22: Decision
I really don't quite remember what time it was when I awoke from my swoon. It was some time in the morning, when the light of the day shined upon me, forcing me to wake. I was still in the basement, and the Tsukinousagi's book lay spread on the floor, its pages down to the ground.
I do remember that the house seemed eerily silent. This meant only one thing - that Dyka and her new partner, Varuna, must have gone to court for the day. I gave a sigh when I remembered that I was no longer wanted by Dyka at Asgerd; with that, where was I to go then?
I gave a sigh as I crawled up the stairs. I began to think about what I would do. At the moment, I could really only think of one thing - that I was to be sent home, if I didn't go on my home. Dyka's talk with me did not guarantee that I could stay there forever. Eventually, I was sure that Varuna could get me kicked out. Or perhaps Dyka would kick me out. Or something. So I decided, then and there, that I should leave before I somehow caused more trouble with my presence.
But first, before I did anything, I would have myself some coocor. I needed to calm down first before I left. That was the first thing.
I went up those stairs, thinking of the coocor. Ah, if I could describe them better, perhaps your kind could understand my infatuation with them. Coocor, the soft, dark, cool substance going down into my body! As they roll around my stomach, what a wonderful taste they leave! It keeps me begging for more!
It was this image that I had as I went up into the kitchen to sneak some coocor into me before I left Mehsheh for good. I went into the kitchen, and took a handful of coocor out of my hiding place.
And immediately dropped them all on the floor, with a cry.
Of all people I should have seen in the house, it was Tsukinousagi who was on my makeshift bed.
I almost gave another squeak of shock after my coocor scattered everywhere. After all, Tsukinousagi was supposed to be at the courthouse! Or at the hospital! Wasn't she at the hospital for her injury! The injury under the bandages still bled! What was she doing here!
I had every mind to call someone. Surely, she wasn't supposed to be here! Not then! Not while I was hungry for my coocor and about to leave without a trace! Not while she was supposed to be somewhere else!
I went to quickly hide from her, so that she would not see me. Unfortunately, I hit the wall with my tentacles as I went to run back downstairs, and I gave a curse as I did. I heard her gasp, and I turned to see her staring at me.
-Wh-what are you doing here?
I opened my mouth, hoping to have a good way to explain to her why I was here. I was simply getting something I forgot; I had to go back to retrieve something Dyka forgot. Anything to justify my presence to her!
-I..........I.....was............just............um, walking........and.....
I looked down to the ground. I couldn't face her. How could I? Just two days ago, I had killed her. How could I look her in the eyes now, after seeing that power, after destroying her, after what I had done to make her lash out at me?
Slowly, I began to edge towards the stairs to the upper levels. Since Tsukinousagi was on the bed, and for that matter, near the door, I figured that the best course of action would be to run up the stairs, throw myself out of a window, and barring injuries that would leave me unable to walk, run to the nearest transport station, and ride back to Ydhh as fast as I could.
-Don't go.
I stopped at this. At first, I couldn't believe that she would have said it. I thought I was dreaming that she had said it, and I started up the stairs.
-Please. This time, I heard her loud and clear. -Stay.
I turned towards her, expecting an angry look from her, one of condemnation, one of hate. That she wanted me to stay, so that she could exact her revenge on me in retribution, and thus end my life. Yet when I looked, I saw no anger, if it was there, simply the sadness, and fear, that had been in her eyes the first day she was shown to me.
-........You........ I stared at her. -......want.....me.....to stay?
I really couldn't describe what I felt as, slowly, I began to talk back towards her. It was so strange. I looked into her eyes and was drawn - I was compelled to stay, almost as if, secretly, deep down, I had wanted her to let me stay. I couldn't understand why. Maybe I still don't understand now.
-Please.
-But........ I looked stunned. -....I......you........I.....I killed you!
At this, I gave a growl. I was angry, not at her, but myself. I immediately stopped my advance towards her.
-Why do you want anything to do with me?! I almost shouted. -I killed you! That thing you have on your neck? That was me! Did you forget? What is going on here with you!
There was a moment of silence at this. I daresay she was probably wondering that exact question during that silence, where all we did was simply stare at each other. I saw the sadness and the fear in her eyes; I could only wonder what she could have seen in mine. Probably fright, and maybe even hunger, for I was a little hungry. But I digress.
-You're sad. Finally, she turned away from me. -There is nothing wrong with being sad, or hurt, or angry. It's what you do with those emotions, which makes someone good, or bad, or even evil.
-But I...
-You're not evil.
If I had been stunned before, I was certainly speechless by then. For, it could only mean one thing - she didn't hate me.
But why? How? I had done such things to her! Why would she forgive me! And.....what would I say to her? What could I say to her? I was not the greatest person with talking, especially in an awkward moment like this.
So I did what I did best in the situation. I stammered a little bit. Fortunately, I did find something to say after ten minutes of complete silence.
-Um..so………. I was trying to find a suitable conversation. -I, uh, I hear you’re having a child?
-Huh? Suddenly, she looked at me with some apprehension. -How do you know that?
-Oh, well….. I felt myself turn red. -Rumors. My fellow sisters talk so incessantly about things…….eheh….they also told me you loved Brutus…..
At least it was a cover for having her personal writings. I wouldn’t have liked to have known what she could have done to me if she knew that Brutus had given them to me, or even that I just had them. Probably kill the both of us. But I digress.
-Do you believe all that?
-Uuuuh……no, of course not! I tried to laugh the very idea I would believe them (the very idea! which was actually true!) and their silly rumors. -And besides, what would I know about having children? I can’t have them anyways.
-Huh?
-Oh, its nothing big. I laughed nervously. -I mean, my father slashed up my thirteenth tentacle, so I couldn’t have kids even if I wanted to have kids. Not that I would want them. Being a sailor soldier is so……so…….sooooo……
I realized at this point that she wasn’t really looking at me. If anything, she was looking ready to cry.
-What a terrible father. She seemed to shake. -I miss my father…..
I had forgotten that her father was sick with something. When I remembered that, I became sad, because, though I never knew my father, I knew what it was like to lose someone close. Not a family person, but friends, through various events, such as leaving childhood friends to go to the sailor school. That had been a terrible moment for me.
-I........ I thought. -I'm, uh, sorry.
-They must all be scared. She looked down. -They must all be worried about me. I just disappeared.....and Mamo-chan.......Mamo-chan must be making himself sick....!
-Your...
-.....Husband. I nodded as Tsukinousagi finished my sentence. If I hadn't stopped myself, I surely would have said it myself, and she would have known of the book! - He was badly hurt...!
As she spoke, as she was about to cry, I suddenly felt a sharp pain deep within me. It was quick, like someone had taken a knife, and quickly swiped at me. It was not a pain unfamiliar to me anymore, but I quickly was over myself.
-I...... I gasped. -I'm.....sorry.
As soon as I said that - and I was being truly sincere, even through my agony - the pain subsided. I quickly looked up at Tsukinousagi, half expecting her - as she had before - to be glowing with wings, and bright hair and colors. But to my (chargin? caghirn?)* she wasn't even looking in my direction.
-It's not your fault...... She was still turned from me as she spoke. -I'm just worried.....
-...I understand...... I gave a sigh. -I........I'm not the best lawyer, which is why I-
-....I missed their birthdays!
This startled me to no end. One, since I did not know exactly what a birthday was (I learned that we give it a different name, which translates to coming out, or waking, or useigei), that was confusing. But what shocked me more was what she was actually thinking of.
-Meenuh-chan, Mawkho-chan, Setsoonei-san, Haucuh-san*.... She began to sob. -Hotaru-chan....
I sat on the ground - as I had fallen off of my bed as the pain had overtaken me - staring at her. Was it even possible!
-You..... I stared at her, unbelieving. -You are worried.....about.....other people?!
-I missed my friends' birthdays....!! She wiped her eyes. -Soon, it will be Mishiirue-san's** birthday....and then......Rai-chan's**....and then, my.....my....
-But.... I slapped myself. -But you are on trial for your life! Why think of such frivolous things like....a....a birthday, whatever that may be!
She turned back to me. I daresay, if the girl could have looked sadder, I myself would have simply burst into fits of crying. She seemed crushed when I posed the question to her.
-Thoughts......are all I have left now. Tears began to come from her eyes. -Thoughts, and memories, and the hope that they can come to me, in my moment of need. My friends. My friends......they will come to me....
She stood up, clasping her hands to herself. She then looked towards the window, where the light of the day's stars shined in.
-Huh....?
-I can almost see them. She closed her eyes. -They are out there, looking. They would never rest until they find me. They are using their powers to see the glimmer of love I hold for them, hiding in the shadows from the monsters that plague these worlds, those hidden demons cloaked by.....by things that should not let them live.
She took a deep breath at this. I gave a shudder at her final words, as if I could have agreed with her final sentiment about things hidden. Yet, I did not know why I agreed.
-They are doing it just to save me. She looked down. -But sometimes, I even doubt whether....whether I am truly worth saving.....not even after....not even after what had happened to us before....
I was about to open my mouth to protest, as, for a moment, I thought she meant when I had attacked her. But something in her voice made me stop, and rethink my words. Something in her voice seemed distant, as if she were speaking of times before, before the Great Matter, before her imprisonment, before her capture, before all of that, when she was on her world, fighting as a sailor soldier. In the years before her name came to be known as a scourge to civilized worlds, where her very presence was a danger to everyone around her, and even to greater powers thought unbreakable, though that I could not fathom yet.
Then, within me, I felt words forming. It was as if, by instinct, my mind knew what to ask. Before I knew what I was doing, I was blurting out the question that I had somehow formulated, and yet not formulated.
-Tsukinousagi. I couldn't understand why I was saying it. I figured it would have been a bad idea to even think of asking. Yet there I was, and those were my words. -What happened at the Galaxy Cauldron?
She quickly turned towards me, her eyes bearing into me again. She opened her mouth, almost ready to form some kind of answer to my question. For a moment, for one single moment, it felt like we almost seemed to understand each other. And I realized, in that one moment, something was truly, truly wrong. An important fact was missing, that would make it all sensible, why someone like this girl would even think of the unthinkable to begin with.
-THEMIS!
But the moment passed. The noise of the door opening interrupted us, and the shared thought we almost seemed to have vanished. I gave a gasp, almost angry, because for some reason I was liking that feeling.
-D-dyka!
-...There you are. She was frowning at me. -We thought you may have left.
-....Er......
I looked at Tsukinousagi. In response, she turned back away from me, looking over at Dyka, confused.
-I thought.....you were on Asgerd!
-....Today isn't a trial date. Dyka shook her head. -Floritiuse.....
-I didn't know!
-......Anyways, I have some news.
I gave a gulp at this. I had a bad feeling about what was about to be said, though I could not understand why.
-Varuna and I have decided. We had a meeting today. Dyka finally said. -We went to Veldanis and discussed it, and it is official. As of now, Brutus mortar - Brutus - will testify in five days.
She looked at me, and then at Tsukinousagi. Then, without another word, she shook her head and went to get herself something to drink.
-Well! At this, Varuna, who had been silent the whole time, finally spoke cheerfully, though seemingly sarcastically. -At last, something good is happening!
*Yes, it's cahgrin. Er, chagrin.
**Meenuh-chan, Mawkho-chan, Setsoonei-san, Haucuh-san - Mina, Mako, Setsuna, Haruka, Michiru and Rei, respectively. We are unsure of how Themis has “Hotaru” correct.
