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Reviews on A Little Violence by stormwalker628
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Review by Heavenly Pearl |
2006-06-21
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As a die-hard fan of the Dream Arc/SuperS season, it's great to find a fic taking place during it. This really does seem like it could easily fit into the SuperS anime as a missing episode. I do wish it wasn't quite so simplistic, though. For example, the Amazon Trio have a tendency to set up elaborate plans to get close to their victims before attacking. I realise Tigerseye wasn't exactly thrilled with the mission -- hehe, your Trio plays Rock, Scissors, Paper, too -- but it seemed like a bit of a cop-out just to have him arrive and attack. Even when they're not thrilled with their assignments, the Trio usually aren't so lazy. I think the story might have been a bit more interesting had the target been a young woman to suit Tigerseye's usual taste, or, if you absolutely wanted to keep Ichiro, to send Fisheye instead. Also, while the girls were basically in character, they all seemed to be portrayed superficially. The story was mostly all plot, which is fine, but I would have liked to have seen a bit stronger characterization all around, including with Tigerseye and Ichigo. The humor was good, though.
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Review by Kihin Ranno |
2006-06-19
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Yay SuperS piece with minimal Chibi Usa! :D
Ah-hem. Sorry. Anyway, I also enjoyed this humorous piece. A nice little “lost” scene from SuperS that I think would fit in nicely with the series. I think the characterization of all the girls was spot on. I was going to quibble that I didn’t think it was likely that Minako didn’t get a shot in. I would have expected her to shoot at everything that moves since Minako has a tendency to get… overstimulated, to put it mildly. However, since she was so quick on the draw when Tigers-Eye was around (who was also very much in character by the way – particularly when he blew off pretending to be a customer), I can easily assume that she was probably distracted by a cute guy or something shiny, which would be very Mina.
December and Starsea have covered a lot of what I would critique, but I will add one thing. Some sort of marking between thoughts and the narrative would have made everything flow a bit better. Without the indication, I had to stop and figure out what was going on.
And I did see one typo. “ Makoto barley got back behind...” - I think you meant barely. ^.~
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Review by December |
2006-06-09
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I enjoyed this piece, espeically the humor very present in the beginning. For the most part, it really did read like an episode and that also made it accessable without a lot of additional explaining.
The one area where I was confused was actually in the beginning. At first I thought the first scene happened before the rest of the story, so halfway through I was confused when Ami said she hadn't done paintball before. If there is a way you could make clearer which parts are flashbacks and which are "present happens" (for lack of a better way to put it), that could be helpful.
On a side note, I think you really captured Minako and Ami very well. I think one of the hardest parts of writing fan fiction is to present/capture characters not of your own creation in an authenic way, and I think you did that.
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Review by Starsea |
2006-06-07
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I really like this. You've obviously structured it carefully, and that structure pays off as the reader gradually finds out why Ami and Mako are shooting at each other, how they came to be in this particular situation. You ground the story nicely in the SuperS season and detail the various relationships well. My only quibble would be the detail in which you describe Sailor Moon's attack. It's not really necessary, since we know what the attack looks like. It would have been more interesting to see what the other senshi were doing while she was attacking, such as seeing to Ichiro.
Otherwise, very good.
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