Self-Incineration by ViperInferno

Part IV

Self-Incineration
By Viper Inferno
Part IV
 
... but in that darkness, it had only gotten darker...
 
The day was going well, was I ever thrilled. I had another good day in study group, I had cooked a great lunch for Usagi, probably so she wouldn’t kill herself with her own cooking, and I had cleaned the house in record time. So with the rest of the day to myself, I slouched down on the couch, feeling total relaxation as I let my body rest back into the deeper crevices of the couch and my legs drape lifelessly to the floor. The only thing that would’ve been better was to lie in my bed, where I could really relax my body under the warm protection of my sheets.
 
But the total relaxation had broken within minutes as a rumbling sound seemed to call me by name. Almost instinctively, I swung my arm off the back of the couch and glazed at my wristwatch, 7:13pm. My stomach must’ve wanted me to feed it. And I understood, too. I had accomplished a lot that day, and I deserved to treat myself to the same decent meal I had made for Usagi. So in response to the calling from my stomach, I pushed myself back up from my slouched position in the couch before getting up, simply because getting out of a chair from being slouched was no easy task.
 
Once in the kitchen, I went to the refrigerator where I had put the leftovers from lunch. Not only was it was surprising that Usagi had actually left enough to feed two more people, it was actually rather funny too. But it saved me from having to cook another batch, not that it bothered me any. So I opened the refrigerator and took the casserole out, then placed it on the counter. Broccoli, potatoes, carrots, string beans, cheese, and a breaded crust made up the vegetarian casserole. It was a recipe I had created myself, which was a talent I was quite proud of.
 
Just as I had turned on the oven for preheating, a knock sounded at my door. The summons of a knock was a little unusual since I wasn’t expecting company at this time of day. It could’ve been one of the neighbors either wanting to borrow something, to ask if I had seen their cat, or to sample my cooking. Then again, it was probably just Usagi or Ami wanting something, whether it was my gourmet food or just a little visit. It was a kind of visit in which both were well known for, and a kind of visit I would’ve gladly welcomed.
 
So I approached the door, somewhat curious as to who was behind it. However, something in my gut beseeched me not to answer, for the summons felt more than just a little unusual. Then again, it was probably just me being a little bit nervous at the fact that I wasn’t expecting anyone. And for that, I laughed internally. How could a tough girl like me be nervous about a potential mugger knocking at my door?  Why I would be so apprehensive was beyond me.
 
Having made it to the door, I undid the lock and turned the knob, revealing a lone man wearing a tan coat and tie. My curiosity won out in the end, however my initial thought was right on about it being a little bit unusual, for this man was unfamiliar to me. He wasn’t anyone from school, and he certainly didn’t look like any of my neighbors.  However, there was something very peculiar about him. My first clue to this was the Tokyo Police Department shield he wore on his belt. And it was when he opened his mouth to speak that had proved my gut to be right.
 
“Kino Makoto-san, I am Detective Watanabe with the Tokyo Police Department,” he introduced. After his introduction, he glanced away from me, as if he were hesitant to tell me why he was at my door.
 
“I’m sorry, I’m not very good at this,” he explained, rubbing the bridge of his nose before glancing back at me. Sorrow filled is grayish brown eyes. For what reason, I did not know. Yet my gut was suggesting that it had something to do with me, begging me to the point that it burned.
 
“I’m afraid I have some bad news,” he began explaining, still very hesitant like it pained him to share with me what he had to share, “Your mother and father... they won’t be coming home tonight. There was a plane crash last night at the airport, and your parents were in it.  Your mother... your father... are gone. I’m so sorry.”
 
The burning sensation in my gut had traveled up to my throat.  The pain from it had drawn tears from my eyes as my gut punished me for ignoring its warning. “No...” I gasped as I fell to my knees. This could not be true. It wasn’t true. They died 7 years ago. How could they have died just last night?
 
“NOOO!” I screamed as I threw my face into my hands and wept into them, “Mother... Father... how could you? How could you leave me like this... all alone?” I don’t know why I had just said that. My parents died 7 years ago. Why was I all of a sudden acting like it had happened just yesterday. Somehow, it was like I had no control over what I was doing or what I was saying. It was like watching a horror movie all around me, from my own eyes.
 
“Yes Makoto, you remember this, don’t you?” the detective’s voice echoed in over my sobs. That didn’t sound very sympathetic from someone who was obviously distraught over giving the news as much as I was over receiving it. Sympathetic or not, I was still there, on my knees, crying over the news of the death of my parents I remember having already heard before, especially recently.
 
“You cried just like this when they died,” he continued, “And you cried just the same at their funeral.”
 
“Why? Why did they have to leave me all alone?” I whimpered.
 
“Why did they leave me? Why did they leave me?” the man mocked, this time with a different voice, one I had heard only a few days ago.  “I’ll tell you why they left you, because you’re a coward. You pretend to be somebody else to hide their death, to hide your pain, and to hide your fears.”
 
“Why... why was I not there with them?” I whimpered, apparently oblivious to what he had just said.
 
“Behold... the day that time stood still,” the voice echoed again before an all too familiar laugh filled the entire apartment. It was the same laugh that had chased me in downtown Tokyo a few days ago, from the same voice that haunted me at Rei’s the day before, and the same laugh that tormented me before I electrocuted his ass...
 
 
 
 
 
...And it was the laugh that all of a sudden changed everything in the room around me as I sprung up from by bed. I was desperately gasping for air like I had just surfaced from being submerged underwater. After having caught my breath, I clutched my sheets close to my chest as I glanced about the room, making certain that I really was in my room, and that this nightmare had really come to an end.
 
After reassuring myself that I was indeed in my room, I squeezed my eyes shut as I reflected upon what had just happened. I couldn’t believe it, it was all a dream. But it wasn’t just another dream, rather it was one that had plagued me since the day that daimon bestowed this god-awful vision upon me. But why now, 3 days after the incident in downtown Tokyo which had drawn Usagi’s attention? I didn’t understand this at all. No matter how much I let it out, how much I grieved, no matter who I shared it with, this dream and that cursed daimon kept coming back to torment me. And at that thought, my eyes had squeezed out a single tear and sent it rolling down my right cheek.  Dammit, why?
 
I let myself relax, falling back into my pillow, yet still holding a death grip on the security blanket that was my sheets.  Afterwards, I let out a morbid sigh as a few more tears had made their way down my cheeks. I just wanted to go back to sleep, back to the dreaming world, and hope to God the same dream would not return to further torment me. But before deciding to do so, I opened my eyes and turned my head toward my alarm clock, 2:13am. With the numbers on the clock having made the decision for me, I released the death grip on my sheets and threw them over me, then rolled over away from the alarm clock. And once again, I closed my eyes, this time slipping into sleep.
 
Thank God the terrifying dream did not return that night.
 
 
------------------
 
 
A beam of sunlight had just crept into my room through the curtains, with its dagger of pure light piercing my sleepy eyes and prompting me to open them. Immediately, my sleep-drunken brain concluded that it was morning. But how long did I sleep in was the question. The only thing I had planned was another study session at Rei’s, scheduled at noon. So I rolled onto my back and sat up in bed, stretching my arms as my body had followed behind my brain in waking up. I stretch always felt good in the morning, as it was signal for the rest of the body to awaken from its slumber. After having loosened up after such an eventful sleep, I glanced over at my alarm clock, 9:01am.  I had actually gotten that much sleep? No wonder my body felt so good after that nice, relieving stretch. At least I wouldn’t be late to study session, which we had scheduled for noon probably to accommodate Usagi’s woeful habit of sleeping in.
 
However, that morning didn’t feel like such a good morning.  Though my body wanted to get up and out of bed, my mind still weighed heavy with last nights events. “Time stood still,” were the first words I muttered that morning. Yes, time did stand still. When those words hit me on that day, 7 years ago, I felt like time had stopped. Denial was obviously my first thought, such as, ‘No. Mother, father, you can’t be gone.’ But that denial had quickly died out when I started crying.  Sure it had seemed like they had been gone forever on their trip, but when I first heard those words, they were gone... again. However, it didn’t seem like forever, it was forever. So perhaps time did stand still when they died. And why wouldn’t it have, they were the light of my life, the light that had suddenly burned out when that plane took them from me.
 
But, time marched on, I grew up, and I learned to cope with life on my own. My uncle had always helped pay the bills, yet I still lived in this apartment by myself, and have done so ever since I was 8. Sure, my he checked on me everyday to be certain that I ate, did my homework, brushed my teeth, and all the stuff that good little girls did, but as I got older, my uncle saw little need to check up on me anymore, especially when he first witnessed my superb cooking abilities. “My little Mako-chan is growing up,” he said. I was 12 when he first saw me taking care of the house, cooking a fine gourmet meal, and cleaning the laundry like I was the stereotypical housewife. It was the attitude at home I had begun taking on since I lived in this apartment... alone.
 
But why did last night happen? Why, after the incident with the fire 3 days ago, did I just have another dream of my parents’ death?  And more so, why was that cursed daimon in it? He had never accompanied my parents in my dreams before. And just what the hell did he mean when he said that “time stood still”? Of course it did when they died, but something deep in my heart told me that it meant something more. I had no clue what it could’ve possibly meant, at least not yet.
 
Then, I began thinking about 3 days ago, when I encountered the daimon while witnessing a three-alarm fire. It wasn’t just what the daimon had said, but rather what I was thinking about at the time. And this dream only reminded me of everything he had said. ‘This is your fear, your pain,’ first echoed in my mind. The burning building represented the plane my parents were in as burned away all life aboard before auguring into the ground. The first dream I had of their death was proof that it was my pain, which then became my fear.
 
‘You contradict yourself. You hide your pain and fear with anger and wrath... that trauma became your fear, and all your life you used the wrath of a warrior’s attitude to bury it deep,’ was what had weighed more heavily on my mind 3 days ago, and was brought back by the daimon’s little reminder in my dream. It all was starting to sound true, as that deep-down feeling began uttering to me 3 days ago.
 
But all of a sudden, the ring of a telephone derailed my train of thought. Immediately, I threw the sheets off of me, swung my legs around and off the bed, and marched out of my room and into the kitchen almost as if I were waiting for that phone call. “Moshi Moshi?” I replied after picking up the receiver.
 
“Good morning, Mako-chan,” Ami-chan’s soft, pleasant voice chimed gently into my ear.
 
“Oh, good morning, Ami-chan. How are you?” I naturally asked.
 
“Fine. I was calling to make sure you were awake and not letting Usagi’s bad habit seep into you,” said Ami. Why did she have to call for that? I was perfectly capable of getting myself up on time. There was, however, that day I almost missed study group because of a nightmare, the one that followed the battle with the daimon. It was nothing like last night’s dream. That was the dream that revealed to me exactly what happened, or rather what I have accepted that really happened when my parents died. They seemed so happy to be coming home, coming home to see me. Unfortunately, that never happened, and that thought drew a single tear from my eye and a sigh from my lips.
 
“Mako-chan, are you alright?” Ami asked. I must’ve sighed aloud if that had drawn any concern from her. “You’re unusually quiet this morning,” she observed.
 
“Yeah, I’m alright. I just... got up... that’s all,” I answered, though a little hesitant in coming up with the response, not wanting Ami-chan to know about my little ordeal as well as Usagi.
 
“Oh,” Ami understood.
 
“Besides, it’s after 9 in the morning. You didn’t have to call me this early,” I playfully reprimanded, “I’m not Usagi-chan, you know.”
 
“I understand, Mako-chan. I already called Usagi and reminded her of today’s study group, since she was caught up in her fun at the skating rink last night,” Ami explained, “I figured she would probably be sleeping in.”
 
“Oh come on, Ami-chan, let her sleep in for another hour,” I teased, “She needs her beauty sleep just like I do. Besides, it’s not her fault you can’t skate.” ‘Touché’ I thought to myself, poking fun at why Ami wasn’t with Usagi last night.
 
“Now you stop that,” her melodic voice scolded in a futile attempt to show resentment, “Just make sure you get here, alright? Today we’re going over the physical sciences, a subject I know you could use a little help in. Plus I want to work a little bit more with you today.  So come prepared, okay?”
 
“Of course, I’ll be there,” I replied, jotting down in my brain everything she had said, “I’ll see you then.”
 
“Ja ne, Mako-chan,” said Ami as she hung up the phone. I had two hours before I had to leave for study group. I really felt should’ve slept in. Better yet, I should’ve made sure that nothing could’ve gotten through my curtains and waken me up like it had done earlier.  Still, that would not have stopped Ami-chan from calling me. The house didn’t need cleaning since I had just cleaned it last night. I was satisfied with how the furniture was arranged, even though it had been just over a month since I rearranged them.
 
However, my stomach was practically yelling at me with its thunderous voice. So maybe I should make me a decent breakfast, such as eggs, bacon, and toast. It’s another rather American-style breakfast, one I like just as much as pancakes and French toast. Speaking of pancakes, last night’s dream sort of put me in the mood for them. I don’t know why, but something in my gut told me to feed it pancakes. So my pancakes, fried eggs, and sausage rather than bacon made my menu.  And it was that which I had for breakfast that morning.
 
 
 
Two hours later, as the rest of my story begins...
 
After two hours of doing practically nothing after breakfast, time in which I could not find a better means by which to pass it other than to lie around, the time had come for me to get myself ready for the walk to Rei’s. I didn’t want to get up from being perfectly comfortable lying on the couch, comfortable to the point where I nearly fell asleep. Actually, it wasn’t overly pleasant at first, with thoughts of that dream still fresh on my mind. But then I closed my eyes and focused my inner chi, as my sensei had once taught me as a means to calm emotional energy. My lying on the couch with my eyes closed almost felt as if I were being cuddled by the cloud around me that was my couch, soothing me inside and out.
 
I had no idea how I was able to snap out of it in time to get ready to go to Rei’s with plenty of it to spare. Nevertheless, I sat up on the couch and stretched my arms and legs for the second time that day, warming those muscles of mine up after being so tranquil. From there, I had gotten up and walked into my room, remembering I was still in my pajamas, having never changed since I had gotten up. Deciding what to wear wasn’t difficult since I was only going to Rei’s to study with the others, but I still had to look decently presentable. So I slid into a green sleeveless button-up and a white pair of soft slacks before pulling my hair into its usual high pony tail, holding it in place with my jade green barrettes. My green long sleeve turtleneck would’ve looked better with my slacks, but I had figured it to be too hot outside for my warmer turtleneck.
 
After getting dressed, I grabbed my book bag and threw a few of my textbooks, including my science textbook which Ami would’ve killed me over had I not brought, inside. I then threw it over my shoulder as I made my way out of my room and into the kitchen, grabbing my keys before heading to the front door. Once to the door, I slid into a pair of black flats before finally leaving my apartment, not forgetting to lock the door behind me. Heavens forbid if I had all of a sudden gotten into a hurry, forgotten to lock the door, and one of the more shady neighbors decided to ransack my apartment. But I needn’t worry about it since I still had just over a half-hour to get to Rei’s. It wasn’t that far of a walk between home and the Hikawa Jinja, but it was usually a pleasant walk.
 
Once outside, the sudden heat from the sweltering sun pierced my face, burning it almost on contact. Yet, a much cooler breeze brought instant relief once I had made my way to the parking lot where the wind was free from the obstruction of the apartment building. It was a nice tradeoff, and therefore ideal weather for short sleeves. It was a good thing I didn’t wear the turtleneck I thought would’ve looked better with this outfit, since the long sleeves would’ve trapped the heat and blocked the soothing wind. It made little sense to look good yet end up miserably sweaty. But, the sleeveless button-up looked very decent with this outfit, so I was content in the fashion department.
 
As for the walk itself, I didn’t really care much for it at first since I was in the heavier trafficked section of town that lies between my apartment and the shrine. Numerous people also walked the streets of Tokyo that day, as well as many cars driving those roads. For not even being downtown, it was rather noisy about the streets. So it wasn’t the nice and relaxing walk I had originally thought it would be. Truly, the only things about this whole walk that were any relaxing were the weather and the fact that I took my time whilst walking.
 
But suddenly, a fire burst out from the front of a paint shop almost directly in front of me, consuming the people it touched with its furiously dancing flames. I instinctively turned away, covering my face in my arms in a futile attempt to protect myself from the horror that was taking place before me. The horrifying sounds of people screaming as they burned alive was nothing that even a girl with nerves of steel such as mine could take. I’ve drawn blood from others before in a fight, even sent someone to the emergency room after having them literally cough it up, but watching innocent people’s lives melt away in a fire was unnerving, to say the least, especially since I have witnessed it on a few occasions... a few recent occasions.
 
It immediately reminded me of a recent dream, one that was equally unnerving. In a flash, I saw the inside of an airplane as flames burst into it, burning the screaming people alive, and heard my mother’s frightful summons. But surprisingly, I felt no heat and heard no screaming from the fire that had burst from the paint shop. I uncovered my face and looked behind me, seeing a couple of people giving me puzzled looks. But not only that, I also saw the paint shop burning out of control in a raging inferno. What the hell was wrong with these people? Did they all of a sudden not give a shit that a number of people just burned alive? Did they not see that raging inferno swallowing the paint shop whole?
 
Immediately, I sprung up and ran away as fast as I could, trying my best to put some distance between me and the fire, and me and those freaks who were worried more about me than the fire. But as I turned at an intersection, I stopped dead in my tracks with my eyes widening in reaction to what I had just seen. There in front of me, the whole street was ablaze. I began to tremble in fear as I turned to sprint away, putting forth all my effort into distancing myself from it. But as I ran, the streets filled with a maniacal and horrid laughter. “Yes, run away, Makoto,” a deep voice echoed.
 
Immediately, I quickened my pace, knowing from deep within my mind whose voice that was. Right then, I concluded why those people were giving me their strange looks. It was that damned bastard again, smiting me with these visions of fires, with memories of my parents’ death, and playing Mother’s dying screams in my mind, over and over again. “That is all you ever know how to do?” his voice echoed again.
 
What did he just say? All I ever do is run? That was a lie. Never once in my life did I back down from a fight. All my life, I had nerves of steel. I was the bad ass who all the other students feared, the one from whom the students ran. Kino Makoto never ran away, ever. “Liar!” I screamed as I continued running.
 
But all of a sudden, he appeared out of thin air, directly in front of me. In an effort to keep from running into him, I stopped and turned to run the other way. But he appeared right there as well. I obviously wasn’t going to get away from this bastard. “Beautiful fires, aren’t they? You’ve seen plenty of these recently, haven’t you?” he beckoned. Slowly, I backed away, with my hands still trembling simply from the mere sight of him. What else could he possibly be saying about me? How much more did he know about me? And how the hell was he doing this to me, even in death?
 
“In fact, you tried to run away from these fires many times. Do they remind you of something?” he explained. That last question filled my mind with that first dream of mother and father, burning alive as their plane augured into the ground, and therefore taking the fear I was already feeling and painfully auguring it deeper into my heart.  That was exactly why I kept seeing fires, and why fires kept bringing back these god awful memories, both long past and recent.
 
“You see, all these ‘tough girl’ charades you put on are pointless.  Ever since they died, you tried desperately to prove to the world you could handle it. You tried to prove to the world just how tough of a girl you could be. But in all reality, you’re nothing but a traumatized little coward,” he taunted. At that last insult, I vigorously shook my head in disbelief. “No... you bastard! This IS who I am.”
 
“Is it now?” the daimon questioned, “Or are you just hiding your true self under that pride of yours?”
 
And at that moment, I heard the voice I had heard not only 7 years ago, but also last night. I heard that same voice from Detective “what’s his name” telling me, the lonely little girl, that my parents were dead and not coming home. When I closed my eyes in attempt to shield my mind from these dreadful words, I saw myself back home at the old house where Mother, Father, and I used to live. I saw myself at the front door with the man in the brown suit, the woman in her black business dress, and the long time neighbor and friend of the family as the man in the suit spoke those heartbreaking words. “Damn you...” I cursed at both the daimon and this vision.
 
“This is what made you who you are. You challenged others to hide your trauma. You took on a warrior’s pride to cover that wound. You even covered that so that others would accept you and look at you more as a person rather than who you really are and then what you pretended to be. In all reality, just as you were the day they died, you’re just a loner in the world with no family.”
 
“No... I have my uncle,” I meekly replied, “He takes care of me, he makes certain that I have a roof over my head and food to cook.”
 
“An uncle with whom you do not live,” the daimon rebutted, “You chose not to live with him, trying to prove that you were the tough girl, that you were strong, and that you could handle life on your own.  When your parents died, you were all alone. But you wanted to be tough just so that being alone didn’t hurt so badly. And over time, by trying to be that tough girl, you finally pushed your uncle away.”
 
“No...” I immediately argued, vigorously shaking my head, as a couple of stray tears snuck their way out of their prison where I had desperately tried to keep them locked in, “You liar!” Immediately, I turned away and began to walk away, with no desire to show him my tear-filled eyes and, more so, no desire to endure this torture he’s putting me through. How much he thought he knew about me, and how much of that was true, was his torture.
 
“Yes, run away, Makoto,” the daimon taunted, “Because you know that your uncle didn’t stand your rebellious attitude, your picking fights, and acting all powerful just because you believed you could be strong and, most of all, so you would feel good about yourself.”
 
With that last cutting remark about my uncle, I began running to nowhere in particular just as long as it was away from this bastard. I just wanted this agonizing waking dream to end.
 
“Keep running Makoto,” the daimon continued, ripping further away at my soul and laughing profusely at my suffering, “After all, you’re nothing but a traumatized, lonesome, cowardly little girl with no family. Running away and hiding is all you’ve ever done.”
 
“Shut up, just shut the hell up,” I screamed as I quickened my pace, exerting everything I had into getting the hell away from him. I was exerting myself so much, that I was completely oblivious to the tears from my eyes flying in the wind, accompanied by a few stray weeps escaping my lips every time I exhaled. It wasn’t until I stumbled upon another fire, sparking seemingly from nowhere, that I had felt my heart as it tried desperately to beat its way out of my chest. Immediately, I turned that intersection and kept running, trying to convince my heart to calm its furious rage fed by my fear. But it hammered away at my chest still.
 
I swear, I was running so fast and exerting so much force on my body that I had no clue where I was or where I was going. The adrenaline surging through my veins had clouded my vision, disorienting me. All I knew at that moment was the fact that I was running, and running very fast. But, it wasn’t until I had turned at another intersection that I noticed a familiar looking torii sitting atop a long flight of stony stairs in the distance. Even through my clouded tunnel vision, I was barely able to recognize the features of a Shinto shrine. So I continued running, trying desperately to get there before something else happened. And when I neared it, the Kanji reading “Hikawa Jinja” brought on a feeling of relief that had immediately begun taming the torrential surge of adrenaline.
 
But as I reached the bottom of the temple steps, the deafening roar of the very thing I feared most commanded my body to halt. Not only my hands, but my entire body then began quaking from both the adrenaline rush and the accompanying fear as an airliner passed over my head from behind me, and at a rather low altitude. “Oh...my...god,” I gasped between heavy breaths at what had taken form. What I saw before me was fire, nothing but fire, barreling toward the ground just past the shrine. The fire was so intense that I couldn’t even make out the airliner it once was, and so intense that I felt its scorching heat from where I was standing. And when it ultimately slammed into the street before me, the accompanying explosion prompted me to fly for cover, with so much force that I collided with the temple wall.
 
My body burned all over from the adrenaline-drenched blood rushing through my body. And only the skin kept my heart inside of my chest as it pounded away still. Immediately, I mustered up enough strength to make it to my feet. And with what energy I had left in me, I dashed up the temple steps, coughing and wheezing at almost every breath.  Everything around me except for the temple steps was nothing but a blur. My tears had finally run dry, my throat was in pain from the weeping, and my breathing was much too heavy for me to even cry anymore. I had literally cried throughout that whole run until I cried no more. Before long, the shrine finally made it into my view as I had reached the top of the steps.
 
With relief finally at my grasp, I continued my sprint toward the front door of the living area. Before I knew it, I had slammed into the wall next to the door, much like that done in American football. I had no idea how fast I was running, or how quickly I had gotten from the steps to the shrine. With no energy left in me to even begin explaining such an enigma, I slid my book bag off of my shoulders, hurriedly grasped the door, slid it open, and lumbered inside. I had made it. I had escaped those awful fires. I had escaped that horrifying plane crash. And most of all, that son-of-a-bitch daimon was nowhere to be seen or heard.
 
But my legs felt like jelly, my heart was still pounding away at my chest, I was still breathing very heavily, and I had a tingling sensation throughout my body. However, through my blurry vision, I was able to make out the short blue hair of Ami-chan and the long raven black hair of Rei-chan.
 
“Oh, good morning Mako...” Ami greeted before she noticed the look on my face and the condition I was in, “Oh my god, Mako-chan. Are you all right?”
 
“What the...? You’re so pale,” Rei added as she approached me, with probably the same look of concern on her face as Ami’s.
 
And why wouldn’t they be concerned? A friend coming over to one’s house trying desperately to catch their breath and looking pale as a ghost was absolutely certain to grab their attention. I, however, just wanted to throw my arms around them and surround myself in their love and friendship, to show them that I was going to be fine. And I also wanted them to hold me, to assure me that the ordeal I had experienced was over. But suddenly, their blurry faces disappeared as the rest of the temple around me faded away into darkness. And the last thing I felt at that moment was the impact from my body hitting the hard wooden floor.
 
  
 
------------------
 
 
 
“Mako-chan...” a soft, resonant voice echoed seemingly in my mind.  It was the next thing I remembered hearing. Everything around me was dark, as if I had heard the sound in a dead, black void. For a moment, I thought that my success in reaching the Hikawa Jinja and seeing Ami and Rei’s faces was just another hallucination. If that were so, what was happening now? Was I waking from another dream? No, it wasn’t a dream. I really did leave my home to study with the others at the Hikawa Jinja. I really did come face to face with that daimon, as well as my fears that he continuously and vividly reminded me of. And I sure as hell remember running to get away from him. So no, it was not a dream. It was a waking nightmare. And this soft, beautiful, ambient voice I heard at that moment sounded like that of a friend... a close friend. So I had to have made it all the way to the Hikawa Jinja and seen Ami and Rei through my clouded vision. It all had to have been real. But what happened after that was vague to me.
 
So in this dark and endless void, I lie. But was I lying, standing, sitting, or just suspended? I didn’t know at that moment. I felt absolutely nothing. All that had existed was that soft, resonant voice. It had to have been a dream. It was typical of some of the dreams I have read about in novels. But a warm and sooth feeling touching my hand quickly proved that assumption to be false. Then that warmth began caressing my hand, then engulfing it, and finally cradling it.
 
“Mako-chan...” the ambient voice called to me again. Whose beautiful voice was that? It certainly sounded familiar. However, the warmth cradling my hand overshadowed that question as it gave my hand a gentle squeeze. Instinctively, I squeezed my hand in return. Then, another warm feeling touched my cheek and began caressing it. Whatever this was, it was comforting. So I turned my cheek into it and invited that warmth to continue.
 
“Mako-chan, Mako-chan. Are you alright?” the voice asked me, as if it were responding to my invitation. It was then that the void began to fade away and take form all around me. It was also then that I began to feel more than what was cradling my hand and caressing my cheek. I was definitely lying down. I was lying on something soft, like a bed or a couch.
 
With the void disappearing, various forms appearing all around me, and various sensations coming to me, I began to squirm ever so slightly. “Mmmm...” I moaned as I slowly shook my head, trying to shake away the rest of this void. Then, the warmth on my cheek brushed my chin and cradled my other cheek, slowly turning it toward a particular direction. In response, I finally opened my eyes as the rest of the void had taken form, revealing the answer to the long forgotten question. It was a form that I easily recognized, a pair of trademark odangos.
 
“Usagi-chan,” I whispered, gently squeezing and caressing her hand in my own. I was certainly relieved to have her there. But why was I relieved? What had happened to me was the one question never answered while I was waking. Why was I lying on what I had concluded to be a bed in Rei’s room? But along with that question came another that had suddenly slipped past my lips. “What time is it?” I blurted as I took my free hand and slowly began to push myself up.
 
“Easy, Mako-chan,” Usagi warned, taking her hand from my cheek and placing it on my shoulder, restricting me from sitting up any further, then slowly guiding me back down. “It’s 1:23pm. You were out for quite a while. You had us worried,” she replied.
 
That response sent an electric-like shock throughout my body as I suddenly remembered what was supposed to have taken place at noon. “Oh my god...I’m late,” I grunted, “I’m really late. Where are the others?”
 
“Ami-chan, Rei-chan, and Minako-chan are in the living room studying,” Usagi replied.
 
“Why are you not with them? You’re the one who needs it more than the others,” I asked, poking fun at Usagi’s dire need for studies and her difficulty in lengthening her concentration span, at which she scowled in response. But her concern for me killed her disgusted look in almost an instant as she then smirked at me, “Well, at least your sense of humor’s returned.”
 
With that worry fresh on my mind, one other still remained. What the hell had just happened? I had a feeling Usagi was going to tell me without me even asking.
 
“Are you okay? How do you feel?” Usagi asked, giving my hand another gentle squeeze.
 
I sighed in response to her question as I relaxed my body and let it sink deeper into Rei’s bed. “To be honest, I feel like shit,” I replied. With that response, Usagi took her palm from my shoulder and placed it on my cheek like she was feeling for some sort of temperature. She sat silently for what seemed like minutes before she slowly brushed my face with the backs of her fingers, at which I closed my eyes and dwelled on that gentle feeling. Then, she delicately rested her palm on my forehead as if it were made of fine china. I certainly remembered this. Usagi had done this just a few days ago after a hallucination had scared me to the point that nearly was sick. In addition, she also wore that same look of concern she was wearing then.  All this had created a sense of déjà vu.
 
“Well, I would ‘feel like shit’ too if I had a temperature like yours,” Usagi commented, “Ami-chan told me what had happened. She said you came in, didn’t even take your shoes off at the door, were breathing very heavily like you had just run the Tokyo Marathon, and were nearly as white as a ghost. And then you collapsed on the floor, completely unconscious.”
 
So I passed out from that run? That was unusual, considering I was so athletic. And I knew Usagi was going to explain to me how that could’ve been possible. I knew her too well. Then again, I remembered why I was running so hard and so fast in the first place. I suddenly understood why such a short run would’ve literally taken everything out of me.
 
“Ami-chan also said that you looked like you ran over here from your apartment, and probably very fast too, like you were running late.  She found that rather strange because she said you came in pretty early,” Usagi continued.
 
“Well... I thought I was running late,” I lied, covering up the episode with the daimon. I certainly didn’t want Usagi knowing that I had just started seeing that daimon again and having these god awful plane crash visions. That would’ve left her baffled as to how and why.  Worse than that, it would’ve had her worrying even more about how to help make things better to the point of doubting herself.
 
“You’re such a liar, Mako-chan. You know better than to be running when you’re sick,” Usagi scolded, “No wonder you thought you were late.  Running a temperature like that would cloud anyone’s mind, mine too.”
 
“Come on, Usagi-chan, when is your mind not clouded?” I teased, giving her a little smirk. With too much of her energy devoted to comforting me, she only glowered at me rather than giving me a whap on the arm. “Besides,” I continued, “Why aren’t you studying with them?”
 
“Because we were worried about you,” Usagi replied before firmly squeezing my hand as emphasis, “I was worried about you. You fell unconscious after you arrived here. You’re too strong and too athletic to pass out from such a run. We had no idea what was wrong, or even why you ran all the way over here when you were early.”
 
I turned my eyes away from her in response to her last comments.  ‘Strong... right,’ I thought to myself, ‘I’m not that strong. A person as strong as I’m supposed to be wouldn’t have fallen so easily to nightmares, both sleeping and waking.’ I silently sighed at that thought before turning back to Usagi, who wore another look of worry on her face.
 
“I just... wanted to make sure you were going to be all right. And I’m glad you are all right,” said Usagi, “Is there anything I can get you? Some water, maybe?”
 
“Yeah... sure,” I replied indifferently.
 
Usagi then let go of my hand, taking that warm and soothing sensation with her, and then stood up. But as she was about to walk out of the room, something struck my mind like a bolt of lightning. “Oh, Usagi-chan? Would you bring my books too, please?”
 
Usagi stopped at the threshold of the door and turned her head back to me, smiling at me, “Yes, I can bring them to you. You and I can study together for a little bit, just you and me. But you’re going to need some rest. I’ll see if we can let you rest here for a while after studies before we take you back home.”
 
I smiled at Usagi’s kind proposition as it renewed the warmth in my body and heart, “Thank you, Usagi-chan. That’s very sweet of you.”
 
“Anytime, Mako-chan. Anything for a friend,” said Usagi before she turned and walked out of the room.
 
 
 
Hours later...
 
Our rather short study session lasted for only 45 minutes. It was so short that the other girls had not yet finished with their studies.  Considering the circumstances, though, my experience of it had been pretty nice. But like Usagi had said, I needed some rest. So I had willingly laid back and silently shut my eyes as I slipped into sleep.
 
I did not know how long after I had fallen asleep that Minako-chan and Ami-chan stayed over. I did know that when I had finally awakened, it was late in the afternoon and Rei was the only one left at the temple.  However, I didn’t really care what time it was anymore. The study session didn’t go nearly as well as I had wanted it to go, all because of that bastard constantly taunting me with the things he thought he knew about me and the things I feared worst. Never once have I run so fast and as hard in my life as I had just done earlier that day. It had literally taken everything I had to make that run. So it was no wonder that everyone thought I was sick after running here. Usagi was right, I did need some rest. And since I had gotten a bad night’s sleep from that tragic nightmare, that rest was sort of like make up time for what I had missed. I certainly felt much better after waking up, at least physically.
 
Since the run, my mind had plenty of time especially while I was sleeping to recollect the earlier events. And now that I had awakened, those thoughts weighed heavily on my mind. I still felt the heat from the god awful fires. My ears still rang from the sound of that jet careening toward the ground in front of me. But most of all, the daimon’s piercing words remained fresh on my mind like they were in writing. Of everything he had said to me, what dwelled in my mind most was his suggestion of me hiding my pain, fear, and loneliness beneath the mask of both coping with living by myself and the pride I had taken in it. I knew that wasn’t true because I have been living by myself for 7 years, with much success. Even at such a young age, I was strong enough, smart enough, and most of all willing enough to manage my life like an adult. But what was beckoning me was the fact that I really did acquire this pride and attitude only after Mother and Father had died. The daimon was right when he suggested that.  However, were his reasons just adding insult to torment, or were they revealing something more about me hidden deep inside? That was the question that stayed on my mind throughout the entire bus ride.
 
Rei had decided that a bus ride home was the best way for me to get home in the sick condition she thought I was in. Though I wasn’t all that sick physically, with the exception of the blackout I had suffered earlier, I didn’t complain about taking the bus back home from the shrine. After the ordeal I had suffered through during the morning’s walk, I wasn’t in any mood to go through it again. Who could blame me?  It was not a prolonged ride home, nor was it merely a short jaunt. It was just a regular bus ride that had given me the relief that Usagi said I really needed.
 
Nevertheless, I made it home just as the sun kissed the horizon.  With the end of the day nearing, as I walked into the apartment building, I decided that I was going to cook myself a fine meal. It was what my body needed after having endured such hardship. So when I walked into the elevator and pressed the button for my floor, I began thinking about what exactly I was in the mood for. But was I really in the mood to cook? With my body having taken the beating that it did, my body said no. Yet, cooking always made me feel good, especially about myself. Every fine meal I made was an ccomplishment, whether I had cooked for me or for my friends. So then came the decision: to cook, or not to cook?
 
As tempting as it was to satisfy myself with a freshly prepared meal, my body won out when a slight dizzy spell came over me just before the elevator arrived at my floor. The apparent weakness in my body killed that desire in a flash. Besides, I had plenty of well-made leftovers, which made the decision a little bit easier to make. But as I walked off of the elevator, the effects of that little dizzy spell still lingered about as my head felt a little bit lighter than usual. It may have been an aftereffect of the ordeal I had undergone earlier, but somehow it wasn’t. It was like something within me was trying to grab my attention, like some kind of gut intuition was warning me about something. I leaned against a wall, closed my eyes, and took a deep breath as I tried to decipher its meaning.
 
After a moment, the light-headed sensation went away without a trace. Dissatisfied with my attempt to find its meaning, I merely sighed and continued my walk to my apartment. I must’ve been thinking into it too much. Perhaps it was just an aftereffect, or just plain exhaustion. I had quickly dismissed the previous thought when I finally arrived at my apartment. Again, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before I slid my key in the lock and opened the door. Once I was inside, I quickly slid out of my flats and shut the door behind me.
 
Finally, after suffering one of the worst ordeals that I have ever faced in my life, I was back in the comfort of my own home. All that lied ahead of me then was some leftovers of a gourmet meal I had made a couple of days before. After that, all that I had planned was a date with my bed. Although I had spent quite a bit of time in Rei’s warm, soft bed, nothing could’ve beaten the embrace of the soft, soothing sheets of my own bed. It was all I wanted after having suffered through hell.
 
So I went in to the kitchen and grabbed some leftover vegetables and meatloaf from yesterday. It was one of my best masterpieces and was often something I savored over days, when I wasn’t sharing it with my friends. So meatloaf was my obvious decision for dinner. Besides, it and the vegetables were all I had left over, not that I was complaining. I wasn’t going to eat cold leftovers, so I decided to reheat them. The meatloaf had to be reheated in the oven, but for only a short time. So I first set the oven to a suitable temperature for reheating. I can reheat the vegetables, however, over the stove very easily. Plus, it wouldn’t take long to reheat, so I could take my time while the oven was heating.
 
But I needed food now. So I decided to grab a pot from the cupboard and turn the burner on to heat the vegetables. Ever so carefully, I stooped down to where my eyes were level with the stove and turned the knob. And right as the igniter made its ticking sound, the entire apartment flashed all around me. It was so sudden and so catastrophic that it nearly made me jump out of my skin. Something wasn’t right. I couldn’t explain it at first, except that the flame was so intense, that must’ve lit up the entire apartment like the flash from a camera. What had made my bad feelings worse was the woozy feeling that immediately came over me, much like the one I had earlier. It was like my whole body had gone faint along with that flash. My arms went numb, my legs trembled under the weight of my body, and my body tingled and burned all over. This wasn’t just like what I had felt earlier at all; it was worse. What in God’s name was wrong with me?
 
When I stood up to try and shake the feeling off, my eyes sprung wide open as I completely froze in place at the sight all around me.  Intense flames had absolutely engulfed my apartment. My living room, the hallway, and even the kitchen around me had burst into flames. How the hell did this happen, and so suddenly? Certainly my stove didn’t do this.  If it was a gas leak, then I would’ve already been dead from the explosion. There was no explanation for it. As I stood frozen in place, my hands began trembling. I thought about nothing, except that I was already dead. At least... if I wasn’t dead already, then I was certainly going to die. And because of that, I wanted desperately to get out of there. But my body was too tense and wouldn’t obey my mind’s commands. I couldn’t get out; I was terrified.
 
Then suddenly, screams began to accompany the blaze, sending even more chills down my spine. Was it my neighbors screaming for me? Or was it me out of pure terror? My mind was so clouded from the frightening site around me that I couldn’t make the screams out. For all I knew, I was the one screaming for help without even realizing it. What was happening? What were the screams? How did my apartment all of a sudden erupt in flames? All of these questions, all easily pushed aside by the sight of my burning home. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t even move. I was too frightened to do either. All I could do was watch and quiver in fear as the flames burned fiercely and the screams cried horribly.
 
If the screams weren’t enough, amongst them was the sound of laughing from a mere individual tearing deeper into my soul. It’s like whoever had set fire to my apartment was laughing at his work. Or was he laughing at my misery? As the terrified screams and the horrid laughter beckoned me, I squeezed my eyes shut in a futile attempt to block them out. It wasn’t just the screams I couldn’t block out, but more so it was the fire that was slowly and painstakingly consuming my apartment.
 
With my burning apartment once again dominating my mind, I opened my eyes and pivoted around with every list bit of will I had left in me, as if to try and run away. But once I had spun around, the walls and cabinets that were supposed to be behind me were not there. Instead, what I saw before me was nothing but a narrow passageway. Though it was very confining, not much wider than my hallway, it provided an escape from the raging inferno behind me. So with fear fueling my will, I began to run as fast as my legs could carry me. But it was like trying to run through water as my escape was strenuous and torturing, like everything around me was happening in slow motion.
 
Then once again, the screams dominated and the single laugh taunted me. But this time, they sounded like they had followed me, creeping up almost right behind me. So I turned around, hoping it was my screaming neighbors coming to my aid, only to find my apartment had completely vanished. I was gazing down the same narrow corridor, watching in awe at the sight of a raging inferno as it had completely enveloped everything that was behind me. Then, I had an epiphany. This sight was so awfully familiar, that I suddenly realized what was happening, and it made me only tremble even more. This was exactly what I had seen just days before, and even the night before. Upon that realization, square windows formed in a row all the way up and down the corridor.
 
“Oh my god...,” I gasped.
 
All I did at that moment was stand there in awe, trembling. Once again, my body completely petrified at what was happening. This was that first dream that I had after defeating the last daimon at the airport. I remembered being in an airplane suddenly engulfed in flames and witnessing people screaming as they burned alive trying to escape it.  And the screams that had suddenly hit me at that moment brought back those feelings I had when I had first dreamt this.
 
“Mako-chan!!!” a woman’s voice screamed to me. Instinctively, I turned toward the summons, only to witness yet another horrifying sight.  There sitting in a pair of seats were my parents, cuddled together and screaming with the same terror as the rest of the people. My eyes sprung open so wide that they hurt, my heart pounded at my chest, and the blood in my veins burned as I gazed upon my mother’s terror-filled eyes. And in a flash, the inferno swallowed them whole. I could not bear to watch. All I could do at that moment was squeeze my eyes shut so I would not have to see any more of it. But Mother’s screams still echoed in my head. She was screaming my name. She was calling to me. I was the last person on her mind, the last word spoken before she burned alive. Without even realizing it, even through my tightly shut eyes, the tears had already squeezed their way out.
 
This was worse than the dream. The dream may have been so vivid that it was like I was really there, on that plane, watching in horror as the plane exploded inside, but watching my parents burn alive right before my very eyes was beyond anything I have ever seen and felt. Then, I realized that I had fallen to my knees, still petrified yet trembling quite noticeably, with tears cascading through my barricaded eyes. I even let out a few sobs before that lone laugh began to overcome my mother’s dying words. This time, I knew for damned certain that the laugh was directed at me.
 
“Remind you of something, Makoto?? the lone voice echoed. Yes it did. It reminded me not only of the nightmare I had days ago, but furthermore the words of the police detective that had ripped away at my soul 7 years ago. Whoever’s voice that was knew damn well what it reminded me of. The tone in his voice literally had given it away. I realized that he was the one who had set my apartment ablaze, who laughed at it, who put me on that plane, and who laughed as I fell to my knees crying. Why? Why, you sadistic son-of-a-bitch?
 
“Mako-chan!!!” my mother’s voice screamed again, drawing a few more sobs from me. She was in so happy with father, and so happy to be coming home to see me, only to end up in so much pain. That was what was tearing away at my soul.
 
“Can’t even bear to hear your mother’s dying words, can you,” the voice taunted. Then suddenly, all the screams, including Mother’s, silenced. My body then began to relax, relieved from the horrifying sounds of the dying people. With the trembling having settled a little, I opened my eyes to see the fire still burning. But this time it wasn’t the plane burning, but my apartment. I was back in my apartment. However, the flames were much more serene like those in a fireplace than the raging inferno that had overtaken my apartment so suddenly. Nevertheless, my heart still pounded at that awe-inspiring site. But the one thing had drawn my attention more than my burning apartment was that voice of whom I had concluded to be behind it all. My body tensed up as I quickly turned my head back, with my eyes meeting those of the very same bastard I’ve been seeing over and over, as recently as earlier today.
 
Damn this son-of-a-bitch. How could he do this to me? How the hell could he show me such a gut-wrenching site as my own mother screaming my name as she burned alive? “How could you?” I gasped.
 
“This is who you are. This is what happened on that day. This was the day that shaped the very person you are, and the very person you pretend to be. You remember seeing it, don’t you?” the daimon replied.  “Didn’t you just have this dream not long ago? And didn’t it revisit you the next day?”
 
I didn’t even answer. It couldn’t have been him. He couldn’t have been the one that made me dream that horrible dream. I didn’t see him again until afterwards. There was no way in hell it could’ve possibly been him who gave me that dream.
 
“You must have a really good idea what really happened to them.  Quite the psychic, aren’t you?” the daimon beckoned, as mother’s dying scream once again echoed through my apartment.
 
“Damn you,” I gasped at Mother’s screams, with yet more tears streaming down my cheeks, “Why? Why are you doing this to me?”
 
“Because, I know this about you too. Since you have such a good idea of what happened that day, I too know all about this day, the day that time stood still. Need I show it to you again?” the daimon replied.
 
And before I had a chance to vigorously decline, the apartment flashed all around me. And before I knew it, I was back inside the plane.  This time, it was making a rather rapid descent before the people began screaming in terror. Immediately, I tensed up again and covered my face, my legs unable to move from the sheer terror surging through my veins. It was happening once again. I was inside of a plane as it was falling out of the sky, ready to kill everyone on board.
 
“Since your parents died, you hated airplanes. You feared them to the point you would not even step onto one without crying like the little coward that you are,” the daimon explained, “All your life you try to hide this horrible event. You tried to hide the fear that it had brought on. You try to be tough so you would never have to think about this moment. What kind of a tough girl falls completely apart when she is reminded of it? Why do you fall apart? It’s because you don’t want to see it. It’s because you’re not who you try to be.”
 
Then suddenly, the plane was on fire, and people were screaming.  And one voice stood out amongst them. “Mako-chan!!!” Damn it, damn it to hell. I couldn’t get her screams out of my head. And this bastard certainly wasn’t helping. Listening to her screaming my name as she died was beyond horrifying. It was like experiencing the day she and Father died all over again. The same pain dominated me, the same fear had overcome me, and most of all the same feeling of being left all alone beckoned me, leaving me empty inside.
 
“All that pride you have, the pride in your so-called ‘strength’, the pride in your housekeeping, the pride in your athleticism, and the pride in your skills as a chef, all count for nothing,” the daimon continued as Mother’s screams continued to echo, “Is that proof enough to you that it’s nothing but a mask you wear, day by day?”
 
I was trembling and crying too much to even muster up a curse, let alone any other kind of response. I only sat there, curled up and weeping into my arms, completely defenseless as his words ripped away at my soul. This was hell, pure hell. Every time I had seen that daimon, it was either outside, at a friend’s house, or in my recent dream. Now, this bastard was here, in my home, tormenting me with these visions of plane crashes, fires, and Mother’s dying screams. All that ever did happen at home were the same nightmares of my parents’ death, and of the very words that had forever changed my life. Now the nightmare was here, in the waking world. And this sadistic bastard was here, in my home, bestowing this nightmare upon me. I could no longer escape it, for it was here to stay, making life as I know it hell on Earth.
 
Yet, the plane was still plunging toward the ground, completely overtaken by the raging inferno. “You live a lie Makoto. You’re life is a lie. Your pride is a lie. Your love is a lie. The only thing true about you...” the daimon explained as the plane continued to plunge toward its demise, “... is that you’re nothing but a frightened, lonely, empty little girl.” Those words, along with the plummeting airplane, made me cower even more. And it was with those final, stabbing words that the plane finally exploded as it augured into the ground.
 
 
 
 
 
There was silence, nothing else. The screaming had stopped, the daimon seemed to have left, and plane was gone after having crashed. I didn’t know where I was, nor did I really care. All that I knew is I was sitting on solid ground, curled up tightly, and trembling from such an awful experience, with my face buried in my arms. I was once again crying. I was so scared that it was all I could do. I have never been so afraid in my life. My worst fear of all was here, all around me. Since that daimon first showed me that fear, I was constantly being reminded of it. Nightmares, hallucinations, flashbacks, and that damned daimon always dominated my mind, making their unwelcome visits without notice. And every time they did, they left me weakened from that fear, if not completely defeated by it. That was how I felt right there and then, defeated.
 
It wasn’t until quite a while later when I had finally calmed down enough to where I could glance up from my arms at what was around me. I was back in my apartment in the corner of my kitchen. This time, everything was quiet, calm, and tranquil. The fires were gone, leaving my apartment completely unscarred. The screams were gone, as if they never existed. Everything was as left exactly as it was.
 
It was over. What had to have been the most horrifying experience of my life was finally over. Relieved, I took in a deep breath and let out a sigh. Then, with what little strength I had left in me, I took my hand and brushed it across my eyes, as if to wipe them clean of my tears.  But all I felt was my dampened skin and dry eyelashes. For the second time that day, I had cried until I could cry no more. And that was what had made that little bit of relief short-lived. Other than that single motion, I was too terrified and too weak to even move from this corner.
 
“Damn,” I swore to myself, with my voice barely above a whisper, before I let my head drop back into my crossed arms. With that god-awful experience finally over, all that remained on my mind were the daimon’s striking words. Once again, he suggested that this weak, lonely, scared little girl cowered in the corner was who I really was. He implied that my pride, my cooking, my housekeeping, and my tough girl attitude were all but a mask I wore to cover that alleged truth about me.
 
“My life is a lie,” I barely whispered to no one in particular, repeating what the daimon had said. How was my life a lie? I’ve always wanted to prove to the world, and especially to my parents after they died, that I was strong enough to take care of myself. I always loved helping Mother around the house, especially with the cooking and baking.  I started my martial arts classes when I was 7. Those attributes alone could not have been lies.
 
However, I started getting into more fights only a year after my parents died. I then took cooking and house cleaning more seriously at around the end of elementary school, which was also the time my Uncle saw no need to check on me anymore. The only other time he had intervened in my life was the time I transferred to Juuban Junior High after putting a student in the emergency room. I had gotten the reputation as the big girl, the tough girl, the athlete, and even the tomboy. Girls weren’t supposed to be fighting. Girls weren’t supposed to be athletic. Girls were supposed to be little homemakers. Girls were supposed to be chefs.  Girls were supposed to gossip about their sempai. In the eyes of others, I was none of the above. So I began taking the things that good little girls were supposed to do more seriously. Still, my cooking and housecleaning couldn’t have been lies either. I have always done them and have always enjoyed them. Therefore my pride couldn’t have been a lie either.
 
Yet, something in my gut ached, suggesting that there was more to all this than I was thinking. Maybe I wasn’t looking at the whole picture. Maybe I had convinced myself otherwise all these years. Maybe I was lying to myself. One thing was for certain, I was lonely like I was 7 years go when I received the news. Everything I had felt then was what I was feeling right there in the corner of my kitchen.
 
“Mother... Father...”
 
Those were the last words I barely gasped. After that, I remembered nothing else from that night.

The next day was no better...

end of part IV

------------------

Disclaimer: As usual, Sailor Moon and most of the characters ain't mine, but belong to Naoko Takeuchi. And God bless that woman for creating such great entertainment for all of us with a lot of free time on our hands to enjoy. The English dub belongs to DiC Entertainment and Cloverway, and I only thank them for bringing' it to America, nothin' more. But Russell Hino/Hino Kyodai, Tuxedo Inferno, Titanius, and Deanna Kokorono/Kokorono Meijin are MINE (in a growling voice). So, please don't sue me. I'm just a lonely man who ain't got anythang but his pride. Well, y'all enjoy this fanfic and e-mail me.

Have fun Sailor Moon fans,
Viper Inferno
(Y2V)
 

Back to Summary Page