Doing his best to keep a calm facade, Bruce turned to look at Diana. She was still looking at the floor, as if trying to force it to tell her something. Bruce, however, could not see the true emotion behind her eyes. Instead, he gruffly cleared his throat, hoping to gain her attention. She looked up at him, startled, having not been expecting him to do, or say, anything.
"What is it Bruce?"
"Princess Diana, I think we should begin the investigation into the recent...heist."
"Ah! Yes, I had almost forgotten. But, do you really think it necessary to treat this as a real case? I mean, Bruce, this is such a trivial prank, most likely caused by someone we both know."
"I agree that it is inconsequential, and that is probably is Wally who is behind all of this, but, it can be considered serious if looked at from the right angle. Particularly from the female angle."
Diana's face showed confusion for a split second, then realization dawned and her cheeks took on a lovely rosy hue.
"Yes, you are right, of course. I shall begin by searching the Tower for any clues as to where the toilet paper might be. Could you start the questioning? I feel like it would be better if it were you instead of me."
Bruce was relieved that she suggested separate courses of action. He knew, without a doubt, that there was no way he would be able to work alongside her for a lengthened period of time. The way his heart felt at the moment was like a chip in a windshield. A small, miniscule crack, but with the right elements, would spread to every corner until the entire glass was shattered. Bruce could not afford to fall apart. Especially around her.
"Of course. We shall rendezvous after two hours. That should be plenty of time for you to search, and I to question a good portion of who is here."
"Two hours it is, then. Good luck Bruce."
"You as well, Diana."
Diana quickly made her way to the bottom of the Watch Tower, both to begin the search and escape from Bruce.
He called me Diana. No 'Princess' attached. That has to mean something, right? No! I won't do this to myself. It's just a name, nothing more. It can never be more, for both our sakes.
Newly resolved, she opened the first storage locker. To her surprise, there was nothing in it. Not even a mop and bucket.
"That's odd." She closed the door back and approached the next locker. Again, empty. Next one...same as before. In fact, every storage locker she came upon was void of anything. It was almost like someone had went on a spring cleaning spree and dumped everything into the vacuum of space. Because there was nothing to look through, she was done in only about thirty minutes. Thoroughly confused by what she found, or rather, didn't find, she went in search of Bruce. She was certain he wasn't finished with the interviews and, although she knew it wasn't her best idea, she came to the conclusion that no other logical choice could be found. On her way to the interrogation rooms, she practiced her breathing, taking slow, deep, even breaths to slow her heart rate as well as calm her nerves.
I have to control myself. I just do not understand why this time is so much worse than the others. I have never felt this close to the precipice of absolutely losing myself to the passion. Hera, if this is a test, I swear to you that I shall not fall nor fail. I will please you.
Meanwhile, Bruce was in the middle of questioning Green Arrow. As expected, it was not going particularly well. To Bruce, Green Arrow's exceptional archery skills were impressive, but entirely expendable. Thus, when the Arrow began his usual snarky commentary, Bruce decided to offer him a deal.
"Listen, Arrow, neither one of us want to be here, am I right?"
"Wow, Bruce, and it only took half an hour for you to realize it. I think you're getting better at this."
Bruce clenched his teeth in irritation. He knew, however, that to retaliate would only make things worse.
"Thank you for the compliment, however unnecessary. My proposition is this: I will stop the questioning if you will agree to aid in the effort to find the missing toilet paper."
The Arrow's laughter bounced around the small room.
"I swear, Bruce, I never thought the day would come when you would ask me for help. To find toilet paper, no less! Although it comes as no surprise that you're taking it so seriously. You really should lighten up a bit, you know? You seem a lot more tense than usual. Say, it's not a girl, is it? Surely not the stoic, cold, infallible, Bruce Wayne, Batman, is all miscombobulated over a woman."
Bruce didn't say a word. But his eyes told more than they should have. He tried to look Arrow in the eye, not wanting to back down and show weakness. In doing so, however, Arrow saw everything.
"You're kidding! No, no, the Bat never kids, I know, I know. I just-- I can't believe that you've let some dame get you so tangled up."
"Don't call her that! And the answer is no. I am not 'miscombobulated' as you so eloquently put it. I'm just a little out of sorts. Nothing I cannot handle."
"Ah, but Bruce-y, you shouldn't try to lie about women trouble to someone with so much experience. So, since I've already figured it out, why not give me all the juicy details? I promise I won't tell another soul about it."
The look of pure enjoyment coming from Arrow both frightened and annoyed Bruce. And the first was quite a feat for anyone.
"This is none of your concern, Arrow. I said I can handle it, so I will. There is no need to involve anyone else."
Arrow's smile faded a bit and he looked at Bruce with a serious and concerned expression. "Bruce, man to man, you need someone to talk to. Trying to deal with this alone is just asking for trouble. You need an outside, objective opinion. Specifically male, because no woman will ever understand what a man is truly thinking."
Bruce thought about what was said. And, honestly, Arrow was right. He needed someone to talk this out with. Ever since Alfred's death there hadn't really been anyone he had felt comfortable enough to confide in. Dick was certainly out of the question, and Clark, well, he had Lois, but that was only because he had the power of flight. That woman had a serious fetish for foreplay while flying over the city. But hey, to each his own...or her own in this case. No, he really was devoid of a true companion and perhaps talking to Arrow would help loosen him up a little to where he could be around her without nearly losing control of his grip.
"Alright. I see your point. The truth is I--"
"Excuse me, Bruce? May I see you for a moment, outside?"
Diana's voice over the intercom felt like a deep tissue massage. During, it felt heavenly, but as soon as it was over, the pain was excruciating. Bruce looked up at the ceiling and gave his assent, then he looked back at Arrow. He could not be sure if Diana still had the intercom on, so instead of saying with words, Bruce merely nodded at Arrow, conveying his intent to further their conversation at a later time. Once outside the room, he carefully put his mask of cold indifference back into place.
