Oh Little Girl
Time, like an anxious cat, grew ever more restless, as did a reluctant young mother, with everything racing past her at a frightening pace. She found it increasingly difficult to cope with her inner pain: the incessant grief, the unrelenting guilt. But the worst of it was the knowledge that every time her baby daughter had her fill at her breast, the infant would cry as a teary Serenity handed the child back to her de facto mother, Diana.
As the weeks and months passed, she found it less difficult to deal with the daily separations, seeking other distractions.
~*~
She had to admit, since the little one was weaned off her breast milk, she missed the intimate contact with her child during that time. She would sit afterwards in the garden alone denying her deeper feelings for her baby, while every so often bringing the soft pink blanket with its adorable bunny motifs to her nostrils and inhaling the scent of the one she loved most in this world but could not afford to let in.
Sleep came in fits and starts during the first months of her sojourn into motherhood. Diana was a great help. She had one day suggested Sere use the Ginzuishou to heal her heart and mind but would have none of it. If she gave in to this audacious act, there would be less power, she reasoned, to protect the Crystal Kingdom and that was her last word on the subject.
She had changed in so many ways. Her soldiers were used to her mood swings and fits of rage over the slightest thing whilst she was still feeding her daughter, and had to the relief of all concerned, taken on a rigorous training regime to work off her fury and sadness. Artemis had first suggested it, but there were times he would confess to Luna in private, that he almost wished he hadn't. But it helped. Not at first, but eventually, as her body and spirit adjusted, she did become more vibrant, albeit driven to transform herself and the Sailor Soldiers into a slick and unbeatable fighting machine that could take on all comers and win.
She insisted on training with the Senshi at every opportunity. She dressed as a Sailor Soldier and though not possessing the skills she had as a single woman, she more than made up for it with the silver blade, agility in marshal arts and other forms of hand-to-hand combat. She had gone so far as to use the Crystal Kingdom's generals training camp to skill up the Senshi in the use of high-tech weaponry developed by the Crystal alliance’s provinces across the world. She drove herself and everyone else to the brink of meltdown.
Lord Pyrite, one of her generals was at her side daily. Smitten with the young queen as he was, he knew his place. She was beautiful. Her pink and silver uniform becoming, offering the freedom of movement she sought. She smiled up at him as he brought the swords into the courtyard.
His almost translucent golden hair fell to the small of his back. He wore it tied in a ponytail whilst engaging in battle drills.
"Milady, are we ready for our sparring session this fine day," he inquired with exaggerated aplomb.
"Yes, noble sir, shall we dance…with steel and silver instead of courtly manners and finery?" she chuckled, offering his a wink that he reciprocated with a grin.
"Oh, please…great lady, yes," he chortled, and the fight was on.
Meanwhile, Palla and Vesta were arm wrestling. Stress clearly visible on their faces as elbow-to-elbow they struggled onward upon the bench top as part of a wager to prove which of them was the stronger of the two, a battle Vesta would easily win. With a sigh, the two Senshi swung their legs over the seat, leaning upon their knees. Like adoring tennis fans, the girls watched fascinated as the two warriors -- one a powerful young queen and the other a dashing general -- fought it out under the Crystal Tokyo sun.
"Do you suppose he might beat her this time?"
"Are you kidding, I seriously doubt it, look at the muscles in those legs, the arms and the way she practically pirouettes to meet his blade," Vesta said, her eyes never leaving the combatants for a single second.
Then a huge cloud of dust flew into the air and Pyrite had the Queen down on her back. "I do believe I have the advantage, do I not."
"We shall see, " she said, challengingly. Her hand, its movement imperceptible as she threw a handful of dust in his eyes.
He jumped to his feet, outraged at her use of dirty tactics. "You -- I ought to," he began before a roll of thunderous laughter surged up from deep within.
She grinned. Posing like a shy schoolgirl, running the finger of her right hand along the flat of the blade in a seductive fashion, doodling with her boot in the dust. He shrugged and laughed with gusto before picking up his sword. Then it was on once more. They moved about in a figure-eight pattern, demonstrating every skill known within the art of swordplay. Eventually, after much primal cries, grunts and clash of steel and bodies, they called an end to mock hostilities.
Pyrite bowed, and Sere, for her part, performed an almost ridiculous curtsey. But she made it look graceful despite her short skirt and state of disarray. They agreed it was indeed a good solid twenty-minute workout. Pulling off their bandanas, they placed their weapons in the rack. Dusty, sweaty and disheveled, both wearing sheepish grins, all the while exchanging wisecracks-- they returned to the table to join their comrades .
Then Ceres appeared like a heroine , placing a foamy jug of beer upon the table. Palla, shortly thereafter, set down a platter of tankards. They drank and joked happily for an hour before showering and preparing for the evening meal. This was a good day, Serenity thought. Living her life this way, she had compensated for her lack of skill as a Sailor soldier, no longer able to be Sailor Moon, but a warrior queen. As much as it pushed the palace to its limits, everyone had to concede, she had made Crystal Tokyo stronger for it. But was she as strong on the inside?
~*~
Diana smiled with pride at the baby girl as she sat up all by herself for the first time. Diana cheered and followed the little one when she started to crawl, and later, walk.
They laughed and cried, played and learned together. When Serenity Dawn fell over on one of her little adventures in the palace nursery, and got hurt, Diana was the first there on the scene to take the child's pain away.
They loved each other like mother and child. But when Chibi-Chibi called Diana, ‘Ma-ma' she corrected the little girl, aware of the fact that if Serenity didn't take care of Chibi-Chibi, she would assume that role as her Nana and have Chibi-Chibi refer to her birth mother as her Ma-ma. She was satisfied with that.
Chibi-Chibi was well loved and cared for. She was never left alone or wanting for anything. But somewhere inside her little heart was a void in need of sustenance.
She was determined to have her true mother's love from the moment she learned of her existence. It wasn't that she didn't want Diana's love, she would never consider foregoing that, because if she lost Diana, she lost everything. Serenity Dawn only wanted to know her mother really did love her. But her mother was so far away, so out of reach.
~*~
Adults would likely not remember, but the canyons of a little girl's dreams can be a very frightening place, and for Chibi-Chibi, this was no exception. This night, she found herself on all fours, trying to make her way along a long corridor. She could barely move. She could hear her mother crying, moaning as if she were in pain, the sound seemed to flow from the dark amethyst walls all around her as if breathing. It frightened her. She knew she had to keep crawling, that was all she knew.
Suddenly, a beautiful silvery light would appear, and a loving voice would call out to her. She found strength in the voice, and saw the beautiful lady. Chibi-Chibi knew it was not her mother, but she was safe, warm and nothing could harm her so long as the pretty lady was smiling upon her. The lady glided towards her and picked her up in her arms, her silvery hair almost kissing the smooth surface of the large causeway.
"Hello little darling, I am your great grand mama, Queen Serenity of the Moon Kingdom. I love you very much and am very proud of you, little flower. You are very special. I will be here always to protect and advise you. Be not afraid. Your mama loves you very much. But she has a long journey to make and it will take all your courage and love to keep her in your heart. I know you might not understand it all just yet, but in time it will become clear."
Then the pretty lady faded away, and Chibi-Chibi found herself alone once again. She stood up and walked to where she thought she last saw the silver lady. But at that moment, a strange laughter echoed throughout the chamber and the warmth of the light was gone, replaced by a dark-red hue.
It was then she saw a figure. Another lady. But this time wearing a black dress like her aunts, Vesta, Ceres, Palla and Juno. But this pink-haired lady also wore knee-high boots and her eyes were black. Chibi-Chibi was frightened.
"Little princess, love is a lie. It makes you weak, little girl. Only fools love their mommy and daddy. I know. I am here, all alone because my mommy and daddy don't love me! They don't love you. You are better off here with me!"
Chibi-Chibi began to cry. She didn't understand why the lady was so angry. But she understood her tone. The lady then pulled out a long black shining crystal and kissed it, stroked it and smiled an evil smile, "Let this dark crystal be your new mommy…come to mommy! " she laughed, her tone menacing as she extended the melanic stone towards little Serenity Dawn. The little girl screamed and woke crying.
"Hush, little princess. It’s all right. It's only a dream, " Diana whispered in a loving tone. She looked upon the teary face of the sleepy little girl, lifted her up, and rocked her before walking onto the balcony and sitting on the seat outside the nursery, she soothed and cooed to little Serenity Dawn until the child fell asleep once again.
Diana sung her a Mauan lullaby, taught to her by her parents, Luna and Artemis. Feeling a little tired herself, she kissed the little crescent on the child’s forehead having re-appeared after such dreams. She bade the tiny girl, goodnight, "Sleep well, little one, the Kamis know you are going to need it."
One year later
"Princess Serenity Dawn...! Come here, this moment, now!"
Chibi-Chibi heard the sound of the familiar, yet chastising tone of Diana as it flew down the huge corridor towards her like a wave.
~ Uh, Oh, I am in trouble now… Nana never calls me by my full name… unless I am in big trouble. ~
Three-year-old Chibi-Chibi dragged her feet as she walked down the hall, hoping to avoid the punishment a little longer if she could manage it.
~ I shouldn't have listened to Paris. It's entirely his fault… Maybe if it looked a little prettier, Nana wouldn't be so angry. I had better apologize. ~
She finally made her way to the nursery and peeked inside oh so carefully. Seeing Diana's angry face, she cringed inside; she didn't like making her Nana mad. Chibi-Chibi took a deep breath and ran towards Diana – almost sprinted. Then Chibi-Chibi hopped into Diana's arms and her de facto mother held the little girl fast and could not help but smile, though she was especially careful not to play her hand and allow the little munchkin to see it as Serenity grabbed hold of Diana's leg as if her life depended on it.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, and I'm so, so, so…"
Diana cut off Chibi-Chibi’s exaggerated speech while attempting to pry the adorable little princess off her leg. But at the sight of little Chibi-Chibi in tears, immediately, her heart softened. Sighing resignedly, she squatted on her haunches and was eye-to-eye with the little girl. Wiping away her tears, kissing her nose and brushing her pink locks out of her eyes. "Serenity Dawn, tell me please, what have you done," she asked, finding herself losing the battle to maintain her stoic mask.
"Paris said I could decorate the room…" Chibi-Chibi sniffled.
Diana thought carefully about her answer before approaching this delicate subject. Diana knew Chibi-Chibi loved to draw, and was very good at it. Only her hands were so tiny, it proved difficult for her to handle large tools like a paintbrush as was the case in this situation, for Chibi-Chibi had painted one of the walls in the nursery. As she looked at the wall, she could see that some of the colorful strips of wet paint had begun to run into one another. Diana wondered why Paris would put Chibi-Chibi up to do something like that. He must have played upon Chibi-Chibi's naivety and her need to belong. She would never dream of questioning the older child's instructions.
~I must talk to Palla about this…,~ Diana made a mental note to herself.
"Serenity Dawn, what have we talked about in the past concerning tools for drawing and painting?" Diana questioned.
"Um… use crayon and color pencil and brushes on paper?"
Chibi-Chibi wondered where the conversation was going, hoping Diana wouldn't get angrier if she answered incorrectly. Diana nodded, "That's right. We use paper. So, unless you are the official Crystal Palace painter, then you'd better stick to the paper, no matter what other kids say. Okay?"
Chibi-Chibi sniffled, "okay, I am sorry."
Diana smiled, "I know you are."
Diana wiped the remaining tears from Chibi-Chibi's face, remembering the other night when Chibi-Chibi had that dream again, " Oh
Serenity Dawn, don't cry. It's all right. It really doesn't look so bad. Maybe someday when you get better at it, and ask for grownup's permission, we might clear up a room for you to paint."
Chibi-Chibi looked up with wide surprised eyes, "Really? Do you think I am a good painter?"
"Of course," Diana assured her, knowing the child had potential and dared not crush her enthusiasm. "But for now, you can practice on paper. You know, that gave me an idea, we can stick a huge piece of paper on one of the walls for you to draw on."
"Yay...! Does that mean I am not punished?"
Chibi-Chibi’s spirits improved at this prospect. Diana then felt her own teardrops start to trickle down her cheeks and sighed. "Oh, yes you are. You did do something naughty, even if you weren't the one that came up with the idea."
Chibi-Chibi looked down at her feet. Diana continued, "I will take you to the manager of palace maintenance to say sorry. Then we go find some cleaning fluid, and see if we can get the paint off. Otherwise, we have to white wash it. And today, you are going to bed an hour early. No bed time story, you hear?"
Chibi-Chibi nodded. ~ At least I got off easier than I might have. I know Diana is doing this, because she loves and cares about me…but no bedtime story. ~ Chibi-Chibi thought unhappily to herself as she followed her Nana down the hall.
