The scenes from this chapter are taken from Episode 25 of the PGSM Live Action.
Chapter 11 – CROSSROAD
As we stared at each other, the secret finally out, she suddenly seemed to realize something. She had turned scarlet and started to run away.
No! I caught hold of her arm.
I could not let her go. "Usagi!" I had called without thinking.
She had been shocked. "You knew."
Flustered and horrified, she had stuttered, "I'm sorry. It's all different now... I don't..."
I had known what she was going to say and I did not want to hear it. I had not wanted to hear a denial from her lips. Not when I finally knew that my feelings were reciprocated. Not when I love her.
"I also..." Love you. The words had been out of my mouth before I could think. I had barely been able to stop the rest in time as almost as instantly, Hina's face flashed in my mind.
I had wanted to rail at the unfairness of it all.
But I couldn't. I could only let go of her. And turned away.
I had known I was leaving my heart behind. Each step away had been a torture.
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Things seemed to come to a head that day.
I had just got home from the planetarium, relieved at the numbness that had spread to my entire body when Motoki called. It had been too painful to feel just then.
Hina was at the Crown and something was wrong with her.
When I got to the Crown, Motoki was in a ridiculous turtle costume, ready for my farewell party.Only him. I had sighed mentally.
His next words shattered my amusement.
"Hina-chan said she saw a woman's handkerchief in your home."
Usagi's handkerchiefs. I groaned quietly. I should have kept them in somewhere more inconspicuous.
Motoki's face turned serious as he looked at me.
"Actually, I'm really worried about you. Hina-chan's father... he took you in and raised you; he’s your benefactor and Hina-chan has her faith in you, that's your weakness."
Motoki’s words echoed what I had been telling myself. Suddenly, I had been frustrated and irrationally angry at him. He was my best friend and I had confided in him about Hina but I had not needed him to remind me of my duties.
He continued. "I know she's the daughter of your benefactor."
Hina had appeared silently behind him at that point.
"But if you marry her without loving her, what kind of life will you lead?"
Her face had been so pale. Without a word, she ran out of the door.
Damn! I wanted to hurl something at Motoki.
Instead I had settled for staring angrily at him before chasing after Hina.
I never meant for her to find out. I had intended to keep my feelings to myself and be a good husband to her. This is not happening!
Halfway through the pursuit, the youma attacks started. Hina had stood in the middle of the plaza, oblivious to the danger around her.
"I'm truly an idiot, aren't I?” She had asked brokenly. I had never seen her acting that way in all the years we had been together. "We've been together since we were little, it only seemed natural... Mamoru, the feelings that you have for me... You've never told me even once!"
It was true. She had told me countless time that she loved me but I had been unwilling to tell her those same words. I had not been able to lie outright to her.
"No more! Just go to whoever you want!" She had screamed at me before taking off again.
I was pained by the anguish in her voice. I had to find her and make things right somehow. Besides, I had to protect her from the youma. I ran after her.
Then I had seen Usagi.
I had wondered if fate was playing a cruel joke on me.
It had been as if I was at a crossroad. Usagi and Hina were both in front of me and it was time for me to choose one or the other. The moment stretched as I looked into Usagi’s eyes.
I ran to Hina.
She had collapsed on the ground after being attacked and had been left without her energy.
"Mamoru. Always be with me. My papa was your benefactor, Mamoru. If not for papa, Mamoru... that's why... even if you don't like me, stay with me. Please."
Her voice was weak and pleading. It had been the first time I heard that tone from her. She was like a rag doll, broken and lifeless, and it was not only due to the youma attack. I knew I had hurt her badly. Hina was a kind and gentle girl. Under normal circumstances, she would never have dreamt of using Uncle Takeda as leverage against me. But it had not been normal circumstances. And she had been grasping at straws, like a drowning person. I made her stoop to that. I was disgusted at myself.
"Don’t talk like that!" I had demanded. Then, in a softer tone, I had looked to Usagi and continued. The next words had been as much to Usagi as it was to Hina.
"I've been with you since we were little. You're important to me. Those feelings are real. That's why, until you say 'no', I will be with you." My eyes pleaded wordlessly with Usagi.
Usagi's smile had been heartbreakingly beautiful. Her eyes shone with unshed tears. I knew she had understood what I had been trying to say.
I had broken two girls' hearts that day. As well as my own.
But there had been no choice to make. Hina had always been my future. It had been decided a long time ago. With Usagi, I had strayed from my path. I did not regret loving her. It had been impossible not to, but she should not have loved me back. It was my burden, my trial, and she should not have had to suffer for it as well. I only regretted that.
"Hurry and run." Usagi had then whispered in a shaky voice, before dashing off.
Of course, she had been there because of the youma. With that realization, I knew I had to help her. For the last time, I had told myself. Gently, I laid Hina down on a bench before preparing to go after Usagi.
"I'll be back," I had promised Hina and I had intended to keep the promise. I would just be there to make sure Sailor Moon was safe and then go back to Hina.
I had not expected to die.
I had only been just in time to shield Sailor Moon from Kunzite's sword. I had not been able to defend myself. It was either her or me. I chose her. As his sword slashed through my body, waves of pain had crashed upon me. I had known I was not going to survive that.
Dying for her. It's cliché but somehow fitting. Perhaps that had been the best way. I got to protect the girl I love without betraying the girl I had been bound to.
"I wasn't able to answer to your feelings. But at least..." Her tearful face had been the last thing I saw before I slipped into unconsciousness. Or more accurately, I had died.
I remember wishing I had told her that I loved her.
