The scenes from this chapter are taken from Episode 16-19 of the PGSM Live Action.
Chapter 8 – HINA AND USAGI
The next time I saw Usagi, she was standing near my apartment.
And... I was with Hina.
It was out in the open.
Somehow I had felt guilty, though obviously, I did not need to. I had never told her about Hina. Mostly because I did not make it a habit to discuss my private life with others, and Usagi and I were not that close, in any case. Still, seeing Usagi while Hina was hanging off my arm had made for an uncomfortable situation. I wanted to get away as soon as possible.
I had thought then she was just passing by. After all, she had walked away without acknowledging me, though evidently, she had seen me. Her expression was one I had not seen before though. It had looked... sad. I wondered what had happened. Still, with Hina there, there was nothing I could do at that time. It was perhaps, just as well. As I had already decided so many times before, I was not going to be involved in her life.
I had not even contemplated the possibility that she was there to see me. There was no reason for her to.
************************
Since Hina came back from her trip, she had been spending most of her time with me, so my nocturnal activities were almost at a standstill. During that time, she began talking a lot about our future. As I gazed into her face, I had wondered not for the first time, why I was not in love with her. She was pretty and intelligent, gentle and demure. Most importantly, she had only eyes for me since young. It should have been so easy to fall in love with her. But I didn’t. No matter how much she talked about our marriage, I was not able to see her as my bride.
Marriage was an uncomfortable topic for me and my mind had strayed to Usagi often, no matter how much I tried not to. I had to keep on reminding myself that I was committed to Hina. I needed to be loyal to my fiancée. I could not betray Hina. I could not hurt her.
And so I had gone with her, at her request, to survey a church she wanted us to get married in, trying to put my heart to it. As I bowed my head for the prayer, I sincerely prayed that I would be free from the conflict in my heart soon.
Before I could complete my prayer though, we were attacked. I had immediately pulled Hina to safety but could not transform in front of her, which very much limited my ability to protect her. Luckily, as the youma caught up to us, the Sailor Senshi arrived. Upon seeing Sailor Moon, I finally gave in to the darkness, trusting her to save all of us.
My last thought before slipping into unconsciousness was that I would always believe in her.
When I woke up, the senshi were gone.
************************
I met Usagi again on Valentine's Day. Hina had dragged me to town, wanting to buy her father a gift. She had already prepared a present for me, something she had gotten on her overseas trip, but had only wanted to give it to me later that night over a meal she had prepared.
It was there we bumped into Usagi and a young girl, whom Hina identified as a friend of the boy she was tutoring. I had focused on Usagi, wondering if she was really feeling sad. She had behaved oddly the last two times we met, near my apartment and on the streets a few days before. Even though she seemed cheerful, I still sensed that something was not quite right with her. She had been much too quiet, for one, and her smile had lost its sparkle. I couldn’t help but wonder what was wrong. It was not my place to ask though, so I refrained.
Before we left, Hina passed a candy each to Usagi and her young friend. Even though I was still worried about her, the comical aspect of the situation did not escape me. Hina obviously thought of Usagi as a child. And in some ways, I could not deny it, she was very child-like. I could not help smirking, although I could see the irony as well.
A college guy in love with a middle-school girl.
It sounded faintly illegal.
************************
After sending Hina to the house of the boy she was tutoring so that she could give him a present, we were on our way home when I heard some noises that sounded like minor explosions. I felt the Sailor Moon's pull at the same time. Youma.
I had to get to her.
After giving some vague excuses to Hina and asking her to wait for me, I had transformed and rushed to where Sailor Moon was, just in time to save her from an attack from the youma.
When the battle was over though, I had been surprised with her Valentine's gift to me.
Did she like Tuxedo Kamen then? I had been both pleased and displeased with the idea.
"Don't you have a person to give that to?"
The conflict within me had made my words came out sharper than I intended. I regretted it almost as soon as the words left my mouth. I did not want to know if she had someone she liked. Even if it was good for me to know, so that I could not hang on to any hope, no matter how tiny. If she did not, that might be worse. I would then continue to hope.
"No, I made a muffler for that person," she had stated, blushing.
So she did have someone she liked. I could not breathe for a moment. My heart constricted painfully.
"But I don't think I'll give it to him," she went on, explaining that the person she liked already had someone else.
I had wondered if that was why she had looked so peculiar and acted so oddly the past few times I saw her. She must really like him. I had felt a sharp pain in my heart. But, if he made her happy, then...
"If you love him, don’t give up so easily. You might give it to him one day." I had forced myself to say those words. I wanted her to be happy.
Yet my words had sounded hollow to myself. Don’t give up. Advice from someone who had already given up. It was ironic.
That night, after sending Hina back home after celebrating Valentine's, I turned Sailor Moon's gift over and over in my hand before storing it carefully together with her two handkerchiefs.
Regardless of her feelings for another, I was still going to continue to protect her. For as long as I could. It was all I could do.
