, no doubt aided by the excessive amount of alcohol rushing through his system.
A particularly gusty zephyr blew in - damn, was it cold!
Trying to make as inconspicuous extra noise as possible, Usagi got out of bed. Her feet brushed the crack-ridden floor as she slid away, shivering. She stole her nightdress from the closet and threw it on, then padded over to the window and wrenched it down with an almighty creak. The Moon Princess winced as Mamoru twitched, then exhaled with relief when he slumbered on. After a few uneasy minutes, she deemed it safe enough to tiptoe back onto the mattress without rousing him further, and then it was time for sleep to claim her.
Or at least... hope desperately for the chance.
Once upon a time, falling into peaceful oblivion had been easy. Fun, even. But time is ironically fickle, rather like people. Insomnia had now become a constant battle for the former heroine - about the only fighting she got, outside of that with Mamoru. It even made her yearn for the days of energy-sucking youma and Earth-hating megalomaniacs. At least they were predictable.
Usagi released a brooding sigh, mind drifting as it always tended to during these sleepless hours. This time it seized hold of her recent qualm as of late.
If the Senshi could no longer transform, what would happen to Crystal Tokyo? Surely it would come about soon, right? Or... would it even still exist? Pluto had always cautioned that the future was never certain. Were they still on track for that Utopian world? Had the inability to change into their alter egos somehow affected the course of time?
And what about Mamoru's sudden change in behavior? Was there any hope this angry, drunken shell of a man could transmogrify into the wise, kind-hearted paladin Usagi remembered meeting in the ruins of their beautiful city?
So many questions, so little answers. If only Pluto were here, Usagi thought wistfully. But we haven't seen her since our wedding... She had said then that the future was still projecting that of Crystal Tokyo. That was before everything began falling apart, though...
All the pondering 'what if's began making the young woman's head pound, so she rolled over.
3:23 am, the old nightside clock blared blearily. Perhaps the few hours of slumber she'd acquired earlier would be enough to get her through the day. It was no use trying anymore, when sweet repose felt so far out of reach.
Heaving herself up, Usagi pulled herself from the bed once more and floated quiescently from the room. Hot chocolate seemed a delicious remedy, for now. If it could help ChibiUsa's restlessness at night, perchance it would prove valuable to her as well.
oOo
The day dredged by in soporific routine, as was per usual. Mamoru woke in a bad mood that was exacerbated by his obvious hangover. He yelled, had breakfast, yelled a bit more, then left for work. Usagi spent the morning and afternoon alternately caring for ChibiUsa and doing housework. There were no secret meetings at Hikawa Shrine; no dashing to far flung places to confront evil... this was her life now.
How could she have ever loathed being a Senshi? Wished for a normal life, when normal was now the very thing she hated most of all? A little danger once in a while would spice things up; give her a respite from such doldrums!
"Mama?" a small voice drifted up to Usagi from below. The aforementioned blonde extricated herself from distracted daydreaming to gaze solicitously down at her daughter.
"Can I go outside for a lil' bit?" ChibiUsa asked, screwing her face up into the picture of doe-eyed sweetness; a feat clearly inherited from Usagi. The elder of the two chuckled inwardly. She used to pull that trick on her own mother more times than she could remember. Oh, how things change!
"Until your father comes home, yes."
The three year old scampered eagerly from the kitchen and out into the hot summer afternoon. Usagi wistfully watched the child's carefree play from the window as she diced tomatoes. When had that innocence been lost to Usagi? When had she grown up?
ChibiUsa clambered onto her makeshift swing and began pumping voraciously, pink crown seeming to brush the blue heavens each time her body ascended. Usagi's heart swelled and for a brief moment, she felt a flare of hope erupt inside her chest.
One day, life would be better.
One day, they would both be free.
One day...
And then the spurt of optimism died away, almost as quickly as it had come. Usagi sighed, noticing a spattering of dark and foreboding clouds burgeoning against the horizon.
That day seemed so far away. How much more pain was she willing to suffer, all because she couldn't quelch that profoundly irrational love still fostered deep down inside? What would it have to come to; what storm would befall her family before common sense stirred her into action?
Usagi gritted her teeth and ground them against each other angrily. Everything would be so much easier, if she were genuinely as brave and courageous as everyone wanted her to be. Even as a leader she had been whimsical, impulsive... easily swayed... and cowardly. Always cowardly, as Rei had rubbed in her face many a time. But it was true.
She was a coward.
Usagi swallowed against the sudden painful lump in her throat, then tore her gaze off ChibiUsa and went back to the gentle ministrations of dinner preparation.
oOo
Mamoru propped his feet up on the armrest as he stretched out on the couch, nursing his umpteenth beer with a lethargic grin aimed toward the television.
"Usagi, when's dinner?" he demanded waspishly after a loud belch. The golden-haired beauty froze in the act of buttoning up their daughter's nightshirt. Her countenance flickered with a veritable cornucopia of expressions- shock, anger, fear and realization being the prominent few- before finally resting on wariness.
"We... already had dinner an hour ago, Mamoru," she chose her words carefully.
"Don't be stupid, of course we didn't," he snapped, sitting up to glare curtly at her. His face took on a mad gleam full of pugnacity. "You're trying to trick me again, aren't you? Trying to starve me? Think I don't know? Eh? EH!"
Usagi flinched and ChibiUsa jumped at the sudden undulation of his voice. "M-Mamoru, I wouldn't lie to you. You just can't remember because- because... you're drunk."
There. She said it.
Mamoru's visage turned rapidly hostile and he threw down his beer bottle. The contents swirled across the wooden floor; a trail of muddy tears that Usagi knew she'd be forced to hide the stain of later...
"Dammit, Usagi. You're fucking lying to me, again, and you're fully aware of it too," he hissed dangerously, and Usagi began shaking her head back and forth in scared denial, lips pursed as she worried them gently with her teeth. Mamoru carded a hand through his messy locks, midnight eyes flashing in the blind parturition of fury.
"Get over here."
Usagi didn't move, now clutching a trembling and silently crying ChibiUsa to her chest protectively.
"I SAID GET OVER HERE!"
"No."
A distant, ominous rumble of thunder sounded - the storm that had been brewing that afternoon had now arrived in full force. ChibiUsa let out a choked sob that was muffled in Usagi's shirt as she pressed the girl's head into her. Her fright of storms was like that of her mother's, but Usagi spared no concern over the tempest. A greater one rivaled it - that of Mamoru's increasingly darkening face and ChibiUsa's shivering into her body.
"What did you say?"
"I said, no."
Mamoru clenched and unclenched his fists, standing up quickly and taking the necessary strides over to his wife. Usagi seemingly shrank the closer he came, begging almost every deity she'd ever heard of for the ability to sink beneath the earth. With Mamoru's last booming steps, she forcibly pushed ChibiUsa behind her.
"You don't just say 'no' to me, Usagi," he ground out, grabbing her arms in a cruel grip. Usagi cried out. This was far from the gentle touch of just last night. This hurt.
"Let me go!" Usagi shouted, tears spilling over and down her cheeks as she kicked out at him. Vaguely, like a voice calling from the other end of a tunnel, Usagi registered ChibiUsa wailing at him to stop; let her go. Then her shoe connected with his knee and Mamoru gave an almighty roar.
"FUCK!"
He launched Usagi across the floor and she slid into the coffee table. Her head connected with the corner and stars erupted in front of the woman's eyes. Everything was spinning - Mamoru's terribly handsome and terribly frightening face was bearing down on her like a hungry wolf; it seemed to assail her from all sides. He raised a hand, as if to slap her, before another trill of thunder broke and ChibiUsa screamed. Mamoru whirled around, an insane and irrational glimmer coloring his wild eyes. This was no longer Mamoru, Usagi thought. This was not her husband; not ChibiUsa's father. A terrible monster born of alcohol had possessed her husband, slowly gaining control until the man she once loved was gone. The realization hit like a ton of bricks.
"ChibiUsa, be QUIET, you stupid child!"
This time, his hand whipped up to bash ChibiUsa full across the face. The young girl was knocked to the ground with the force of the blow, and as she fell something in Usagi snapped. All her previous insecurity was washed away almost instantly, as if a switch had been flipped inside her brain.
"Don't touch her!" she screamed, raising herself up even though her head throbbed violently in protest. Usagi scuttled across the floor with strength she didn't even know she'd retained, as adrenalin pumped a chaotic path through her veins. It was a drug, propelling her into movement; to action.
He hurt her.
He. Hurt. Her.
Her baby.
Usagi scooped howling ChibiUsa into her arms and dodged Mamoru's drunken swipe at them, scrambling around to place the coffee table in between her and the ebony-headed man. He paused, looking expressionlessly at the heavily-breathing Moon Princess. She wondered what he was thinking, and if this was the impasse that usually occurred when his haze wore off. Then, without another word, Mamoru backed out of the room, leaving the mother and child to their own company. Finally.
Usagi exhaled shakily, hugging ChibiUsa close to her body. Dumbly, the woman realized she was still crying. An empty chill settled in the pit of her stomach and she steeled herself bravely.
That altercation had been the last straw; the trigger to igniting her long-forgotten courage of a warrior. How dare he. How. Dare. He. His own child; his own flesh and blood!
She couldn't let anything of this sort happen again.
It was time to leave. They'd pack tonight and sneak away as Mamoru slept. She could not - would not - subject ChibiUsa or herself to this abuse any longer.
Just as that sentiment entered the odangoed one's brain, so too did Mamoru into the room. And he was not alone.
In his grip was a small handgun, and he had it pointed straight at Usagi. The mad shine in his eyes was still just as bright as before.
-
TBC
