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Review by Dejana Talis |
2006-07-12
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First of all, I LOVE the atmosphere of this story. Your writing style wraps the reader in a feeling of graceful elegance that gives a perfect window into Michiru's soul. Your take on the origins of her personality makes so much sense that I can't tell what is canon and what is invented. Michiru is such a closed-off person in both the manga and the anime, more so than any other Senshi (except perhaps Pluto), and it's fascinating to read what is going on inside her head and behind closed doors. In my own writing I struggle with the characters of Haruka and Michiru, and I know I will be using this piece as a reference when I hit trouble spots in the future. ^.^
The only thing I found lacking was the connection between Michiru and the sea, her element. You did an excellent job of showing Haruka's relationship with the wind, using several elaborate and beautiful comparisons. I was expecting more of the same between Michiru and the sea since she is the narrator of the story, but even when she was on a ship out on the water I only found one subtle comment to that effect. The connection showed slightly during Michiru's transformation, but you missed the opportunity when she used her attack and during the drive along the coast. If Haruka is aware of every little breeze (I loved that little scene, by the way), the same should apply to Michiru.
Like some of the other people who have left comments, I feel the ending where Michiru thinks about Usagi is out of place. After the graceful flow of consecutive events, this section breaks up the story into tiny bits of thought, disrupting the spell you had woven around the reader. It seems a bit awkward and superfluous, almost as if you were trying to fill up the rest of the lyrics to the song. I feel it would have been sufficient to end the story at the conclusion of the battle scene. Haruka's statements here, in my opinion, are enough to give closure to the tale.
Overall, I definately enjoyed this story. You have provided an excellent profile of Michiru, and Haruka as well. I loved the way you filled in Michiru's past, and the dream sequences were vivid and enlightening. You've certainly done her justice by giving her the perfect sharp-edged elegance that few writers have been able to achieve.
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