The Reader's Guide to
THE GREAT MATTER
or, a Soldier's Hope is Indestructible: a Tale
Part I
The following guide is to set straight the record on exactly how the story called The Great Matter came to be on the planet Earth. The following is all true, and completely verifiable. Anyone who disagrees will be sacked.
Dear Reader;
Back about two years ago, my story The Sonic Wind - based on events that occurred in the western United States in the 1940s - was completed. Having done exhausting research in order to set the record straight on the story of Scott Garnet, I felt proud and extremely confident that I had done a great job in presenting the world with a fine story that people the world over could enjoy for generations to come. Sadly, my story was only read by a few inquisitive people who had an interest in history. As a result, I decided not to write the sequel I had planned to do, and hid away the documents that reflected the Sonic project. I was, not surprisingly, disheartened.
However, it just so happened that The Sonic Wind caught the attention of two agents from the Federal Bureau of Investigation. These two agents - a female and a male, who I'll respectively call 'S' and 'M' - apparently believed that my story may hold a far deeper truth to it in terms of Scott Garnet's disappearance. Particularly, they were interested in one paragraph of my story where I mentioned a town in New Mexico, called Roswell. So they decided to question me about the whole thing.
If I remember correctly, I was in the middle of playing a video game when these two appeared outside my second story window, sometime around Christmas. I refused to let them into my room, since they were going to track snow and salt and who knew what else into my room - and my mom was a stickler about the carpet. So I made them go around the house and ring the doorbell like any other human being (which apparently angered 'M', the male) before I talked to them.
Our conversation went something like this:
S. "What do you know about Roswell?"
Me. "Um......Roswell. That's a show, right?"
S. "....The city in New Mexico."
Me. "Uh, that too, I guess."
S. "You mentioned it in your work."
Me. "So?"
M. "Your work with Scott Garnet in it. What do you know about Scott Garnet and the aliens?"
Me. "....What?"
This resulted in an hour -long rant from 'M', who claimed that Scott Garnet was abducted by aliens, that someone in his family was also abducted by aliens, and that I had to help him, and then 'S' would yell at him to calm down, aliens don't exist. I myself wasn't sure if I should explain to the man that Scott Garnet wasn't abducted by aliens, but rather his soul was transfigurated into the form of a blue-tinted hedgehog. In the end, I decided that 'M' was too entertaining, and let him talk until my mom called the police on him, after which he and 'S' got into an unmarked black vehicle and drove off before they were caught.
I didn't meet 'S' or 'M' until about three months later. I was in the Mac lab at my local college, playing with Photoshop, when I was confronted by 'M' again. He seemed out of breath and pale as he stomped past the lab monitor and began to yell at me.
M. "Ms. Davis! They're real! They're out there!"
Me. "Um...."
M. "The truth is out there!"
Me. "You're stepping on my foot."
M. "I have found the proof! An alien transcript was found in the coat pocket of Jesse Jackson! (Actually, someone Fed-Exed them to me from Antarctica.) They're out there! The conspiracy is real!"
Me. "I am losing feeling in my foot. Go away."
M. "You must help me prove it!"
Lab Monitor. "Excuse me, you're making a lot of noise! I'm going to have to ask you to leave."
With that, 'M' threw the papers at me and walked off. So I took them home with me, looking them over. It took me all night to sort through what I was reading, but after I did, what a discovery!
The papers, as it turned out, was an autobiography. It was written in a special alien codex, designed to be encrypted so that prying eyes could not easily decipher the contents. Fortunately, it is my luck that I am well-versed in this particular alien codex, as it was a part of my doctoral thesis to break the code and prove to my teacher that Zaphrod Breeblebrox did order cheese with his fries on the receipt we had. (And yet he still didn't believe me, the jerk.)
It took some time, as there were a few Themisian verbs thrown in to confuse me (and I had to call up an Internet search to find a Themisian-English translator willing to help me for less than 20 dollars) but when I was finished, neither I nor my close friends could believe what we were looking at. It was the first-hand account of a trial that had occurred milions of light years away - involving our own little planet Earth, and we had had no clue about it.
And I had translated it all by myself.
Of course, I had various reactions to it, such as this:
Me. "Here, Craig. Read this. It's called The Great Matter, or a Soldier's Hope is-"
Craig. "Oh, wonderful! A Rush story!"
Me. "...What?"
Craig. "Rush! It's a Rush story, right?"
Me. "Rush as in.....the band?"
Craig. "I hope Neil gets more than a passing mention."
Me. "......Craig....."
Craig. "Drummers are so under appreciated!"
Me. "...Craaaaaig......"
Craig. "Just you wait! Rush will RULE the WORLD! And I WILL BE THEIR DISCI-"
Me. "CRAIG!"
Craig. "What?"
Me. "It’s an alien story! Rush isn't in this."
Craig. "What? No Rush!? What kind of story is this!?!"
Me. “What I sai-”
Craig. “You make me sad. I’m going to cry now.”
Me. “No, Craig, please don’t…..”
Craig. “Crrrrrrrry….”
Me. “You’re embarrassing me! People are reading this!”
Craig: “Crrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrryy!!!!!”
Needless to say, he never actually read it. But I managed to calm him down by promising that I would stop stealing his broom and dustpan and sticking them in the toilet on cleaning day. Craig hates that.
Anyways, I had to de-personalize The Great Matter by getting rid of the subtitle it had. For some reason, the subtitle was...kind of crappy. Regardless of that, however, the rest of the story was kept as faithful to the original as possible. I even kept the spelling errors, because Sailor Themis is a really bad speller.
So, yup. That's the truth of how The Great Matter came to Earth. It really happened!
AND IT COULD HAPPEN TO YOU!! :O
