The scenes from this chapter are taken from Episode 20-22 of the PGSM Live Action.
Chapter 9 – BLISS AND AGONY
It had been a surprise to see Usagi again so soon after the previous encounter. The boy Hina was tutoring, Daiichi, had asked us to bring him and his 'girlfriend' to the amusement park for their date. I had been amused. Only seven years of age and already having a girlfriend. What a young Casanova, I had smirked. Of course, I had agreed to marry Hina at that age. But that didn’t count.
Hina had something on though, so at her request, I agreed to act as their 'chaperone'. It was not as if I had been busy after all. I remember thinking that a day with kids might be what I needed to take my mind off Usagi. And of course, it naturally turned out to be otherwise. That had seemed to be the situation with us all the time.
When Usagi arrived with Daiichi's young girlfriend, I had been both surprised and elated. Another day alone with Usagi (kids did not count!) had not been something I had counted on. It had been something I had hoped for though. I could not deny that. Besides, she seemed happier that day, no trace of sadness on her face. Whatever the reason for that, I had been glad that she seemed happy to see me too. I was not able to keep a smile off my face that day.
Watching Usagi having fun was and still is one of my favourite activities. Her obvious enthusiasm and ability to make everything seem fun has always been able to give me joy.
That day, I had been able to put aside all my 18-year old gravity and joined in the games, taking delight in all the activities that I had not participated in ages. Usagi's excitement had been contagious. She had taken part whole-heartedly in everything the kids did with childish abandon, seeming to enjoy herself even more than them. Yet, the way she took care of and interacted with the kids had also shown a more mature side of her, a nurturing side that I had not seen before. I had not known that I could love her more.
As we walked down the path, hand-in-hand in a row, I had felt a tug in my heart. We looked like a family. I had a sudden vision of us, together, with our children, laughing happily as we strolled together in a park. It was gone in an instant but the vision was so beautiful that my heart had ached for it. I knew it was just my imagination going into overdrive, but I had wanted it to be true. So much.
Still, I had to suppress it. I did not want my selfish desire to mar our day together. It had been a day of pure bliss, but I should have known that things had been going too well for it to last. Hina had arrived and it had gone downhill from there.
I had been astonished to see Hina, who had gone to the amusement park because her business had ended early. That day with Usagi had seemed encased in a bubble, a surreal world where reality could not intrude but Hina's arrival had popped the bubble. Daiichi's innocent declaration of our engagement to Usagi had further cemented the reality of it. We could never be.
It was then Usagi started fidgeting nervously. I was so in tune with her by then that I had known something was not right. Her vague excuses before running off confirmed the feeling. It had to be youmas again. I had to help. But I had not known Makoto was tailing us and she had witnessed my transformation. Being who she was and with the situation at that point of time, she had done something fairly typical of her.
Punching me.
It had hurt. That girl had a vicious streak to her. But the punch had not hurt as much as her words. I had provoked it, I knew. She had found out that I knew their real identities. I had also as much admitted that I had gotten close to Usagi to make use of her. To find out about the princess and the Ginzuishou. To find out who I was. It was not the whole truth, but it was the only answer I could give. I could not admit to being in love with Usagi.
"You are a scum."
"Never go near her again!"
Her words had echoed again and again in my mind the next day. They were like sledgehammers, pounding through my head all day. I had been fraught with indecision. Should I heed Makoto's words, or rather, commands... or should I continue to protect Usagi?
Yet, I had known that protecting Usagi was just an excuse to continue to be close to her.
One more month. I had only one more month before I had to go to London then. I did not know if I could abandon Usagi and my quest, my past. I had not known if I was able to move forward. If I was able to leave her.
Hina's question had finally decided the answer for me. I had been in a daze, full of doubts and misgivings when she asked,
"If you don't remember your past, are you really okay keeping your promise to study abroad and marry me? You don't regret that promise to Papa?"
At that moment, it had been as if all my misgivings had come to a head. And the answer was clear. It had been the only answer that could be.
"It might be better if I don't go after my past." That had been my answer to Hina. But the true answer was in my heart. Because if I go after it, I'm sure it would involve Usagi.
I should not come into contact with Usagi anymore. I had known that right from the start but I had let my heart rule my head all those time. It had been time for my head to lead. Usagi had someone she liked after all. She would be happier without me around. As for protection, she had her senshi. She did not need me. While I... I had made a promise to Hina and Uncle Takeda. I had to keep that promise. It was time to let Usagi go. From my head. From my heart.
It was the right decision.
I had believed that.
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A/N:
Almost coming to one of the climax of the series. ^_^ I'm having a lot of fun writing this fic, though there are lots of headaches as well.
In any case, I do hope the few people (I only know Loki is reading... =P ) reading this fic finds it enjoyable as well. =)
