Whiskey Tango Foxtrot by Papirini

2: Each Sold Separately

WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT

2: Each Sold Separately

While the people of Earth busy preparing for war, the people of the moon were busy with other things. It had been announced by the queen that there should be a great ball at the palace - one that would be remembered for generations to come. Though many balls had been held before, and on consecutive nights in a row, on this particular night the palace spared no expense to keep its people happy. The biggest ballroom was used, the sweetest and most exotic fruits were eaten, the finest wine flowed endlessly like water. Nearly everyone turned out for the event, and they were not disappointed.

"Look! Look!" Many people pointed. "The princess is dancing!"

"So?" One young duke shrugged as he drank his wine. "She's always dancing. By herself, of course, though it's double the fun when she's drunk."

"No, no!" Someone pointed out. "She's dancing with a man!"

"The last ti-" Suddenly, the duke spat his wine out. "A MAN?! Is he crazy!?!?"

At this, they all looked, and it was true; the unmasked princess was doing the tango with a masked man. He held a rose in his mouth as the stomped back and forth, barely wincing as the princess smashed his toes with every step. Shocked, the duke downed the rest of his wine; he had intended to ask for a dance, as, regardless of the princess' ability, it was a sign of favor to dance with her.

"Oh my god!" People gaped. "It's the end of the world!"

"Who is that guy?"

"He's really hot-looking...." At this, several women nudged one another. "Wouldn't you like him to polish your mirror? It's a bit rusty, I hear..."

"Maaaaybe....." The other woman looked coy. "After he cleans out your cobwebs. I'm sure it's a bit dusty down there after ten years."

"Oh, shut up."

Serenity knew everyone was watching her and her partner dance, but she didn't care. This was her dance with the one she loved, and, from the way Endymion spoke, it could be her last. Looking up at her prince, she gave a smile.

"You're a wonderful dancer."

"Mmmm." As she dig her heel into his toe, Endymion spat the rose out of his mouth, and it landed neatly into a vase on the other side of the room. "You're not too bad. Honestly, I don't need my feet."

"Endymion...." At this, Serenity drew her lips into a pout. "Don't make fun of me!"

"....Of course. I'm sorry." At this, Endymion stopped and lowered his voice. "The music seems to have stopped. Perhaps we should carry our conversation somewhere else."

Seeing the serious look on her lover's face, Serenity gave a nod, and immediately, the couple withdrew from the dance floor. In their wake, several jealous onlookers of the various genders watched as they retired to the princess' private quarters, wondering what would happen next.

"PRINCESS SERENITY!!!" The duke, who was now clearly drunk after hastily downing ten glasses of wine, suddenly began to shout after them before being dragged off. "DON'T GO WITH THAT UGLY BASTARD!! I WANT TO DO YOU LIKE A NICKEL WHORE!!! WOOooooo...."

!~*~!

While a great deal was happening inside the great ballroom, it was the near opposite at the main gate of the Moon Palace, where two lowly guards stood vigilant and accepted invitations to the ball inside. Having given up looking for the suspected prince that had been stalking the gardens, Moon Guard Jacob had returned to his post first, ogling at the last-minute arrivals to the ball, particularly the females. His partner, meanwhile, simply looked straight ahead.

"....Mmmm, another day, another masked ball." Finally, Jacob gave a yawn. "How many nights in a row is this now? I've lost count."

"So have I." His partner, Priam, sighed. "The bunions are starting to take over my feet. Though I have to say, this is the biggest ball that I can recall. And I've seen big balls."

"So have I."

"Oh? Such as?"

"....My own." Priam slowly turned his head towards Jacob, who was grinning evilly. "My girlfriend can attest to that."

"....Pervert."

Shaking his head, Priam simply went back to looking at the scenery around him; the gardens, the fountains, the distant outline of Hubalapolis, the capital, glistening across the river.

“Hey," at this, Jacob poked Priam. "You don't suppose anyone in there suspects anything, do ya?"

"Why does it matter?" Priam rubbed his nose. "And if they do, what are they going to do? Smack us with their parasols?"

"Well, if I were one of these rich bastards, which I'm not," Jacob nodded. "But if I was, I'd be going 'hang on a minute. what's with all these parties? I think the queen's trying to get us drunk!'"

"I doubt that is what they're thinking."

"Well, still." Jacob shrugged. "I'd suspect our queen was up to something."

"Just keep quiet," Priam sighed. "You know what the queen said. Don't cause a panic because of the oncoming war. It may make things worse."

"Well, all the same," Jacob rotated his shoulders. "I'm glad I know the people of Earth want to kill us."

"....Why?"

"...I hate surprises." Priam sweat as his partner answered. "When I was eight, my dad threw a surprise party for me and I was so scared I pissed my pants. Ever since then, you know?"

"Right...."

With that, Priam resumed his silence, taking out and apple and eating it as he did so. After several minutes, he narrowed his eyes; he seemed to be seeing spots in his eyes. Blinking a few times, however, he realized that one of the spots was getting bigger and more puffy-looking; in fact, it was almost heading towards them.

"Hey, Jacob?"

"Mmm, Priam?"

"....You don't suppose that's a rain cloud over the city, do you?"

"Mmm." Jacob took up a pair of binoculars. "Let me look."

With that, he held them up to his eyes, only to be met with two red eyes staring back at him, along with spears and swords poking out of the cloud. He gave a slight jump as he put his binoculars away and looked at his partner.

"Um..." he gulped. "I think that's a big monster. In fact, I think it's that one the queen told us about last week."

"Oh, Metaria?" Priam resumed eating his apple. "Shame. Well, I guess we're fucked, then."

"But....but..!" Jacob turned to his partner wide-eyed. "They weren't supposed to attack until Monday!"

"Mmm-hmm." Priam drew his sword. "Well, at least now we'll get this whole killing and genocide business over with then, eh?"

"This isn't fair!"

"What do you mean 'it's not fair'?"

"It's not fair," Jacob pined, "because now I can't watch the game! I had a four figure bet going on with old Jim across the river on Manchester!"

"....Oh, well, sucks to be you, doesn't it?"

"Surprises! I hate surprises!!"

With that, Priam casually tossed the apple core onto the ground and began to walk through the castle gates. Whimpering about his father, Jacob followed him.

"Someone had better warn the queen..."

"Hey, wait for m-" Jacob stopped as he heard a splattering sound under his foot. "Oh, no! I stepped in cat crap!"

"How terrible."

"Wait until I get my hands on those stupid felines!" Frustrated, Jacob craped the offending poop onto a stature of Serenity. "Now I'll smell like ammonia for the rest of the night...!"

"Jacob..."

Priam suddenly turned and grabbed Jacob, dragging him into the gates. Meanwhile, the dot hovered in the sky menacingly, warning of what was to come, for those willing to look at it.

!~*~!

The great Queen Serenity, though the organizer of the ongoing great ball, was not present. She was, instead, in one of the receiving rooms of the palace, surrounded by papers and maps on a large marble table. With her was her army commander, a tall, imposing man of 200 years old.

"General Odd." The queen sat in a large chair, rubbing her head. "We have seventy-two hours until the invasion of the Earth people. I don't need to tell you how important it is that we have a strategy to combat what could be a very gruesome battle, and I need to know what countermeasures you and your staff have come up with to defray, or if possible....prevent a tragedy from occurring."

With a nod the general paced back and forth in a a style of importance. After a moment, he turned back to the table, which had a diagram of the moon palace on top.

"Well, your Highness," General Odd took out a stack of papers with diagrams. "I agree that it would be a tragedy to allow this to happen. But, we have a chance to defeat the inevitable onslaught and mayhem if we nip the problem in the bud. So, I propose this plan: we send our finest warriors inside a giant replica of the rebel Beryl and send it to her court. Then, we have them come out of it at night and slaughter everyone they can find, using the Maxim guns we'll install in the statue's magnificently huge and ornately carved bosom. Except for Beryl, of course, who will be condemned to watch re-runs of Seinfeld for all eternity, which is a fate worse than death."

"....No, I don't think that will work." Serenity shook her head. "We won't have guns for another thousand years or so."

"....Well, then!" Throwing the paper diagrams away, Odd presented another piece of paper, pointing out various lines and dots. "How about Plan B, where we build a giant bridge from here to Earth. The sight of us building such a technological marvel will frighten the rebels out of wanting to battle us. It should take...." The general counted fingers. "About 357 years to complete."

"But we don't have 357 years, general."

".....Right!" Sweating a little, the general took out yet another piece of paper. "Plan C, then, is a surefire success. We'll gather all of the women we can find here on the moon and engage the male populace of Earth in a giant, month-long orgy never before seen anywhere in the universe! Then, we have the women demand child support from the men when they become pregnant, which will cause such an economic strain on Beryl's forces that they'll have no choice but to capitulate and take care of the children."

"......General." The queen was beginning to look exasperated. "Do you have a plan that's logical?"

"...What?" The general blinked. "You....didn't like Plan C? That was my favorite."

"What I didn't like was the fact that we have absolutely no strategy to fight the rebels!"

"No, no, that's not true your Highness!" Quickly, General Odd took out one last piece of paper. "We have Plan D. Plan D is an amazing plan, which took us days to formulate. We all agreed it was the most logical plan, after Plan C."

"And what, exactly, is Plan D?"

"......Piss our pants and surrender and hope for the best." The general nodded. "Because there's no way we're going to win."

At this, the queen bent down and banged her head on the table. It was bad enough that Beryl was planning to unleash the great evil; she didn't have an army to stand against her. Worse, the people in command of the precious few soldiers she had were absolute lunatics. She rarely lost her temper, but this time, she could feel her blood boil at the incompetence.

"Ok.....Ok, I won't....I'm calm.....General Odd." Exasperated, the queen again looked at her commander of the army. "We may not have a plan, so we'll just have to deal with a frontal assault when it comes. I need to know how many men we can muster against the enemy so we can prepare our formations. How many people do you have that are battle ready?"

"I'm sorry?"

"Soldiers." Serenity's eyes narrowed. "People trained to use swords."

"Oh, right, soldiers!" The general nodded, then counted his fingers again. "Well, that's easy to answer."

"Thankfully."

"We have fifty."

"Fifty?!"

"That's right." The general nodded proudly. "A nice, even number, easy to remember."

"You....are joking, right?!" Serenity grabbed the man's shoulders. "Or are you telling me that in the past two hundred years as my commander, you've only trained enough to screw the proverbial light bulb?!" Her face began to turn red, a sign she was very angry. "You were assigned to train at least 10,000 soldiers in peacetime! Where are the other 9,950 soldiers?!"

".....But, your Highness...." The general gulped. "Listen to reason! Screwing a light bulb?! That's painful-"

"GET OUT!"

With that, Serenity grabbed the general's sword and smacked him in the forehead with the pommel hilt. Before the general could protest, he was hit again, and sent scurrying out of the room, crying like a baby.

"Of all the...!"

With that, the queen threw the sword to the ground and sank down into her chair, shaking her head. She wanted to cry so desperately at what she had just witnessed. In other ways, she blamed herself, for hand-picking General Odd, for not paying more attention to the army, for not being a hardass when it came to defense. Though many of it was simply oversight, more than one person could handle, she still cursed herself, wishing she had a way to be less screwed than she was, and with only seventy-two hours left until the end of the world....

"Sire!"

Her head came up as two of her guards marched into the room. Bowing, the two guards looked at her, waiting for the other to speak.

".....Yes, privates?"

"Go on, Priam." At this, Jacob poked his partner. "You tell her."

"What?!" At this, Priam shook his head. "No, you tell her! You spotted it on the binoculars!"

"Well, you spotted it first!"

"Well, you-"

"PLEASE!" The two were interrupted by Serenity's growl. "I've had too much inanity for one day, I don't need anymore! Private," at this, she turned to Jacob. "What is it?"

"Uh, ok." Rotating his shoulders, Jacob sighed. "Well, uh, we just spotted the Metaria monster coming from Earth. And it's coming this way, really fast, presumably with a bunch of forces."

The look of annoyance on the queen's face turned into one of horror. Clutching her chest, she almost fell to the floor.

“My queen,” Priam started. “I'm sorry....”

"No...!"

"That's what I said!" Jacob pointed and nodded. "I couldn't believe it myself! I figured they'd wait until after the game on Sunday-"

"Oh, will you shut up about that game?!" Priam smacked him in the head. "No one cares!"

"Guards," Serenity spoke, this time with a tone of urgency. "Find my daughter, and bring her to the Prayer Tower. That is an order!"

"Uh, ok..."

With that, the guards quickly bowed and made their exit. Their argument resumed after leaving the room, and it echoed through the hall.

"You idiot...."

"Oh, come on! Don't tell me...."

As their argument echoed down the hall, the queen leaned onto the wall, looking down to the floor. As the words of her guards sunk in, she began to slowly walk out of the room, clutching the brooch on her chest.

Then there's.....no time left....

!~*~!

"Endymion...."

Serenity sat on her bed, rubbing her finger across the pattern of the blankets. Endymion, meanwhile, was at her desk, jotting on a piece of paper. What he was writing, she couldn't see, but she was sure it was important.

"If what you say is true.....and....this is really happening..." She looked over at the prince, worried. "What can we do to stop it?"

"What we can, my dear...." Interrupted by the princess, Endymion put the letter into his pants, and turned back to Serenity. "Sorry, just writing a quick letter to the queen, asking her pardon after the battle."

"Of course...."

At this, Serenity turned to look at her pillows, thinking of all the things she would inevitably miss if her mother lost the battle. Birthdays, Christmases, weddings, balls, more balls.....Serenity found she couldn't think of anything else. She gave a sigh.

"My love." Suddenly, Endymion's arm was around her. "You know how much I love you. You are the one thing in life that makes me happy."

"Oh..." Serenity blushed. "Oh, Endymion...."

"But our world will soon end." His voice softened. "And....before I go and fight for you....I ask....only one thing of you. One request."

"What is it, my love?"

At this, Endymion bent down and whispered into her ear. Serenity's eyes widened at the words he spoke.

"...Let me suck you."

".....Wh-what!?" Serenity suddenly drew back. "What kind of request is that!?"

"Oh, darling." Quickly, Endymion grabbed her hand, speaking in a soothing voice. "You know I'm not one to make such strange demands unless it was urgent. Besides," his words were whispered. "You know how I have wished to marry you. To cherish you for the longest time, since I laid eyes on you. But that might never happen now."

"But..."

"It is just one request, my lady." Endymion whispered some more as he started to slide her sleeves off of her shoulders, revealing her small, alluring, cream-colored and cream-filled breasts to him. "One request in order that you and I may have one moment of ecstasy in our dreary lives. And if I were to die, you may never get the chance again to have me, nor I you. What wonders you and I would miss out on, us being poor young frustrated virgins who would lose one another before our prime, before the end of the world!"

"But what if you..."

"If I live? Then of course, I shall marry you.....right here, right now..." At this, Endymion began to gingerly cup her left breast and kiss it. "Mmm...no misconduct can be charged against those who have exchanged vows and rings and are husband and wife, not even if we are from different planets. Either way, true love should not be denied, Serenity..."

Serenity gave a slight moan as he began to fondle her; the prince spoke a language that she could relate to and understand. Marriage. That was her dream, to marry him and have him lawfully. To finally have him recognized as her consort.

True love....

"Mmm!" As he proceeded to slide the dress down to her stomach she stopped him. "Just a moment. I need to get a ring."

"A ring?"

"For our vows."

"Oh, yes....of course...."

Endymion turned red as Serenity quickly got up and went to her jewelry box. Out came two rings - one with a gaudy topaz, the other a small diamond - and she promptly returned to the bed.

"Here." She clasped his hand as she slipped the gaudy ring onto his finger. "This is for you."

"Yes..." As quickly as he could, Endymion put the diamond on her finger. "For you, my darling...."

Before Serenity could respond again, he was resuming the undressing, slowly laying her down on her back when the dress only covered her legs, kissing her stomach as he did. The moon princess began to shudder as he did this; after a moment, it stopped. She looked to see that he was unzipping his pants.

"Ah..." She began to panic. "Wait, wait."

"What now?"

"Endymion." At this, Serenity looked at her lover. "The vows?"

"Vows?"

"We have to exchange vows, remember?"

"...Ooh, right." Sighing, Endymion paused. "How is this, then? Serenity, I love you forever."

"...That's not a vow!" Pouting, Serenity crossed her arms, covering her chest. "You're not being serious...."

"W-wait, yes I am." Quickly, Endymion corrected himself. "Here. My dearest love.....you are my first and last. My one and only. Please be mine, so I may honor you and your own forever." He kissed her. "I love you, Serenity."

"That's better." She returned the kiss. "Now for me. Endymion, I.....oh...."

She found herself unable to finish, for Endymion was again kissing her body, while simultaneously unzipping his pants. She gulped as she saw his hardened penis emerge, and she tried to recollect her thoughts to finish her vow in order to make it safe for her to be with Endymion. However, it was hard to concentrate with Endymion's stroking of her own private parts with his fingers; she couldn't see it, but she sure could feel it.

"I.....I....." she groaned as he continued, while he positioned himself for penetration. "I promise....oh....t-to....cherish......oh.....Endymion....wait, I.......hooo......Oh, stoooop!"

"PRINCESS!!"

The ecstasy was replaced by sheer terror; in ant instant, Endymion had rolled of the other side of the bed, his member still out and erect, as the door was thrown open by one of the guards. With a scream Serenity leaped out of bed covered her bare parts with a pillow, her face ashen as she turned to face the intruder.

"I have a message from your mother...!!" Jacob rushed in, pole axe in hand, and saw Serenity. "What the....what are you doing?!"

"I....." Turning red, Serenity struggled for an answer. "I.....was hot. Yes! Very hot. And I was getting undressed."

"...In bed?"

"Uh...." The princess gulped. "W-well, y-you see..."

"...'Ay, relax, your Highness." At this, Jacob smirked. "Everyone does it when no one's looking. It's no secret. Don't worry, I won't tell on you."

"Uh, uh...." Serenity nodded. "Ok...."

"Well, eh, your mother wants you at the Prayer Tower ASAP, so...." Jacob gave a salute. "See you there!"

With that, the door closed, and Serenity felt her heart beating again. Picking her dress up and putting it back on, she went to the other side of the bed.

"That was close," she gave a nervous chuckle. "I'm sorry, my dearest. I guess I will have to complete my vows-"

She abruptly stopped, and took a step back with a sigh, holding her throat. Her beloved Endymion was gone.

!~*~!

Jacob was all beams as he strode down the stairs. His already lecherous mind was filled with even more lecherous thoughts, and the thought of the princess in the state she was in - and thoughts of what she was doing while in it - was certainly enough to brighten his night right up.

"Aaah, screw the game, that was a Kodak moment." At this, he noticed several guests staring at him. "What?"

"You...nose is bleeding, sir knight."

"...Oh!" Wiping his nose with his fingers, Jacob snorted. "Well, of course it would be. Have any of you got a Kleenex?"

Reluctantly, one of the guests handed Jacob a handkerchief, and without another word the private blew his nose. When he went to hand it back, it was refused.

"Well, if you say so....eh?" Jacob tilted his head. "What....?"

Looking over, he noticed that the table was shaking slightly, as was anything that was on it. It was a slight tremor, one that did no damage, but everyone else noticed it.

"A....moonquake?" The guests looked at one another. "Is that even a phrase?"

"I don't know." Another guest scratched their head. "I didn't ever think about it."

"Well, that's something to ponder over biscuits, yes?"

"Well, I prefer bagels myself...."

Jacob took the opportunity to slip away unseen, stuffing the cloth in his pocket as he did so. Only he knew what was actually happening to the people in the room, and he was beginning to wonder how much longer it would take for others to figure it out.

Well, it won't be long now...

Going outside, Jacob saw that the black cloud was literally covering the sky. Dots began to fall out of it, each shimmering white. It was the army of Metaria, and they were ready.

Ready to end the world.

"I...aaaawwww," Jacob heard a splat under his feet and gave a moan. "Stupid cats! I stepped in it again!"

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